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AIBU?

to think that this is abuse

102 replies

aeder · 29/07/2011 21:58

I've spent a lot of time at my mum and her boyfriends house this week and I've heard him call my brother a little scrote,douchebag,idiot,prick,pillock. He also threated to smash his wii and cut his signed football in half. He has also banned him from seeing his school friends for a month and actually banned him from speaking at the dinner table last night.
I spoke to my mum about it today when he wasn't around and said she said he was just a disciplinarian and I was overreacting and that it would do him good in the long run.

OP posts:

Report

BoysAreLikeDogs · 29/07/2011 21:59

how old is DB?

aeder · 29/07/2011 22:00

14

OP posts:

tethersend · 29/07/2011 22:00

No, it's abuse.

tethersend · 29/07/2011 22:00

I mean yes, it's abuse.

pictish · 29/07/2011 22:00

Sounds a pillock himself. How old is your brother?

hester · 29/07/2011 22:01

That sounds terrible.
How old is your db? How long have your mum and her partner been together? Where is your db's dad? Have you talked to your db about this?

pictish · 29/07/2011 22:01

Ah. 14.

Well he threatens, name calls, bullies and breaks his possessions.

I'd say that was pretty inconclusive.

pictish · 29/07/2011 22:02

conclusive I meant to say....

aeder · 29/07/2011 22:02

Our dad lives in Portugal, my mum and him have been together for around a year and they moved in together 3 months ago.

OP posts:

AgentZigzag · 29/07/2011 22:02

Why do you think your mum isn't livid her DP has taken such a strong line with your brother?

Regardless of how long they've been together or the age of your brother, I couldn't stand by and justify my DC being treated like that by anyone.

What's behind it do you think?

cjbartlett · 29/07/2011 22:03

could you have a word with him? The boyfriend I mean
Take your brother out alone and see how he is
speak to your mum again
Even have him live with you?
Threatening to smash things up and swearing at him is really bad

MirandaGoshawk · 29/07/2011 22:03

YANBU. I have seen similar with a friend and her new DP. He treats her son like a slave. Things came to a head with the aid of her parents, the boy's DGPs, but I wish I'd said something - interfered, if you like. The boy is very unhappy, his whole personality has changed.

As for your situation, at least you can be there for your little brother. Your mum also needs to face the fact that her bf's behaviour is not normal, or acceptable.

aeder · 29/07/2011 22:04

agentzig- I don't know my brother is a very shy and underconfident person and so he may have picked up on this and exploited it. My mum was insistent he was helping my brother by taking this line.

OP posts:

SarahStratton · 29/07/2011 22:07

He's not, he's destroying him.

carriedababi · 29/07/2011 22:07

oh my cousin let a man into her life like this, treated her children like crap, then left her after a few years.

her kids hate her now

AgentZigzag · 29/07/2011 22:07

If he's behaving like this after just three month it doesn't bode well for your brother.

What was he like with your brother before he moved in?

Could your mum have asked him to 'take him in hand'?

pigletmania · 29/07/2011 22:08

How this is not discipline calling a child names, and threatening to break his posessions. Can you talk to your dad about it! I would interfere, I doubt that you could talk to your mums partner, he doesent sound like a reasonable person. Keep talking to your mum, could you have your DB come to stay with you for a while?

pictish · 29/07/2011 22:08

He's not helping, he's compounding.

hester · 29/07/2011 22:09

What do you think you can do to help, OP?

MirandaGoshawk · 29/07/2011 22:09

AgentZigZag - what came out of the situation I described is that often men who behave in this way (let's call it bullying) were treated this way by their own parents, who called it being strong and disciplined. The child doesn't want to believe that their parents don't love them and therefore convince themselves that this behaviour is 'normal' and inflict it on the next generation.

The new bf doesn't love this boy. Probably resents his presence. Mum needs to get her DP to see sense. In this situation, if she was thinking clearly, she'd put her child first and run a mile. But she has a new relationship to make work, doesn't she?

cjbartlett · 29/07/2011 22:10

If he's shy with little confidence how is calling him a prick etc going to bolster him up?

Sounds like your mum is making excuses

I'd get tough with her

Tell her she's out of order letting him treat her son thatway
Are you close to your mum?

Have you brother over as much as possible so you can keep an eye on him

carriedababi · 29/07/2011 22:12

i'm not joking, tell your mum to get rid of the abuser or you will call ss, and if she doesn't get rid then call them.

don't let him abuse your brother

please

pigletmania · 29/07/2011 22:12

Is it possible that your DB could stay with your dad in the holidays too.

Zondra · 29/07/2011 22:13

This is horrific & most certainly abuse. Your poor brother,my heart goes out to him. :(
Time to start interfering & putting your brother first over your mum. A few home truths must be told. I am very angry on your behalf that your mother is allowing this man to do this to her child.

honeyandsalt · 29/07/2011 22:13

Discipline is correcting unacceptable behaviours and encouraging acceptable behaviours. This is not discipline; this is abuse. And I don't know who is worse, the new man for doing it or your mother for allowing it.

Imho you need to have a frank word with your mother, warn her that her son will wind up hating her for allowing this to go on. If that doesn't work, maybe take him in if you can or SS?

Sorry this seems a bit harsh, if it was clearly banter that would be one thing but it doesn't sound like that. YANBU.

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