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AIBU?

To be a bit unnerved by HV calling house?

23 replies

dribbleface · 07/07/2012 20:25

I've not been to see the HV with DS2 since he was about 5 1/2 months (hes now 9 mths). My lovely HV left when DS2 was 10 weeks and we haven't had the same on in clinic more than once (except 1 who I didn't like much).

Last visit we saw the nursery nurse and she basically decided DS1 had a speech and language problem by observing him talking to me for all of 3 minutes (she said she couldn't understand him...........which I'm not suprised as he was talking quietly to me). They also are obsessed with DS2 not following his centile line (but caould offer no other support other than feed him more....great if he will but he just won't/wouldn't but was a happy content little thing at the time). I did check with nursery and pre-school that DS1 wasn't having speech issues (they both laughed, his verbal skills are certainly not an issue!). So all in all they were pretty much no help and I left feeling like a crap mum.

When i was at work on Friday they called and spoke to DH to check all was ok as i'd not been there for a while?

I found this a bit odd as they are very under staffed and as far as i was concerned visits were not compulsory. Should I be worried?

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Pandoralight · 07/07/2012 20:28

I think it's pretty norm. The last i saw of my HV was when my DD had her third set of injections. Two months ago she rang up to ask if she could come and give DD her 8 month check.

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dribbleface · 07/07/2012 20:31

Pandoralight, that makes me feel a bit better. I don't know just struck me as odd, but then again I did go most weeks with DS1 Blush as i was convinced he would starve to death if he didn't put on the exact amount of weight each week. Poor DS2 I give him a squeeze every now and then and thing, yep you look ok to me!

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dribbleface · 07/07/2012 20:31

*think not thing

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ShowOfHands · 07/07/2012 20:33

This is merely the job of the health visitors. To offer support to you. You're at liberty to say no thank you. I wouldn't think any more of it tbh. If you don't want any more offers of help tell them so.

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marriedinwhite · 07/07/2012 20:36

Oh, I'd just make an appointment with the GP to check how ds is getting along. Get the GP's opinion about language development and pace of growth and ask if he or she thinks a referral to a paediatrician is required. Next time the hv calls just say "thank you for your concern, your call worried me so I made an appointment with the GP who has reassured me and confirmed at this stage that ds does not need a referral to a paediatrician to confirm whether your concerns need further investigation. I hadn't been concerned before your call, so thought it best to check it out with a doctor.

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dribbleface · 07/07/2012 20:38

showofhands thanks, just suprised they have the time, and its great that they do, with DS1 I would have needed that if I hadn't been in. I'm just snippy because of the numpty nursery nurse last time.

We did see A & E doctor about a month ago with DS1 (screaming with a headache) and he was concerned about his reaction to the doctor (he doesn't cope well with situations like this, took me 1 year to get him to tolerate havign his feet measured...we did do it in this time just with a lot of screaming. I'm starting to put 2 and 2 together and letting my imagination run wild!

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dribbleface · 07/07/2012 20:38

Excuse typo's!

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WorraLiberty · 07/07/2012 20:41

When I read "to be a bit unnerved by HV calling house"....I immediately thought you went to Bingo together Grin

I wouldn't worry about it OP. I remember my HV doing the same thing when I didn't take DS2 for a while.

I simply told her I didn't feel the need to go anymore and she said that was fine, she just wanted to check we were ok.

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DeWe · 07/07/2012 20:45

When HV came round to weigh ds as a newborn, I mentioned at the end of the visit that I was a little concerned about dd2's pronunciation of certain sounds. The HV said that she was very pleased I'd asked because having heard dd2 talking during that time and was trying to work out the most tactful way of letting me know exactly that.

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dribbleface · 07/07/2012 20:52

WorraLiberty Grin. Doesn't help that DH can only ever recall 1/2 a conversation!

DeWe - I have no issue with them doing their job but she didn't have chance to observe him, and well, without sounding like a parent in denial he has excellent language skills (now behaviour is a different matter!). This particulay nursery nurse is not great, has no people skills.

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fryingpantoface · 07/07/2012 22:41

Your son is nine months? And she's worried about talking? have I got that right?

My son is 10 months and hasn't said a word. He's only just starting to babble, even then, not much. Does he have some kind of issue?

Sorry for the hijack

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fryingpantoface · 07/07/2012 22:58

That was a fail. Just reread it!

If you aren't worried about it, don't do anything. I think they were just checking up on you, making sure everything was ok

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Gentleness · 07/07/2012 23:11

Don't they have to do some kind of developmental check at 9mo? It used to be at 1yr, but has been moved - who knows why! Maybe she was partly phoning to arrange that?

I've been hugely unimpressed by all except two of the HV/NN I've seen with ds1 and ds2. If it wasn't for needing a reasonably accurate check of weight for moving up to the next car seat, I wouldn't bother going at all. All the details of the developmental checks are there in the health record. I've been told some real nonsense about breastfeeding, weaning, healthy diets - mostly with them launching into some pet theme before actually listening to the answer to their questions.

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Johnnydeppsnewmrs · 07/07/2012 23:12

If your son has recently been in A&E your HV recieves a fax. They get a list every week with all the names of children who have been in A&E for any reason at all, as it allows them to keep an eye on the children that are on their caseload.
It is possible that they got the fax, and were just wanted to make sure you and your son were doing ok (as in has the headache eased, is your GP being helpful in treating it that sort of thing).
Some HV are very hot on chasing these up, others aren't. It really is nothing to worry about, just a box ticking excersise in your case, but for others it can put in to place any help or support parents and children need.

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maddening · 07/07/2012 23:36

I thought the 9 mth check too - maybe they're saving resources just calling and checking?

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pigletmania · 08/07/2012 06:24

It is quite usual imo

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dribbleface · 08/07/2012 10:14

Thanks all. Like I said just thought it was unusual as they are so stretched at the moment. If it was my lovely health visitor I wouldn't have bat an eyelid but as its some unknown person I guess I don't have a relationship with them and therefore felt uneasy. Actually have no idea who our health visitor is now.

pigletmania I think I remember you from the due July 2008 threads? I was posting under mummywannabe at the time.

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CwtchesAndCuddles · 08/07/2012 10:42

I'm going to be blunt op and don't mean to offend but could it be possible that they (Nursery Nurse / A&E) have seen something in DS1 that they are concerned about? If they have any concern then they are doing their job in following up on it.

When was the last time he had a development check?

You mentioned he finds it difficult in some situations eg doctor and shoe shop.

Why not get him checked out - if there is anything of concern the sooner it is found the quicker ds can get help, if they is nothing then you will have peace of mind (and the HV off your back!)

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dribbleface · 08/07/2012 19:42

Cwtchesandcuddles - I have had concerns about his quirks for want of a better word but he does not struggle at pre-school/nursery etc and had a chat with them both. Not that its that relevant but I do work in childcare, have an early years degree, and although i wouldn't fall off my chair with shock if I found out that he fell somewhere in the ASD grouping, at the moment I do not think any more needs to be done. If he started to not cope with school or everyday social situations then I would of course seek advice.

Also she was concerned about his language, which is advanced for his age. She has not seen his quirky behaviour. He is bright and meeting all his milestones. Although his 'brightness and memory' are other things that make me less suprised if he did have some SEN issues.

Oh and you haven't offfended, would be the sort of thing I would post to someone else who said all that I had. The nursery senco has no concerns about him, or pre-school so I'm happy to ignore her for the time being!

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CwtchesAndCuddles · 08/07/2012 20:33

I was thinking ASD but didn't want to mention it in case you ran a mile but you obviously have it covered! I have a 4 year old with ASD and some of the things you posted rang alarm bells.

I hope he continues to do well in school, quirks and all.

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dribbleface · 08/07/2012 20:49

CwtchesAndCuddles Its actually really reassuring that you picked up on it in a funny sort of way. I've had niggling doubts since he was about 8mths, when he reacted extremely to a red santa and then would react badly to anything red for aboutt 6 months (we are talking extreme reaction here not a few tears). I'm not sure if i'm doing the right thing not seeking further help, but he doesn't need any support at the moment and to be honest his 'carers' just don't see that side to him. I'm guessing that is he has ASD its very mild. If I took him to the GP I think they would likely think I was mad (although they have seen his reaction to them, which thanfully now has eased and he trots in quite happily). You see the fact that I can (eventually) get him over his issues with other people like doctors etc makes me wonder if its just his way.

Oh I don't know, hard this parenting lark isn't it!

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CwtchesAndCuddles · 08/07/2012 21:10

All I would say is that you know your son best, others may not see what you see as these things can be subtle. Getting referred and any kind of diagnosis can be a very long process, he may be coping fine now and continue to do so but he may need a bit of help along the way as he gets older. Starting the process now may mean help should be easier to get further down the line should he need it.

Whatever you decide to do it's worth keeping a note / list of things you notice. If you do follow it up you will be asked endless questions and it's not always easy to remember everything.

My ds started the diagnostic process at 2 and was diagnosed at 3.9 He has ASD and learning difficulties and is doing well in a special school - somedays I almost "forget" as we have developed our own methods of managing him and avoiding problems, then I see one of his neuro typical peers and it hits home how different he is. I wouldn't swop him though!!!

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dribbleface · 08/07/2012 21:17

Thank you. Will ponder on it when i've not had wine!

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