I know she will. Tell me she will please. 
DD (9) left today for almost four weeks in New Zealand with ex-DP. It's an amazing opportunity for her, and I'm sure she'll have a fantastic time. I know that NZ is as safe a place for her to be as here, and that the chances of something awful (plane crash, drowning, car crash, drowning, falling off volcanoes, drowning, and did I mention drowning? 
) happening are miniscule. But I've still been filled with unshakeable dread and middle-of-the-night disaster-mongering in my anxious brain.
It doesn't help that DD's been quite teary the last few days, with lots of 'I'll miss you SO much mummy' and ' this is our last day together' - cue me saying hurriedly and very firmly 'last day until you come home safe and sound and happy!!' 
I'm BU to be so fearful, right? It is entirely reasonable to assume that she will be absolutely fine in NZ, and not worry any more than if she were just at her dad's house?
AIBU?
to think that DD will be as safe on the other side of the world than she would be here?
CrabbyBigbottom · 17/01/2012 18:33
We have babies here. Even some children. 
They're not all falling into volcano craters and drowning themselves. Plus, it's summer right now. 
She'll be fine.
Aw thank you all for your lovely supportive messages! 
Sorry didn't mean to post and run; just rang friend for a pep talk.
You are all absolutely right - the risks are miniscule and she's just as likely (if not more so) to come to harm here than there. It's just that empty awful feeling in the pit of my stomach that she'll be so fucking far away! But I shall quash that and focus on the fantastic time she'll have and all the wonderful experiences.
Her dad adores her and will take very good care of her, it's just that he's sometimes slightly distracted - I'm thinking back to the first time he took her abroad, when she was 5, and I was terrified, and got her back with a bottom so badly sunburned (long story, he shouldn't have let her take off the shorts ) that it was still scarlet and blistered when she got home. He's a much more experienced parent now, though. And she's older too, of course.
Yes we can skype, and calls to NZ are included in my package (Yay for Sky), so allowing for the time difference, we'll be in regular contact.
Slinking I didn't mean to cast aspersions on your wonderful country! The drowning thing is my personal dread fear preoccupation - water terrifies the life out of me, yet DD is incredibly drawn to it, and ex-DH loves it, and takes her on boat holidays. I have this deep terror once a year when he whisks her off on a group boat holiday (like a big yacht thing that sleeps up to 20), but so far they've been in Greece or Turkey. Still terrifying, but not so far away. DD is so excited at the thought of snorkelling at Goat Island, and swimming and maybe going sailing etc. I've been very excited and rictus grin positive about the impending water adventures.
I know it's just my paranoia. You've all made me feel better already; I thank you. 
Cooking dinner now, not posting and running again.
No offence taken whatsoever!
You sound lovely and normal, and she will be just fine.
BandOMothers DD is currently home educated. Ex-DP suggested taking DD to NZ quite a while ago, as he knew he was going to have to spend some time there overseeing some work on his mum's house. He asked if I thought the school would give her the time off to go, and my reply was 'well you can ask them, but good luck with that '
For lots of other reasons, we decided to try home-ed for DD, and she finished school at the end of Nov. It's been great that DD can go on this trip with him, as not only is it a great opportunity (despite all my neuroses) and a chance to spend some time with her elderly and very frail DGM, but because it gave us a great first topic to focus on in HE. I really don't think that school would have authorised the time off - we didn't even bother asking. I guess some people choose to take it as unauthorised absence, though, and pay any fine that results. I find it all a bit crap to be honest; what children must gain from being immersed in another culture is an amazing learning experience, surely? Schools are so bound by attendance figures etc though, that I'm not surprised they feel unable to 'encourage' things like this.
Thanks again people for your support. I might be back on here whimpering pathetically over the coming weeks.
Didn't read the whole thread so don't know if you have other babes to take care of..
But if not, I can only recommend this time to completely spoil yourself doing what YOU want to do! And recharge your batteries.
Thank you! I was thinking today that this never ends, does it - this anxiety about their safety? When they go away to uni, or on their first holiday alone, or gap year or whatever, or when they move out to live in the city with all the risks that entails. Basically every move towards independence is designed to cause us parents maximum terror that their lives will be cut tragically short. It's a life sentence of worry, isn't it. 
As others have said, it's totally natural to be anxious for your daughter's safety. Just remember, she's with her dad who will look after her and she will have an amazing experience.
I've lived in NZ for a few years now and it's a lovely country and she'll have an absolute ball here. Just two words to the wise- get her dad to make her wear lots of sun screen, reapplied regularly and wear a hat and sun glasses too. The sun is next level here and when we first arrived we learned the hard way - by getting burned after being complacent on an overcast day! Also, make sure you get her dad to stick her in a buoyancy aid at Goat Island. Whilst it's a very popular area, so she'll be well supervised, the tides can sometimes run a bit quick. That's not said to scare you, just to be aware of.
Got up this morning feeling rather desolate, not helped by reading 'til 2am because I couldn't sleep, and crying soundlessly through the whole second half of my book - I think something else was going on, as Armistead Maupin isn't that moving... This morning I look like I've been punched in the eyes, and seem to have overactivated my tear glands, as they keep malfunctioning again at the slightest thing.
I'm really cheered you've all made me cry again by your kind messages. I know I'm being silly, and that she'll have a fantastic time. I've just spoken to her at the airport, and she was bossing her dad around - "come on Dad we should get in the queue now - give me my boarding card, no I'll hold it! Got to go Mum, ring you from NZ!" The seasoned traveller aged almost nine (her birthday's while she's out there sob )! She's always been very independent - even as a toddler! - so I know I've got years of listening to her hair-raising exploits ahead of me. I am a great believer in enabling them to be independent and adventurous - I just have to keep my natural tendency to dread the worst in check and keep reminding myself that the risks of bad things happening are usually tiny, and that if you live life trying to avoid all risks then it's a life less rich and full. xDP applied for and got NZ citizenship for DD, so I have to face the (wonderful for her) prospect that at some point in her life she'll want to go and live there. It sounds like a beautiful and lovely place, I just wish it wasn't so damn far away!!
Thanks for all the advice too - ex-DP will be careful with sunscreen, I hope, as he was appalled by the sunburn incident and it hasn't happened since. To be fair, he'd put sunscreen on all exposed parts, but then she wanted to take of the shorts (bikini pants underneath). By the time she'd whinged and argued and gone onandonandonandon and he gave in (not a hugely experienced parent at that stage), he forgot to apply cream to her bottom and upper thighs. He grew up in NZ so hopefully realises how strong the sun is, but is much more olive skinned than very pale DD, so I'll remind him.
She's got brand new rash vests, which are 'really cool', apparently. Long sleeved I think, because she's very paranoid about jellyfish after being stung on the arm in Turkey last year. She also has a buoyancy jacket to wear whilst snorkelling (she's not a strong swimmer, unfortunately), and I'll be sure to tell xDP repeatedly to ensure she wears it at Goat Island.
Thanks again for your support.
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