unable to.cope....

[sunshinesparkles]

...with all three DCs at once?

DS is 3 (was 3 on Tuesday) and DTGs are 18 months old (as of Tuesday also!!)

I have PND...Well the last dregs of it. I have just come off ads (cymbalta) about a month ago. The Dr and I both agreed it was ok for me to come off them as Ive been doing really well. Im getting married in October and my mum is taking over areangements--so.theres that stress to deal.with. DS has had issues with night time coughi.g sinxe the age of 16 months. Had inhalers, antihistamines, antibiotics etc and finally after waiting months for a ped referral its touch wood-- sorted. Hes sleeping much better. DTGs are a handful. They bite, sxreetch, fight etc. All normal.ish behaviour for an 18 month old toddler. When all three DCs are together its Hell!! They fight so much, no matter how I try and entertain them, ignore them, discipline them, nothing works!
I have dayscwhere I want to walk out of the house and never come back. Im always exhausted. I can sleep.12 hours solid and still be tired to the pount of tears. My DH2B is an absolute angel. He tries his hardest to help. Does the laundry, helps with kids a lot, will do bits of tidying when I ask. He works from home.
My mum keeps telling me to.pull myself together. She tells me about her friend who.has three DCs (9,6&3) who.copes just fine. doesnt sit down till 9:30 @ night and has managed to get a doctorate in musix!! Mother is also "losing patience" with me being tired all the time.
DH2B and I bought our first home just before xmas and moved in beginning of Dec. It sent me into a mental breakdown.
DMIL2B is a huge help. She has DS quite a lot. She also has Dniece.whilst SIL works so the kids keep each other.entertained.
AIBU to not be able to deal with all 3 all.of the time?! AIBU to be ok with DS goung to MILs so often?

[Xales]

Dear god I have one 11 year old and he drives me demented sometimes! How do you cope at all with 3 that young?

Could she have the twins once in a while so you get a break from them and some time alone with DS?

[kinkynagbag]

parent hood is tough work.

im a single mum with two boys 3 and 6.. i also have days..weeks even where i could just walk right out, run like the wind and never look back. i some times, when feeling really bad. question wether im up for it and if i shouildnt just pack the kids on the plane to their weaste of space of a dad.

but you know what.
EVERY ONE struggles, some days are better then overs. you just have to stop feeling guilty, let your self feel how your feeling and move on and know it will get better. it will get better.

i would sugest trying to stay away from your mother, esp when your feeling most vunerable as it doesnt help.

[BagofHolly]

Your mum needs a hard slap and is be happy to administer it.

I have exactly the same age gaps, and get a lot of support and STILL feel like legging it.

Please please pm me. X

[BagofHolly]

Right, got to do twins bedtime, will log on properly on laptop later (am on phone) and pm you. YANNNNNBU.

[Nanny0gg]

Wow, your mum sounds helpful...
I felt exhausted reading about your three - just getting through a day with three toddlers is an achievement! I bet you're doing far better than you think you are.

I'm glad your future MiL is helpful, but your eldest is nearly old enough for nursery vouchers - will he start soon? But I'm sure he has a lovely time at his granny's - it's fine for her to have him for you. But is she up to sometimes having the twins, and leaving your DS at home with you?
And are you and your doctor sure that you really are ready to come off your meds? (I know nothing about them). Your extreme tiredness might not be just down to demanding children.

When your MiL has the eldest, can you just devote time to giving the twins attention rather than trying to get jobs done? That way you might be able to put discipline procedures into place with less stress.

And if your mum carries on losing patience, don't tell her anything and keep conversations very brief.

[CordonBlur]

I have 18m twins, DP works away during week and know exactly what you mean regarding tiredness. That is without a 3yo. Do whatever you can to get by. Don't be hard on yourself. Ignore your mother or find a way of telling her that her "pull yourself together" comments are unhelpful to say the least. Do you get any breaks away from all 3?

Is there any chance you could pretend to be going for counselling or something equally as "improving" and just go have a coffee & flick through a magazine somewhere?

[whathasthecatdonenow]

The tiredness is probably a sign that you aren't fully recovered from the PND. Did you wean off the meds or come off all at once? Go back and see your doctor.

YANBU to find it hard to cope.

[VerityClinch]

YANBU.

I have DD just turned 3 (4 weeks ago) and DS 20 months. It's a festival of tantrums, screaming, fighting, biting, food flinging and general battles for one-up-manship most of the time.

I have no idea how you cope with effectively two of my DS and one DD.

Do you live anywhere near me (Kent)? You could come over and we could not cope together. And I wouldn't feel so bad for having a quick glass of wine at teatime just to steel myself for the ongoing bloody battle of bathtime/bedtime which follows...

No useful advice at all, but you're not alone

[BagofHolly]

Er, or the tiredness could be looking after 3 tinies all the time! I don't have depression, and am KNACKERED.

[VerityClinch]

DS must be coming up eligible for some free pre-school time though? Pre-school is my saviour.

[whathasthecatdonenow]

OP said she was tired even on 12 hours sleep, so I thought it was worth mentioning that it could be the PND.

[CrikeyOHare]

Your mother really ought to know that looking after children aged 9, 6 & 3 is hardly the same as trying to cope with 3 toddlers under 3!!!

Firstly, no, it's not even slightly unreasonable for your DS to go to MIL where he has other children to play with. It's a good, positive thing and he probably has a whale of a time.

Secondly - no, it's entirely normal for you to feel as if you're struggling to cope. I have only ever had one child - and honestly, I struggled with him when he was little. And he was the most placid little boy imaginable. It's HARD OP, really, really hard. Of course it's wonderful & rewarding, but I truly think that caring 24 hours a day for toddlers is one of the hardest things in the world. You have no freedom, you're physically exhausted, your determined to be a good mum, so place all sorts of unachievable pressures on yourself - all in all, it's hard work. And if your mother doesn't get that, then she's being ridiculous.

Are you really ready to come off your Ads? If not, don't. It does and will get better, honestly. But, in the meantime, accept any and all help offered - and don't be afraid to ask, either.

But to answer your AIBU? Absolutely and most emphatically NO!

[sunshinesparkles]

Thanks ladies :-) Just having a bit of sympathy and to be told im doing ok is a boost :-) I do think Im ready to come off the ads. Im arranging councelling with a lady I went to see a few months ago. she was fab so I know she will help me through the last hurdle.

hollyNeed to put DS to bed then DH is going to the gym and Ill be on the laptop!!

[Penguinface]

YANBU at all . It is Really hard to look after toddlers all day, especially when you have to referree every minute of the day. Keep taking all the help you can get and get through each day as best as you can.

[valiumredhead]

If you can sleep 12 hours and still be tired and want to walk out of the house it doesn't sound like you were ready to come off the AD's quite yet. How long were you feeling 'good' before coming off them?

[BagofHolly]

Yes but the OP didn't say she was getting 12 hours every night, and I'd be prepared to put a small wager on the fact that she absolutely ISN'T getting anywhere near that, with 18 month old twins and a three year old. This many children this young is relentless and it takes more than a couple of good night's kip to escape feeling permanently wrung out.

[thekidsrule]

havent read all

i have twins and another,though the twins are teens now

I never some days thought i would get this far with them,both boys,total oppossitte and dislike each other since they could grab each other (i pray this will change when adults)

some days i would wake and just think,not another day etc

they dislike each other with a passion and im on my own with them,their father passed away a few yrs back and all though we had split prior was very involved with them (i so miss his input with them)

anyway at their age things will feel awful,their asserting themselves,your doing all you can (thankless as it is)

your hubby sounds great and your mil,ignore your mother (why do they do and say such things)

it will improve,nursery soon,then school,honestly things will change for the better the next few years

maybe go back to your Gp and HV,if you feel you need their help take it and any other help thats offered mil etc

i cant remember what section but there has been a good thread on parents that feel how you do running on MN some very honest and supportive posters,maybe in parenting im not to sure maybe somebody knows

keep reminding yourself you have / had a huge amount going on babies,house move,wedding,be kind to yourself more op

[sunshinesparkles]

Lol last night was the first night in months that ive had 12 hours sleep. Its usially bed at 11, up at 6. usually one of the DCs wake up in the night.
Weve had 18 months of DS going to sleep at 7 only to wake at 11 having a coughing fit to the point of vomiting. every single night with out fail. then sometimes in the night as well.
DTGs spent the first 10 months with cmpi.

WRT the ads; Id weaned down as far as i could then came off. I felt really good before I quit. Could cope with everything. Even the school run! (DS goes to nursery, attached to the local primary 4 mornings a week. will.be going for more hours in sept) The only issue I had with them was that I felt like a slug!! Just very sluggish and tired.

I very rarely get a break from all three together as its a logistical nightmare. DMIL cant really have DTGs as she has a bad back. She does enough lookung after DS for me.

Im feeling very "meh" atm. xx

[valiumredhead]

My psychiatrist said you need to stay on AD's while you are feeling good - 6 months - 1yr- before coming off them and the longer you stay on the while feeling good, you are less likely to have a relapse.

[sunshinesparkles]

Been on ads a total of three years. x

[ZonkedOut]

I have a 3 year old and a 16 month old, and it's hard work, without having another one thrown in! And your DS's health problems and your PND certainly won't help.

My sister once told me that getting to the end of each day with you and the kids all still alive is successful parenting.

Keep going, it will get better - I found about 18 months was around the toughest time with DD1, she was into everything but without any sense of danger or responsibility or awareness of rules. It gets better from then.

Get what joy you can from your children, get help from everyone else where you can, and you will get through this.

Hugs.

[MummytoKatie]

I have one child. (I'm a lazy slacker in comparison to you!) I work 3 days a week. When dd was about 18 months I told dh that I wanted to work full time as my days with dd were just too hard.

She's now 2.4 and sooo much easier but 18 months was a really bad time.

[dollywashers]

Yanbu. It's bloody hard being a parent. I'm a single parent and have 2. I get no help. I'm either at work or with the kids. Sometimes I want to run away too.