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AIBU?

to think i'm not being overly suspicious regarding my boyfriend

18 replies

justelliotandme · 03/11/2011 16:25

I posted this in relationships but didn't really get anything to help guide my fears away.

I stay at my boyfriends house 6 nights out of 7. Things are good between us...he's caring and affectionate, and I thought, honest.

Yesterday while I was out at work he text me to say he was cleaning out under the bed. He'd done a good job, emptied everything out from under it.

This morning while he was at work I was looking for something of mine that usually lives under the bed, so looked in the wardrobe. I saw a carrier bag in there so looked in it and found dirty clothes of his ex and her baby boy. he says they broke up 3 months before we met, and there were receipts from about 5 months before we met in the bag, so I don't believe he cheated and they stayed over, just that they had stayed, the clothes had been put under the bed, and yesterday moved to the bag of the wardrobe.

DP says the clothes must've come over acidentally when he moved over from his old flat, and that he'd put the carrier bag in the back of the wardrobe not knowing what they were and that I should throw them out.

I think he's talking bollocks. I don't know why, but I just do.

First of all I think the clothes were under the bed and he'd moved them to the wardrobe yesterday, but all I want to know is why the fuck didn't he throw them out? I've tried to question him but all he's saying is they've been there since he moved in.

OP posts:

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justelliotandme · 03/11/2011 16:27

and the clothes were dirty and smelled musty, so i'm sure I would've smelled them every time i've opened the wardrobe before, or even seen the bag as it was quite easy to see even though it was at the back!

OP posts:

Flisspaps · 03/11/2011 16:32

My thoughts would be that the clothes were under the bed, but rather than sorting things properly when he was cleaning under there, saw a bag he didn't immediately recognise, didn't bother taking a proper look in it and lobbed it in the wardrobe.

Surely if he'd had them for untoward reasons, he'd have seized the opportunity to throw them in the bin while you were out yesterday? Given that there are bits of paper in there that date from before you were together, I'd not worry. If they were last week's receipts, I'd be a little more suspicious.

Rollergirl1 · 03/11/2011 16:38

What difference does it make if the bag was under the bed or in the wardrobe? Perhaps he wasn't sure what they were and so decided not to throw immediately. I'm not really sure what you're meant to be suspicious about. It sounds a bit like you actually want to be suspicious.

NinkyNonker · 03/11/2011 16:38

Maybe he didn't feel comfortable throwing away someone else's belongings so chucked them there till he could decide what to do? He doesn't sound deceitful, I'm not sure what you're thinking?

IslaValargeone · 03/11/2011 16:45

His explanation sounds perfectly reasonable to me, is there something else that has made you feel suspicious, if not I think you are making something out of nothing in this instance.

overmydeadbody · 03/11/2011 16:50

I think you are being overly suspicious.

Who cares when he put the bag in the wardrobe anyway? Why are you picking holes in mis explanation? What are you suspicious of?

emsyj · 03/11/2011 16:54

They probably smell musty because they've been there for months.... What do you think has happened?? Seems clear that they left clothes there when they were seeing each other, they were never collected/returned and so your boyfriend still has them.

squeakytoy · 03/11/2011 17:05

You sound utterly paranoid.

This morning while he was at work I was looking for something of mine that usually lives under the bed, so looked in the wardrobe

In other words, you were having a good root around...

FredFredGeorge · 03/11/2011 17:11

He sounds deceitful to me - but deceitful about cleaning out under the bed. I'm guessing this is something you'd nagged asked him to do (as why else would he text you about it?) but rather than doing the job properly he moved stuff around as quickly as possible to make it look like the job was finished.

If he was deceitful enough about his ex to carry on whilst you're there he'd do a better job than that of covering it up.

TeWihara · 03/11/2011 17:12

I think that some people just don't like throwing not-rubbish away.

The clothes would probably be alright after a good hot wash and could be returned, so if it was me I would probably have kept them on those grounds whether or not I ever got around to actually doing it!

Kladdkaka · 03/11/2011 17:17

I don't get it. What do you suspect him of?

LittleJennyRobyn · 04/11/2011 09:46

I'm not really sure what the problem is...you state you know he hasn't cheated. The musty smell confirms they've been there a while. But you have an issue because the clothes are now in the wardrobe???

He has told you he didn't know what they were, why dont you believe him??

My Dh has a habit of moving bags of crap around without knowing whats in them...think it's a bloke thing.

He has also told you to throw them out.

So do just that, Bin them and move on

WhereYouLeftIt · 04/11/2011 10:19

"Yesterday while I was out at work he text me to say he was cleaning out under the bed."
Now that's the bit I went "WTF?" blinked at. Why would he text you that? Why would anyone text anyone that? Does he text you to let you know he's put the rubbish out too?

I also can't see what exactly you suspect him of doing.

grovel · 04/11/2011 10:23

I think she suspects him of money laundering.
Or possibly homicide.
Just reading between the lines..............

Rollergirl1 · 04/11/2011 10:32

I've found your other post in Relationships here.

You don't mention half the stuff in this thread that you do in the other one. Even so I have to say I find the both of you quite odd. What pointless text exchanges you have...

And I do find it strange that the exe's child referred to your boyfriend as Daddy when it seems that they didn't have a very serious relationship. Have you never asked him about that?

LeBOF · 04/11/2011 10:35

Why did you need to post this twice? You got plenty of replies on the other thread.

Hotpotpie · 04/11/2011 10:44

I wouldnt be worried, Im only really posting to let you know that my little sloth that Ive lived with for the past two years cleaned out his wardrobe the other week and found his ex mrs breast pump, some of her hairdressing bits and bobs and a ring, these things happen, and more to the point the daft git just put the hair dressing stuff back in ('to pass back when I think on') its more about being lazy than deceitful - I cant say as I gave it a second thought beyond the obligatory 'christ lad you need to sort your stuff out a bit more often!' backs of wardrobes and under beds are dumping grounds unfortunately :)

dreamingbohemian · 04/11/2011 11:14

I've just read the other thread too.

I think between his weird evasiveness and your (understandable) paranoia, this relationship doesn't really have a chance.

You really shouldn't be having this drama at 6 months.

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