to be gutted after DP confessed to eating a steak (both vegetarian -not anymore obviously!)

(276 Posts)
Mercapto Fri 05-Oct-12 18:48:58

I've been vegetarian for 6 - 7 years. I made the decision to go vegetarian when I realised that I wasn't eating much meat due to not enjoying it due to taste and ethical reasons.

I met DP 4 years ago and he decided to go veggie with me because he wasn't one for eating much meat either.

I came home last night from work and he told me he had a confession to make. He had given in to his cravings and bought steaks, ate one last night and the other is in the freezer.

I wasn't expecting this really although he has told me he had been having dreams about eating meat.

I know I don't really have a leg to stand on and can't tell him that he can't eat meat but I have been feeling awful since I found out. I felt uspet, disgusted at the thought of animal flesh being cooked in my kitchen, not to mention a steak actually mingling with items of food in my freezer. I wanted rid of the evidence. I could see the empty packet in the bin, and the dishes he'd used to cook/ eat it. Reading this paragraph back to myself, I feel like there is something wrong with me for feeling this way. I don't have a problem with other people eating meat, I just don't want it in my house sad

I don't feel like I can talk to anyone in RL because I feel that the people around me (meat eaters) probably don't respect my non eat-meating preferences and think it's a bit silly.

AIBU for feeling this way? I havn't spoken at all to DP since. Although I did ask if he would be buying more meat, he said ocasionally. I then said could he cook it when I wasn't around (I thought this a reasonable request seeing as I work shifts and we don't always have tea together!)

TidyGOLDDancer Fri 05-Oct-12 19:10:24

No, I don't think you are overreacting or being unreasonable.

I live with an occasional meateater, and when DP cooks meat, he does it with different cookware and when I'm not around. We are both happy with this arrangement.

I feel sick at the smell of meat and DP understands this. I also don't like the idea of cooking with pots and pans that have been used for meat. We have doubles of some things for this reason.

This is an arrangement that works for us, and YANBU to implement something similar.

monkeysbignuts Fri 05-Oct-12 19:10:45

omg really??!! I am veggie and have been for 25 years, I would never expect my dh to also be veggie or my kids and I have no problem with them having meat.
I think your totally over reacting. We have quorn and real meat in our fridge and freezer.

VivaLeBeaver Fri 05-Oct-12 19:11:10

DH is vegi and me andd dd aren't.

He's always been ok with us eating meat and isn't bothered about seperate cookware, etc. At the end of the day if it goes in the dishwasher/is washed up then there's no meat germs, etc on the stuff still.

The only thing he wouldn't like and I totally understand this if I'm cooking meat in the oven at the same time as stuff for him I have to put foil over the meat so he doesn't get meat splatters on the roast potatoes, etc.

DH will actually cook meat for dd if I'm out. He hates the smell of sausages though and has to open the windows.

ginmakesitallok Fri 05-Oct-12 19:14:29

Viva - same here. DP has been vegi since he was 16, DC and I aren't. He's happy to cook meat for me and the kids - and makes a fabulous steak pie despite never having tasted it!

DoMeDon Fri 05-Oct-12 19:17:25

The unexpected can really throw you off course and I think with a warning you might have found it easier to deal with??

I think it's unfortunate that some posters are making fun of your views. Especially as you said you were loathe to speak to anyone in RL.

I do think it WBU to expect him to carry on as a vegetarian if he wants meat. Having said that you both need to find a middle ground that you are both happy with. He was aware of your views when you moved into together and he is the one changing the goalposts.

Nanny0gg Fri 05-Oct-12 19:18:02

Perhaps it wouldn't have been so bad if he'd said that was what he was going to do.
Must have been a real shock for the OP, if she's that revolted by meat.

monkeysbignuts Fri 05-Oct-12 19:18:39

I do all the meat cooking in our house and been veggie since I was 13!
The only thing I can't stand the smell of is lamb confused it makes me physically sick the smell, lucky for me no one likes it, phew!
I am happy to cook sausages, chicken, bacon, chops (not lamb) etc. If my kids want to be veggie when they are older that's fine. I do also make a mean quorn bolognaise which everyone enjoys smile

TunaPastaBake Fri 05-Oct-12 19:23:55

Well at least at was just a piece of steak could have been worse could have been beaver grin

''Are you going to have sex with him while it's still in his system?'' - funny - cheered me up !

exoticfruits Fri 05-Oct-12 19:24:17

You are over reacting. You can make choices for yourself and not anyone else. Your DCs may well choose to eat meat when they are older-we don't all follow our mothers.

Bubblegum78 Fri 05-Oct-12 19:24:29

Hi,
I know it sounds silly but is he craving fish and tomatoes aswell?
Just wondering as craving these things and especially red meat can be an indication of iron deficiency?
xx

bialystockandbloom Fri 05-Oct-12 19:25:20

Are you going to have sex with him while it's still in his system? I'n not vegetarian, but don't like DH to smell of red meat

Really?? You can actually tell if he's indulged in his dirty little secret eaten meat by the way he smells?

OP YABU

GirlWithALlamaTattoo Fri 05-Oct-12 19:27:02

I think DoMeDon has it. If he was veggie when you moved in together, he's moving the goalposts and you're entitled to a discussion about how that can be made to work. I'd also be annoyed that he'd done it secretly without talking to you.

I'm veggie, DH eats fish. Before he moved in, this was a meat and fish-free house, but I accepted that he came with fish. I don't go near it and wouldn't cook it for him, but I don't mind it being wrapped up in the freezer. If he cooks fish, he does all the preparation and cleaning up after it, and opens the window.

MadgeHarvey Fri 05-Oct-12 19:29:26

AlistairSim Fri 05-Oct-12

Was it a kitten steak?

grin grin and <<snort>>

birdofthenorth Fri 05-Oct-12 19:31:17

I have been veggie for 20 years. I lived with consecutive veggie flat mates until I met DH who its meat (good quality, well-sourced, cooked seperately, and only once or twice a week). Tbh I think you're over-reacting bit. If he hadn't told you and you'd just found it in the fridge/freezer that would be different. Or he could have snuck off to McDonalds and never mentioned it. But if he's craving it so much he's dreaming about it I'm not sure there's much you can do apart from agree ground rules eg seperate freezer shelf, seperate pan, cooked when you're not there or extractor fan on, etc. I think in ideal world I'd prefer a 100% vegetarian household but my marriage is more important to me than the contents of my freezer. And I'd be pretty pissed off if someone tried to influence what I do or do not eat I suspect (my dad spent 10'of the past twenty years trying to change my mind about vegetarianism, it was extremely annoying!).

TunaPastaBake Fri 05-Oct-12 19:31:32

Leave the bastard !

quesadilla Fri 05-Oct-12 19:33:55

YABU. Sorry. Its fair enough to be disappointed that he's lapsed on something you considered a joint project. But to say you're "gutted" and "disgusted" is way over the top.

Admittedly I'm not a veggie and maybe can't understand the effect meat provokes in someone who's made a commitment to it. But you're carrying on about it as if he'd just confessed to six affairs or something. He's his own person and entitled to cook and eat stuff he wants in his own home as long as its not putting anyone else's health at risk (which its not.)

Also you should be grateful he confessed to you and that it clearly preyed on his mind, which shows he did take it seriously and he obviously thinks a lot of you. To be honest a lot of blokes would have just done it and not told you.

Alibabaandthe40nappies Fri 05-Oct-12 19:34:35

YABU, and a bit of a loon.

Lynette - I am genuinely bemused at 'I don't like DH to smell of red meat'. What smell, how do you notice??

sookiesookie Fri 05-Oct-12 19:35:17

I'd also be annoyed that he'd done it secretly without talking to you.

Did he do it secretly? From what I have read. He made a decision to but some steak, cooked it that day, ate it and told her when she came home.

Do you run every decision by your oh during the day, especially ones that have no direct impact on them. Its not like he bought her steak for tea and tried to get her to eat it. He made a decision for himself, which I thought adults were allowed to do.

I am sure he had no idea OP would react so outrageously.

exoticfruits Fri 05-Oct-12 19:35:29

but I accepted that he came with fish.

I know what you mean but that painted such a funny picture for me!

pigletmania Fri 05-Oct-12 19:35:32

Yabvvvu it's his house too, it's up to him if he wants to eat meat. Mabey he could have separate cook wear, utensils and plates for his meat

TunaPastaBake Fri 05-Oct-12 19:36:10

Does he have a bald spot on his head where your thumb goes ?

pigletmania Fri 05-Oct-12 19:36:56

He could store it in a separate draw of the freezer, if that's still not enough you have to either del with your issues or leave him

exoticfruits Fri 05-Oct-12 19:37:33

Anyone is likely to change their eating habits-mine have over the years-you can't meet someone and expect them to remain the same.
Just let him cook his own-use separate cookware if necessary.

pigletmania Fri 05-Oct-12 19:38:31

You do sound controlling, he does need your permission to eat food

DoMeDon Fri 05-Oct-12 19:41:10

I find it bizarre that some posters are being so derogatory. OP was veggie when they met, her DP knew and was happy not to eat meat for several years. If it was smoking or drugs or debt or something people 'frown on', most would be backing her up. He did something she feels deeply uncomfortable with, a chat and compromise are the minimum OP can expect surely.

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