to think twilight is a pile of simpering shite

[ThatVikRinA22]

well. im trying to be typically girly and go all swoony about edward and the rather pathetic simpering bella.

but no. just not getting it.

pile of shite. what is the fuss about - really? what am i missing?

luckily for me DD thinks the same. i would have been secretly disappointed if she thought this was anything like good....

[GinevraMollyWeasley]

What's not to love? Naive, clumsy girl falls for arrogant-bordering-on-abusive stranger who happens to be a murdering virgin from the 20s or something. Also he sniffs people. Then there's werewolves and wacky chaos, accidental vampire baby who grows like 6 years in a week or something and the werewolf who loves the clumsy girl falls in love with the baby and oh it's ok, no one has sex till they're married. And at one point they all go on a holiday to Italy.

[Olympia2012]

It's noit Edward you are supposed to be simpering over.... It's Jacob!! ( is this the one where he has haircut and removes shirt?)

[ThatVikRinA22]

blimey. hadnt got that far....watching it on Ch4....

seems to me its dark and brooding girl meets sparkly shiney sparkly vampire (all girls love a sparkly man, right? does it matter that he is the undead? cause not!)
goes a bit mad when he dumps her
loves him so much she decides to die (oh jolly good....)
plays about with her bessie mate who just happens to be a werewolf (wtf!!)
simpers alot. simpers a bit more. decides that this man is worth more than anything else in the entire world. good message.
erm....

[StealthPolarBear]

I've never watched it and you're not selling it to me here :o

[ThatVikRinA22]

jacob? is he the werewolf? he looks about 12....i would feel positively odd lusting over him.

[lisad123]

I certainly never got the Edward thing, Jacob however I wouldn't turn down
I hate bella, and think she is the most drippy girl ever and the actress is terrible!

[Cloudbase]

I tried reading it. Just to see. I couldn't get past the clumsy swooning prose, let alone the clumsy swooning plot. But then I am not 14.

I also have very little patience with anything with a central premise that involves women subjugating themselves entirely to devilish strangers who stalk them and may/may not have some sort of brooding mysterious past. (although I will cheerfully exempt anything written by Joss Whedon from this)

[EdlessAllenPoe]

i couldn't see it myself. i was hoping for..erm dialogue. or something.

looking pretty isn't enough. being borderline abusive in a way no-one would want IRL but might fantasise about - isn't enough. i need a script!!

and acting. do they have a problem with getting past 'B' when they run through emotions?

not only is it a feminists nightmare, it's just not well written. nice visual jiggery pokery though. if there's no actual jiggery pokery going on....

[GinevraMollyWeasley]

I read all the books because, well, I heard such bad things I thought I better know the material! It's dire. I honestly couldn't tell you what happens in the middle two books, they go to Italy at some point and.... vampires or something. Brooding. Final book it's like the author realised she had a million plot points she forgot to write and had a deadline so just threw them all in and wrote other words around them. Baby lust? Check. Werewolf feuds? Yup. At least two male charactors seriously harming their OH? Oh yes got that in there. Also sparkiling, don't forget the sparkling.

Not seen the films though.

[squeakytoy]

I got the dvd after a friend raved on about how brilliant was.... I didnt realise she was 40 going on 12....

What a pile of drivel..... low lighting, shite acting, and crap storyline...

[ItsAPublicForumWhine]

Yaddddddnnnnbu. Pile of utter shit. And it's positively creepy that middleaged women fancy that vampire boy.

[FeedingTheBirds]

As per squeaky above I rented the dvd after hearing how great it was. I think I could bear about half an hour of it. It is terrible terrible rubbish. Oh dear my boyf has dumped me, what shall I do....oooh I know! Jump in the sea. . Terrible set of books/films. IMHO.

[FeedingTheBirds]

(Is it wrong to prefer the dad of the feeble vampire loving girl to the actual vampire or werewolf boy?)

[AnEcumenicalMatter]

Badly written. Badly acted. Plot lines with holes so big you drive a coach and horses through them. If it wasn't for the semi naked Taylor Lautner, it would have no redeeming features at all

[FeedingTheBirds]

Wasn't there lots of poorly disguised violence masquerading as "hot vampire sex" in the last book? Bruises and ripped pillows, all because he was oh so strong and manly and couldn't control himself. Hot. .

[GinevraMollyWeasley]

Oh I forgot about this someone read the books and commented fairly accurately on them. Funny!

[anonacfr]

It is. The dad was an abusive wife murderer on 24.

He's the reason Kim Bauer got attacked by a cougar and ended up locked up in a bunker with a survivalist freak- and thought it would be OK to shower and change into a see through white tank top...

Unforgivable. Still a million times better than Twilight though.

[anonacfr]

Ginevra Mark is brilliant. He's also reviewed much better books and TV shows. He's fabulous!

[fridakahlo]

I have not read the books and do not intend to. I caught one scene from the film, when it was being played on TV over here.
It appeared to be E and B seeking permission from the vampire overlords or something. Let's just say I did not even watch to the end of the scene.
Crap acting AND crap dialouge.

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

I've read the books, preferred the films and adore the soundtracks. You can think what you like, nobody cares.

[nooka]

I read the books because dd wanted to and I was slightly concerned about some of the messages that appeared to be in them. They were utter rubbish but very readable (but then I can read pretty much anything!). Really dodgy in parts, but dd seemed perfectly capable of understanding what twaddle it was (apparently it's all because they are 'teenagers Mummy'. The films are even worse from what I've heard - dh went to the last one with dd and friends and came back with his brains dribbling out of his ears I think the depiction of Bella sounds about right, I found her thinking fairly incomprehensible 'look at me I am apparently clever and beautiful and I have lots of friends but just shoot me because I'm a total waste of space who no one should possibly like, blah blah blah...'

I have no intention of watching the films because whereas the concept of Jacob has some sexy possibilities (I like tall, dark and handsome) in the movies he is about 5ft tall so a big disappointment. dd likes him, but then she is only 11.

[nooka]

Oh but she has recently found some quite funny parodies by a pair of twins (Hillywood I think).

[anonacfr]

Film Jacob looks like a rodent.