to be gutted after DP confessed to eating a steak (both vegetarian -not anymore obviously!)

(276 Posts)
Mercapto Fri 05-Oct-12 18:48:58

I've been vegetarian for 6 - 7 years. I made the decision to go vegetarian when I realised that I wasn't eating much meat due to not enjoying it due to taste and ethical reasons.

I met DP 4 years ago and he decided to go veggie with me because he wasn't one for eating much meat either.

I came home last night from work and he told me he had a confession to make. He had given in to his cravings and bought steaks, ate one last night and the other is in the freezer.

I wasn't expecting this really although he has told me he had been having dreams about eating meat.

I know I don't really have a leg to stand on and can't tell him that he can't eat meat but I have been feeling awful since I found out. I felt uspet, disgusted at the thought of animal flesh being cooked in my kitchen, not to mention a steak actually mingling with items of food in my freezer. I wanted rid of the evidence. I could see the empty packet in the bin, and the dishes he'd used to cook/ eat it. Reading this paragraph back to myself, I feel like there is something wrong with me for feeling this way. I don't have a problem with other people eating meat, I just don't want it in my house sad

I don't feel like I can talk to anyone in RL because I feel that the people around me (meat eaters) probably don't respect my non eat-meating preferences and think it's a bit silly.

AIBU for feeling this way? I havn't spoken at all to DP since. Although I did ask if he would be buying more meat, he said ocasionally. I then said could he cook it when I wasn't around (I thought this a reasonable request seeing as I work shifts and we don't always have tea together!)

Ephiny Mon 08-Oct-12 10:59:09

"But many people have already eaten (I myself) pork/beef/chicken so don't want to introduce another animal into our already meat filled diets."

Well, don't then. Who is saying you should? confused

Mollydoggerson Sun 07-Oct-12 19:41:41

OP you are being controlling and obsessive and unfair to you partner.

How would you feel if he decided to become a fruitarian and was disgusted at the thought of any animal products in the house (honestly I think if he hypothetically became fruitarian and was disgusted with animal products alot of people would consider him unbalanced).

GoldShip Sun 07-Oct-12 19:32:11

<swims off forgetting the argument as she goes>

MrsWolowitz Sun 07-Oct-12 19:26:44

Ahahaha! I just noticed the Goldfish thing! Whoops, Sorry Gold fish ship grin

GoldShip Sun 07-Oct-12 19:24:27

Is reindeer something everyone adds to their weekly shop then? Do we trade recipes of reindeer stew and the like?

I'm not saying at all that its not normal for some people and some cultures but its a bit daft to say its on par with say chicken?

LOL @ goldfish grin that tickled me

MrsWolowitz Sun 07-Oct-12 19:21:21

Goldfish Thats a financial thing rather than a moral thing.

I'm sure schools where reindeer are common-place serve it.

GoldShip Sun 07-Oct-12 19:19:37

And the reindeer thing must be a matter of opinion then. I don't see schools serving reindeer do you?

GoldShip Sun 07-Oct-12 19:18:50

Ephiny, I never said it was worse morally. But many people have already eaten (I myself) pork/beef/chicken so don't want to introduce another animal into our already meat filled diets.

Ephiny Sun 07-Oct-12 19:15:24

I am vegetarian, have been for all my adult life, and cook/eat vegan food most of the time at home.

I still think it's silly and precious to get upset about your partner choosing to eat meat occasionally. No one is forcing you to eat it or cook it. Use separate pans/utensils if you like.

Also don't get why venison/reindeer is any 'worse' morally than beef or pork. Reindeer is a perfectly normal (and locally produced) food in some parts of the world, there's nothing inherently 'strange' about it.

GoldShip Sun 07-Oct-12 19:12:51

<growls>

MrsWolowitz Sun 07-Oct-12 19:05:31

<back away from frothing Goldship and gives up trying to work out what the point of her 'passing comment' was>

GoldShip Sun 07-Oct-12 19:03:40

'but I'm not one of those people and it isn't to me, so that is why '

'I think I've said a few times now that it would be to me. . It's not common place within my family and friend group'

'feels like some of you are trying to force what is normal for you onto me, when I've explained a few times now.'

'I'm not saying anyone is abnormal for eating it. Just it isn't normal for us!'

All my posts. I have stated a few times now that I know it is normal for some people but not for us. It was other people who weren't accepting that it wasnt normal for ME not the other way round!

And I wasn't wanting to contribute anything! I made a passing comment about people creating demand for meats and got questioned by numerous people and it escalated.

FFS

MrsWolowitz Sun 07-Oct-12 18:57:49

Goldship I really think that you are missing the point.

Yes, venison is unusual to you however it doesn't make it a strange or unusual meat to others.

If you are purely focused on what is relevant to yourself then I don't really understand how that will contribute to the discussion.

GoldShip Sun 07-Oct-12 18:49:47

And I'll add I weren't the one who turned this into a bloody argument about venison, I was talking about reindeer!

(Yes I know it's all deer but reindeer are different)

GoldShip Sun 07-Oct-12 18:47:56

Before replying to me it might help you to read my earlier posts because I have to keep repeating myself.

GoldShip Sun 07-Oct-12 18:46:13

I HAVE SAID MORE THAN 4 TIMES IT IS UNUSUAL TO ME. Nowhere have I said its unusual to others.

And what has your post got to do with my last one confused

And the my earlier comment about people creating demand for strange meat, reindeer is a strange meat! It's not your average venison.

Smeghead Sun 07-Oct-12 18:43:03

Gold you seem to be missing the point. No one is saying that a person (you) who was becoming vegetarian should have eaten more meat, thats just daft! What we are saying is that just because you didnt eat a particular meat doesnt make it wrong that other people did. Just because you hadnt ever eaten it doesnt make it an unusual thing to do. I dont fly because it terrifies me, but I wouldnt suggest that someone else doing it is unusual, because thats obviously not true!

GoldShip Sun 07-Oct-12 17:20:29

Yes I do find it hard to understand, Goldship: to me it would have seemed natural to substitute the more ethical meat for the less ethical. When I started eating free range chicken I didn't see that as a way of adding an extra meat to my diet: I stopped eating mass produced chicken at the same time.

I wasn't looking for a substitute. I was looking to completely faze out eating meat so why on earth would I add another type confused
Completely different from the free range v mass produced chicken, of course if you're a chicken eater you should go for the more ethical one. I'm not going to suddenly start buying deer when I have NEVER ate it because its more 'ethical'. It's all unethical to me. I can happily say I've never ate a deer!

Fishwife1949 Sun 07-Oct-12 17:14:15

Why dose he have to eat meat when she is not around she meet him a meat eater most likey he stopped because op was so ott about the whole thing and of you meet somone who smokes or eats meat at the start of your relationship but stops a short way in chances are they might start up again at any point

Hes most likey been eating meat for ages behind your back

My god i would hate to be in a marriage were i was told what i could eat and when i could eat it sounds a bit north korea to me

cory Sun 07-Oct-12 17:05:55

"It is entirely about the fact that OP thought they had a shared value, one which is very important to her. Ignore the fact it's about food if that helps.

This is a big deal, one that can be worked through and a compromise found, but the OP is not being unreasonable in being a bit rocked by this. "

Of course this is what it is really about, and Soupqueen is absolutely right. The question is whether you have the right to expect that somebody should stay exactly the same over maybe 50 years of marriage or how you handle change in them.

I think a reasonable compromise was the one suggested by the OP in her opening post: could he cook it when she is not around.

Dh didn't try to stop me from converting- but I don't drag him to prayer meetings and force him to change either. Compromise is good.

cory Sun 07-Oct-12 17:03:01

Yes I do find it hard to understand, Goldship: to me it would have seemed natural to substitute the more ethical meat for the less ethical. When I started eating free range chicken I didn't see that as a way of adding an extra meat to my diet: I stopped eating mass produced chicken at the same time.

GoldShip Sun 07-Oct-12 16:58:00

I'd eaten chicken beef and pork all my life, I didn't want to add another animal to my diet. Nothing to do with which was more ethical. There was just no need to add another animal, especially as I was trying to phase out all meat.

Why is that so hard to understand...

Soupqueen Sun 07-Oct-12 16:56:25

This is nothing to do with whether vegetarianism is right or wrong, whether vegetarians would be unreasonable to prefer meat free homes or whether omnivores should be able to cook steak in their own homes.

It is entirely about the fact that OP thought they had a shared value, one which is very important to her. Ignore the fact it's about food if that helps.

This is a big deal, one that can be worked through and a compromise found, but the OP is not being unreasonable in being a bit rocked by this.

cory Sun 07-Oct-12 16:45:41

The venison discussion seems odd to me: I always thought eating rabbit and deer and that sort of thing was far more ethical than mass farmed chicken and beef. If I'm going to eat meat I'd rather eat something that has had a decent life up to the point of death.

And btw I did change my religion after 10 years of marriage. Must have been a bit of an adjustment for dh. But one thing he never did was act hard done by because I wasn't the same person he'd married.

Smeghead Sun 07-Oct-12 13:59:47

Alot of jewish families follow the dietary requirement of keeping meat and dairy seperate, including all utensils, washing up stuff etc. Its easily done.

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