to be gutted after DP confessed to eating a steak (both vegetarian -not anymore obviously!)

(276 Posts)
Mercapto Fri 05-Oct-12 18:48:58

I've been vegetarian for 6 - 7 years. I made the decision to go vegetarian when I realised that I wasn't eating much meat due to not enjoying it due to taste and ethical reasons.

I met DP 4 years ago and he decided to go veggie with me because he wasn't one for eating much meat either.

I came home last night from work and he told me he had a confession to make. He had given in to his cravings and bought steaks, ate one last night and the other is in the freezer.

I wasn't expecting this really although he has told me he had been having dreams about eating meat.

I know I don't really have a leg to stand on and can't tell him that he can't eat meat but I have been feeling awful since I found out. I felt uspet, disgusted at the thought of animal flesh being cooked in my kitchen, not to mention a steak actually mingling with items of food in my freezer. I wanted rid of the evidence. I could see the empty packet in the bin, and the dishes he'd used to cook/ eat it. Reading this paragraph back to myself, I feel like there is something wrong with me for feeling this way. I don't have a problem with other people eating meat, I just don't want it in my house sad

I don't feel like I can talk to anyone in RL because I feel that the people around me (meat eaters) probably don't respect my non eat-meating preferences and think it's a bit silly.

AIBU for feeling this way? I havn't spoken at all to DP since. Although I did ask if he would be buying more meat, he said ocasionally. I then said could he cook it when I wasn't around (I thought this a reasonable request seeing as I work shifts and we don't always have tea together!)

sookiesookie Fri 05-Oct-12 20:11:39

headfirst that would be why I said can be.
The op hasn't specified her diet is full of home cooked food. She could eat alot of the more expensive ready meals. Or homecook using more expensive, less readily available fresh food products. Some veg can be Damn expensive.

I think really, most problems in relationships come down to a lack of communication. A little bit of discussion and the OP wouldn't feel so upset and wouldn't have overreacted like she did.

marriedinwhite Fri 05-Oct-12 20:14:16

He had a steak. He hasn't been with a prostitute; he hasn't beaten you; he hasn't emotionally abused you; he didn't even expect you to cook it for him. You are over-reacting and need to get real in my very honest opinion. Be grateful he's resisted since he met you. He must love you very much.

grin Bunny boiler

MrsWolowitz Fri 05-Oct-12 20:17:10

You are BVU and over-reacting massively.

Give him a break, he hasn't done anything wrong and is entitled to eat what he likes when he likes (even if you would rather that he only ate it when you aren't around).

KittenCamile Fri 05-Oct-12 20:20:24

Going from being a veggie to being a meat eater is a big step and I agree with the people who said he should have discused it with the op first. Not in a 'can I eat meat?' Way but told her how he was feeling and that he wanted to start eating meat again.

Then he could have got new cooking items ect rather than her coming home to find a dead cow in their freezer. She now has to clean the oven, disinfect the freezer and clean the pans, plates and cutlery with boiling water. For that I would make him scrub everything!

It is her house too so a dissition like cooking a carcass in their kitchen should be discused.

Excuse my bad spelling I'm dyslexic not shutting down from lack of meat! smile

ZiggyPlayedGuitar Fri 05-Oct-12 20:20:49

Yabu but I can understand it to an extent. I can't stand chow mein, the sight and smell of it makes me want to vomit on the spot. I have asked DP if he would be kind enough to never eat it when I'm around as I really do feel very ill around it, luckily he has agreed to this as he's not overly fussed about it anyway.
I know it's v unreasonable of me but at least it's only 1 meal and he's not keen on it anyway.

I think you're just going to have to learn to suck it up and get on with it. Although if he was really nice he could try and eat meat when out and about if possible.

MrsWolowitz Fri 05-Oct-12 20:23:32

"She now has to clean the oven, disinfect the freezer and clean the pans, plates and cutlery with boiling water. For that I would make him scrub everything!"


BlueSkySinking Fri 05-Oct-12 20:25:45

Give him a freezer drawer, a pan and a meat plate.

flatpackhamster Fri 05-Oct-12 20:28:54


I find it bizarre that some posters are being so derogatory. OP was veggie when they met, her DP knew and was happy not to eat meat for several years.

Was he 'happy' or did he do it because he loved her? He's having dreams about eating meat. How happy can he be? Her food problems and her lack of respect for normal eating habits are making him unhappy.

If it was smoking or drugs or debt or something people 'frown on', most would be backing her up.

Yes, and I think there's a lesson to be learned here, particularly by OP. Eating meat and taking crack are not the same thing.

He did something she feels deeply uncomfortable with, a chat and compromise are the minimum OP can expect surely.

I get the impression that you don't mean 'compromise' in the normal definition of the word, but a grovelling apology by the poor man and a scourging and 50 lashes for the EVIL CRIME OF CONSUMING FLESH.

He should apologize. Not for eating meat, but for not discussing it first and causing unnecessary upset. He must have known it would upset her to some extent, he does actually know her.

bialystockandbloom Fri 05-Oct-12 20:35:37

Opportune moment to present these delicacies? <disclaimer: not for anyone easily offended by hats made of meat>

She looks like some disgruntled fan has lobbed a steak at her grin

Alibabaandthe40nappies Fri 05-Oct-12 20:39:55

Kitten are you for real? Disinfect the oven???

Mmmm steak grin

KittenCamile Fri 05-Oct-12 20:44:04

'Her food problems and her lack of respect for normal eating habits are making him unhappy.'

Really flatpackhamster?! Did we just go back in time to when being a veggie was concidered weird? Her eating habbits are normal just a different normal to yours.

I'm a vegan and think eating the dead flesh of an animal isn't normal and shows a lack of respect as well. Maybe there is more than one way of eating 'normally'

lydiamama Fri 05-Oct-12 20:48:08

You are taking it too strongly. You can wash the kitchenware, and that will do.

MrsWolowitz Fri 05-Oct-12 20:49:35

kitten My BF is vegetarian, I am a major meat-lover. Its a non-issue. She comes for dinner here, I cook veggie or (I had a mexican dinner party last week) all the other guests had beef chilli. I made her a quorn one.

I go to her house, she cooks me something with meat (even though I'm happy to eat vegetarian, she does it out of kindness).

Why is it ok to try and control other peoples food?

MrsWolowitz Fri 05-Oct-12 20:50:16

Oh and flatpackedhamster I totally agree with you.

secretlyahippy Fri 05-Oct-12 20:52:29

I've been a vegan for 3 years but was vegetarian for 30+ years before that (since I was 5).

I do feel sorry for OP's husband. While I will never eat meat in my lifetime if the poor man is so desperate for it that he dreams about it. Just let him get on with it. I can imagine that op feels upset at the lack of communication.

My dh and 3 dc are all meat eaters, although they tend to turn to veggie meals more and more probably as I'm so crap at cooking meat

I'm happy to handle and cook meat for them. Although dh likes to joke that after a meat dinner he likes to use my toothbrush to get the bits of meat stuck in his teeth out hmm

I will also admit that I'm not too keen to snog him after he's just eaten mince (mince makes me gag). I'm happy enough to have sex with him but no kissing on the lips grin

KittenCamile Fri 05-Oct-12 20:59:57

MrsWolowitz meat doesn't get cooked in our house because we only have one oven, I wouldn't cook meat in my oven because of the aniaml fat and cleaning it after (unless you have a self cleaning oven) is a pain.

I don't control what anyone eats, it was a conversation myself and DP had when we moved in together. I would be happy to never have meat in the house but we agreed to no cooking of meat. Its what WE decided.

If a meat eater comes to stay they get vegan food, its that simple. To be honest most of my friends are vegan anyway so it has never come up! My friends repect that I feel very strongly about it and of then have felt stronger about eating meat so its never been a problem

MrsWolowitz Fri 05-Oct-12 21:04:49

How does meat juice get all over the inside of your oven?


Inneedofbrandy Fri 05-Oct-12 21:11:47

All this debate and the OPs gone...

TunaPastaBake Fri 05-Oct-12 21:12:18

Cleaning out the oven no doubt ....

Lueji Fri 05-Oct-12 21:16:37

Kitten, there are ways to cook meat that don't involve the oven. You do know that, right?

What struck me in the OP was my kitchen, my freezer, my house.
Surely they are all his too?


Inneedofbrandy Fri 05-Oct-12 21:16:39

Defrosting the freezer to dettol it maybe...

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