To have told him i can't have sex?

(147 Posts)
janflan Thu 04-Oct-12 10:08:31

I've got myself into a situation. I've been chatting to this bloke for a few weeks on fb and by text. He's someone i used to know a while back but don't really know him that well.

We planned to meet and i may have led him on a bit. Due to circumstances i thought meeting up wouldn't be for a while and i could have lots of wine and it would be dark.

Now he wants to take the day off and come over tomorrow! In the daylight! He's younger than me by quite a bit and is fit in more ways than one. I'm not in any way!

There's no way i can have sex with him in the daylight without wine with only a day to prepare! I'd need a new outfit and my hair, eyebrows and nails done and a hedge trimmer

I've just sent him a message basically saying that i know i might have led him on but i can't have sex with someone I've just met. That i do really like him but think coffee might be best.

He's been constantly texting me all day and now he's gone quiet.

Solo Fri 05-Oct-12 14:34:09

I'd phone his old number in a months time or from an unknown to him number.

janflan Fri 05-Oct-12 14:34:22

It went straight to answer phone.

Solo Fri 05-Oct-12 14:37:52

Well, hopefully he's just changed his phone then.

Let's hope he buys you a fab lunch soon smile

NowThenNowThen Fri 05-Oct-12 20:27:40

You 100% did the right thing not waiting around. I have had this too, a guy making a plan wiith me, and then getting flaky. You get on with your life.
One thing I have learned over a loooong time is this:
If a man really wants to see you, he will move hell and high water to do so. If it's meant to be, it will be.
Hissy is totally right too-you have to think about whether he is good enough for you, not the other way round.
The better you feel about yourself, the more men will be attracted to you.
This boy is not the only guy in the world.

janflan Fri 05-Oct-12 22:07:15

I feel a bit bad now, he's barely speaking to me and didn't have to work after all so we could have met.

I just thought he was going to back out on me so thought I'd get in there first.

Oh well we shall see what happens now I'm not chasing him.

HissyByName Fri 05-Oct-12 22:37:26

Stay strong janflan! smile

NowThenNowThen Fri 05-Oct-12 23:07:53

OK. You have no reason to feel bad.
He was supposed to meet you for lunch. He couldn't confirm that this was happening at 11 o clock the same day...? I am a single parent. I need to plan my child free time. There is no way in hell I would waste this time waiting around for some man to decide if he could see me or not at the last minute.
Shape up, or ship out!
(Him. not you!)

hatesponge Fri 05-Oct-12 23:15:40

Don't feel bad, he messed you around. He couldn't confirm if he was free, so you made other plans.

Numberlock Fri 05-Oct-12 23:23:54

How did it come out that he was free after all, out of interest?

janflan Fri 05-Oct-12 23:27:39

He told me he didn't have to work after all.

Numberlock Fri 05-Oct-12 23:33:46

At what time did he tell you this?

HissyByName Sat 06-Oct-12 08:47:21

His reaction is all you need to know, he's dicking you about, i call this as a red flag.

Id end it right there if i were you.

janflan Sat 06-Oct-12 08:53:48

He told me about 9pm so i have no idea if he's telling the truth.

He is being a dick now I'm not texting him again. I will miss talking to him because he was one of the only things putting a smile on my face at the moment.

Numberlock Sat 06-Oct-12 09:05:24

Yes too many red flags

- first he's off work for the whole day
- then tells you after you've prompted he's not sure
- then 10 HOURS LATER tells you he could have met after all...

Not to mention the mysterious new number.

HaveALittleFaith Sat 06-Oct-12 09:07:21

All seems a bit fishy. I suspect there's many better blokes out there for you! smile

Numberlock Sat 06-Oct-12 09:32:37

Plus if he was decent, he would have apologised for the messing and asked when you are next free.

Don't worry, jan, I think you've acted impeccably about this and stood up for yourself. I think you've also learned some positive stuff about yourself too.

How about a night out with your sister in the near future?

janflan Sat 06-Oct-12 09:38:01

He hasn't apologised but did say he wanted to rearrange. He's off with me though. He does seem like a bit of a flouncer and i can't be doing with that.

I need a night out with the girls so badly but until ex is allowed unsupervised access to ds that's not going to happen.

I do feel a lot more confident about all this. I'm glad i didn't let him walk all over me yesterday.

Numberlock Sat 06-Oct-12 09:44:41

Could your sister babysit jan?

janflan Sat 06-Oct-12 09:57:00

No last time she was going to have ds sleep over her husband said he couldn't stand ds, he hates him because he reminds him of my ex who he had issues with. He was only 3 or 4 at the time and he's a lovely boy angry. So there's no way ds is going anywhere near him.

HissyByName Sat 06-Oct-12 10:06:57

Your BIL hates your child? Wtaf?! Looks like your sister's with a wrongun as well. sad

Get the girls over to yours, have a girls night IN!

janflan Sat 06-Oct-12 10:13:00

Yes she is i could fill a whole thread about my delightful bil.

Now that's a good idea, the only problem is they're all really loud and I'd be worried for my poor neighbours! The noise gets diluted a bit in a pub.

HissyByName Sat 06-Oct-12 13:18:06

A house do can be made quieter, you can tell them if need be, or call an early end to the evening. This is YOUR show now, you get to call the shots.

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