wibu to not go to friends hen do?

[CheesecakeMonster]

ok, my friend is getting married this year, we used to be close but have somewhat drifted apart (nothing bad has happened, no bad feeling on either side). Now she has expressed to me recently that she really wants me to come to her hen do, and obviously i said that i would come (she came to mine) since then, now last night she sent me an email with prices for the whole thing, its £200 for room, food ect. its going to cost at least £30 in petrol to get down to the location of hen do, then there is the issue of me bf dd (only a few weeks now, ) we struggle so much with money, i know that it will be a real hard month if i go but given that she paid about a hundred on my hen do, wibu to not go?

[WorraLiberty]

YANBU if you can't afford it.

It doesn't matter what she paid for yours...that was then but this is now.

Are you going to the wedding?

[ZillionChocolate]

She didn't have to go to your hen do, you don't have to go to hers. I'd tell her that you're sorry that you can't go away from home for that long or afford to spend that much. If she did something local, presumably you'd go to that? Maybe volunteer to organise a cheap night out?

[Pandemoniaa]

Given the circumstances, no. I think there comes a time when you can't always reciprocate past events. Yes, she came to your hen night and yes, it cost her £100. But times have moved on for you and if you can't afford what's planned you'd be sensible to send a tactful reply (or better still phone) explaining why you'll have to turn her invitation down.

[Pandygirl]

I'm sure she'll understand, just be honest and say you can't afford it.

[pigletmania]

YANBU to not go, I would not, but why not go out for a meal with her instead.

[FabbyChic]

dont go just say hey im sorry but had not realised it would be so expensive we cannot stretch to that with a new baby

[AgentZigzag]

It was her decision whether she could go to yours or not, it doesn't mean you're obliged to her in any way.

Just try to tell her as early as possible so she can rejig the numbers, if she's any kind of friend she'll understand.

[PinkPeanuts]

YANBU. Mostly because you can't afford it but I'm also a firm believer in not doing things because you feel obligated to.

It always amazes me how much hen dos can set people back these days!

[CheesecakeMonster]

Thanks for quick replies! She doesnt live near me so arranging meal would be difficult, but definatly a visit up to see her/the family sounds like a good idea! yes il be going to the wedding, they are a really nice couple but just dont want to seem like a cheapskate/ that im not bothered about her.

[WorraLiberty]

Ahh see that's not so bad if you're going to the wedding anyway...I'm sure she'll understand.

I think it's something all brides probably bear in mind when they choose something pricey for a hen do.

Whatever happened to a few drinks in the pub followed by a nice meal?

[BettyBedlam]

I think the breast feeding alone might be a struggle, mightn't it? You will have to express enough to last a day and if she is only a few weeks old you might not have enough left over. I would mention that to her if you are worried about offending by talking about the financial aspect.

[LoveInAColdClimate]

She will understand - you have a new baby. YANBU.

[AnyFucker]

yanbu, you cut your cloth once the kiddies come along

if she is a real friend, she will understand that

[corriefan]

Don't go it won't be worth it, you won't be the only one who can't stretch to that.

[CheesecakeMonster]

i just worry because shehas kids aswell but never seems to be as worried about money as we are, iv had to stop working so reliant on dh wage and my maternity pay. i just honestly cant even see how it would be possible, especially with the breast feeding issue, its over 3 days so it would be a big imposition on dh aswell, oh well that answers my question then, awkward conversation for me tomorrow then...