to not want to pay ex?

[emmam25]

I will try and keep this as short as I can whilst also getting the facts across.

About this time last year I was living with ex-p in an expensive rented house which we could only afford as we were both on equivalent salaries and could both pay half the rent.

We moved 2 years ago when his job moved across country. I had to leave everything, get a new job which I wasn't happy with and found it very difficult but was committed to the relationship, wanted to make it work etc.
However, over time I became depressed, started taking anti-depressants. I was probably a bit of a nightmare to live with.

Last year he decided he wanted to leave me. His job meant he could get accommodation for next to nothing through work so he moved out and left me with the house which I couldn't afford.

Although I was upset I quite quickly realised it was better for me. I started feeling less depressed, got off the anti-depressants and with A LOT of emotional and financial support from family, I decided to buy my own place that I could afford.

Buying took a long time and I spent nearly 6 months in the rented house on my own before I could move. It was a struggle for me to pay the rent but just about managed it with zero disposable income and selling a few possessions.
In that time I also met new partner and fell pregnant - bit quick I know!

Anyway, ex-p had paid the deposit on the rented house (which was substantial) and when I finally left the house the landlord made some deductions from the deposit. I did my best to leave the house in a reasonable standard but there was some damage that had been done at the point when we both lived there.

Ex-p now wants me to pay him half the amount the land lord deducted from the deposit which amounts to a few hundred pounds.

I can see his POV, we both lived there so share responsibility for the deposit but I am now in a VERY different situation. He made the choice to leave me which left me in a very difficult situation financially where as he was much better off by leaving.

To top it all off soon after finding out I was pregnant my new partner was made unemployed through no fault of his own so now my salary has to cover the whole household expenses with a baby on the way.

Ex-p is still single, paying virtually nothing for his living costs. So although I'm sure he would like the extra cash, he's not going to be struggling on the breadline without it.

Am I being unreasonable for not wanting to pay him? Or should I just try to scrape the money together/ not buy as much for baby / be even more austere and get him off our backs so new partner and I can get on with our lives?

Thanks for sticking with me if you read all that and I won't take offense at honest opinions.

[RedHelenB]

I think you should but if you haven't got the money now he will have to wait until you do have it. How much money are you talking about?

[bemybebe]

YANBU for not "wanting" to pay, however, the right thing to do would be to pay for your share of the damage and YABU not to see it. Your pg and your new dp unemployment is nothing to do with him.

I wonder if you would take you to court if you don't pay... there is only one way to find out.

[TeddyRuxpin]

I think it's right to give him half of what you were left with from the deposit after deductions were made.
Your current financial problems are nothing to do with him and although he did leave you in a horrible situation, he did pay half the deposit on the property when you were together.

[planetpotty]

Hmm always a bit risky being the first poster but here goes :)

Im really stuck on this one TBH and someone else Im sure will be able to tell you where you stand legally. For me if you really dont have the money he cant have what you dont have can he. Maybe you could offer to pay him back some money monthly rather than in one go which is too much.

Also does anyone think its relevant that he just walked out of the property and the OP had to deal with the handover of the property etc?

Where there any extra costs of the move like disconnection charges that could bring down the ammount (you might ) owe him.

Sorry bit of a chocolate teapot here!

[ChickensHaveNoEyebrows]

YABU. You owe him the money.

[planetpotty]

Ha not first poster took too long typing!

[bemybebe]

fair point reality!

[NellyMelba]

Ex-p is still single, paying virtually nothing for his living costs. So although I'm sure he would like the extra cash, he's not going to be struggling on the breadline without it.

thats irrelevant. Your being pregnant already is also irrelevant. He is entitled to the money.

[ghostlytale]

What reality said!

[NoOnesGoingToEatYourEyes]

When he left you, were you still tied into a rental agreement that you had to honour alone?

If so, would he perhaps accept that he left you alone to pay the full rent when he was still responsible for half of it, as you expected him to be when you both signed the original agreement? And perhaps then let you of the half payment deducted from the deposit?

Or did you sign a new agreement to stay on when he left, making you responsible for all the rent alone?

Might be worth paying it just to get rid of him, but explain to him that his leaving left you in financial difficulties you are still trying to resolve and that you can only pay him back in instalments now as your circumstances are vastly different to when you were together.

[emmam25]

TeddyRuxpin - he had 100% the deposit back as it was his in the first place! He wants 50% of the deduction the landlord made from the deposit which was about £600.
So he wants £300 which is roughly 3/4 of my non-discretionary spending for an entire month. So I "can" afford to pay him but will be left with about £25 a week to cover food/petrol etc for 2 people.
I know it's not his fault that I am supporting new partner etc but it's just hard handing over money I need for essentials to someone who I know "needs" it to go out and get drunk/buy x-box games/ go on holidays...

[bemybebe]

"I would offset that against the deductions from the deposit and let him know how much he owes you. I am sure the court would see it that way too. You can't just shrug off responsibility for paying rent halfway through a lease."

I agree. The question is what was the notice period (2-3 months?). OP, maybe you will find out that he actually owes you the money and not the other way round!

[emmam25]

NoOnesGoingToEatYourEyes - we were on the existing contract for 3 months but then the landlord kindly allowed me to stay on month by month so I covered his half for 3 months and then chose to stay for the remaining 3. I think I will try and speak to him about installments.

[eurochick]

If the damage really was done when you both lived there, I don't think you owe him anything. After all, he left you to pay all of the rent when he moved out.

[KatieMiddIeton]

Tell him to go whistle. Judge Judy wouldn't make you pay

[worraliberty]

It's his money I'm afraid, therefore it doesnt' matter what he does with it.

Also, he had a right to move out when the relationship came to an end

If you'd left him, I wonder if people would be talking about 'giving notice'?

Perhaps you should have got something in writing through a solicitor that states what would happen in the event of a relationship break up.

[Bonsoir]

No you shouldn't pay. He forced you to move and then left you in the lurch, making you pay full rent? That wasn't fair at all. Now it's your turn to get some money back.

[emmam25]

I must stress I have very little ill feeling towards him; I'm happy with my new partner and excited about our baby.

I guess it's just money is tight for us and I am jealous that he is money worry free. Also, if the situation was reversed I would not expect money from him when I could easily cover it.

[samandi]

I think your personal circumstances now are irrelevant. What is relevant is whether it was fair for you to give up the job you were happy with and not be recompensed for that, and whether he left you to pay a rental contract (in both your names) on your own without notice. As he was the one in a decent job that both of you moved for and he paid the deposit I personally might be minded to view that as his responsibility.

£600 = 50% of the deduction? Good lord, what on earth were you living in ... a mansion? And how badly was it damaged?? Am I the only one who thinks this is a huge sum of money?

[worraliberty]

How long was the contract and how long did he live there?

[DesperatelySeekingPomBears]

Tell him you'll happily pay him the £300 but ask when/how he intends to pay you 50% of the three months rent when you were tied in to the rental agreement, before it became a month by month rolling contract.

Then offer the alternative that you can just call it evens.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

Offer to pay very small increments. That way, you are not too out of pocket and he would look like an arse if he sued.

[Inertia]

So this isn't actually you getting money back and refusing to share; it's down to your ex wanting you to pay for money that the landlord has withheld.

I agree with Reality - I would tell your ex that he owes you x amount in lieu of notice when he left ( half of the amount that the landlord would have charged had you both left) and then split the difference between that and the landlord's deductions.

If he has an issue with the deductions he needs to take that up with the landlord.