To feel really angry and undermined!

[namechangingonceagain]

Sorry have name changed for this as fairly regular poster and don't want to out myself.

So here DC2 who is 8 often has friends over for tea after school. One friend in particular who would come quite often and is a lovely child. DC2 is very tall and slim. Lately DC2 has been commenting that xxxx's mum says I need fattening up and keeps asking what I feed them. Incidentally DC2 has a MASSIVE appetite, often has second helpings at mealtimes and always snacking on fruit between meals. I felt a bit cross about this but let it slide. Also to mention that DC2's friend is very overweight and would wear clothes about 3 sizes bigger to fit her. This is none of my business but I feel is relevant information.

So lately when the friend has been coming she has been bringing chocolate, haribo's and bags of crisps that her mother has sent with her. I always give them some haribos and I usually get chocolate muffins in for after tea. So cut to midweek when i was talking to xxxx's mum she suddenly said "oh you do realise xxxx has a big appetite and needs lot's of feeding." I laughed off the comment but felt like she was having a dig. I do find her quite a pushy sort of person.

So last night had the friend over for tea. Served up lasagne, garlic bread, side salad and did a few potato wedges. After I had bought ice cream for them. So we are halfway through our meal and DC2 and xxxx are almost finished when the doorbell goes and there is xxxx's mum standing there with 3 McDonalds sodding happy meals, one for xxxx and each of my DC's. To say I felt furious was an understatement but I was rendered speeechless! So she bustles in and hands them the happy meals and says "oh I thought they deserved a Friday treat"!!

My children had a few bites but couldn't manage theirs, no bloody wonder! DC's friend ate most of hers then went home with her mum. At the time I was so shocked that words and action just completely failed. My DH thinks it's absolutely hilarious which isn't helping matters. So give me some perspective, am I going over the top for being so angry and should I say something when I have calmed down?

[Lambzig]

I wouldn't like that she had bought them for my DC's at all as its not really what I want my children to eat and I wouldn't have been able to say no.

Also, very rude as you had provided what sounds like a huge tea already and she is basically saying your hospitality to her DD is not good enough. I would be fuming, but not sure what you can do about it.

[WhatYouLookingAt]

Don't have her over to eat again. I had one that always complained about what I served and said he didn't like it, even when I've seen him eat the thing before. He is not invited for dinner anymore.

[Jinsei]

She is completely out of order and I don't blame you for being furious, but maybe your DH is right in thinking that you should focus on the funny side of it.

It isn't the dc's fault so I wouldn't stop inviting her around, but maybe get her mum to pick her up before mealtime next time?

[namechangingonceagain]

What I was contemplating that but my DC and this friend are very close and don't want them to lose out. The friend is a lovely, lovely child and get's a hard time at school because of their weight as it is. Would hate it to look like I was punishing them for their mothers rudeness.

[squoosh]

I feel so sorry for the child, the mother sounds like a feeder.

[WhatYouLookingAt]

you can have them over to play and just not do dinner, thats what I do.

[nokidshere]

I would have just said they have already eaten sorry.. And put the maccy d's in the bin!

[Jinsei]

Maybe tell her that your DCs were sick after the happy meal as they're not used to eating too dinners, so she shouldn't waste her money next time...

[Jinsei]

two not too

[DrWhoTakeTwo]

what a strange person sad their are parents like that, poor kid. Sounds like one of those mothers who wants to be a 'hit' with the kids beinging the treats just ignore and dont invite for tea again

[thepeoplesprincess]

YABU. She isn't criticizing you or your parenting. Her DD is simply used to eating a different diet to what she is receiving at your house.

FWIW, I don't stuff my kids full of shite 24/7 either, but I accept that some people do and if a young guest was going home complaining of hunger, which is clearly the case here, then I wouldn't be upset should the mum be providing extra junk for them to gorge themselves into obesity with.

[nokidshere]

But why would you even give your child a maccy d's after they have already eaten? Madness!

[pictish]

I dunno, this is a daft scenario (not by your actions OP) - I'd be taken aback in the first instance, but ultimately unbothered by it.
If she (the mum) turns up laden with food at the next occasion then I would discuss it with her calmly. Otherwise I'd ignore it.

[tryingtonotfeckup]

Agree its annoying and I hate McDs, won't feed my kids one but they have had the odd one at parties. Agree with your DH to let is slide. Your dinner sounds lovely.

Unfortunately the person with the problem in this situation is your DDs friend.

[namechangingonceagain]

thepeoplesprincess Could she not have waited and taken the child on the way home in that case. The child was due to be collected within 45 of us finishing eating. My children weren't complaining of hunger but due to this and previous comments to my DC, I feel that she is implying that I don't feed my children enough.

[EdithWeston]

I'm rather with DH about this - as I think what the other mother did was hilarious! Turning up with food at a playdate in someone else's house! it sounds unhinged. She's not undermining you - she's just barking!

So of course I agree with the poster above who says that trying to focus on the funny side may help. But as you don't see it like that right now I think the advice about only having DC2's friend over at obviously non-eating occasions/times would be the sensible way ahead. One of my DS's has a friend whose mother warned me that he becomes grumpy if he doesn't eat frequently - but that was done as a kindness, so I knew what might be the cause if things were going astray and when he is here I offer snacks and tell him to raid the fruit bowl at will. I cannot imagine that mother sending food or turning up with any.

[nokidshere]

But why did you not just say no thanks we have already eaten? Wnt did you give the maccy d to your children?

[fuzzpig]

Bizarre I think I'd be more baffled than fuming but I do agree the mother sounds like a 'feeder'

[picnicbasketcase]

My DC have friends over to play after school but not to stay for tea, they go home by about five and I'm glad about it, it sounds like a bloody minefield. The other parent sounds like she's trying to justify her child's unhealthy eating by encouraging it in others.

[thepeoplesprincess]

namechanging

She could have done yes, but if she is of the ilk that thinks a Happy Meal is a nice way to round off an already large dinner, then she probably genuinely thought she was giving your kids a nice treat.

Don't sweat the small stuff. Leave her to sweat her extra larges.

[Jinsei]

OP, please don't take offence at the other mother thinking you don't feed your kids enough - as long as they are healthy and satisfied, it's fine. My own dd has a very small appetite unlike her mother and it was a revelation to me when we first started doing playdates to see how much other kids actually eat. But the food is there for the taking, and dd just gets full very quickly. She would also be horrified at the idea of having to eat a burger at the end of a big meal.

[RedHelenB]

have your dc's friend over but not to eat. As parents you have very different ideas of diet!!!

[namechangingonceagain]

picnic Yes I was thinking that myself.

Jinsei I'm pregnant and hormonal so I'm probably taking it a bit to heart. I suppose it was funny watching DH choke on his lasagne as he tried to keephis laugh in lol! He said later that he felt it was very bizarre and felt that a camera crew were going to jump out!

[namechangingonceagain]

Sorry *keep his

[Jinsei]

OP, you have the moral high ground in this situation, and your DH is right, it is quite funny if you can only take a step back from it. The other mother is clearly barking, but I do feel a bit sorry for her poor dd!