To actively rebel against pushiness?

[Superslinger]

I mean when somebody wants to get in touch, doesn't get an immediate response and so PUSHES. Recent examples:

• In the run up to my due date my cousin has text 'any news?' and when I didn't reply the next day I got another text: 'well?'
  

Well, I didn't reply in the first place because we're not at all close cousins and I know she only wants to know just to 'know' so she can be the one to tell others. Anyway, I knew I had to reply but didn't get round to it on the day. But now I've got the 'well?' I'm really digging my heels in! If I had had the baby and hadn't replied can't she see I might have more important things than texting to focus on?

• Another example is a friend who when I don't immediately reply to messages will do what feels like 'stalking' me on facebook - e.g. another friend put up a picture and tagged me in it, and I 'liked' it - then original friend commented on second friend's photo (who she does not know) 'did you get my message?' i.e. I see you've interacted with another person, and I'm going to tell you I can see this so that you feel pressure to get back to me, now!
  

• I've stopped answering the phone to another friend as she won't let me off the phone once I'm on! It will literally be hours and hours on the line, then when I do get up the gumption to say 'actually I've got to go because DH has just cooked dinner' she'll respond 'ok, well I'll give you a call back in an hour'. Stopping answering doesn't stop the calling though - she just calls and calls again.
  

What makes me wonder AIBU is a) I quite like some of the people who do this, e.g. the facebook 'i can see you' one is a wonderful friend in every other way; b) when I tell dh how it really puts my back up he doesn't get it at all and says 'she just wants to hear from you' and also he tries to get me to do the same thing quite often - e.g. if I text somebody I don't get a reply he'll say 'well give them a call!' Well to my mind they've got my text and will reply when they want to - following it up with a call is just pushiness, no?

[anditwasallyellow]

Sounds as though you're overthinking to me.

[SoleSource]

Just reply to people. Maybe your imagination is working overtime.

[ganglygiraffe]

To be honest I find people who don't reply to texts/ messages far more irritating and rude. Especially if you're trying to make plans and just want to know either way!

[Superslinger]

Hmm, maybe. I'm just feeling really claustrophobic at the minute. Maybe it's hormonal. But I just feel like people are saying I have to be in touch with them when they want me to. I don't think I should have to reply to texts immediately, do I? I don't know, clearly IABU.

[alphabite]

I find it rude when people don't reply to messages.

[Superslinger]

But why do you find it rude? In what sort of timeframe do you find it rude?! If you send a message and somebody doesn't reply after an hour/ an afternoon/ a day?! I don't think just because people have mobiles they should be obliged to respond immediately all day every day. Of course if I'm making plans with somebody I keep in touch, but just for general chat, I can find it quite time consuming and distracting when I'm doing other things/ with other people!

[anditwasallyellow]

Not immediately no but the same day is polite,

Agree with Sam the friend who talks for hours just be honest say you're busy and you'll speak another day. And Facebook makes everything really open hard to have privacy if you use Facebook often and things can be misinterpreted.

[anditwasallyellow]

How many texts do you receive in a day that it's so distracting? You sounds very popular!

[pictish]

Oooh we must be seperated at birth OP because we are pushy-contact-hating twins!

My dad. Rings my mobile...I pleasantly tell him I'm busy, so he rings back 10 minutes later...then 10 minutes after that...then 10 minutes after that...and on and on.

My friend - texts - then 15 mins later 'did you get my text?'

I actually suppose it to be MY problem actually - I hate feeling pressured, and while I am a really sociable and outgoing person, I also value my space, and am irritated by people who metaphorically knock and don't wait for a reply before coming in anyway.

I steadfastly don't do this to people you see.

[Superslinger]

Not many yellow.

[Superslinger]

Thanks Samantha. I do feel pretty suffocated. Probably not them, but me, and it is personal preference as, as I say, I would never do it the other way around - I don't want to back people into a corner to speak to me!

[pictish]

I don't think it's rude not to reply to texts either. I do not spend my life with a mobile glued to my hand, and sometimes it can be hours or the next day or even two before I realise I have some.
You have got to make some allowance for people doing stuff and being busy and not sitting waiting for a text to reply to!

[Superslinger]

YAY, PICTISH! (Thanks God!)

[ChunkyPickle]

I see what you mean, I would feel a niggle too, but these days I just ignore and respond in my own time. Sometimes that's immediate, sometimes that's a week from now.

In return, I don't stress out if people do the same to me. If I'm trying to organise something and I need a response from someone, and I'm not getting one, I'll just carry on with whatever is the least hassle to me.

Life is easier when you realise you have control over this stuff, just take a breath, and go with the flow.

[hiddenhome]

I have received an unwanted text this afternoon and I'm dreading replying to it as I totally don't want to encourage this mum. I'm worried in case my fob off reply just encourages her all the more

I just want people to leave me alone.

YANBU to dislike pushiness.

[pictish]

You're welcome.

[maybenow]

i don't mind if somebody doesn't text back straight away - i often don't look at my phone all day... but if they were clearly pissing about on facebook, commenting on other people's stuff and so clearly in front of a computer or phone and not too busy then i would be a bit put out if they weren't answering my message - particularly if i was waiting for an answer to make arrangements for something.

[stifnstav]

Its really not FB etiquette to have a conversation on someone else's wall or photo. Tsk tsk.

I know someone who does this to my sister - she'll be tagged in a photo and the person will say "Are you free on 22 October to come round for tea?"

Its so random and weird to see that as a comment when its your photo. Write on her wall ffs. Or text her (repeatedly).

[pictish]

My fil has this thing set up so that he gets a notification sent to him, when we open an email he has sent to us. So he knows we've read it...and can expect a reply straight away.
This makes me want to stamp on his foot.

[maybenow]

hiddenhomes post confirms, if i was waiting to hear back from somebody on fb and i knew they were on fb pissing about with other people then i would know that person 'didn't want to encourage' me - i'd take the hint and not push but i'd also not consider them a friend anymore.

[anditwasallyellow]

I think perhaps I don't feel like this as not many people have my phone number anyway, I am very particular to who I give it out to. There is only one person that comes to mind who 'bothers' me and accuses me of ignoring texts because I haven't replied in an hour. My phone is broken and I have to charge the battery externally (nightmare) meaning it is usually switched off evenings, and this person actually thought it was a conspiracy against her!

Other than that I don't get many texts or phonecalls and I'm generally quite glad to hear off the people who do text me, I'm not on Facebook either so don't have the drama that comes with that.