Just engaged.....weddings???

[Antalya1]

Sorry not entirely fitting in this subject, but I've been reading through fivecandles thread and I didn't want to highjack but interesting to read everyones thoughts.

Well it's been a while since I've been on MN and after a very turbulant couple of years..and a very long story met someone who is wonderful and last week he asked me to marry him in...so now to the wedding.

Reading through fivecandles thread there are some strong opinions and I'm stck on what to do, basically I'm in my 40's with two teens who are delighted with the new events, I've never been married so it's all new to me.

Now to the conumdrum, part of me would like to run off with just the DS's and do it all on the quite and part of me would like the big day...but all the expense!!.

What I don't want is regrets, I've spoken to friends who say that they wish that they would have jst taken off and done it all on the quite but not yet anyone who said that the big wedding was worth it.

Any recommendations?????

[Quenelle]

Run off and get hitched then throw a party for everyone afterwards.

[SansaLannister]

Get married abroad, on one of those packages, with your children and husband-to-be and family. Have a party afterwards.

[FetchezLaVache]

Do whatever you, your DF and your kids want! My philosophy is you can't have a wedding without pissing someone off, so you may as well have the wedding you actually want and sod everyone.

And congratulations!

[Birdsgottafly]

Depends on your finances.

I don't regret having had a big wedding (i am now widowed), at the time we could well afford it. I know people who have regretted not having a wedding.

If i marry my DP, we will get married abroad, where we had our first holiday, it will be a small celebration. His family like parties, so we will probably have a party later on.

What we have planned is very personal to us.

[LydiaWickham]

We had friends who had their wedding in Thailand - they booked it, then invited both sets of parents and siblings, send round general invites to all friends, in the end they had 20 people, the hotel meal wasn't all that expensive and they ended up spending only a few hundred quid more than they would have done if that was just their honeymoon. But, no one was left out as they'd all been invited. People paid for their own flights etc. Although you have to be prepared that some people won't go if it's a destination wedding.

Other option if you're not sure on big/small wedding, is what my DH's cousin did for her civil partnership, just both sets of parents and siblings to the registray office in the afternoon, then had a meal with just those people, followed by a big party in the evening for extended family and friends. (Far cheaper to hire a venue just for the evening do)

[LydiaWickham]

oh, and I had a big-ish wedding, (well, 75 people, cost about £20k in total, including honeymoon) - was definately worth it! Was amazing day, have a lot of happy memories.

[EricNorthmansMistress]

I had a fairly big wedding but in H's country (so much fancier than we would have had here) and it meant only a dozen or so of the guests were mine. I would have liked to have got married in front of all my friends and family TBH. I don't regret how we did it but I'd say you might regret running off and doing it in secret!

[ChaoticAngeloftheUnderworld]

Have a good think about what you would like for your wedding day (try not to think about the money aspect) then sit down with your DF and find out what he wants. I realise that money is important but if you try to take it out of the equation for a bit then it may help you realise what type of wedding is important to you. Then you could look at ways of achieving it within the budget that you set yourselves.

[featherbag]

DH and I wanted to include our family and friends in our day, and as most of them are not very well-off, to put it mildly, we realised that if that's what we wanted we couldn't get married abroad! But we also didn't have a great deal of money to spend.

We got married at a local but unusual venue (i.e. not a hotel, church or stately home, it was a little quirky but very personal and fun) and had a 3-course wedding breakfast with decent drinks package (post-ceremony cocktails plus 2 glasses of wine with meal per person plus champagne for toasts) and coffee for 50. We bought the flowers from Asda and my aunt made them into bouquets and table decorations. The bridesmaids' dresses were from Debenhams. A friend with a nice car drove us, another friend with a decent camera took the photos. My dress was about the only thing not scrimped on, and cost £1k. The evening reception, for 120, was held in the function room of an attractive local pub, and we had a fork and finger buffet and a DJ. We didn't lay on any drinks for that, but as it was a fairly ordinary pub the guests appreciated not having to pay £10 for a glass of wine!

The whole day, absolutely everything, cost £6k, and everyone said afterwards that it was the happiest, most relaxed, enjoyable wedding they'd been to! It was everything my DH and I wanted, had we had a budget of 10 times that I don't think it could have been any better.

[featherbag]

Oh, and as we'd been living together 10 years already and don't need any more toasters, we asked guests for travel vouchers as wedding presents, although we made it VERY clear that presence was more important than presents and no-one was expected to give anything at all. We ended up with enough to go on a 5* all inclusive honeymoon, booked the day after the wedding and leaving 3 days later!

[mumofbumblebea]

me and DP are in similar situation. we have just invited close family. i think in your situation, you are more likely to regret the expense than not having a massive day. good luck.

[YellowDinosaur]

I don't regret my big (and expensive) wedding. It was one of the best days of my life.

I ahve also been to small weddings and ones that obviously cost a whole lot less and they have been fab too. For me, not as good as my own, but that is less to do with the expense and size and more because my wedding was exactly what I wanted.

I think there is scope to regret it whatever you do, depending on what sort of person you are and how your family are likely to react. Thankfullly we didn't end up upsetting anyone (to my knowledge) and have reasonable families who wanted us to have the day WE chose and didn't have any hidden agendas. You only have to read a few wedding threads on here to see that that isn't always the case!

Agree with the advice to have a think about it without worrying about money and then sit down with your dp and have a chat about what you both want and prioritise the things that are most important to you. There will be ways to have most types of wedding in most budgets. If having a day in an exclusive location that feels expensive and a special treat take the 4 of you off to a Michelin starred restaurant and spend the night in a boutique hotel (for eg -or whatever floats your boat). If you prefer to include all your family and friends then the same budget woull pay for a function room and cheap and cheerful buffet in a local pub.

Good luck!

[CMOTdibbler]

My advice would be to decide what you want, book it, and then tell everyone what is happening. You can have a biggish wedding, and not pay a huge amount by doing something simpler like a hog roast at a pub, or you could have a v small wedding - its up to you, but where the trouble lies is in letting other people tell you you need to have stuff that you don't want