To have the worst case of broodiness?

[PerditaMcLeod]

This is the first time I have ventured onto the dark side of AIBU, so be gentle with me!!

I separated from XH nearly 2 years ago and we have a wonderful DD (9). I am now very happily in a relationship with my wonderful DP and I am desperate for us to have a baby.

He has 4 lovely dcs from his previous marriage and a whole load of baggage about doing it again by his own admission, due to the crap he very abusive XW put him through.

We have talked about it and he says he wants to but is so scared of the impact it may have on our relationship. I don't think that would be a problem, and I wouldn't even have suggested having a baby if I felt it was going to damage our relationship.

So I guess I either need to keep talking and listening (am 39, so clock it ticking...) or just get over it! Maybe is just my hormones, but have never ever felt broody before the last 6 months. I fell pregnant with dd first time of trying, so didn't have time to get broody before I got a BFP!

Anyone else feel like this?

[CailinDana]

Broodiness is horrible, it's totally irrational and it can take over your brain. It's understandable that you want another child but please listen to your DP when he says he's not ready and don't try to persuade him. He already has four of his own children and a lovely stepdaughter, that's a lot to be going on with! You never know, once times moves on a bit he might start to move differently although I can understand your sense of urgency. Pushing someone into being a parent, especially when they've done it before and understand exactly what it entails, is a really bad idea, and can lead to huge problems.

Out of interest in what way was his XW abusive?

[CailinDana]

feel differently, not move differently, obv!

[WorraLiberty]

How long have you been with this new guy?

[PerditaMcLeod]

Cailin, I am most definitely listening. He has said yes, but am not convinced he means it and have made it very clear that I would rather regret not having one than regret us going ahead and him being unhappy.

I have a wonderful relationship with this man and am not doing anything to jeopardise that. I know I have so much to be thankful for, but I feel a total hostage to my hormones!!

In terms of the nature of XWs abuse, mainly emotional- he was bullied and isolated from friends and family. Also financial and at times physical

[PerditaMcLeod]

Worra, 18 months but have been best friends for 34 years, so think its fair to say we do know each other quite well!

[CailinDana]

That sounds awful Perdita, has he had any counselling, or help to deal with it? He might just need some time or help to come to terms with the abuse.

[PerditaMcLeod]

Yes, he has had counselling. He has had a dreadful time, but with the help of counselling and a great support network, he has really made so much progress. So proud of him. We both had abusive marriages (mine much less so than his) and have been able to help each other work through a lot of our baggage.

[WorraLiberty]

So that's not even six months after you split from your ex?

Knowing someone for 34yrs and being in a relationship with them are quite different things.

I'd try to ignore the ticking clock for now and just see what happens in the future. Either one of your might change you mind.

[Wigglewoo]

18 months is honeymoon period (even if you've been friends for 34 years). In the honeymoon stage everyone wants to have lots of sex and babies :)

I'd give it a bit longer and see how you both feel. He might change his mind, or you might. You never know.

I have a dd aged 9 and a 9 week old baby with my dh (not dd's dad).. It can work :) but I won't kid you its very stressful not least of all trying to do things to keep dd and ds happy despite the huge age gap!!!!