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AIBU to think 3yrs old is too young to get up themselves, down stairs, turn on telly while parent still in bed

(113 Posts)
scuzy Tue 24-Apr-12 11:34:07

and have no idea how long they are up when parent gets up? child is quite mature and always safe (so far) but it doesnt sit right with me? or should i feck off and mind my own business.

pigletmania - As long as the 3 year old isn't making a mess while doing a cooked breakfast. wink

I hate to say it but....

you know your bub hun wink grin

Certainly by the age of rising 4 you have a feel for how sensible they are most of the time I know that my 4yo will go down and get a drink of milk and a yogurt and put cbeebies or a dvd on. She won't try anything else. I wouldn't leave her and go to sleep but I would stay in bed with the baby.

GoGoBananas Tue 24-Apr-12 12:11:34

As you've probably gathered from the thread, it depends on the child.

DD is 4yo now but has ever been a sensible, practical little girl and while I wouldn't make a habit of it (generally because I like to have breakfast with her), she was more than capable of being on her own at that age. She would sometimes sneak in and see we were asleep and go down and start getting out bowls and cereal, cup for my tea and a teabag etc. It was no different to her being in her room playing while I was pottering about doing housework. She knew what she was and wasn't allowed to touch and it never gave me a moment's worry.

southerngal Tue 24-Apr-12 12:14:05

No you are not being unreasonable! 3 is too young, maybe not to walk up and down stairs but to be unsupervised especially if parents asleep! I'm always amazed by this, yes, they will probably be ok, but what if they do tangle themselves in the roller blinds, or in the case of my 4 year old, open the front door and take a walk.... it only takes one moment.

It might be handy, but I don't think it is right. But - and I learned this lesson the hard way - it is not worth saying anything, you will just antagonize them, probably lose a friend and then they will carry on anyhow.

FredFredGeorge Tue 24-Apr-12 12:15:05

pigletmania why shouldn't the 3 year old be making you a cooked breakfast whilst you sleep? What age is appropriate for them to properly become your servants?

Tee2072 Tue 24-Apr-12 12:15:12

Why would your front door be open to allow your 4 year old to walk? Mine needs a key and has a chain across. Perhaps the problem is your front door rather than your 4 year old?

GoGoBananas Tue 24-Apr-12 12:16:32

When pregnant with ds (so dd was around 3.7 at the time), I started struggling with bp issues and dd knew I was on bed rest. DH got up early one morning to go to the tip and asked dd if she wanted to go with him (I was asleep). She said no, she wanted to stay with me. I awoke about half an hour later to dd clutching a tray with a bowl of milk and some shreddies floating in it, a mug of orange juice, a slice of ham and a yoghurt (no spoon). She'd picked a flower out of the vase on the mantelpiece and written a note which read 'luv yoo mama'.

Benign neglect has its benefits.

CremeEggThief Tue 24-Apr-12 12:17:40

It definitely depends on the child, so I don't think there's a right or wrong as such.

We did this with our DS from when he was 2 and a half at weekends/holidays, but he was never an early riser, one of us went downstairs with him and got him breakfast or sometimes just a snack, and we had a gate on the kitchen door. When he was nearer to 4, we took the gate on his bedroom door off, so he did start going down by himself then, usually from somewhere between 8 and 9 a.m. until 10-10.30 a.m.
TBH, I was usually awake, but reading in bed, rather than in a deep, deep sleep.

MooBaaWoofCheep Tue 24-Apr-12 12:32:28

it depends on your 3yo. i was doing it with my 5 and 3yo's, but my two showed me they couldnt be trusted after raiding the fridge, messing with the plugs (trying to get computer on) and climbing on the kitchen side and managing to break some stuff...

They now have a tv in their room and are not allowed downstairs without an adult.

gobbledegook1 Tue 24-Apr-12 12:37:10

Wouldn't bother me, its something I did from a young age myself and I'm still alive.

My son has kind of been doing this since he was a young 2 (hes 3 now) difference is we don't have stairs and he can't get the tv on himself he comes and asks me to go put it on and make him a drink, then a go back to bed for a lie in. He mostly just curls up under a blanket or if he gets bored gets some toys out. He did draw on the wall once when he found a pen but that was easily fixed.

Problem is you say your friends DC doesn't wake them up so if they can't hear her its hardly like they can do much to stop it is there, a baby gate will do no good my son has been able to get over not just the baby gate but the 4.5ft dog gate since he was 18 mths.

You also say they don't know how long she has been up when they get up but then go on to say she gets up at 8 or 9 am so if they know what time she's getting up then they must have a good idea how long she's been there.

ChocHobNob Tue 24-Apr-12 12:40:41

I wouldn't let mine when they were 3, because they would play with things in the kitchen and bathroom without thinking. But my now 6 year old gets up with his 4 yr old brother and they watch telly for a while on weekends. They don't get food/drinks though.

sweetkitty Tue 24-Apr-12 12:43:10

Mine have never done this as DP is an early riser so usually up before them!

I wouldn't get peace to doze anyway DD1 & 2 would be arguing in about 5 minutes anyway.

TeaTeaLotsOfTea Tue 24-Apr-12 12:44:53

Yes DS started to do this at 3.

He would eat a tray of yogurts for breakfast till I got up. smile

BobblyGussets Tue 24-Apr-12 12:51:35

My soon to be four year old sometimes bypasses our bedroom and sneaks downstairs with DS1 (nearly 9). Half an hour or so is fine and DS2 chose to do it, so is obviously happy with big brother. I wouldn't have trusted DS1 though at age 3/4 on his own. I am still their servant too and get them all food and drinks, so they wouldn't think to mess about in the kitchen.

I think anything longer than an hour is a bit cruel though. There was a thread on here about a month ago about a lone parent lying in until midday while the poor little toddler wandered around sad, so it does depend on circumstances.

purpledragonfruit Tue 24-Apr-12 12:53:49

DD1 did this from about 3, then the younger 2 just joined in from as young as 2 I think. What's the problem?

From about 6 DD would bring me a cup of tea in bed - she knew if she did that I would wake up and make pancakes sooner.

Do what you like I suppose but I have to say it's extremely annoying when an anxious parent comes over ostensibly to have coffee with me but can't talk to me because they have to follow their 3 year old everywhere. Child was not getting up to anything he shouldn't, and my dcs were old enough to watch him anyway.

halcyondays Tue 24-Apr-12 12:54:46

What exactly could go wrong? The list is endless. DH once got up in the morning without anyone knowing and ironed some plastic bags into a brand new carpet. He was about 5 at the time.

halcyondays Tue 24-Apr-12 12:58:15

On another occasion he decided to be "helpful" and clean out the fireplace so he emptied out the ashes from the fireplace onto a fire guard on top of the carpet and ruined another carpet.

Noqontrol Tue 24-Apr-12 13:00:59

My 2 and 4 yr old go downstairs and watch telly. 4 yr old will often grab them both a drink out of the fridge. My 4 yr old is pretty sensible, 2 yr old not too bad either. My house is very child safe and the front door is also locked with key removed. So I have to say you are being unreasonable because it's something I allow my kids to do. Dd always comes in and asks if they can go downstairs first, and I'm pretty happy with it. Think it entirely depends on the kids, layout of the house and how child proof it is etc.

OfCourseImAlwaysRight Tue 24-Apr-12 13:01:17

mine both get up and go downstairs on their own on a weekend morning, 7 & almost 5 tho, eldest will make them some cereal in a tupperware dish (using a pint of milk in the process tho) and watch tv.
i hear them going down tho so am not in a deep sleep usually just dozing, ill then feel alive enought to go down after about half an hour.
its upto the parent if they feel their child is sensible enough

MrsShitty Tue 24-Apr-12 13:06:28

My DD is 4 and if I didn't wake up in the morning she would probably unlock the door, go to the shop, call in on the neighbours and then come in and fry bacon.

That's why I have to get up with her.

My DS did this from 2.5 no problems. Bliss.
My DD1 wants to talk to another person from the moment she opens her eyes. Does not want to be alone. Ever. Tres annoying.
My DD2 is nearly 2 and looks like she might want to go downstairs smile. Now if I can persuade DD2 to take DD1 downstairs and let her talk to her everyone's a winner grin

CallMeAl Tue 24-Apr-12 13:13:24

Jaysus, paranoid/ott much?

1) Child could fall down the stairs sure, but three year olds are good at stairs, and they could fall at any time of the night or day so whats the difference?
2) Child could wet fingers and go touching electrics to turn on TV. Wet fingers make no difference when switching on appliances. If they did thousands of people would be dead
3) Child could run bath & drown * Your 3 year old could run a bath? Mine couldn't. Plus why would they? *
4) Child could ingest small toy eg hama beads, marbles, even small batteries. Not if you don't have them lying around in the first place
5) Child may actually be able to get out onto street! Not if your door is locked
6) Child may open door to stranger Again, locked door. And if there did happen to be a stranger calling at 7am, they are unlikely to be a random kidnapper who RINGS THE DOORBELL
7) Child could climb to reach something out of their reach and have accident. They could do that anytime
8) Child could consume overdose of calpol/similar. Only if you're stupid enough to leave open medicine in reach of children, in which case my 3 year old has more sense than you
9) Less seriously, they could make a mess of food or poo or anything really. Your 3 year old messes with poo? You should be worrying more about your own children and less about others, clearly
etc

What exactly could go wrong? The list is endless. DH once got up in the morning without anyone knowing and ironed some plastic bags into a brand new carpet. He was about 5 at the time.
Halcyondays you must have got married REALLY young.

DS is 4 DD is 3, they please themselves in the morning. Sometimes they go down stairs, sometimes play in one of their rooms, sometimes get in with us for a cuddle and chat.

They will take themselves to the loo and wash their hands. They dont do their own breakfast, we do that when we come down, but they will grab a few biscuits and I leave a drink in sports bottle ready for the morning. They dont turn the tv on but get their toys out and make a start on spreading them round the house.

They let the dog out for a wee and play really nicely together.

They know what they are allowed to do and what they are not allowed to do. I cant see what harm can come first thing that couldnt come in the middle of the day whilst I am putting clothes away???

Plus dozing in bed with DH listening in on our DC chatting away to each other is the most beautiful thing in the world. If your children/house isnt suitable to the situation then dont do it, but for some of us it works very well thanks smile

GoOnPitch Tue 24-Apr-12 13:21:52

I am not sure I can see the difference between the child being up and in their bedroom playing quitely?!? and one who is going downstairs and switching the TV on on then being hypnotised by the b** thing and not move a finger until the parents get up.

My dcs have been waking up early since they were babies. I have always heard them but not always got up.
Which means that , in effect, I have done what I would have done during the day ie keeping an eye or rather and ear on them whilst they play in the a different room.
Have your never done that or are they always in the same room than you during the day?

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