To tell GF to shut up?

[justsomebloke]

GF was talking to me about a subject she knew I didn't want to hear about. I politely asked her to stop talking several times. She heard but ignored me, so I told her to shut up. She says that me telling her to shut up shows a lack of respect towards her+ hurt her. I told her that I didn't mean to hurt her but that if she was going to ignore me when I asked her politely*, I would ask her impolitely. AIBU? (she thinks I am...)

• She normally listens when I ask her politely.

[er1507]

totally depends on what the subject was about...If I was about shoes then u prob are being unreasonable cos u could just be polite and pretend your listening...if it was about a personal issue that u didn't want to talk about then no your not being unreasonable she should have respected your wish and not continued to talk about it.

[SparkyMcSparrow]

What was she talking about?

[minimisschief]

shes bu

[ChaoticAngel]

What was the subject?

[abbierhodes]

You sound like a charmer

[WorraLiberty]

It's hard to tell without knowing what it was she was talking about and whether it was important to her or not.

[missingmumxox]

IF she was talking about Dr Who, sewing, health and safety, civil and criminal law, latest gossip at work, how cool she is finding it that 1 Dt has finally learned to read at 7, more Dr Who, then you are being unreasonable and a total twat!

anything else she is bu, cos you clearly arn't my DH these have been my convo's tonight

[Aniseeda]

Well, as I tell my DC, asking politely does not mean you get your own way every time. The answer can still be no!

It really depends what the subject was and whether your not wanting to hear it trumped her need to talk to you about it. Maybe she really, really needed you to listen to her at the time. Although perhaps she could have communicated this need to you rather than just continue to talk.

So... if it was about some problem at work, YABU. If it was about the really interesting dream she had last night (and you were in the middle of your fave TV prog at the time!) YANBU!

[CreepyWeeBrackets]

Well if it was about an unresolved issue which is important in your relationship which you do not wish to discuss, or place any importance on, then you are BU.

If she wanted to discuss One Direction and their hairstyles then you could have tried to move the conversation on without telling her to shut up, or said, "I have no interest in this"

"Shut Up" is a very disrespectful thing to say to anyone. I wouldn't say that to my boss or a client - would you?

[MrsSBackshaw]

My guess - -she was telling you about previous and all they do to her!
If this is truwe then YABU cos if you hadlistened you may have learned something.
HTH

[ilovesooty]

If I was about shoes then u prob are being unreasonable cos u could just be polite and pretend your listening

Why should he? In any case I don't think it's particularly ploite to pretend to listen to someone: it's dishonest and patronising.

[ShadowsCollideWithPeople]

YABU. Very, very much so. DP, for example, will often talk about work for several hours after he gets home. It does sometimes become tiresome. However, I would never, ever tell him to shut up. How horribly disrespectful and rude, if DP ever said that to me I would be fuming. I might point out that he has been talking for quite a while, and that perhaps it might be my turn, but I'd never tell him (or anyone) to shut up. Of course YABU.

[NoDontLickThat]

You need to perfect the 'look really interested whilst not listening at all to anything that is being said' look

[SaraBellumHertz]

Shadows does it not occur to you that it is actually incredibly disrespectful and rude of your H to talk about work for several hours when he gets home?

No one can possibly be interested in regularly hearing several hours of someone else's working day if you haven't told him to shut up by now you are a bloody saint!

[SaraBellumHertz]

As for the OP saying "shut up" isn't a particularly pleasant turn of phrase but whether or not you were unreasonable depends entirely on what she was trying to talk about.

[ShadowsCollideWithPeople]

Oh, Sara, it is bloody annoying, not to mention rude and disrespectful of him to waffle on about work endlessly, without asking about my day, at all. And it is fucking tedious, and tbh, his job is not that fascinating. So, I do point out that he is doing that, and tell him to knock the endless work talk on the head. Still, I couldn't just tell him to shut up. And, when I bang on about college things, and my latest Physics class, if he told me to shut up, I'd be raging. But I'm not a docile little wifey. If my Mum, Sister or friend did the same talking about their own stuff, without ever asking about me, I'd still tell them to pipe down with the self-centred talk, but never tell them to shut up. That just seems too rude, for me.

[SaraBellumHertz]

Yes shadows I agree actually saying "shut up" is rude, however I think it would be a reasonable reaction if you, for example, said to your DH "hmm you mentioned that earlier" and he carried on so you said "really I don't actually want to talk about this now" and he carried on regardless then an exasperated "oh shut up" would I think be justified. Context is all.

at his job isn't that fascinating. I think I'd struggle to be interested in hearing about the risk and roll exploits of the lead singer of my favourite band for hours on end every night!

[Boomerwang]

YANBU. My brother and on occasion my boyfriend can harp on for ages about something I'm not remotely interested in (Stargate, computer programming, a new pump for the fish tank) and I like to be honest and tell them I can't get excited about it rather than let them think I'm interested. It DOES upset them a bit, but I'm saving us both the bother.

You said 'shut up' after your girlfriend ignored your previous polite request, so it's her own fault.

[skybluepearl]

she doesn't have to be quiet even if you ask politley. you could try telling her that you are begining to feel annoyed that she keeps harping. Failing that take yourelf off somewhere alone.

[carabos]

While I agree that telling someone to shut up is unnecessarily rude, I don't get why the topic of the conversation is in any way relevant to whether the OP should or shouldn't listen.

If its a subject that he doesn't want to engage with or spend time on, regardless of what it is, it is not unreasonable to say so.

[skybluepearl]

is she going on and on because you aren't acknowledging how she feels about something? Try Really engaging about the topic first, running with it fully for a bit and then asking to change the topic once things start to get repeated.

[skybluepearl]

saying shut up is rude

[BoneyBackJefferson]

to those saying he is being rude

he asked politely and was ignored,the GF is being rude.

[redexpat]

What Boney said.