To think going out with a young baby is really stressful?

[Wigglewoo]

I'm beginning to think I'm the only one who feels like this.

I'm not talking about the essentials like supermarkets or doctors appointments (which is hard enough). I'm talking about "ooh I quite fancy a wander round the shops, I'll go out" type of thing.

My ds is now 10 weeks and everything I've brought in that time has basically been online purchases or essential foodie items. Not once have I felt able to go into town and browse round the clothes shops or even try on a few (desperately needed) new bras...

Maybe I've been unlucky because ds just doesn't sleep longer than 20 mins in a day, save for an hours nap - usually about now- and when he's awake he's not the sort to sit and gawp happily from the buggy and before anyone suggests it, he doesn't like a sling either (tried it and he was most unimpressed)! My dd aged 9 was the same.

When I've talked about this to others they obviously think I'm being daft and don't see why I can't just go out - but where's the fun in going out with a miserable crying baby? Or trying to entertain the baby in the buggy if they are awake whilst frantically trying to look at things in the shop at the same time?? Am I missing something?

Do other people genuinely find it easier than me? I just find my ds crying or being unsettled really stressful and unless I have to go shopping I just can't face it!

[PenisVanLesbian]

I just put them in the pram or sling and got on with whatever I wanted. they will soon get used to it, they don't need entertaining, the world should be entertaining enough. If they cry to begin with, just carry on and they'll adjust.

[Wigglewoo]

Yeah I get that but it's stressful isn't it? Or didn't you find hearing your dc's cry stressful? I don't mean that in a mean way it's just I know some people don't, but I do and I find I can't relax at all, it makes my stress levels rocket!!

[PenisVanLesbian]

Probably, but with just one baby you can pick them up if they cry, go sit for a while to feed/calm whatever. By the time you have a couple of toddlers and a baby you have no choice but to get on with all the stuff you need to do.

If your baby cries the entire time, thats a whole different problem.

[Wigglewoo]

Hmm maybe I am just being a wimp then. I just hate it when he starts crying and I get all stressed and everyone stares and I just feel it takes all the fun and energy of going out and doing anything. I find I'm constantly having to plan going out around when he sleeps / has a feed too and I'm wondering if others do this or whether they just think "right I need to go out" and grab dc and go regardless and deal with the feeding issues (not breastfeeding by the way) when it arises!

I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed with it all to be honest - not depressed, just stressed! And I'm a second time mum - I can't remember what I was like with dd, I don't think I left the house for months!

[ipswichwitch]

i found it hard popping to the shops with DS when he was a few weeks old. mainly because he fed so often, and i never mastered the art of bf while walking about (due to back problems, which also meant i couldnt use a sling). so, i always seemed to be feeding/looking for places to sit and feed him. once i got him fed, he needed winding (always took forever) and his nappy changed. by the time i achieved all this i'd been in town for at least an hour, and not been in any shops!
i was generally lucky to get in a couple of shops before he needed something/started crying, and there was never time to try stuff on. i just bought things, tried on at home and returned if they were no good. one week i went to the shops every day, as i would keep giving up and going home and it took the week to get everything i needed!
it got much easier though, and now DS is 10 months i have no problems other than trying to stop him picking stuff up and getting me arrested for shoplifting!

[MigGril]

I agree and found it very stressful with DD, but once out and about she would settle down a bit and be distracted by what was going on around her. You need a really good comfortable sling, i'm taking a wrap, now-tie or soft structured carrier type as they carry them in a more comfy position. plus try it a few time, sometimes it takes them a bit to get used to it. DS used to fuss in the sling when little to start with but unlike in the buggy at lest I felt he was being cuddled rather then left to it.

[DesperatelySeekingPomBears]

He won't get used to it unless you start doing it and, within reason, letting him grizzle away to himself. I'm not advocating letting him scream himself senseless, but let him chunter away if he wants to.

DS is now 7 months and is now used to sitting in his pushchair quite happily for a few hours if we go for a look around the shops. He seems to enjoy shouting at people and grinning at them. FWIW, it became a lot easier once DS was 12 weeks and could sit up in a reclined pushchair, rather than being flat on his back all of the time. He really seemed to enjoy being able to look around, rather than just looking straight up at the ceiling.

Start with a short trip, say, an hour or so, then gradually build up. The last thing you want is an older baby or toddler that refuses to go to the shops and has a complete tantrum if you attempt it.

[ExitPursuedByABear]

I felt the same as you Wiggle. My DD rarely cried, but when she did I found it extremely stressful. I had a C section so did not drive for 6 weeks so rarely went anywhere for ages. Simply could not get my head round everything.

Although I see it is your second so maybe YAB a tad U

[DesperatelySeekingPomBears]

Also, I see you're a FF like me. Believe me, I found it actually made things easier than BFing when out and about as I didn't have to worry about offending anyone by BFIng in front of them (don't want to start a debate on this, let's just be honest and admit there are people/certain establishments that are not pro-BF). Used to give DS a feed before we left or when we arrived in the car, and then set off with him with a full belly. Usually the combination of a full tummy and the motion of the pushchair, he'd be asleep in minutes.

[OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos]

I used to find that with ds1, but he was like your baby and didn't sleep for long, nor was he content to just look around and sit quietly. He seemed to require constant stimulation when he was awake, or he would get whingy out of boredom.

But then if you think about it, if you were at the time in your life where your brain is at its most sponge like and it's crying out for things to learn, would you be content to sit there looking at nothing but clothes because you are too low down to see the people? I wouldnt.

Ds2 was much easier.

If browsing round the shops is not going to be fun for you and your baby, then just don't do it! There is no reason why you should just because others are. Absolve yourself of the pressure, and do what you will enjoy.

[Wigglewoo]

Thanks, that's reassuring to know others found it stressful. I think my mum for example thinks I'm mad because she keeps asking me to go into the main shopping centre with her and I keep declining because it seems like SUCH a huge military operation!! My dd went out for the day with another mum and her dd the other day and they asked if I wanted to go but I stayed at home (the other mum was really nice and offered to take dd anyway to give me a break) as it was swimming and I'd have been sat on the sidelines and cafe with ds which would have been stressy...

Maybe I do need a better sling. I had a babasling but ds was all squashed in it and he likes to spread out, he wasn't happy at all!! He doesn't mind being in the pram as such he just gets really fed up very quickly, I'm not even sure why!

[DesperatelySeekingPomBears]

Silly question but do you have an toy arch for his pram?

[SirBoobAlot]

It can be stressful, but it doesn't have to be :) Plan in advance, make sure you've got everything sorted, and the first time only go for a short period, with stops along the way, and the reward of a cake coffee at the end.

[hawaiiWave]

Yanbu, I used to try to pop to the shops or for a walk in the park with ds when he was in a good mood.but that wasn't often and he was breastfed and wanted to feed every hour or so until he was four months,then he calmed down! I found it got better once he could go in the pushchair rather than lie flat in the pram, ie six months.

Congrats tho :)

[FreudianSlipper]

first few times the getting out was stressful it took me hours to get ready and get out as i kept forgetting things things but was fine after a while and i was lucky ds was very happy in his sling. i would meet with friends they all had a cuddle while i had lunch when he stated to crawl and want to wonder about it was much harder

[NiceCupOfTeaAndASitDown]

You're not alone in feeling so stressed when your baby cries. I do too and he's 18 months old now! At your baby's age he cried all the flippin time and going anywhere was a nightmare. It does get easier because they tend to cry less as they get easier. I found some CBT helped when he was young because I was getting really anxious. He still makes a fuss but these days it tends to be easier to tell if he's hungry, tired or just bored (I would never go 'shopping' as such, it's just not interesting for kids and therefore stressful for me) I suppose I will have to learn to live with a child crying soon as DC2 is on the way and I'm very aware you can't be everywhere at once!

DS never napped either, I sympathise!

[Francagoestohollywood]

I remember feeling very apprehensive the first times I took my first born out. Luckily, I soon discovered that he enjoyed being out and about in his pram and the hrs spent outside together helped me retain my sanity.

It is much more stressful now that he is 10, it is a bit like walking a giant, untrained dog...

[plantsitter]

Yes it is stressful at first - it made me long for the days when I could just grab my bag and go.

You get used to it though. another baby later and I often still wish I could grab my bag and go rather than do all the faff involved in taking a 3 and a 1yr old out ('put your shoes on please. Put your SHOES ON PLEASE. SHOOOOEEES!') but it is just faff and not trauma like it was at first.

Practise, practise, practise.

[MamaBear17]

I found going out so difficult! Twice I had to down my shopping basket and get out of the shop because she was screaming and couldn't be consoled. When I picked her up she would still cry and then I would have to try and push the pram as well as hold a fractious newborn. The sling helped us, but I found it impractical for going out for longer than half an hour when I was on my own because I found carrying the changing bag and dd in a sling really heavy. When hubby went back to work I found just getting dressed traumatic! DD would fall asleep on me, I would transfer her to her moses basket and have just enough time to squeeze in a shower before she woke up screaming! DD had colic and I found hearing her cry so stressful. In fact, I was in Tesco the other day and there was a newborn baby screaming at the top of its lungs and I felt my heart start to race and I felt sick and dizzy because it bought back memories of the colic and I just wanted to cry. I found the easiest thing to do in the first few months was stay home and allow my dd to dictate the pace of everything. I did any shopping I needed when hubby was with me or when he took over so that I could pop out. Now she is one, we go everywhere and going out is easy. I would say do what feels best to you and ignore anyone who tells you that you are being silly. I think there is a pressure for new mums to show that they can do it all and some people (myself included) just need to sit in their pyjamas and slowly process the whole new mummy thing!

[Wigglewoo]

Thank you so much. Its really nice to talk to people who don't think I'm being daft :)

Ds is asleep now but I need to go to the post office when he wakes up after his feed so that's todays outing! :) ... I'm tempted to put his pram up a little bit (not properly sitting up, just a small slant) as I think maybe that might be better than lying down looking straight up as he won't sleep anyway and we won't be out too long.. I've got a play arch but he tends to stare past it :) I might try again with it.

Going anywhere in the car is another issue... I had visions of me driving about with a sleeping baby in the back of the car - as dd was - and ds basically thinks the first 5 mins are for sleeping and the rest for crying! Oh dear! :( I suspect its because he can't see me (even if I talk to him).

I feel he is a bit pfb as I had very bad pnd with dd and my gran died when she was 6 weeks old (had been my main carer / mum to me) so all that time with dd is a blur of trauma and medication really sadly... But this time with ds I'm living it all every bit!!

[MrsRhettButler]

Do 10 week olds really get bored? Really? I can't remember ever having to 'entertain' a 10 week old. They just look around don't they?

I think you do just have to get on with it and I mean that in the nicest way possible.

If you would find it stressy to just sit in a cafe whilst your dd1 was swimming then yes, I think you are making things hard for yourself and thinking to far into it.

I feel like I sound mean, I'm sorry, I don't want to be mean

[minesapintofwine]

I don't think you're being daft the first few times my dcs cried in public I was absolutely mortified and thought everyone was looking. I find the more often you go (build it up gradually-start with a short trip etc) the less stressful and nerve racking it it. Now my dc's can proper belt it out and I don't turn a hair. People still look but I don't care about them just concentrate on the job in hand ie does dc need changing or feeding? and if you're in a situation where neither can be done just suck it up until you can and don't look at anyone else! DH still gets very very embarrassed but as I said it's easier the more he takes them out. I would just go for it after a few times you'll be bored with going out and want to stay in!

[hairytale]

It gets easier the more you do it. My DD now loves a stroll around the shops in the buggy.

[KenLeeeeeee]

My ds3 is 15 weeks and was absolutely dreadful in the pram. He hates lying flat so I tried to use the sling as much as possible (we have a Moby wrap) but my back and hips are still pretty buggered from pregnancy so I can't manage long with it. I've switched to the normal seat for the pushchair now (it's a Quinny Buzz) after checking that it was ok for little babies and the difference in him in unbelievable. He will actually sit there quite happily while we're wandering around! I have it in parent-facing mode so I can keep an eye on him and it's soooo much better. Being able to leave the house without him screaming the places down has saved my sanity.

I don't think YABU for finding the crying stressful. I hate to see ds cry, it really breaks my heart and I get very flustered. Absolutely couldn't enjoy a trip out with him wailing through it.

[minesapintofwine]

mama I also hate that newborn baby cry when you hear it in public but absolutely nothing against the mother more than brings back feelings of when it happened to me!