To not know what to say?

(85 Posts)
MummyPig24 Tue 09-Oct-12 16:57:09

Moved house a few weeks ago and this morning saw the girl next door. Asked her to come over after school with her kids. They never turned up, I thought they might have been held up at school. After about 45mins I went up stairs. and saw her kids in the garden so I popped round and knocked but no answer. I know I'm being a bit socially retarded here but what do I say next time I see her? Do I knock and say something like "I think we got our wires crossed, I was expecting you, maybe we can arrange another time". Or do I just wait till we bump into each other again and mention it?

threesocksmorgan Tue 09-Oct-12 16:58:50

well maybe your language put her off

Proudnscary Tue 09-Oct-12 17:00:00

Ball's in her court now - onus is on her to broach the subject, not you. There might have been a very good reason for her not turning up and if so she will say so when you bump into each other. If she doesn't then you know she doesn't want to be matey and is a bit anti social and/or rude.

candyflossisevil Tue 09-Oct-12 17:00:49

I would try arrange one last time but if she doesn't seem keen I'd leave it. Just because your neighbours doesn't mean you will be friends.

Brodicea Tue 09-Oct-12 17:01:23

I'd just let it go and just say 'hi' when you see her - it's her chance to explain or reschedule. Maybe she thought it was a casual offer?

JamieandtheMagicTorch Tue 09-Oct-12 17:06:06

I'd leave it. If she forgot, maybe she'll remember when she sees you next.

Possibly she didn't really want to come round (I understand that - I don't really want to get too close to neighbours and be in and out of others houses unless a friendship arose over time - which it has with our neighbours) and couldn't say that, which was unassertive of her (and rude just not to turn up).

If it was that she didn't want to come round, you did nothing wrong. People are just different.

gallifrey Tue 09-Oct-12 17:08:18

what language?

MrsKeithRichards Tue 09-Oct-12 17:11:52

Language?

HyvaPaiva Tue 09-Oct-12 17:11:54

what language?

Mumofjz Tue 09-Oct-12 17:12:17

What did she say when you originally asks her?

MrsKeithRichards Tue 09-Oct-12 17:13:01

Ah, I'm guessing the use of retarded.

madmouse Tue 09-Oct-12 17:15:43

Well if you go about using words like 'retarded' you're probably not a very nice person to know biscuit

MrsKeithRichards Tue 09-Oct-12 17:17:07

Retarded is a word you know. It's not always offensive.

HyvaPaiva Tue 09-Oct-12 17:17:18

Sorry, didn't notice the use of retarded when I first read the OP. That's not the best way to describe what you mean, OP, it's pretty offensive. But with regards to your neighbour, just leave it and move on.

MABS Tue 09-Oct-12 17:18:12

definitely not a nice person to know i would say Madmouse ;-)..

threesocksmorgan Tue 09-Oct-12 17:18:42

it is offensive, end of.

millionlovesongslater Tue 09-Oct-12 17:18:43

No offense but she didn't want to come around. She interpreted your invite as 'open ended' so she didn't think you were expecting (ie sitting in and waiting) her so decided to just not bother. When you knocked the door,she though 'shiiiiit its that fucking woman from next door' and hid.

I'd have done exactly the same as her.

Next time you see her, just say 'hi'.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Tue 09-Oct-12 17:19:41

retarded is in common use. I am sure once the OP knows it's offensive she'll stop using it. Many people don't know that it is deemed offensive and so I'd say let's not make assumptions about her whole character on the basis of that

gordyslovesheep Tue 09-Oct-12 17:20:05

depends how you worded it - if you really 'TOLD her' to come round she is well within her rights to think you a bit rude and avoid you

If you asked her and she agreed I would guess she was being polite and isn't keen to befriend you

let it go

MrsKeithRichards Tue 09-Oct-12 17:20:28

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

austenozzy Tue 09-Oct-12 17:24:05

How is every use of the word 'retarded' offensive? That's ignorant nonsense. It just means delayed development, and doesn't only apply to learning or mental ability. It can be applied to all sorts of scenarios.

madmouse Tue 09-Oct-12 17:26:30

Retarded is an out of date and incorrect term for a developmental problem used by some people describe someone who is not very bright. It is in the same league as mong, spaz and nigger.

Times have moved on, don't use the word.

austenozzy Tue 09-Oct-12 17:28:10

OP, I'm guessing the neighbour thought it was a bit of a floating fixture, and something came up, or one of the kids wasn't well, or something like that. Just casually mention you're looking forward to that coffee soon, and leave it with her. If she's not keen, don't sweat it.

TheLightPassenger Tue 09-Oct-12 17:28:24

With regard to OP - I would let it go, as like Jamie posted, she may be trying to give you a gentlish brush off.

wrt to the language issue - the R word is banded about so often as an insult, particularly to people with learning and other disabilities, that I can understand why others find it so offensive. It's not even used for medical reasons over here, thankfully, I believe it may occasionally still be used in the US in medical reports etc.

MadameCreeper Tue 09-Oct-12 17:28:27

Was it clear it was a definite invitation for that afternoon? You made the suggestion and she replied, saying yes that would be nice, see you later.

I've been in a few similar situations where I've not quite known what was meant blush

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