My mum has ALWAYS agreed to stuff only to pull out last minute. Earliest example I can think of - she said I could have a dog when I was about 9 years old. I was OVER THE MOON. Stayed awake thinking about it all night, had plans for names, collar, walk routes - EVERYTHING. Morning came I said "what time are we going to the RSPCA? and she said "oh umm I don't think we should get a dog actually" - que 9 year old heartbreak. Why just say no in the first place???
2nd example - I was 19 and my boyfriends grandmother died. DS was only a few months old so wasn't going to the funeral so I asked my mum if she would have him. "yes, that's fine" she said. Therefore the arrangements were made with me in them. A few days before the funeral I checked again - "yes yes, still fine" - I let the family know everything is still ok. DAY BEFORE the funeral she calls me "umm I've been thinking and we're actually really busy on a wednesday, can't someone else have him?" - long story short, No, nobody else could have him because they were all going to the effing funeral!! This resulted in me looking like a twat for messing up the funeral arrangements and not being able to go.
3rd example - she says "oh if ever you find a house you'd like to rent, let us know and we'll be your guarantor!". So I find a house and call her "you still ok to be a guarantor?" - "yes that's fine!". I go view the house, fell in love with it, called my mum "I'm going for it, you still ok to be guarantor?" - "yes everything still ok, good luck!". I apply - I am told the house is mine - I take the papers to my mum - "oh, umm - we've been thinking and ... " ABSOLUTE HEARTBREAK on my part.
Latest incident - I asked LAST WEEK if she would mind babysitting for me this weekend as a birthday night out was coming up. "yes, that's fine." I finalise all the plans, called this week "still ok?" - "yes that's all still fine" - go and buy an outfit today - I'm going out TOMORROW. She has just called me "umm G is off work and we never get to see each other and .... " so I just said "mum, I asked you 3 times if it was ok, I've bought an outfit and everything now" so she gets all snappy and said "oh well whatever then, we would have liked the weekend to ourselves but if YOU want to go out then I suppose we can't do that can we. Bye."
FFS!!!!! JUST FUCKING SAY NO IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!
AIBU?
To wish my mother would just say no if she doesn't want to do it rather than going all passive/aggressive
PuddleDuk · 19/01/2012 20:34
Puddleduck - your post somewhat reminds me of my relationship with mother - essentially how frustrated and let down you feel. I have long ago learned not to have high expectations of Mum and therefore try to avoid relying on her so much. She is not so much letting me down as herself in general and she is does not sound as narcisstic as your mum.
It sounds as though you have to start thinking of your Mother as 'damaged' and lower your expectations - treat her like the spoilt attention seeking child she appears to be and reward her for good behaviour and ignore her bad iyswim?
bertha the list of 7 characteristics of Avoident Personality Disorder - describes my Mothers behaviour exactly!
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.