to be a bit annoyed with MIL

[StarMeKitten]

It was my DMs birthday yesterday and she was having a party as it was a special birthday. We took 16mo DD for a bit so everyone could see her, but had arranged to drop her off at MILs later so she could sleep there for the night and so me & DH could go back and enjoy the party.

MIL also has our 2yo nephew at her house on weekends (BIL lives with her and he and nephews mum have split up).

We thought that as MIL knew she was having DD then BIL would have perhaps stayed in to see to his son so MIL didn't have to deal with both kids.

Instead we turned up at 8.15pm to see nephew running riot, and BIL out at the pub. We got DD ready for bed and tried to settle her down to help MIL. Anyway by this time DN was so excited to see our DD that he would not go to bed and was screaming at the top of his lungs (and ended up climbing out of his cot). Obviously our DD would then not sleep and was crying so we asked MIL if she wanted us to take DD home, and she said that was probably for the best.

We couldn't go back to the party with DD as she will not sleep with all that noise and was very tired. I also felt bad about going back on my own and leaving DH at home as we were both really looking forward to it, so we both ended up going home with DD, and my mum.was very upset!

I think I need a bit of perspective as I feel annoyed at MIL and think she could have called BIL and told him to look after his son, especially as she has DD overnight rarely.

[OldLadyKnowsNothing]

Why aren't you annoyed at BIL? Why didn't you get him back from the pub to attend to his son?

[robotcornysilk]

not MIL's fault at all - she was doing you a favour. You could have gone back to the party without dh.

[Annpan88]

YABU for being annoyed at your MIL. It was just one of those thing, annoying for you, but no reason to be annoyed at anyone.

[StarMeKitten]

I am annoyed with him but its not up to me to tell him, his mum should as this is the situation nearly every weekend.

[rubyslippers]

Your nephew is your BIL's responsibility

Why aren't you mad at him?

Would have been nice on your MIL's birthday to have someone else sort it out?

Why didn't you or your DH call your bill?

[rubyslippers]

Why isn't it up to you?!

[robotcornysilk]

well he lives there and his mum is obviously fine with minding his child

[manicbmc]

Why be annoyed at mil? Be annoyed at the bil - if he is having his child once a fortnight then surely he can manage to curb his nights out then and look after his child.

[WenTheEternallySurprised]

Seriously? You think your BIL should arrange his personal life to fit in with your babysitting requirements? Apart from anything else, BIL lives at your MIL's house. It's his home. That means that when he has charge of his son it's his son's home too. And if BIL wants his mother to care for his son in their own home so he can go out then there's no reason why he should drop those plans and come home for your benefit.

Yes, sure, it's disappointing for you but that's life, it's just one of those things.

[rubyslippers]

I think the mil deserves a break on her special birthday ...

[DeckSwabber]

It seems a shame you missed the party.

I would be annoyed with BiL for going out at all when he has his son for the weekend. Seems like he is taking advantage of his mother.

[OldLadyKnowsNothing]

It wasn't MIL's birthday, it was OP's mum's. I think.

[rubyslippers]

Sorry mis-read it's not MIL's birthday

[lilybeansmummy]

i think your hubby shud have phoned his brother to come back and look after his son!! i know its annoying for u but maybe nxt time u are going out u shud arrange it with your mil AND bil as he needs to be there for his own son! but saying that maybe your mil shu have told bil she cudnt look after nephew as she was looking after your kid! i wud be irritated to but there's no point being annoyed as it wont change anything x

[StarMeKitten]

BIL does take advantage of his mother, but she needs to tell him that. Considering that she has DD rarely overnight and DN every weekend (while BIL goes out) I don't think its unreasonable to ask BIL to stay in for one night to see to his own son.

I know she is doing us a favour and I'm grateful, but it wasnt just like we were going out just anywhere, we were going to my mums special party and all my family were there that I don't get to see very often.

[bushymcbush]

Agree with others that your BIL is at fault here. Feeling rather sorry for your MIL actually!

[StarMeKitten]

lilybeansmummy yes I agree, next time we will definitely arrange it with both MIL & BIL and maybe DH should have phoned him.

[NarkedPuffin]

You arranged the babysitting it in advance with your MIL because of a special occasion. She 'rarely' has your DD overnight. YANBU.

I do think that I'd have asked my DH to get his arse brother back form the pub to look after his child and/or left my DH at the house to deal with the dC and gone back to my mother's party though.

[lazilou]

should have just taken kid back to the party. she would have settled down eventually

or you go back and dad take her home

or dad go back and you take her home

you arent all joined at the hip presumably

[bushymcbush]

BIL does take advantage of his mother, but she needs to tell him that.

Why does she need to tell him? She has to live with the feckless selfish idiot - maybe she is scared of how he will react? I mean he sounds like a real charmer. Why don't you or your DH tell him?

If I had started this thread I'd be asking how I could help to stop BIL taking advantage of my MIL, not blaming her for the situation

[DeckSwabber]

Starmekitten, I know how you feel. My B gets away with taking advantage of my M (and lots of other people) and I get annoyed with her for letting him and not 'parenting' him - as his mother I think she is in a unique position to speak to him and tell him when he's being unreasonable. But shes that sort of person that if he blagged a free lunch from her she would give him dinner as well even if she is really annoyed - perhaps she feels that makes her a good mother.

[HelenBaaBaaBlackSheep]

Sounds like just one of those things, who was to know that your nephew would be so excited, and not at all your MILs fault who had been kind in offering to babysit. To save upsetting your mum you could have gone back on your own, but as she's a mum herself surely she'll understand.

[StarMeKitten]

DeckSwabber that's exactly what BIL is like!!

[Jenny70]

On face value BIL was the selfish git, but did MIL tell him your daughter was coming too? Maybe he offered to stay in, but she said no problem she'd be fine.

I think you should have called BIL, said MIL needs help settling his son - you had a commitment to your mum to go back and I think you should have gone back, I can see why she's upset. Her special day, and her own daughter preferred to sit and home with DH when childcare arrangements fell through, rather than come back and celebrate with her...

[rainbowinthesky]

Why didnt your dh take your dd and you go to the party. I dont see why anyone should get the blame. What difference would it have made had bil been at home - your dn would still have got excited and it's his home so not sure what should have happened to him.