To me furious with DD's headteacher over letter?

[Anaalabama]

This could be long, sorry.

DD2 has just finished reception. She settled in well, no problems all year that I know of, is bright, works hard, bevhaves well in class. Parents evening feed back was all very positive, as was her end of year report, she's doing very well and I couldn't be happier with her.

Her school has one of these 'stars of the week' schemes, one child from each class gets a certificate and pinbadge thing each week, name in the newsletter etc. They also have to go to the headteacher to collect the pinbadge and write their name in the goldbook. There are 30 children in the class and 40 school weeks in the year.

DD2 didn't get a star of the week all year. DD1 has always gotten one every year, 2 in the last 2 years. DD2 is not the only child who hasn't gotten star of the week because the school is quite unusual in that they do NOT give one to every child, it's for good work all week and so the naughty/lazy children don't get one if they don't put in the effort. They do, however, have a seperate reward system for these children, so they are rewarded for behaviour good for them IYSWIM.

To my knowledge DD2 hasn't been put on a seperate system, I've been told her behaviour is excellent and she's working very well academically. I've told her that she's not to worry about it ( she was very upset ) and that the teacher is probably trying to spur on the children who aren't doing as well as her and thinks she is grown up enough to work hard because she wants to, not for a certificate and a pin badge. This cheered her up.

DD2 missed the last 2 days of term because my dad suddenly became ill, we went to visit and he lives abroad. School were very understanding and said they would post end of term letters and whatnot home.

So we got home today to find in amongst the usual letters, a letter from the headteacher telling me that: I am very disappointed and concerned that I haven't had the chance to congratulate your child on their achievement this year or enter their name in the gold book'- because she hasn't been given the star of the week all year. It seems that this is the generic letter sent home to children who haven't behaved/tried hard enough to get the star of the week to tell the parents the school are concerned about their achievement. Apparently we will be getting a meeting in September to discuss DD2 and why she ' is not making the progress expected at this stage'. In the meantime, he suggests I see DD2's report to clarify where the areas of concern lie so I can help her with behaviour etc.

There is NOTHING on DD2's report to suggest her behaviour is poor, nothing in parent-teacher book, she has targets but all academic and she's already working above average at this stage. I don't understand what she's done wrong, I read it and sat down and cried (pregnant and hormonal) .

AIBU to be upset and wondering what DD2 and I are meant to be doing that we're not already?

[PipFEH]

YANBU. Can you contact them and ask them to clarify? Or is that not possible during the hols? None of mine are at school yet, but this is the sort of thing that will inevitably make me cross!

[fruitysummer]

Can you write him a letter tp tell him that you are disappointed and concerned that it appears he has not taken the time or effort to read your DD2's report and has just sent a generic letter out without getting the full facts and that he hasn't bothered to visit each class so that he witness for himself your childs development in her natural surroundings.

[MyinnergoddessisatLidl]

You're not meant to be doing anything more than you have done sweetheart. Don't cry about it.

It sounds like a monumental cock up to me. I would write a letter. No doubt the head would be in over the hols. Send a copy of the report with it and ask exaclty where she is failing as you have received no feedback whatsoever.

[clam]

OK, as a teacher, I confess I read the first half of your OP thinking you might be being a bit pfb - until I got to the bit about the HT's letter to you! I would be absolutely livid if I were you - think fruitysummer's suggestion covers it. The trouble is, he wrote it a couple of weeks back and has probably buggered off on holiday now, so it might be worth leaving it for a bit, calming down and then attacking the bastard having a word at the start of term by asking him what the hell he's playing at.

[DartsIsFun]

I would have that September meeting he's requested and go through the report with him to ask for areas of concern. Once he's looked at the report and agreed that your DD is doing well, I would ask what the criteria is for children to be awarded the star of the week. I think fruitysummer's point that he obviously hasn't read the reports is worth making.

[Olympicnmix]

Assuming from your dd's glowy reports that this is a cockup for which you are due an apology, it must be even worse for the wee ones who haven't yet adjusted to school and 'not making the expected progress yet'. FGS

I'd write a reply: I too am very disappointed and concerned that you haven't had the 'chance to congratulate my child on their achievement this year or enter their name in the gold book'. I am also concerned that such a letter has been issued at the end of term without the opportunity for parents to speak to the school about its contents.

I look forward to our meeting in September to hear why she has NOT been made star of the week and indeed she 'is not making the progress expected at this stage' given the glowing parents evening feedback and entirely positive report regarding her academic progress and behaviour.

In the meantime, I suggest over the holidays a review the Star of the Week policy is in order, given the apparent inconsistency in its administration, which has caused my daughter confusion and upset, but also the merits of such a system for reception aged children.

[maddening]

I love that reply olympic!

[ImperialBlether]

I think you've had practice with this sort of thing, haven't you, Olympic!

[chrisdriver]

Perfect reply Olympic!

[weblette]

YANBU OP, I HATE systems like this, the reply from Olympic is spot on.

[DartsIsFun]

Olympic's letter is better than my suggestion !!! I think sending that would really set the cat among the pigeons!

[bleedingheart]

Yes to Olympic's response. It will be a generic letter the HT has asked to be sent to anyone who isn't in the book but it isn't good enough. I would be upset by that too, I must admit I was the girl at school who did everything right, met and exceeded the learning criteria, was asked to support my peers but always seemed to miss out on certificates and acknowledgment, it hurts so I know where DD2 is coming from.

[LeeCoakley]

I wouldn't let it get you down. I imagine the HT has checked his records and has just sent the generic letter home without consulting the teacher who will probably be mortified that dd2 has been overlooked. Calmly explain the report etc in September. I'm surprised that 'star of the week' and the 'gold book' are taken so seriously by the HT, iin as much as it proves one way or the other how your child is progressing.

[mandyhoyle1987]

Yes Olympic's letter is perfect.

[Longtallsally]

I would keep it even simpler than Olympic's letter,

Dear Head

We are very disappointed too that you have not had the chance to congratulate my child on her achievements this year. As her report and paretnt's evening made clear, she has worked very hard, achieved well and made excellent progress.

For a child in reception to do so well and to be overlooked by the Star of the Week/Merit system is, as I am sure you can imagine, very hard for her to understand. Perhaps our meeting will throw light on what has happened here.

If, as your letter suggests, there are concerns which you and your staff have which you have not hitherto raised with us, then I trust that we can discuss why this has not happened - we would have welcomed the opportunity to work with her throughout the year.

Yours disappointedly

Anaalaetc

[SirBoobAlot]

I'd be furious. Think you should copy and paste use Olympic's post as a guideline. What a tit.

Give DD a hug for me!

[DontEatTheVolesKids]

I can understand why you find it annoying, but tbh, I would just laugh at it. It's a form letter that has nothing to do with your child. I'd bin it & completely ignore, or else share it with great mirth among the other school gate parents. What a ridiculous letter.

[Anaalabama]

Sorry, only just noticed the typo in the title

TBH I am a bit hacked off that DD2 has been working well all year and hasn't gotten the star of the week when it seems the only others who don't get it are the troublemakers, but I wasn't about to complain to the school about it IYSWIM, I honestly think she must have been overlooked. What really, really makes me angry is that I received that letter. It's quite clearly a generic one, whoever sent it ( I'm assuming the HT as it's signed from him ) clearly hasn't read her report or put a name to the face. I'm not saying DD2 is a genius or a perfect angel or anything like that, but from the information the school have given us there's nothing to exlpain this at all.

What makes this worse really is that DD2 is actually doing better than her older sister at the moment. We came over to the UK a year ago now, so this is both DDs' first year in a British school taught in English. DD2 has picked up English much faster than DD1, possibly because she started in reception and DD1 went into year 2, but for whatever reason DD1 is actually behind DD2 in English etc. And yet it's DD2 whose progress is 'concerning', not DD1?

[Anaalabama]

Sorry, just spotted something which could be confusing, I'll clear it up We have been in the UK a year so the DDs have been at this school a year, but DD1 has been at a previous school outside the UK with a 'star of the week' equivalent, so throughout her school career she has had a certificate every year and 2 last year at previous school, 2 this year at this school. Just to clarify, sorry!

[littlepie]

I would write the letter now. Most HT go in over the hols.

[WhatACalamity]

How infuriating! Definitely send a reply. These certificate systems always seem to cause bother.

[TheEnthusiasticTroll]

how awfull, I would be very shocked and surprised that the head did not realise who the child was before sending out the letter, surely and head would be able to but a name to a face and also have a general idea of each child and their progress. My dds head certainly does, she coments on each individual childs report prior to being sent home.

[Anaalabama]

theenthusiastictroll I know, that's what I'm thinking too It has crossed my mind that perhaps they got the wrong DD and they're concerned about DD1 not DD2, but even then that letter is just awful, not nice to receive with no warning at all. And how would that kind of mistake happen?!

[tablefor4]

LongTallSally and Olympic have it. Both perfect letters to be sent now, ahead of September's meeting.

In September, be cool, calm and ever so slightly .

Poor DD2.

[mirry2]

I happened to my dd as well. I eventually contacted the school when her teacher said my dd's work had been read out in assembly for the third time because it was outstanding but then heard that she was one of the few children who hadn't had the honour of signing the 'reward book'. The teacher was horrified that she had been overlooked year on year and of course she got her 'reward book' entry the next time round.

I have never liked complaining about something like that but eventually thought that if nobody was prepared to recognise her excellent work in the school 'honours' traditional way, her mum was going to do something about it