aibu to think 'hmmm no' when a dad is described as an equal parent....

[Socknickingpixie]

if he shows no responsability towards the child, see's child less than 13 days a year and its his choice. pays nothing towards childs upkeep.

or as in the case of a neighbour..

used to see child for less than 24 days a year, hit(we are talking punch not smack) child resulting in child refusing to go anymore, also pays nothing.

both nrp's live within 10 miles, are company directors of companys that do well.

i think if you dont take equal responsability then your not equal.

[Olympia2012]

It's how the court starts... A default.....both have PR so are 2 equals. The parenting part and effort put in is all individual.

[Socknickingpixie]

olimpia i wasnt talking about how the court describe it, we are not in court.i was talking about how people would describe it, as in people in genral or people on mumsnet, people talking amongst themselves.

[Olympia2012]

Well that's where I picked it up, from court and seeing others go through it all

Also, here on mumsnet, you only get the one side of the argument. I would love to hear the other sides account as so so many threads paint the nrp to be utterly vile.... Makes me wonder

[JumpingThroughHoops]

Always 3 sides to every story.

His
Hers
the truth

[MrsTerryPratchett]

It's all so easy when it is NRP and RP. What I see a lot more on here, though that are both living with their children and one parent does no cooking, cleaning, childcare, practical support, emotional support, love to the other parent or being a decent human being. Movong out of the house gives the RP an artificial feeling of control. The twunt other parent is just as much a parent out of the house as in.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

Blimey, one glass of and I lose the ability to type.

[WorraLiberty]

Also, here on mumsnet, you only get the one side of the argument. I would love to hear the other sides account as so so many threads paint the nrp to be utterly vile.... Makes me wonder

I absolutely agree

We only get one side of the story and for example, there are so many posts by women who describe their ex's as 'EA', you'd be forgiven for thinking there are more EA men than women.

But the truth is, we just don't know because we do only get one side of a story and that's usually the woman's side.

[Olympia2012]

There seems to be a belief that because a woman has the pregnancy and gives birth, then she is the better parent.

That a dad can't possibly meet the needs of a young baby etc etc. Er, yes, in most cases yes he can!

[Socknickingpixie]

ok but say for example the above two suituations in essance are as they appear.

limited contact at nrp's compleate choice no maintainance, no houses handed over ect.

no EA no anything else just what is there. how about if nrp would agree this was the case.

[Olympia2012]

Contact with dv and maintenance should be dealt with separately. No need to mix the two.

Children are not pay per view

[missymoomoomee]

Children are not pay per view

Best statement ever, and one I shall be using when my friends (as they often do) refuse contact if they aren't getting any money/not getting enough money.

[Socknickingpixie]

i agree that they arnt pay per view. and im not talking about saying they are or should be. so lets totally take maintainance out of the suituation.

if a nrp lives within 10 miles of there child/ren refuses any contact other than solely when they feel like it that contact is either 13 days a year or 24 days a year. has no involvement with the child/ren outside of that contact again nrps own choice no involvement with schools or anything else no phone calls or anything. from what one of the nrp's(the 13 day contact one) has told me the rp when they sepperated approached very much from a shared care view it was him who had no intrest in this (i also had to tell him what school his dc attended he didnt know) he genuinly has no intrest in dc (was asking me if he should just drop contact compleatly because he would rather play happy familys with his gf's kids) fwiw this bloke used to be a close friend when we were young and decided to ask me about it as im a single parent but apparently im his friend so should agree with him.

[janey68]

It's a pointless argument because as others have said, on here we only see one perspective. Relationships are complex and have many perspectives. You also have to remember that some women view the father as a 'lesser' parent just because he hasn't given birth. I've known mothers - seriously- who get in a lather because dad might not bath the baby properly or might put a jumper on back to front. I've also seen threads on MN where mum says she is the only person who can settle the child or put them to bed- often said with a glow of pride that she is making herself indispensable. So, I think some men can't win.

I view my dh as an equal parent- it wouldn't occur to me to do any differently. If we were to split, I would carry on viewing him as such, even if one of had more day to day responsibility.

Ultimately there are some shit parents out there- women as well as men, and if you don't give a toss about your kids then morally I guess you can't see yourself as 'equals'. Legally is another matter

[Lushgreenfields]

[Olympia2012]

sock you were the one who mentioned the maintenance issue..

[Inneedofbrandy]

This really bugs me to, basically everyone on here is perfect and ex partner is a EA EU cunt that never lifted a finger for 15 years. I really want to scream so why have a child with him then ffs or im abit yeah alright then....

[Inneedofbrandy]

Haha Raspberrysorbet emotionally unavaliable.

[OddBoots]

Some parents are rubbish parents, I'm sure we can all agree with that one.

[Inneedofbrandy]

Oh I like the unstable one hmmm might nick that ta raspberry