To expect a thank you for passing on baby clothes?

[Barbielovesken]

My mum's friend had a baby girl at the end of February. Our dd is 8 months older than her.

I had loads of beautiful baby girl clothes ranging from 0-9 months from dd so rather than give them to charity shop I texted and asked her would she like them. I also had a cradle and a few other items we no longer needed and asked would she like them too. She said yes, she'd love them.

I spent hours here one night washing and drying all the clothes and inspecting them - anything stained etc was chucked out. I arranged them into little bags labelled by age. There was loads of little outfits barely worn and some that still had tags as dd was a big baby and some didn't fit. Next, mothercare, designers at debhanams etc.. Cot sheets/ blankets/ grobags/ vests/ socks/ hats etc

This is her 6th baby and they are on benefits so don't have much money so I was delighted to give them to someone who would appreciate them.

I drove out of my way to drop them off at her husbands parents house (they live far away) for him to bring them home.

That's about 8 weeks ago. She hasn't texted to say she got them/ liked then/ thank you. Nothing.

I'm bringing it up now as I have more clothes as dd has moved out of her 9-12 month things and don't know whether to pass them along to her again. I asked my mum did she know if she received them and she said yes, she got them and would love more :-s

Am I being overly sensitive? I don't expect a banner but a quick text saying thank you would have been nice.

[umiaisha]

YANBU.

Pass the next lot of clothes onto a more grateful cause!

[ThatGhastlyWoman]

Speak to your Mum again. There may be things going on with her you don't know about that explain why she's been thoughtless and rude. Or she might have asked your Mum to thank you on her behalf- and it wasn't passed on?

And she does have 6 kids to look after, on top of being on a low income!

Still, I'd feel pretty annoyed, too.

[Jins]

She probably thought that she'd expressed her gratitude already when she said 'yes she'd love them'

I would have taken that as thanks in advance.

[HecateTrivia]

I agree with jins that's probably likely.

I would have thanked you again, but perhaps she thinks that thanking you at the time of offering was thanks?

[imnotmymum]

If your Mum knew that she loved them maybe she thought the message of thanks would be passed on. I bet she really grateful and having 6 kids perhaps she has just forgot !

[Barbielovesken]

Thank you, I did ask my mum had she said thanks or anything and she said no, which she was disappointed with.

Am organising the clothes here now as trying to make room and they are lovely. Am peeved at lack of manners but would feel like too much of a spiteful bitch not to pass them on to her just over this as I know she could do with them.

I know, she must be up to her eyeballs - I've 3 and I'm knackered so can't imagine double that. I suppose a text takes a second though and we're friends on Facebook, which I see her on the odd time - she could have sent me a message on that if she didn't have phone credit etc

[Paiviaso]

YANBU, what poor manners this girl has, she seems very ungrateful! A simple text would go a long way and only takes 20 seconds.

If you want to give these other clothes to someone else I would understand!

[Barbielovesken]

Yes, maybe that's it Jins. I know personally I'd say thank you after receiving the items but suppose we all have different ideas about these things.

In the grand scheme of things I know it's not really important I'm probably being a pita, i just get irked by lack of manners

[purpledragonfruit]

This happened to me too. I offered a whole load of clothes, toys and dressing up stuff to a family I knew who were missionaries and had very little money. She was so enthusiastic and said she really wanted to meet for coffee to say thanks, DH dropped the things off with her DH and I never heard another thing from her.

It's annoying, but nothing you can do really. Just try to be glad your things are being used by someone who needs them.

[girlfromdownsouth]

YANBU - it would have been very obvious that you had spent a lot of time and effort getting the baby clothes ready - especially to a mum of 6. She should have been doing backflips for all the time / effort / money you have saved her. It takes seconds to sent a thank you text FFS!

I would try and call / text her to say did you get the clothes as I haven't heard from you (hint hint) and depending on her reaction you can then decide if you are prepared to pass the other clothes on.

I did the same thing for people I know - young couple with hardly any money but they couldn't thank me enough and actually bought me a token for a 1hr massage.

Sorry but she's an ungrateful cow IMHO.

[ThatGhastlyWoman]

There is a mid-way compromise, though. Give her the more 'worn' stuff this time, and keep the nicer stuff for someone else who needs it. That way two people benefit. Freegle is excellent for that, as often there are people in dire need on there that will be very grateful for your help!

Or maybe you can donate them to a Women's Refuge?

[MrsPlugThePlumber]

It's really annoying, and a disappointing not to receive any thanks whatsoever.

However, you have done a lovely thing, whether she acknowledges that or not doesn't make a difference to your kind act.

Whether or not you pass the next lot on to her or to a charity shop is up to you - either way, you've been generous and someone will appreciate it (even if it's the baby!)

[YellowDinosaur]

I'd give them to someone else to be honest. Its not like you were expecting a thankyou card - a quick text or note on Facebooktakes seconds. So I don't think the fact she has 6 kids is an excuse for being bad mannered. The only thing I'd excuse is if she has PND / another major life event during the same timewhen its reasonable that she might not be thinking straight.

In your situation if I didn't have any other friends who would use them I would take then to the local womens refuge.

[specialagentmeh]

She might just be overwhelmed/ not coping v well. We had some things go wrong and people were really kind to us on top of all the usual baby gifts. It was massively appreciated and altho I tried to thank everyone in person/text, my baby is 6 months old alteady and I still havent sent thankyou cards for all the things that came in the post, which weighs on my mind.
I couldn't say for sure I would know to thank everyone who bought a meal round etc if I bump into them in town as sometimes was too upset to register properly. I am hoping that people understand, but can see from your post why sometimes they might not.
And I only have one other child!
I'm not saying yabu, but more that maybe she is hugely grateful, and its just not on top of things.

[Noqontrol]

I think she should have said thank you. It takes no effort to send a quick text even if you are busy. YANBU. Whether or not you pass the next lot on depends on how strongly you feel about it. I've got quite a few people I pass stuff on to, so I spread it around a bit anyway. But everyone remembers to say thank you. It costs nothing after all ( well, maybe the price of a txt!)

[specialagentmeh]

Oh everyone is being really harsh. You don't know if she has PND, or maybe her baby has problems that are time consuming & upsetting details of which she hasn't yet shared with friends of friends. It was a rally nice thing to do though OP

Off to write my thank you cards now!

[Meglet]

Yabu. She's busy.

You shouldn't pass things on to be thanked. You were nice but leave it at that.

[BackforGood]

YANBU.
On reading the title, before reading the OP, I was going to come and say you don't need to make a big thing of people passing down clothes as you thank them at the time and at the end of the day, you know they are no longer of use to the donor anyway.
However having read your OP, and reading that you didn't hand them over personally, and that you had clearly gone to all that trouble with the bags and labels, I personally would have written you a quick card or letter. I am old, and accept some people don't do that, but surely she could have sent a text, or e-mail, or message on FB in all this time ?
It may be considered petty by some, but I really think I'd let the next batch go somewhere else. A 'thank you' costs nothing.

[Floggingmolly]

I wouldn't see "yes thanks, I'd love them" as full and final thanks
No matter how busy she may be, that was incredibly rude and it's to your credit that you're prepared to pass the next lot on too.
I wouldn't (but you're obviously a bigger person than I am )

[HeathRobinson]

'so I was delighted to give them to someone who would appreciate them.'
'I did ask my mum had she said thanks or anything'

I think you're a little fixated on getting a thank you. A touch Lady Bountiful?

You did a lovely thing, but maybe next time, just wash and pass on the clothes and don't go to so much effort with it all.

[gateacre1]

It took me about 4 months to send out thank you cards for all of the presents we received for dd2
Maybe she is overwhelmed and in a haze

[imnotmymum]

Do you know I am secretly worried whether in the past I have accidently forgot a thank you or something. Did she not really say thank you when handed over is it not a involuntary reaction.

[DialsMavis]

YANBU, it's not like you are upset at not receiving a proper thank you card (I have sent a card when given hand me downs ). But as you say a FB message or text takes 10 seconds and you would have been happy with that as thanks.

[Cromwell44]

You chose to go to all the effort you did with labelling etc, she has 6 children and is on a low income. Perhaps getting by from day to day is her priority, maybe she has PND, one or more of the children have health or other issues... who knows.
Your original generosity seems to have become mean spirited and a bit focused on being thanked. If you don't want to help the women again, despite her circumstances, then don't.

[survivingspring]

I think people sometimes consider that it does YOU a favour when getting rid of baby clothes so a thanks isn't necessary! I have regularly given away my baby and kids clothes and not had a thanks although many people are lovely and very grateful which gives a real feel good factor. Yes, it helps to make space in the cupboard but when you've clearly gone to the effort of washing and labeling them - that is more than you needed to do!!

YANBU - she is thoughtless IMHO..