for being upset re my sister's visit?

[twatsvilleusa]

I am not from UK but have lived here for about 10 years now. All family apart from my immediate family unit are overseas (Aus). I havent been back for 18 months and prior to that last visit, it had been 2 years or so. The visit 18 months ago was for 2 weeks and was for my sister's wedding. It cost our family thousands to fly there for her weddingbut I wouldnt have missed it for the world. It will be about 3 years before we can get back again.

My sister and her husband didnt want gifts for their wedding, they requested money to help them go on honeymoon to UK and various european countries . They have just completed their 3 week holiday and go back tomorrow.

During the time they were here, they were in London for a total of about 7 days, in stints - 3 days, then to paris for a while then back for 2 then to other parts of europe (spain and italy) and then back for 2 . They spent the time with friends from back home who now also live in UK.

My sister didnt have any time to see me on this trip as her "itinery was too busy". We live "up north" so she kept saying it would be inconvenient to travel to see us . I said I would travel to london even to meet her for a coffee for an hour but she just couldnt fit me in.

I feel awfully hurt about this, especially as I can see she is surrounded by people she is meeting up with (facebook) and that her UK days havent been honeymoon alone time.

Am I being completely selfish thinking it was a bit rough not fitting me in even for a coffee and a hug?

[Kayano]

I think she is inconsiderate and that would be very hurtful. Couldn't spare even an hour?

I would be letting her know about it too! How bloody rude! Yanbu to be upset. I would be livid

[HecateTrivia]

Yes, it was horrible.

Are the two of you not close?

[Softlysoftly]

Yanbu you flew er for her wedding at great expense and she can't spare half an hour at a costa with you have you somehow pissed her off??

[twatsvilleusa]

We are close, never fallen out etc. Well I thought so anyway. We dont speak all the time but thts more because of life nd the distance. We message and send photos via facebook. She used to live with me (rented together) before I came to live in UK. I am older than her though (15 yrs).

[Monty27]

Yes, it was more than a bit rough she couldn't fit you in

[diddl]

So you haven´t seen her for 18 months & she couldn´t find time for you?

Bloody hell!

[RandomMess]

Yep I'd really hurt too

[twatsvilleusa]

I was starting to wonder if I was just being a seflish cow given it was their honeymoon. Their friends are all young and hip and trendy (did I just age myself 100 years lol), DJ scene.

[Sparklingbrook]

I am really for you. She should have made you a priority IMO.

[twatsvilleusa]

Life's a bit embarrasing when you realise you are a chore rather than a pleasure.

[HateBeingCantDoUpMyJeans]

I'm sorry you must feel very hurt.

[BarredfromhavingStella]

How awful of her to see friends but not have time for you, more so as you offered to go to her-how dare you live up north where there are absolutely no places to visit . Truly horrible behaviour on her part & you are DNBU.

[Sparklingbrook]

I suppose the next question is will you say anything?

[twatsvilleusa]

Im actually sitting here thinking about whether or not I will say something and when and how...

[porcamiseria]

HOW MEAN, and selfish

def say something

[Sparklingbrook]

Have you mentioned it to any other family members?

[Dozer]

Was she maybe pissed off that you emigrated / has moved on without you because of it?

[GateGipsy]

YANBU

I'm in a similar situation, living here 12,000 miles from family, and honestly I would be devastated. It is just so hard getting to spend such little time with your family. It is isolating and I get dreadfully homesick for them at times. To have her in the country, and for her to not even let you come down and meet her for coffee?! I really can't think of how anyone can be that mean to their sister.

[twatsvilleusa]

sparklingbrook I have mentioned it to another sister who is rather cross at her for it.

I wont mention it again to her as its just too much like bitching but will have to say something to my honeymooning sister when she gets back (she leaves tomorrow)

[Rindercella]

YADNBU. I think that's actually really hurtful. Incredibly selfish of her. I think you should say something.

[twatsvilleusa]

gategipsy I dont think she ws even going to tell me she was coming. I noticed the announcement of the holiday on facebook and when I enquired was met with a "oh yes but oh no, our itinery will be so tight we wont be able to come and see you, Im so sorry"

Im best moving on now otherwise I'll just be wallowing , At least I dont feel like I was being selfish given it was their honeymoon etc. Thanks all.

[TheSkiingGardener]

She has been very thoughtless. But that's all it probably is, thoughtless rather than deliberately mean. I would let her now how you feel as she should realise how her actions leave affected you.

[Huntingformandarin]

My dad did similar to me:

He lives 500 miles away, he came on holiday, and stayed in the hotel literally at the end of my road for the weekend, and met up with friends.

A couple of weeks after I was chatting on the phone to him about what he'd been up to, and it was then that he said "we came down and stayed at x lovely place", "we met up with xyz and had dinner, and afternoon tea with abc".

He really never understood why it upset me.

And I thought I was close to my dad.

[DumSpiroSpero]

Yanbu. When we went to Oz on our honeymoon we spent 3 of our 4 days in Sydney with my dad's various mates from when he lived out there in the late sixties and early seventies, most of whom hadn't seen me since childhood and had never met my DH.

I'm not sure what you can do about it, but tbh in your shoes I think I'd give it a few weeks then send her an email saying how hurt I was. It may not have been deliberate (perhaps they wanted alone time but were ambushed by so many of the Facebook friends you mention that they felt they had to carve out some space even if it was at your expense), but it does take thoughtlessness to a whole new level imho.

[LargeSkimMochaPlease]

I also live a long way from family and would be so upset. I think she should have popped up to see you tbh and if not a coffee was definitely in order. Is there any chance she didn't see the coffee suggestion or did she directly?

I wouldn't say anything but would not make much of a priority to fit her in next time you come over. It might be a conversation better had in person when you do make it home.