To have told my cousin to get a job rather than just living off the tax payer?

(66 Posts)
CrapBag Sat 06-Oct-12 08:13:06

My cousin is a bit of a layabout. She is 18. She did go to college but got kicked off the course after many many opportunites because she simply could not be bothered. She is the laziest person I know. She has never had a part time job because she never bothered and her mum didn't push her to get one ("whats she suppose to do" was her mums attitude yet her DS had to do paper rounds and get a job at 18 so he could pay rent hmm).

Now she was 18 a few months ago and was kicked off her course a couple of months before that. She hasn't been looking for a job, despite what she tells me. Her mum has the attitude of "I don't see why she should do that if she doesn't want to", which seems to be to any job but this was in response to my other aunt suggesting that my cousin try in a supermarket. She gives her money each week for doing bits of housework which she has raised as her DD doesn't have enough money apparently. Her mum has just taken her to the job centre to sign on. Her FB status said something about signing on so she "now has money lol" (her words). I said fine but I hoped she was looking for a job as living off the taxpayer was not a lifestyle choice. Ok, maybe patronising but as her own mother doesn't seem to give a shit if she lives off benefits, it bugs me when hard working people lounge about because jobs are not what the want to do, when they don't even know what the want to do. This is NOT benefit bashing at all. I only read in the paper yesterday about a man had applied for 900 jobs to try and support his GF and son but couldn't get anything but my cousin has applied for nothing.

She commented that she has to keep going to the job centre to sign on and do forms and she is looking so I shouldn't "piss her off". I suspect I hit a nerve because she isn't doing all she can and no one else seems to say it to her. She lays in bed until god knows what time then gets her mum to drop her over to her latest lad that she is obsessed with (and I do mean obsessed). Her looking would involve her looking at what is available and saying "I don't want to do that/I can't do that/I can't get there with her mum agreeing with al that she said.

I do know that it is nothing to do with me but when everyone else in the family just says things but no one will actually say it to her, I am the only person who will speak up. Her own mother is no help at all and has always 'let' her be lazy and totally bone idle.

WofflingOn Sat 06-Oct-12 15:04:02

' I just hope the current benefit reforms go far enough that people who are simply lazy don't get given that option any more.'

Exactly that. Until the rules change, there will continue to be a huge number of people thinking they are too good to do menial and unskilled jobs, and parents willing to indulge that arrogance. The claimants are not doing anything illegal.
I still don't think it is the concern of the OP.

Brycie Sat 06-Oct-12 12:00:58

Some people live their lives on facebook though don't they.

YerMaw1989 Sat 06-Oct-12 11:47:43

Although I can understand your frustration at her lack of ambition.

I think you know ,You were totally out of line to post something like that on her FB .
I'd have torn you a new one and told you jump off the far end of fuck, and quite rightly.
FB is not where you get to have snide digs at people publicly, if the expectation is for her to behave like an adult then you must do the same I'm afraid.

but not much you can do.

OrangeandGoldMrsDeVere Sat 06-Oct-12 11:41:22

Mine doesn't live at home and I do not give him money.

littlemisssarcastic Sat 06-Oct-12 11:35:27

BoffinMum Totally agree!!

BoffinMum Sat 06-Oct-12 11:32:11

When my DD had a go at doing this loafing about thing, I made her go to the local library, develop and print out a CV on their computers, and then I marched her along the high street leaving copies of it at cafes and restaurants. After half an hour of doing this, she had her first interview, and they offered her some part time work on the spot, offering to give her training as well. I then gave her a small amount of money to pay her fares and lunches during her first week, bought her some trousers for work, and put £10 on her mobile phone, and then told her the finance tap was now turned off. Concentrates the mind wonderfully, having no money. She did pretty well in that job and they promoted her. She has had two promotions since and now has an excellent job, two years down the line.

That's what parents should be doing for their kids, if they love them, IMO.

OrangeandGoldMrsDeVere Sat 06-Oct-12 11:22:27

Well he just walked in and told me he got the sack last night and didn't get paid for last week hmm
So he is applying for full time jobs today.

Good job they are online, he needs a wash.

mrsminerva Sat 06-Oct-12 11:17:58

CrapBag YANBU. There seems to be no shame in some people.

lilyliz Sat 06-Oct-12 11:15:13

just wait ,if your job centre is like ours it won't be long before they have her so busy going on courses to find employment she may decide work would be better.

I hate "benefit bashing" on here. And I opened this thread with the intention of rolling my eyes and then hiding it.

But I agree with the OP. It is people like her cousin who give the genuine hard working people who find themselves on benefits a bad name.

I got a shitty weekend job when I was 14 getting paid £2 an hour for back breaking work. I worked until I had my DD. I was then forced out of work due to childcare issues. My DP has worked on farms and doing odd jobs since the same age. He went and got plenty of qualifications while working.

Being young is no excuse. At 18 people should be out doing any job so that they can find out what they want to do and what their skills are.

And the difference between girls and boys that some people were saying about, that was the same in my house. My brother didnt work until he was 19 and even now pays a tiny amount of rent while my mum waits on him hand and foot.

Its not always down to the parents. But if they encourage laziness at 18 then they have to be held accoutable.

CecilyP Sat 06-Oct-12 10:55:05

Honestly, MrsDeVere, it won't last forever. Now he has a bit of work, he will probably find some more - or decide that is not for him and want to go to college. Having long spaces between school/college and work is a sort of prolonging of childhood; you don't have much money when you are at school, so you still don't need much when you are older and could be earning.

Regarding OP's cousin, everyone is saying that it is their business as taxpayers, but from what has been has posted, it doesn't look like she will have received her first payment yet. Of course, her mum will be prolonging the situation by allowing her to keep the money, rather than taking most of it off her to pay for her keep.

Soditall Sat 06-Oct-12 10:55:00

doodlepoo so do I but sadly I was very much a do as I'm told by my parents even though what they asked for was ridiculous.They had more of my wages than I did.

My children are thankful that I'm not like my parents were.smile

TidyGOLDDancer Sat 06-Oct-12 10:48:20

This absolutely is your business, she is a family member, and clearly it needed saying. If this kind of behaviour goes unchallenged, overtime it becomes more accepted and seemingly okay. It's really not.

BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts Sat 06-Oct-12 10:41:58

He'll pull it together...like you, my Mum and Dad both worked and didn't spoil me. It takes some kids a while to get there I think.

OrangeandGoldMrsDeVere Sat 06-Oct-12 10:38:56

Well done for deciphering that post bigfat grin

I am off to find a bloody laptop!

BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts Sat 06-Oct-12 10:35:24

MrsDevere I went through a lazy phase...I had a Sunday job at 17 and dropped out of college....the tenner I earned as enough to go out on Friday night to the pub (can you imagine!)

And that was all I did! I did get it together and get a proper job and then onto Uni in the end.

OrangeandGoldMrsDeVere Sat 06-Oct-12 10:30:26

My son hase been raised by two parents who have worked since their teens. His dad works despite having a serious disbility. The only time he has seen me not working was when I was caring for his sister and in the aftermath of her death.

We have a very strong work ethic.

He however is a lazy arsed teen who thinks the world owes him a living. He is almost 19. He thinks it is fine to be on benefits for a while and finds all kinds of excuses as to why he can't get a job just yet.

We shot oursef in the foot somewt as we have bought him up not o expect expensive clothes and gadgets etc. so he doesn't miss tem now he as to ay for them himself hmm

So don't put he ame on the arenas. It's not always the case. Lots of more affluent teens are any, entitled feckers but the get away with it because they are at uni or being ailed out by their indulgent parents.

My son is a lovy lad and I am hopeful that our influence and my motherly advice of 'get a job you freeloading slacker' everytime I see him will kick in soon.

( he has just started a bit of bar work so - yay!)

RobynRidingHood Sat 06-Oct-12 10:25:54

This is why they should stop benefits to under 25's that live at home and have never worked. Go the whole hog and stop them for those who are quite capable but have never worked. popping babies out and giving them the same level of disaffected, disengaged me-me-me attitude isn't a job, although I know a few who think it is.

fuckadoodlepoopoo Sat 06-Oct-12 10:25:33

If I moan about DH not doing things or doing them badly, she says "Well he's a MAN.....they just don't KNOW about certain things."

Uergh . . . I had a friend recently being shocked when she asked if i raise my boy differently to my girl and i said no of course i bloody don't! It started as a conversation about who does the housework where it became cleared that she thinks women should do it all even if they work full time. I was so shocked because even though i knew she was a little old fashioned i didn't realise it was that extreme. So she is raising her children to believe that women wait on men. confused

TakeMyEyesButNotTheGoat Sat 06-Oct-12 10:23:35

My step sister is just like your cousin OP.
She's 22, never had a job and quit her college course after 2 months. Now she's pregnant after TTC with her boyfriend who also has never worked (he's 23).

She keeps banging on about why she hasn't been given a house (but she has been given a flat) and why should she have to climb 2 flights of stairs at 30 weeks pg.

Very entitled girl. But I blame my father and step mother. They are life long benefit claimants who actively encourage their children to try and get everything for nothing.

I'm so thankful I was brought up by my DM, a single working parent to 4 children. My brothers and I have a strong work ethic.

My other step sister has 5 kids, never worked or been to college but the job centre has just made her boyfriend get a job! grin

fuckadoodlepoopoo Sat 06-Oct-12 10:20:41

soditall 150 a week! I think that's extortionate. You could have got a mortgage for that!

sashh Sat 06-Oct-12 10:18:54

YANBU

Print of a screen shot and send it to the job centre. If she is not ill then it is a condition of her benefits that she is seeking work.

marriedinwhite Sat 06-Oct-12 10:18:19

It is the business of every taxpayer in the country. The girl is 18; she is fit and well; she is not working. It is her choice not to work but having made that choice she should not be receiving benefits. She has put nothing in; she has a home; she has parents on whom to depend. If the parents don't want to afford her the luxury of deciding and having a little break then I don't see why the taxpayer should.

BTW I have an 17 year old (almost 18). He is at school. He has an allowance. He is able to earn about £50pcm to top up his allowance by doing a bit of babysitting. In the holidays he can pull down £50.00 a morning by caddying - because he got himself on the list; is reliable and prepared to turn up at 7.30.

Brycie Sat 06-Oct-12 10:17:19

I don't mind people getting on with their life in a lazy way so long as my children aren't paying for it! As they are, I do, and it most definitely is to do with all of us.

YouMayLogOut Sat 06-Oct-12 10:15:49

> I think that you should let her get on with her life and you get on with yours. It really isn't anything to do with you

^ This.

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