To agree to only supervised visits to start with

[Huffles]

Hi I'm new so bear with me.

Quck backstory: i have 3 children (7, 4, almost ten months). Two of those are with an XP. During our relationship he was emotionally and mentally abusive. He would often go out and come back in the early hours with friends and start a party (despite having DS and me being PG with DD1) He would never put our needs first and considered the drink and weed his first love. It was at this point, whilst pg with DD1 I decided to up and leave. I'd had enough and it was not the environment I wanted for my kids.

Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago - I recieve a letter from XP's solicitor. He states me as being unreasonable and wanting regular contact with his kids.

I have never been unreasonable. He's had every oppertunity to see the children but has done so when he's felt like it. DD1 is five this year and her dad has only met her 4 times. She doesn't know him at all.

I've said it's fine for him to see them but only in a contact centre because they don't know who he is. He is not happy with this and is threatening to take me to court for unsupervised.

DS has ADHD and I am awaiting for a referal as they suspect he has aspergers. I've sent letters to his mum and dad's explaining about DS's condition as I feel he has a right to know - I have heard nothing back. I can't even send anything to him as he doesn't stay in an address long enough.

AIBU about only wanting supervised contact in a contact centre to begin with? I have no problem with it leading to unsupervised as long as he shows he no longer dabbles or drinks in excess and that he'll stick to regular visits and not just stop when he gets bored.

Sorry I know this is long.

[OldLadyKnowsNothing]

If he does go to court (extremely unlikely, many abusive men threaten it but can't really be arsed/afford it) the most he is going to be awarded is contact in a supervised setting anyway, don't stress yourself.

Yanbu.

[OldLadyKnowsNothing]

You might want to post an edited version in the Legal Matters topic, where you're likely to get good advice.

[Huffles]

Thanks for replying OldLadyKnowsNothing

I feel slightly better if the court agree in the favour of supervised visits. I'm not sure if he will go to court with it. (I'm hoping not). He gets bored easily and often vents out be it one way or another towards myself and the kids when he has a bee in his bonnet about something.

[squeakytoy]

Has he suddenly got himself a new girlfriend who he is trying to impress or who may be urging him on to see his kids?

That can sometimes be a positive thing, and people can grow up and improve.. (optimistic, but possible)..

Do you have any sort of relationship with his parents, and they could be used as an intermediary for initial visits?

[Huffles]

Squeakytoy, I'm quite happy for the visits to be supervised leading up to unsupervised. But he's made it quite clear to me that he wants it unsupervised and that's it. He can't understand why someone would have to supervise him with his kids and thinks it's me being unreasonable and awkward. It's not, it's simply until the kids can establish a relationship, he shows he's no longer a daily drinker/dabbles in the illegals.

Because he's on the birth certificate he thinks he has an automatic right to them with no questions asked, despite never being there - all because he's their biological dad.

I used get on with his parents but the kids hardly see them either. To be fair, they do send things on birthdays and christmas, along with phone calls around those times - but that's it. We don't hear from them unless it's a special occasion of some sort.

[WilsonFrickett]

I would repost in legal for accurate advice, but from what I've read on here in the past, if he does take you to court the rights of the children will come first, and he barely knows them, so any judge will look to start slowly with supervised visits.

I don't think it will get that far though, if he's not been bothered before he'll probably soon lose interest.

The other thing is the first half hour of a legal consultation is usually free so you can go and talk to a lawyer for nowt, who'll be able to advise you. Write everything down before you go so you use the time well.

Best wishes.