to be fuming at this.

[princessglitter]

My house feels chaotic with 3 under 5s sometimes. I try to keep on top of clutter and have been busy clearing out old and broken toys to make room for xmas and birthday toys.

Today my stepdad sent a text saying he'd left some toys and books at our house while we were out. It was ds's birthday, so I assumed it was a present.

I got back from a bonfire night display about half an hour ago, exhausted and ready to settle down for the night. I was upset to discover 3 huge cardboard boxes of what I can only describe as junk at the side of my house.

The 20 year old action men I can forgive as unwanted donations for the kids, though I would have preferred to have been asked if I wanted then first.

However the boxes also contained my brothers' old school books from 15 years ago, broken make up cases, bits of an old plastic tree, broken costume jewellery, broken photo frames etc etc. I feel like crying. We only just manage to keep on top of clutter as it is.

Would I be unreasonable to ring my stepdad tomorrow and ask him to pick up his rubbish as we don't want it?

[cjbartlett]

Either do that or just take it to the tip tomorrow
Or dump it at your brothers

[troisgarcons]

Weed out the action men first and flog them on ebay!

but I would actually say to hime "Thanks for the thought BUT did you actually look in those boxes?", mention the contents, then tell him you havent got thetime to take it to the tip and would he be kind enough to do it

[princessglitter]

We have some of our own stuff to take to the tip and we won't fit it all in the car. I resent having to make an extra journey, wasting our petrol, to dispose of someone else's junk.

[noblegiraffe]

I think crying is a bit of an extreme response. Are you feeling particularly stressed at the moment?

Your stepdad might have thought you could have a look through, pick out any bits you wanted (action men) and bin the rest and didn't realise this represented a major problem for you.

[troisgarcons]

I was upset to discover 3 huge cardboard boxes of what I can only describe as junk at the side of my house.

Ask him if he left he wrong boxes as you found junk?

[Firawla]

no yanbu just phone and say you don't want it and has he even in looked in it, why would you want your bros old school books etc? looks like he just wants to dump it on you to save himself having to clear out! bit rude of him tbh

[PeppaPigandGeorge]

My MIL does this all the time. She is always foisting stuff on us that she "thought we'd find useful" or thinks is of sentimental value, which it never is. We then just have to clear out the garage every couple of months involving several trips to the tip.

As the books belong to your brother, I'd ask him if he wants them. If he doesn't, just bin the lot or take it to the tip.

[worldgonemad72]

YANBU, tell him pick his tat up tomorrow, ive started refusing to accept 'well meaning' 2nd hand gifts, in other words junk my mum doesn't want anymore, in the last week alone she has offered me her tea, sugar and coffee pots (think cream and flowery), well worn bath mats and a load of old mismatched plates and bowls. She thinks she's doing me a favour but really im just ending up with a house full of some elses junk. I know she's trying to help but im running out of room. I offered take them the charity shop for her. She means well though.

[cjbartlett]

You do sound irritionally angry
Just put it in your wheelie bin then

[dwpanxt]

So where was your DS's present in all the rubbish?

[iscream]

Those action men may be worth something to collectors. But yes, ask him to come take it back.

[princessglitter]

I have depression, so my responses to things are often out of proportion.

But I really don't think giving someone a load of junk is nice.

[recall]

YANBU I feel your pain. I too have 3 little kids and am hardly coping with the house crap. SIL brought round a huge box of shit clothes for them recently. My DH had no idea the work involved in sorting through it all, and then having to sort through the wardrobes to make room for it and charity shopping the rest, it actually took me a few hours work to process it all. I am being an ungrateful old cow I know, but I just wish she would get rid of it elsewhere.

[LineRunnerSaturnaliaCometh]

I'm in the same place as Euphemia.

[princessglitter]

My wheelie bin only gets collected fortnightly and we can't fill it up in one go.

[noblegiraffe]

I'm assuming that he looked in the top, saw something of yours and earmarked them as 'your boxes', possibly containing stuff of sentimental value (otherwise they wouldn't have been boxed up, right?).

So it's not malicious or thoughtless. Just ask him nicely to take it to your brother's or to the tip because you don't have time.

[ViviPru]

This would do my had in OP. Our borough is very hot on recycling and so picky about what you can and can't put in the wheelie bin - and with fortnightly collections, anything other than usual domestic waste wouldn't fit in the bin and they wouldn't collect it.

The refuse tip is also really hot on separating materials, so you can't just lump in a box of assorted stuff, everything has to be individually sorted beforehand.

I HATE clutter and have pared down our belongings to comprise of only the beautiful/useful/comfortable and nothing more. Like Peppa, MiL often tries to palm off DP's old crap on us kindly donates items she thinks would be of use to us, but I have become quite firm on it.

He has essentially taken a time consuming, unpleasant chore, and dumped it on you, and worse still, under the guise of an act of kindness! I also think he knows full well that this is the case and is relying on your good nature not to call him up on it. I think you'd be well within reason to dump them back on his doorstep tomorrow.

[ViviPru]

Nah, I'm just projecting. Its all about ME and MY clutter issues.

[BendyBob]

Aw princessglitter I feel for you. I guess he just didn't think it through and thought you or dc would enjoy a rummage through it. Although quite why since much of it is already broken I can't think why.

I too have seen it from the other side and once had three dc under 5. I know then (and maybe even now) the sight of yet another box of crap awaiting attention is the last thing you need to see.

Snowploughing clutter and toys around and constantly trying to restore order to chaos (thankless relentless task) is depressing.

I doubt your stepfather has the slightest idea of the realities of your situation. Nor has he thought through the headache he's dumped on you. It's all very well thinking 'oh just throw it away if you don't want it..' but it's not so easy to do that these days

[princessglitter]

There was even an (unused) single sanitary towel amongst all the rubbish.