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To not want a funeral when I die

(72 Posts)

While I understand its about paying respect I have been to two funerals recently that have cost in excess of four thousand pounds (one a lot more).

Most of the people there hadn't seen the assessed for decades and felt a duty to come and sit in a drafty church they don't want to be in then drink free booze and food afterwards.

I don't want people who didn't care enough to visit me in life to bother in death. I certainly dont want Money that my dd could have to be spent on them.

So aibu to tell my family just to send me to the crem without any service and tell them to spend the money on a holiday instead.

Can you even do that?

Sorry for morbid thread I've been writing my will.

Deceased damn auto correct

MummyDoIt Tue 09-Oct-12 17:39:58

My MIL has said exactly the same. She has said she wants the absolute bare minimum in terms of coffin and cremation. No service, no 'do' afterwards. Then she wants close family to either go somewhere nice for the weekend together. We plan to respect her wishes though I'm not sure whether it's possible to be cremated without any form of service. Will be watching the thread with interest.

I understand where you're coming from but think you probably are being unreasonable. Have you considered how the people you leave behind would feel about it?

Well tbh I am divorced and don't have family close other than my parents (who probably won't be around ) and my hopefully adult by then autistic dd.

I have cousins but we only see each other at christenings, weddings and funerals and not massively close.

MrsKeithRichards Tue 09-Oct-12 17:46:52

I know you can have a private service.

oneofthosedays Tue 09-Oct-12 17:47:10

I had it put in my will that i don't want any sort of funeral when i die. I think the money funeral directors charge for the most simple of services is utterly abhorrent and i don't want my surviving family stressing about organising and paying for it. Dh wants a humanist ceremony and have a tree planted on top of his grave.

DameFannyGallopsAtaGhost Tue 09-Oct-12 17:49:07

I get what you mean -like not wanting a big wedding - but personally I often quite enjoy funerals -you get to catch up with people and talk about the deceased, and it's less burdensome than a wedding because you don't have to pretend to be happy the whole time you're there, if you see what I mean?

But entirely up to you.

cantspel Tue 09-Oct-12 17:49:52

The main cost is not the feeding and watering of everyone afterwards. A small simple crem job will cost around £3k on its own.

DameFannyGallopsAtaGhost Tue 09-Oct-12 17:50:40

However my will states a cardboard box burial in the woods, andI'll expect DH or DS to organise a piss up at the pub after :-)

Beanbagz Tue 09-Oct-12 17:50:42

I had a friend who donated her body to medical science and there was just a memorial service to remember her.

No funeral as such because there was no body so no coffin.

Exactly

I am going to one next weeks that is costing 3500 pounds for just a crem service and funeral director/coffin. No church/flowers etc.

The adult children of deceased are struggling.

GrimmaTheNome Tue 09-Oct-12 17:51:15

YANBU, so long as no-one who's left would mind your alternative.

DHs mother died recently, she didn't care what we did by way of funeral (I think her only words on the subject were that we could drop her off the pier for all she cared...that's illegal though). We did have a conventional service at the crem, mainly because DHs aunt would have been so upset if we hadn't.

But if you've no-one who'd feel like that - well, as the saying goes, its your funeral!

I joked that with my mum Grimma that they could just chuck me in the sea!

WhoNickedMyName Tue 09-Oct-12 17:54:25

You or someone will have to pay for the cremation of your body regardless of whether you have a service or not - it's not the service that costs the money, it's the actual cremation that costs about £3k.

scurryfunge Tue 09-Oct-12 17:55:05

My uncle didn't want a service - he just went straight to the crematorium.

Mintyy Tue 09-Oct-12 17:55:11

Funerals are much more for the people you leave behind. I think yabu I'm afraid. You can opt for a woodland burial in a simple cardboard or willow casket but they still cost something. Funeral directors need to collect the body, keep it and fulfil all sorts of legal obligations so even the bare minimum cost is going to be in the thousands I should think. But please don't dictate what your friends/family should do to remember you after you've gone - its really NOT about you at that point!

WhoNickedMyName Tue 09-Oct-12 17:55:46

As a PP said - medical science is the way to go for free disposal of your body.

McHappyPants2012 Tue 09-Oct-12 17:56:39

There was an heartbreaking story in the newspaper where 3 generations was killed in a arson attack and they was asking for donations for a funeral sad

For me I wouldn't want to burden love ones with the cost, I have life insurance but would want the cheapest option

GrimmaTheNome Tue 09-Oct-12 18:02:26

>But please don't dictate what your friends/family should do to remember you after you've gone

TBH I wouldn't agree - provided there isn't an issue with money, its easier and more satisfactory if the deceased has left clear indications of what they'd like. DH was perplexed what to do for his mother until he had the sensible idea of doing exactly the same as had been done for his father. Last year we had 2 family funerals where they'd said what they wanted - it made it easier to know we were doing what they'd have wanted.

Hopeforever Tue 09-Oct-12 18:09:58

It's only £300 for a churchyard burial and service. This doesn't include the cost of a coffin or digging the grave

The majority of people want to mark the death of a loved one in some way, but it can be very individual

It's as much about the mourners as the dead person.

Hopeforever Tue 09-Oct-12 18:13:11

For anyone wanting to do a DIY funeral, here's a god site, it's not as easy as we imagine

www.goodfuneralguide.co.uk/find-a-funeral-director/do-it-all-yourself/

GrimmaTheNome Tue 09-Oct-12 18:13:17

Hope - maybe that's the case in churchyards (do they take anyone or just members?) -in other facilities the cost of the grave may be much more than that, with large yearly maintainance charges and then still only be a 99 year lease!

Hopeforever Tue 09-Oct-12 18:17:49

Church of England Churchyards that still have space take anyone who lived at time of death, or died in the parish. Sadly not all are still open due to lack of space

Often they will allow burials for people who have had to move to a care home out of area

hoodoo12345 Tue 09-Oct-12 18:42:41

My Aunt died two weeks ago after a 4 year battle with leukaemia, she has left her body to science.
Her mum did it when she died , her husband and grown up kids also plan on doing it when it is their time.
Her wishes are being respected of course, but it is really weird not having some sort of funeral or even a memorial service to say goodbye, mot even a notice in the paper.....

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