Upset friend, aibu or is she?

[blackcoffee]

History is friend of mine has looked after my dc once a week. Our dds were in same class and it seemed a good idea. She was also looking after some other dc. I paid her obviously. This went on for a while. Girls had a minor disagreement and dd was uninvited to her dd's birthday party (by text, day before). I tried to find out if dd had done anything but no, they'd just had an average minor falling out. I asked if she wished to continue with the dc, I was changing days and my main, official childminder would become full the day I gave up. She said yes, she wanted to, and confirmed when position explained. All seemed well and good. However she started to make excuses always by text and at short notice. Then she said she'd continue til I could find something else. After the lastest text I managed to get them back into childcare and texted her to confirm she did not need to have them any more. She replied with a ? and so I explained, she then replied to say the ? was because she did not know who I was and I obv had the wrong number! am totally confused. Seems she has the arse. Why?

[FetchezLaVache]

Seems she IS an arse!! Are your DDs still not friends? Seems like a very good time to make a clean break.

[frankie76]

If I were you I wouldn't bother replying now sounds like u have upset her for whatever reason and I would just give up

[blackcoffee]

Thank goodness for that, have no one to talk it over with and was beginning to doubt myself! My text to her was brief and maybe a bit blunt? but I thought she'd be relieved, given that she was hoping to stop.
Dds rub along but not really much in common. I'm really happy it has stopped tbh, the whole thing was making me anxious.
My friend is quite gossipy and I don't want to be dissed at school so I am a bit worried about that.

[blackcoffee]

no I don't think the dc's fall out was bad. The other dc she used to have have made other arrangements too, I think it was getting too much (and don't blame her)
Yes I know I've upset her I just don;t know how or why, I replied like an idiot when she said she didn;t know who it was because I couldn't believe the arsiness was on that level at first. Am going to leave it now, but it makes me feel a bit sick

[EllenParsons]

at wrong number - do you think it possible that she has given her phone to someone or had she just deleted your number so you didn't come up by name?

Anyway yes, it sounds like she is the arse, not you.

[HoneyandHaycorns]

are you sure you texted the right number?

And when you say she uninvited your dc to the party, do you mean that there was an invitation which was subsequently withdrawn? If so, she is bvu.

[blackcoffee]

you're confused? my head is spinning exorcist style

[blackcoffee]

yy was right number, it was a reply to her text asking if I'd sorted something! the party thing was a little while back, I thought that was u at the time as there had been an enormous build up, small party but described in detail eats/ents every time dd stayed until the text day before - but shrugged it off
then she canc a social thing and I contacted her to say was she sure about still having dc? she said she wanted to
Think she has family pressures so was cutting her slack

[blackcoffee]

she could have deleted my number but it would have to be the moment she got my text saying you don't need to have dc again

[blackcoffee]

y I should have spoken really, was busy getting dc fed and watered and unpacking shopping etc, prepping for tomorrow - it seemd like a quick thing at the time, the sort of thing a text would be OK for iyswim.

[theonewiththenoisychild]

Can see why your confused

[ilovedarthmaul]

Erm.. Phone her? Call round? U need to talk not text!

[izzyizin]

To prevent any future misunderstandings of this nature, I would suggest you make a call instead of sending a text or visit in person.

[Cherriesarelovely]

Things like this do make you feel horrible and a bit sick. I suppose if you want to you could drop her a note to say that you are confused, thought she wasn't very happy about having your DC anymore. It is very difficult if you don't even know what you are supposed to have done wrong. I had a big falling out with friends last year and it was really unsettling, I feel for you.

[blackcoffee]

well thanks everyone am still confused but at least I can see the confusion is reasonable
so grateful to you for calming me down!

[WhiteTrash]

What a dick!

[blackcoffee]

well there aren't going to be misunderstandings like this in future izzy cos she doesn't have to have the dc! and no am not a texter in gen it is her preferred style of communication, I tried to ring her over the hols and could only get answered by text
you don't think I should go round there now do you?! eep
cherry yes that's it exactly. Sick and blindsided. I did have an inkling all was not well but I thought she would be relieved by the solution! maybe there is something else, looks like I will never know

[blackcoffee]

I could ring her, I suppose. I might pop round there after work tomorrow. Although having been told 'I don't know who you are and you have the wrong number' she would slam door on me? she did know, it wasn't phone, like I said I even replied, idiot i am, this is bc - and nothing.

[FilterCoffee]

Hmmm... refuse to be bullied. If you see her again ask "what's all this with you pretending you don't know who I am on the phone?" and she will look shifty!

[Ruudiluca]

You friend sounds like she doesn't have the guts to tell you that she doesn't want to looK after your DC any more. YANBU!

[troisgarcons]

Something no one else has picked up on - you are paying a friend to look after your child? is she a registered childminder? Does she have liability insurance?

Frankly she sounds a PITA and you've better off putting your daughter into professional surroundings.