to conclude that it is impossible to play with a nearly 2yo and a nearly 4yo?

[Petisa]

I have sadly concluded it is impossible to play with my dds (nearly 2 and nearly 4) all of us together and have fun. Which is a bit of a problem as I am a SAHM and am there to play with them, and dd2 is giving up napping, so we have a lot of time to play for war to constantly break out.

If we try to read a book together dd2 tries to snatch it. Dd1 roars and a tug of war ensues.
Puzzles, dd2 tries to snatch dd1's. War ensues.
Playdoh, dd2 tries to eat it. And keeps on eating huge chunks.
Sand, ditto. She never stops eating it.
Bath, dd1 splashes dd2 in the face constantly until I am ready to explode.
Colouring in/crafts, dd2 tries to snatch dd1's after about 2 seconds, fight ensures. Dd2 does not under any circumstances want her own crayons and paper.
Duplo. Dd2 wants whatever dd1 has created. War.
Train set. Dd2 wants to wreck it. War again.
If I try to read a book at dd2's level, dd1 gets jealous and grabs book. Dd2 roars. I swig gin. Same with shape sorter/stacking rings/bricks.

So all I seem to do these days is shout and stick on Cbeebies The only game they seem to enjoy together is hareing around the place together like nutters shouting and getting overexcited.

AIBU to believe it is impossible to play with dc my age? Or am I doing something wrong? Will we ever play with a toy or draw something again?

[SodoffBaldrick]

Oh my God... are you me??!

DS is 3.3 and DD is 20 months, and my life is one constant whirl of refereeing, divvying up toys, trying to explain that Fearless Freddie is really just as good as Thomas or that the green umbrella is identical to the black umbrella, that no-one is being ripped off or short-changed in any way, shape or form. They always want what the other has, not because they actually want it, but because the other has it, therefore it must be BETTER.

Thank God both of them still nap for 2 hours in the middle of the day or I'd've long since lost the last vestiges of sanity...

[Duckypoohs]

Well yes it is impossible, my 2yo regards me as his minion/slave/cushion/climbing frameproperty if I want to do anything with my older children he has to be out of the way. The 2 and 5 yo constantly squabble over toys, although however cute and adorable he is I have to admit, the 2yo is very unreasonable, although the 5yo can give him a run for his money in the tantrum stakes. The 8yo sensibly keeps her head down unless the 2yo is trying to trash something.

Roll on not 2yo dom, although he is very goddamn lovely and funny, I know now why I have 3 year gaps between children, but oh no, I'm not falling for that again .

[ZonkedOut]

Oh dear, I have a 13 month old and a nearly 3 year old, and I already see signs of this. This is going to be me soon, isn't it?

[eggyblackett]

Me too (22 month age gap). I keep telling myself it will get better, but it going to get worse isn't it .

[MrsTerryPratchett]

My DH won't let me have another baby. This is why. YA all BVU. I'm sure it is completely easy, la la la la, want another baby...

[tryingtoleave]

Oh god, I remember that stage - it was awful. I used to avoid being at home as much as possible.

They are 5 and 3 now and play together happily sometimes (unfortunately you can never be sure when it is going to happen!)

[AThingInYourLife]

If they're like my two, life is about to get much easier as DD2 is in the cusp of being a decent playmate for DD1.

Making time for DD1 to do big girl things on her own (my DD1 comes downstairs after her bath while DD2 is in bed) helps too.

Also - let them hare around the place if they enjoy it and each other :)

Recently we had a lot of fun doing big Jackson Pollock-style splatter paintings and handprints with rolls of paper on the ground (we did it outside on a sunny day, but would work indoors too). They could both really join in and enjoy it.

[revolutionconfirmed]

This reminds me of me although DD2 is sixteen months. I just cannot play with them and they do my head in in the loveliest possible way. Nothing is ever easy or comes without a fight. I bought Dd1 a Ds the other day for her upcoming birthday and now she's constantly on that which means DD2 wants much more attention from me.i am just their slave for snacks and drinks.

[Gargula]

I am so glad you posted this - you have described my life!

I have a 4 1/2 year old DS and a just turned 2 year old DD and playing at home with them is impossible.

We have 3 massive, and i do mean massive, boxes of duplo. Can they play nicely with it? Can they hell! They always want exactly the same thing, it's a nightmare.

[beats head against floor in frustration]

I've had to spend the last two days in the house with them ALL DAY due to D & V bug. I am spent.

[gafhyb]

It's very difficult at this age. Very.

My expectations for them playing together would be low. It does not mean they will never play together nicely, or they won't play nicely with other children. My two got on v badly until they were around 4 and 6, and now are good buddies (9 and 11)

Can one of them play on their own? My DS1 used to play on his own while I entertained DS2, other than when as you say, they's bomb around, wrestle and bite each other.

I used to have little bursts of supervised play together, with simple games that required turn-taking. I bought a few toys that were explicitly Shared Toys - Pop up Pirated, and a car slope where they had to take turns to push a car down a wooden slope. Saw this as a bit of a lesson. Other than that, as I say, Low Expectations.

[gafhyb]

Also, do either/both go to Playgroup or Nursery?

Another thing- possibly for when they are a little older (I think my youngest was 3) When they are together, fighting over a toy, do not micro-manage. Stay out of the room and listen, then go in (before it is too heated) and say (calmly) "I know you can play nicely/sort out this problem, but if you can't, I'm coming to sort it out. You've got 5 minutes". Quite often, they sorted it. If not, the toy was mine or they got sent to their own rooms.

[gafhyb]

Don't push them together. Don't bath them together. Let them have their space, but be hardline about violence when they are together

[Ilovedaintynuts]

You have described my life too!
My DD1 (3.10) and DD2 (20m) just can't play nicely and I just end up frustrated. They are both so high maintenance that on reflection, they both could have done with a bigger age gap.
So could I.

[fullofregrets]

'With one child you're a parent, with two you're a referee.'

I am totally only having one child! I get exhausted with just him.
I do think it will probably get better as they get older and start school though.

[BanalChelping]

DS1 is four and a half, DS2 will be 2 in a couple of weeks . The only time they are happy together is when they have joined forces to create evil. Otherwise it's screeching, tears and physical violence. It doesn't help that DS2 is just entering toddler tantrum stage and his brother, who is set to take gold at the 2012 tantrumming olypics, has taught him well.

DS1, fortunately, goes to nursery every morning. Unfortunately he comes home tired and grumpy and that makes him want to kill DS2, which makes me want to kill him.

[Mishy1234]

Absolutely agree!

Our DC are nearly 2 and 4 and it's just not possible to do anything which pleases them both. DS1 is really into Lego, but DS2 just wanted to destroy everything he makes. Separating them doesn't really work either, as DS1 doesn't want to be stuck on his own in his room.

We just divide and conquer at the weekends. We both do things with each child individually (swopping on the second day) and that way they each get to do something they want.

When does it get better, or is it this way forever?

[Petisa]

You're all just like me!

I expected them to be playing together a bit more peacefully now that dd2 is a more interesting playmate. I was conned!

[Petisa]

I was hoping you would say YABU though and tell me what I have been doing wrong.

Thanks for the advice gafhyb. Dd1 does go to nursery every day, and I do try to spend that time playing with dd2. I think I'll keep dd2's nap a while longer, even if it means getting up at 6am (yawning not shocked), so I can play with dd1 for a bit while dd2 naps.

I do try turn taking type stuff and simple games together, but it lasts 30 seconds before descending into war. Ho-hum, will keep trying.

[cornflowers]

My youngest two are around that age and they like nothing better than to dress up as fairies and dance around to music together. Not necessarily a popular activity for boys, however, I'll grant.

[gafhyb]

I remember thinking I'd made a bad mistake having two - one going into toddlerhood when the other was just coming out of it ... but it has been worth that age gap. I'd say it started getting better when DS2 went to full time School Nursery, for several reasons - I had more energy, they had more parallel lives, DS 2 got to feel more grown up, DS2 got the socialisation he needed in a more structured way, and DS1 didn't have to resent the fact that his little brother was at home .... It wasn't a sudden change, just a gradual improvement. It depends so much on personalities as well. Mine weren't really competitive, it was more that DS1 is more self-contained and found DS2 v irritating because he wanted to be with him all the time.

Just don't panic, get time with both, and stay calm.

[gafhyb]

Also

One day they will spend an hour together playing happily, and the 5 minutes -before-war will be a distant memory