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AIBU?

to think dh is lazy.

30 replies

walker78 · 26/05/2012 19:23

Ok so I only work part time (8hrs per week) and have school age dc. Dh works full time and has an hour's commute.
I do all the housework, shopping, laundry, child care etc. (even bins)
I am also pregnant and starting to feel big/hot etc. ( end 2ND trimester)
Today I did a supermarket shop. Didn't want to go today but i have been putting if off as money tight this month. As soon as I got though the door with the 1st bags one of the dc was asking me something. DH response was mummy's busy. He did not offer to help bring bags in.
Other examples not knowing where the bin is.
Finding something that does not belong to him in a drawer. Taking it out and leaving in on the side and not putting in correct place.
I am currently attempting to reduce my workload so i have started leaving dh's ironed clothes hanging up but not put away. Surprise surprise they are exactly where I put them.
I have also started leaving abandoned wrappers where there are.
AIBU.

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squeakytoy · 26/05/2012 19:29

I hate these threads really because I can see how it will go already, but I would look at it this way. You do 8 hours work out of the house, and xx number of hours in the house..... he does say 40 hours out of the house..

Presumably he was in charge of the kids when you went shopping. Was he laying on the sofa when you came back, or was he busy too.

Why did you not say "oi, DH, give me a hand with the shopping please!", and asked the kids to help too. They are school age, so capable of bringing shopping in.

On the basis of what you have posted so far, YABU to call him lazy.

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walker78 · 26/05/2012 19:35

He was watching football. Kids were playing.

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FutureNannyOgg · 26/05/2012 19:37

I think you need to ask him to do stuff like put his clothes away, if you have always done it, he won't twig that he has to just because you haven't. As for the other things, again, you need to speak to him and negotiate if you want him to do more, sit him down and explain you are pregnant and tired and a bit overwhelmed, and suggest that on his days off he could be in charge of certain tasks, or take the kids out for a couple of ours or whatever you want him to do. I wouldn't assume laziness just because he isn't doing things automatically, he is probably just oblivious and/used to you doing everything without question.

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happyhopefulmummy · 26/05/2012 19:37

Can you really call him lazy based on a couple of incidents? Mindless, perhaps; men generally don't see things women see. But lazy seems a little harsh...

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walker78 · 26/05/2012 19:38

I know I could have asked but I thought it wolud be nice to not have to ask. Kids are 5 and 6 so still quite small although fair enough they probably could have helped a bit.

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happyhopefulmummy · 26/05/2012 19:38

And what football was he watching? Season finished 2 weeks ago... (genuine question)

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walker78 · 26/05/2012 19:40

Playoffs I think.

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Yama · 26/05/2012 19:42

Yes, he is lazy.

I imagine there will be posters who will say that the poor man works full time but guess what? So do many, many thousands of people who manage to pitch in at home. Dh and I being two of them.

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mynewpassion · 26/05/2012 19:43

Don't be a martyr. Ask for help.

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balancingfigure · 26/05/2012 19:43

It would be nice not to have to ask but men often just don't notice. Try explaining nicely you would like more help and see how he reacts!

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DeckSwabber · 26/05/2012 19:47

Thoughtless rather than lazy?

Or perhaps he sees these things as not his jobs?

I suggest you ask him to help a bit more when you are not feeling too stressed - perhaps next time you go shopping you ask him as you are leaving if he could put things away when you get back. But be prepard to find things that need to be in the freezer in the fridge and the bin liners in the veg box.

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lazilou · 26/05/2012 19:51

so basically while kids are at school all day, you have all day to potter about doing stuff, not really pressurised is it

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valiumredhead · 26/05/2012 19:55

I never understand people who don't say 'Oi give me a hand please!' Grin

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walker78 · 26/05/2012 19:56

Think I am probably overtired as not sleeping too well and heat is affecting me.
Lazy probably was harsh. Maybe thoughtless better.

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rainbowinthesky · 26/05/2012 19:57

Why are you doing the shopping on a Saturday if kids are in school all week? He must think you are barmy.

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walker78 · 26/05/2012 19:59

Because dh wanted it to go on next months credit card bill. Had an expensive month so basically all week i have jusr been buying essentials and using up stuff.

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flagnogbagnog · 26/05/2012 20:04

I'm pregnant too and there's no way dh will let me carry anything, shopping, children, even my own bloody cup of tea! So yeah, your dh is being lazy not getting off his arse to help bring the shopping in.

I do think you are going to have to tell him how you feel though and ask for some more help. I reckon he's pushing his luck. But once you've asked once that really should be it. I personally think when you are both at home, you are both on duty. Equal partnership and all that.

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bogeyface · 26/05/2012 20:04

Here we go ...... "You have all day to do this sort of thing so why do it at a weekend and then expect him to help?""

A decent man would either a) offer to do the shopping himself so his 6 months pg wife didnt have to go out on the hottest day of the year to do it alone, b) said we will all go because ditto above or c) if the OP wanted to go alone (I quite shopping alone!) he would get up immediately she got back, took the bag off her and got the rest of the shopping out of the car.

I think he is lazy because I do not subscribe to the old "you have to ask/tell" bullshit. A man of normal brain power knows that shopping is heavy, that its a hot day and a pregnant woman will be struggling. He didnt offer to help because he didnt want to, so is either selfish, lazy or both.

A chat about what is and isnt expected from him is in order here I think OP!

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rainbowinthesky · 26/05/2012 20:07

He is lazy then but a bit more than that seeing as you are also pregnant. Yanbu.

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Redbindy · 26/05/2012 20:11

He's lazy and useless. Bin him.

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Offred · 26/05/2012 20:16

I'm not of the expecting your husband to be a mind reader, having deliberate expectations you don't tell him about and then being angry at him for not fulfilling them. Very passive aggressive and helpless. Can see why you were annoyed but I think YWBU not to ask for help.

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ceeveebee · 26/05/2012 20:26

Shop online? Ocado will bring the bags into your kitchen for you even if your DH won't.

My DH has a similar attitude, he doesn't think he should have to do any housework or childcare at weekends because he works 60+ hours a week whereas I just sit at home cuddling babies all day (he actually said this once). We have 6mo twins, believe me I don't do much sitting except feeding! We had a row just now because he popped out to get some wine (which we don't need as we have wine) and was gone 1 1/2 hours so missed all bath and bedtime, clearly deliberately.

YANBU

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wereofftoseethewizard · 26/05/2012 20:31

Sooo glad I'm single
Hth Grin

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HansieMom · 26/05/2012 20:36

Ceeveebee, how about you go out tomorrow morning and let him cuddle babies all day?

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ENormaSnob · 26/05/2012 20:44

Sorry, he works 40 hours per week and you work 8?

Dc all in school?


I can see your point re carrying shopping in but I would call him lazy tbh.

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