AIBU to freak out that DH wants to have boys 2 week hol when I am 23 weeks pg

[gigglewizz]

Ok, I will be 23 weeks pg with dc2, DH wants to go to Africa with his father for hunting holiday(please no comments about the hunting it's part of a culling exercise but not the issue here!)

That leaves me with DC1 with special needs who needs to be driven 30 miles a day to school and back (just moved house, still trying for local school) as well as running a house, family business and making a baby.

Yes, we don't see family much after emigrating but is this really the best time for self indulgence? Am I being selfish? I am exhausted, emotional and honestly don't know where the money will come from let alone how let down that the money won't be going to a shared break for all of us or even for a bit of pampering or a private room for me after the birth instead of 4 to a ward for recovery or the long list of needs for the baby!

Please tell me I am not wrong!

[Lueji]

yanbu at all

[MrsAmaretto]

Yanbu

[iloveACK]

YANBU - I would be very upset if my DH were to suggest that!

[Debeez]

I've never crossed paths with you before and although your post gives detail I wouldn't like to comment about AUBU as I don't know how much care your DC1 needs etc in relation to you being left alone (or are there other family members who can help).

Have you asked your husband where the money for the trip will come from?

Have you asked him what provisions will be put in place for you and DC1 when he's away?

Will the family business be left to you and you alone?

Also don't worry so much about the 4 to a ward. You go home much sooner after the second all being well (and I hope it does go well for you) and the company for the short while you're there can be pleasant, an air of camaraderie if anything.

[Lueji]

Personally, I'd have killed for a single room.
I hadn't slept for at least 2 nights and really needed the silence and to sleep.

Obviously, it's not vital, but neither is a trip to Africa.

[BrightnessFalls]

I wouldnt be worrying about having a private room afterwards, to be honest. Alot of women prefer not to be isolated and, you may be going home before four days.

You ANBU though, re the two week holiday. Two weeks is along time!

[Loshad]

at 23 weeks, well yes you are being a bit u, unless you are v.v. short of cash.

[HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer]

I'd be extremely pissed off if a) My DH wanted to fuck off on a 2 week jolly without me and assumed I'd pick up the slack at home and b) if we had to forgo a family holiday this year as he'd been off on said 2 week jolly

[gigglewizz]

Debeez, and others thanks for the replies. There are no family to assist, DC1 isn't that needy but is exhausting to be with 1-2-1 for a long time, I know there is no money and no, he hasn't indicated where it will come from! I have told him to get someone else to look after business as I will be busy. I suppose I really wanted to vent and grumble, I think he will go anyway and I will have to just get on with it.

[HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer]

Well make sure you book yourself a 2 week break once you've had the baby. He can stay home and look after your DD/do all the household chores. What's good for the goose and all that

[blackeyedsusan]

23 weeks pregnant would be a good time for him to have a break... but given the list of other circumstaances... yanbu

[gigglewizz]

Lol now that image has given me hope, I've not had a holiday or break since DC1 was born DC1 always came with me. I think a nice beach holiday will suit me.

[TherealMrsBloom]

YANBU. Have you told him how tired you are and how you don't feel up to keeping things going at home?

[Debeez]

Giggle just wanted to point out I wasn't assuming or judging how hard you might find it at home with DC.

Good for you for standing your ground about the family business. You've given him notice of your intentions and I think that's very reasonable.

As someone who's about to move away from all family I can really understand your worry about being left with an exhausting DC. Mother of one of those myself. Have you friend nearby with DC's? Co slumber party for DC's? Maybe a fun evening for you with a friend and maybe a DVD while the kids play might be a treat for you and ease some of the pressure for a night?

We have to "get on" with a lot of things in life, your DH should be the one you "get on" with them with IYSWIM? I don't think you're being unreasonable but a serious sit down and chat about this trip seems like a good idea.

Hope it turns out well for you.

[gigglewizz]

Thanks!

[AdoraBell]

Well of course he should have his holiday, as long as the day he gets back you go on a far flung two week holiday in the destination of your choice with your mum/best friend/sister while he looks after the home DC.

[ImperialBlether]

Yes but people say that and how many mums want to go away from their little child for two weeks, eh? How many small children, let alone a child with special needs, would be happy during that fortnight?

OP, I think he's being selfish. You don't have the money and if you were to find it, there are things you could spend it on which would help the whole family. It's not fair you should be left alone for a fortnight whilst he goes on holiday - no way. It's even less fair if it then means you and your son don't get a holiday.

[FoxSake]

YANBU and for those saying you'll get a 2 week break when he comes back it's generally jot that simple for mums to up and leave our responsibilities behind for 2 weeks nor would most of us want to, we'd miss our families. It sounds like it's time your DH grew up.

Unless it's for work then YANBU

Oh and having spent a hellish night on a ward recently after the birth of dc 3 YANB at al U about that room