ZOMBIE THREAD ALERT: This thread hasn't been posted on for a while.
to throw myself to the nest of vipers for a serious telling off(65 Posts)
I need one. I can't believe what I've just done. I feel sick.
Have stinking cold and was feeding baby DS (7 months). Put him down in cot and went downstairs. All quiet on monitor. Up to check 10 mins later and he's studiously chewing on one of my tissues I've somehow put down in cot with him. Shreds of it everywhere. Pick up, there's a 50p sized wodge of it on the roof of his mouth.
Mind is whirring with what-ifs now. Jesus Christ, I feel like the shittest mother ever.
Ugh. DH said he was fine, no point thinking of what if. Just be more careful in future. No that'not enough. Need a good flogging.
I think the worst was when I left my baby unstrapped in the maxi-cosi having been out for a wander and taking him out - remembered on the motorway half way home. Almost too scared to pull off due to deceleration forces being unpredictable at unknown junctions therefore making him more likily to be catapaulted. Plus dilemma at whether or not to stop on hard shoulder of bust motorway (more dangerous ? Or not?) Cue much self-castigation.
So YABU to give yourself a hard time. It's being knackered. ANd not realising how even the smallest thing can be dangerous - the list is endless
Every single parent has a number of stories like this, Tje heart in the mouth, think what could have happened ones. Very few end in tragedy, although obviously any is too many . Most end in the parents thinkjng how lucky they are and sharing the story as a warning to others. I'd do the same, but where to start?!
Erm that is every single parent not every single parent, if you see what I mean
There was a thread on here a while back with parents confessing their near misses. Not only was it side splittingly hilarious, I personally found it very reasurring.
THESE THINGS HAPPEN.
They do, to all of us believe me.
If anyone knows which thread Im on about Id love to know what it was called I wonder if it still exists.
Aww OP - I agree with everyone else, we make mistakes and yes we feel the weight of responsibility even more keenly then. It's very scary. And of course you - rightly- berate yourself for putting your dc in any danger but you do learn from it. We've had a near drowning episode I have never even been able to write about on MN as it's too terrifying for me to revisit - but suffice to say it was totally my dh's fault!! He also nearly burned the room down by putting a muslin over a bedside lamp. So actually it's my dh who's an irresponsible fuckwit not me . Hope you feel better x
Worrying about these things is what makes a good mum. Not worrying is the sign of a shit mum.
I found 1 yr old dd with a dice in her mouth the other day because I'd left the baby gate on the boys room open and she'd sneaked in. I felt so sick because she could have choked on it. Now I'm extra vigilant about making sure the gate is shut.
Kids will have accidents, they will roll off the bed in the split second you took your eyes off them, they will get hold of things you didn't realise you dropped. Don't worry and I hope your cold is better soon.
You learn to live with the fear and it serves a purpose - things like checking on your baby because you can't hear any noise is one result of it.
Even then, nobody's infallible. We've all been there. Be nice to yourself.
You lot are amazing, really you are.
DS made it through the night (must have looked in on him 20 times) and even treated me to an 8am lie in
hmm must try feeding him tissues more often
I have given myself a little talking to and we live to fight another day!
Illagevidiot your mummy and baby monkey in a tree is so so sweet! What a lovely mum you sound
A wee tissue that you intervened before it was more than a ripped up mess? Of course you got a fright, but as far as being a bad mum goes, that's quite amateurish.
I'll raise you...I accidentally let my toddler eat a dog jobbie.
There. Feel better now?
You are welcome
Yesterday I took thought I just took DD2s (4months) laptop off her high swing before getting distracted by DD1.
Wasn't until DH walked into our hard marble tiled kitchen and yelled "fuck" then grabbed DD2 that I realised I had totally removed her lap tray and she was on the verge of flipping out.
I just thank god it didn't end badly and note never to do it again. It's a constant fear that as they grow you have to treat as background noise and be as careful as possible.
Gussie, is it bad if I say yes that does make me feel better
Laptop toy that was supposed to read.
Beamer - nope, that is it's purpose.
I tell every new mother the story of doom...having near misses is part of parenting. You feel sick and bad about it for ages, but these are universal issues and you just have to be grateful for good luck.
The Bad Mother Badge is MINE.
The older dc had left the stairgate open and dc 4 (aged 18 months and very unsteady on his feet climbed up, then fell right from the top of the stairs to the bottom, where his forehead hit the door that was open leaving a gash through his eyebrow. As I was busy folding laundry from the dryer in the kitchen the first i knew of this was the bang.
I was hysterical, thought he was going to die, that I was the worst mother in the world. In the children's ward he was playing very actively and we had to stop him diving head first through a playhouse window . A bit of glue, 3 butterfly stitches and we were home 3 hours later. It was an accident, we're human, we make mistakes. Your dh is right, learn from the mistake and move on, there was no harm done. x
children's a & e room, not ward, he wasn't admitted.
TBH, I can't believe how nice everybody is being to the OP. She negligently left a tissue in a baby's cot, and that's OK? Consider yourself flogged, you bad mother.
I didn't carry 3mo DD in a bouncy seat, then balance it on my hip while I opened a door and allow it to collapse so she fell on her head. Or put my 7mo DS in a Bumbo seat on a raised surface so he fell off, yes, on his head. Oh no, I'm a responsible mother, me.
I didn't lower the bottom of DS's cot when he had outgrown it and he fell over the side, knocking his head on the floor.
I think we have all done stupid things with our children.
We are not perfect.
Nothing helpful to say except get better soon and eat some chocolate to feel better.
Just this morning my almost 2 year old fell out of the supermarket trolley because I hadn't done the seatbelt thing up tight enough, had put the trolley out of arm's reach of the tempting goodies while I reached up to get something and of course she tried to stand up to reach them and toppled out. I was lucky, nothing broken and she stopped crying and forgot all about it
when I bribed her with chocolate five minutes later, she also regularly lauches herself off the sofa onto the laminate floor with a thud, most kids are pretty bouncy.
The reason you are far from a shit mother is that you are beating yourself up over this. You haven't shrugged it off and said "oh well, he's fine". You're meant to be freaked out, but you do also need to take a deep breath and accept that everyone makes silly mistakes.
When bathing dd when she was 18months old, dh let her stand up in the bathtub, whereupon she slipped over, banged her mouth on the side and ended up having to have her two front teeth removed under GA because they were smashed. Stupid mistake on his part, but he's bloody careful now about kids in the bath.
When I was 2 weeks old my mum dropped me down a stone staircase and I apparently bounced 10 times. When I was 4 I drank Dukhams Hypergrade engine oil that was in a corona lemonade bottle. I was left at some awful craft show aged about 7 and when I was 5 they all got off the tube at Earls Court, walked home and didn't realise they had left me on the train until I had reached the next station. My parents lost me at the big CND march but were very committed and decided to wait until things "thinned out" before panicking.
I have modelled my parenting on a lot of don't do what they did but a little speck of what they did because they were ace parents, I love them to bits and they have always been there for me really. I forgive them for everything except taking me on a CND march, that was terrible, I was so scared my friends would find out!
I hope that helps
Didn't let DC1, aged 18 months, fall down the stairs because we were moving shortly so why put up a stairgate...
Didn't lose DC2, aged 2, in a busy tourist area abroad...
Didn't let DC3 fall out of the pram aged 8 days old...
And I'm trying to convincve DH that we should have another?
Oh I forgot - flog flog flog!
Ahh - the flogs were for my three things - not for yours! Hope you're still not feeling vulnerable
[slinks off now]
If I had a pound for every mistake I made I would be rich.
It's a shame that I don't because then I would be able to afford to pay someone, who actually knows what they're doing, to look after my DC!
Go easy on yourself! It was an accident and no harm was done in the end. It's no use thinking of the 'what ifs'.
Hope you feel better soon!
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