To think Mumsnet has changed me?? (or Mumsnet vs The Real World)

(329 Posts)
Proudnscary Sun 07-Oct-12 07:59:56

Mumsnet has changed my thoughts and attitudes in the four years I've been prowling these 'ere boards.

I have a big group of friends in RL and a lively, jokey social life blah de blah but my hackles get raised so much more quickly now. My attitude and knowledge about feminism, porn, domestic abuse, is much more evolved than it was pre Mumsnet (I didn't really think about these things to be honest). Now I speak up and challenge dodgy views - (hopefully) in a good natured/bantery way.

BUT it's weird when you get a RL vs Mumsnet jolt! When a group of intelligent, fab real life women talk dismissively about things that people would go nuts about on here. It's like a parallel universe in some ways. So sometimes I think it's made me go slightly insania.

Anyone else remotely know what I mean?!

booki Sun 07-Oct-12 17:20:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Flimflammery Sun 07-Oct-12 17:37:34

Just today a friend was saying how her DH has a habit of just disappearing off at the weekends for a few hours without telling her, leaving her with the kids (he has also distanced himself from her in other ways), and sometimes doesn't even take his phone. I immediately asked, does he have a second phone? And had to stop myself from saying, check his phone history, he's probably having an affair. I just recognised all the signs from MN sad

redadmiralsinthegarden Sun 07-Oct-12 17:43:11

i feel more confident through using mumsnet! i have spent 13 years with a fairly controlling man, and as a result was feeling quite low about myself in alot of areas.
since being on mn, though, i have realised that i AM a fundamentally good person, and that i AM a good mum (contrary to what i was told by xh).
i have also become far more nosey concerned about others' issues on here wink.

redadmiralsinthegarden Sun 07-Oct-12 17:43:49

oh and it's really reassuring to know that every other mum struggles sometimes!

Proudnscary Sun 07-Oct-12 17:54:15

YY re affairs.

One of my staff at work confided her dh of 10 years had left her out of the blue.

I immediately thought 'other woman'.

He had began to rewrite what she considered to be a happy marriage - 'things hadn't been right for a while'. Finally admitted there was an ow he'd grown close to but 'nothing had happened.'

I said 'Look I know this is all horribly raw for you but the quicker you get your head round the fact that he's been cheating on you and is blaming you and your behaviour because he doesn't want to come out of the marriage looking like the bad guy, the better. It's like a script. It's not you, it's HIM'

I'm afraid frequenting the Relationships board has lead me to conclude most people who suddenly announce they're leaving are being unfaithful.

I often think "what would they say on AIBU?" and then I know whether I'm BU or not grin

Me too Jugs.

MN has given me confidence to challenge racist & sexist comments. It's made me more self-aware and aware of others' behaviour.

I especially love the 'random acts of kindness' threads and now have the confidence to show kindness to people where before (out of shyness) I would have ignored & walked past.

I love MN and wish it had been around when my children were small - I'm convinced I would have been a much better mother if I'd had you all to advise me.

CockyPants Sun 07-Oct-12 18:08:14

I have been trying to spread the gospel according to MN. I am secretary to DDs PTA and had to do a quick spiel to new Year 7 parents. I mentioned a MN thread I'd been following that afternoon about Year 7 kids losing stuff. Result? Tumbleweed silence.
Is MN membership
I've the FMasons? I'm not supposed to mention it?
Please advise!

CockyPants Sun 07-Oct-12 18:09:19

Doh. Is MN membership like the FMasons?

scottishmummy Sun 07-Oct-12 18:16:30

someone asked me other day do you mn
mums what? and said nah
I'm struggling to think of a significant impact mn has had....umm none

MoomieAndFreddie Sun 07-Oct-12 18:29:41

YANBU - i have wanted to start a thread like this for ages

LineRunner Sun 07-Oct-12 19:05:39

MN has taken a huge weight of my shoulders, in respect of the feelings I used to harbour about my family members. It's still pretty awful, but thank you.

FellatioNelson Sun 07-Oct-12 19:12:44

I have only read the OP so far but I completely and utterly agree with you.

lljkk Sun 07-Oct-12 19:13:38

Gawd, I can only think of negatives right now. Made me hugely defensive, for start. Assume that everyone is out to JUDGE in the worst way, and has ZERO tolerance for difference. I now understand the concept of "Middle Class" and Ponciness. I was totally blind to all those things 15 years ago. MN has definitely bashed my previous confidence to bits.

mrsminerva Sun 07-Oct-12 19:15:12

MumsNet has reinforced my beliefs TBH. But I am old and know my own mind.

mrsminerva Sun 07-Oct-12 19:15:41

Like to add my beliefs are quite opposed to many here.

FairPhyllis Sun 07-Oct-12 19:24:07

It has educated me a lot about abusive relationships and infidelity and has made me feel more confident about setting my own boundaries in a relationship, like finding porn unacceptable.
I've learned a lot about SN.
I was a feminist before I joined, but now I am edging towards radical feminism and want to be involved in activism.
I have a MN scarf and am careful not to buy mum boots.
I have been truly astonished by the number of people who claim benefits like housing benefit.
I realised that everyone else sneakily reads the DM website too.

FellatioNelson Sun 07-Oct-12 19:26:36

I still have lots of very un-MN opinions though.

lljkk Sun 07-Oct-12 19:35:54

Oh gawd yes, people lie, I've found them out a few times. People who say XYZ online & then I realise I know them IRL or friends of friends know them... and I get such a different story about what the poster really does, feels & thinks.
<<Makes note to self to be even more cynical>>.

mamalovesmojitos Sun 07-Oct-12 19:46:01

YANBU I love mn! It has shaped me as a person. I am better informed, more aware, stronger, less judgy and more confident. It's been a huge influence on my life. I should post more as I get a bit shy (silly) but I've been on the boards for 5 years shock. Amazing women (and men!) on here.

Trills Sun 07-Oct-12 19:46:52

Mumsnet has led me to have opinions about issues that I would not have encountered in the real world. I am better educated and better read and a better feminist as a consequence.

I also know more than necessary about baby led weaning and dragon butter.

Itsgottabebags Sun 07-Oct-12 19:50:58

OP Insania was the name of a Peter Andre song. YBVU to use the word on here ;-)

filetheflightoffancy Sun 07-Oct-12 19:52:12

Absolutely yes to everything on this thread. I had the realisation a few months ago that I had been well and truly Mumsnetted!

aufaniae Sun 07-Oct-12 19:53:58

CockyPants I think there is a feeling that the first rule of mumsnet is that you don't talk about mumsnet!

I think that's partly because people reveal so much personal stuff here, and are scared of being outed.

I do think there's an unspoken understanding also that you'll lay yourself open to misogynist and/or ignorant stereotypes of what a group of mothers would be talking about, from any arseholes around. Sometimes people snigger when they hear the word "mumsnet" (have heard this especially on TV / radio). It's to do with their own suspect attitudes towards women and mothers, and is pretty sad IMO. Also their assumptions of what mumsnet is like are usually so way off the mark as to be laughable!

I don't hide it my mumsnetting, shameless, me wink I tell everyone who they should be on mumsnet. I know some of my mum friends are here ... but they don't talk about it. I've also managed to convince one of my non-mum friends - she loves it and is now telling all her other friends they should join too grin

ATourchOfInsanity Sun 07-Oct-12 19:56:44

YY OP!
I was kind of the opposite though, I started off happy to talk about these things IRL before MN, and felt I had to adjust because I seemed to be off the wall and unhinged! MN has been great for re-inspiring my spark that I had when younger and has been beaten out by years of talking to the wrong people feeling I was the one in the wrong.

scottishmummy Sun 07-Oct-12 19:56:55

what are mn opinions?opinions are like arses everyone has em

is it chunterring on about bf til 7yo,boden,schools?that kind of thing

opinion depends on when you log on.during day the housewives will put a different spin on working and nursery ( miss precious moments etc ) then when working mum return it will be more yes do it,here's some tips

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