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AIBU?

to want another baby now we're older and more chilled?

41 replies

holidaywoe · 14/02/2012 16:42

I have two boys aged 6 and 8 who I off course love to bits. I enjoyed both pregnancies and had two pretty easy, uncomplicated births (both 3 hours 2nd a lovely homebirth) BUT..........I do feel like we spent their babyhood in a whirlwind of rushing to the next stage IYKWIM.
Now the boys are older and they get on like best friends as opposed to brothers AIBU to think about having another or should I just be grateful for what I have and not rock the boat?
Financially we would be fine and I have a great family network around me but a small part of me really wants to go for number three.

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FabbyChic · 14/02/2012 16:45

What do both the boys think and your husband, not just your decision to make is it there are four of you.

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troisgarcons · 14/02/2012 16:52

Massive up heaval.

Pros and cons of both really.

Is your husband game for a 3rd child? (and I disagree with Fabby, it most certainly is not a childs opinion to be taken into consideration whether M&D want to increase the family)

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CailinDana · 14/02/2012 16:54

Hard to say - what does your DH think? My parents had my sister when I was seven and it was the best thing that ever happened to me, she was like my own child I love her that much.

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holidaywoe · 14/02/2012 16:55

It was husband that first planted the idea.When we were sorting the loft and clearing out baby things he said "wouldnt it be lovely to have another?" and the few times I've casually mentioned it he's been quite positive.
As for the boys their only concern was that it wouldnt mean they had to watch Cbeebies!!!

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Mallinky · 14/02/2012 16:58

I'm in a similar situation. My kids are slightly younger and I'm 40 so my opinion is go for it

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troisgarcons · 14/02/2012 16:58

Two are as cheap as one - but the third placed a large financial implication.

I'll be 54 by the time parents evenings stop

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purplepansy · 14/02/2012 16:59

I reckon you're more likely to regret the child you didn't have than the one you did...

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mumof3boys01 · 14/02/2012 17:03

I did the same my 2 boys were 17 & 14 when i had 3 DS definitely more chilled this time,may even have a 4th

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Hardgoing · 14/02/2012 17:05

Sounds like a great plan, my husband would have another like a shot, so would I if we were financially stable and I wasn't so old and knackered

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holidaywoe · 14/02/2012 17:07

Trois why the large financial implication? What sort of things do I need to consider when going from 2 to 3.
I am currently 35 if that makes any difference

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dearjane · 14/02/2012 17:08

I would go for it.

This is kind of my fantasy - to get the older two in school and then have another one and actually enjoy the endless days spent pushing a pram round the shops and the park instead and have confidence in what I'm doing.

Instead of fretting and worrying I was doing everything with DD1 and sitting in cafes all afternoon thinking it was the hardest thing in the world having a newborn

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claireinmodena · 14/02/2012 17:14

Go for it if you really want to, but consider all eventualities: dont assume (like I did) that just because you had easy pregnancies and deliveries before its going to be same this time (like I did).

As it turned out my third pregnancy at 40 was a twin one, so carefully monitored by drs and so much more difficult on my body. I had all the ailments I didnt get with the others, was put on bedrest and ended up with a cs because of twin1 being breech. Just about everything I didnt want!

I dont regret it for a moment, but I guesd I wanted to say think of all poss scenarios too before you make a decision unlike me. (not that I would have done anything different, I was desperate fir a third child, and nothing would have swayed me)

Ps agree dont include dc in decision it is only yours and your dhs

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highlandcoo · 14/02/2012 17:22

I had a third, with two already at school, and being a mum with more experience and confidence has been great. Our little one has been an absolute delight and the other two have loved him loads

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holidaywoe · 14/02/2012 17:28

Now I'm even more broody!!!
To those of you that have had a gap did it was it at all frustrating to be starting the baby stage all over again, just when the others were becoming more self reliant?

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DefiniteMaybe · 14/02/2012 17:28

this is sort of my plan. I've got 3 year old ds and 6 month old dd at the moment. I feel like someone isn't here yet but will be waiting until dd is at school before the next one. I'm 22 though so plenty of time to have lots one more.

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Proudnscary · 14/02/2012 17:32

holidaywoe - why more money? Because everything's geared up for families of four. So you might well need bigger horrible people carrier car, not be able to get as good family deals on holidays and tickets and meals etc for a start.
Not that this should put you off. Just answering your question.

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woopsidaisy · 14/02/2012 17:37

Well, Holidaywoe, I have 2 DSs, aged 5 and 7 and DC 3 is due in August!
I agree with dearjane. I feel so much more confident with this one, really looking forward to everything!
I couldn't wait for the boys to be bigger,sleeping through,feeding themselves etc.
Now, I really feel ready to enjoy a baby-on my terms! No listening to everyone else and what they thought I should be doing.
The boys are delighted! And with their busy school lives, me and the bub will have mornings to ourselves and afternoons spent in a whirl of pick ups and after school/homework. The days are going to be zipping by...Hurry up August!

I am a little worried about delivery etc,as everything has always gone so smoothly before.

I say go for it!

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Hassled · 14/02/2012 17:43

I highly recommend having other babies when you're older and more chilled. In my case it was a second marriage, but I had a 9 year gap between DC2 and DC3, then another 4 before DC4 came along. And I've loved it - with my oldest DCs they were close together, I was young and skint and stressed and it was all a bit of a hideous blur. With the younger ones I just enjoyed it - had no problem rediscovering the baby stuff, etc.

My only caveat would be that DC2, who had been the baby for 9 years, did find it a hard adjustment and was quite jealous for a while. Tread carefully there.

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WorraLiberty · 14/02/2012 17:48

Go for it!

I've got a 7 and a half year age gap between my first two and it was definitely more enjoyable the 2nd (and 3rd!) time around.

I think I just appreciated everything a lot more.

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RandomMess · 14/02/2012 17:53

If I had been able to plan mine more, I'd have done this but I'd have gone on to have a 4th as well with a smallish final gap.

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sittinginthesun · 14/02/2012 17:53

My parents had my little brother when I was 7 and my sister was 6. We loved him to bits, and he is still my mum's baby (even though he is 32 and going to be a dad soon).

I would love another, but financially it would be too tight, and I had a rough time with ds2, so am put off by that.

In your position, I would go for it.

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highlandcoo · 14/02/2012 17:57

Hi again

No, not frustrating at all to go back to the baby stage .. you know by your third how quickly that passes and you just enjoy it while it lasts.

It was great having two who could manage to dress themselves, fasten their own seatbelts etc. I just tucked the little one under my arm and got on with school runs, swimming lessons and all the rest of it .. easier than having a first tbh, and much easier than having two close together. While the others were at school we had nice times just the two of us, and once they got home he was happy watching them running around and didn't take much entertaining.

I do remember his first few years as a really happy time

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TheArmadillo · 14/02/2012 17:58

I only have 2 dc but there is a 6year age gap between them. It works really well at the moment (dd is only 18months old) but I have been warned as they get older it becomes harder to find stuff to entertain them both (i.e. when the older one grows out of parks and soft play and the younger one is to old to just be entertained in a pushchair or whatever). But for the time being its fantastic.

They get on brilliantly as well.

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holidaywoe · 14/02/2012 20:53

Well Ive got my uni course to finish this year (finishes in July) so maybe that will give me enough time to seriously think through all the pros and cons!

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callmemrs · 14/02/2012 21:33

Go for it if you're both happy. But bear in mind you'll have two close together and then a fairly big age gap which might be difficult later on.

We know a couple of families who had this pattern- 2 close together and then a third after a large gap. The first year or so seemed to be all very positive- they said it was easy having the older ones in school- but they have admitted in their honest moments that as the years roll by its been trickier with doing things as a family and finding shared interests. Our older kids are all teens now, and it does seem hard sometimes when they have a 7 year old too. Try to imagine all the different stages, not just the baby years which would probably ok but the later years too