8 years ago I walked out on an emotionally and physically abusive relationship. Towards the end I was incredibly unhappy and developed anorexia because it gave me an element of control over my chaotic existence.
Over the years he alienated me from my family and most of my friends, made me feel worthless, slapped me, pushed me, held a kitchen knife to my throat. He told me that no one would ever love me as much as he did. The final straw was when he broke my arm in two places.
You get the general idea, I could go on but to summarise this was a destructive, soul destroying relationship.
I have since moved on with my life, I met a wonderful, gentle, loving man, married him and we had 2 DC. I'm blissfully happy and it's very rare that I spare a thought about my old life or about him, I consider it a chapter in my life that has been closed and it has been a long time since I have spoken about it (this feels very strange!!)
However, recently I learnt from a friend (who was a mutual friend when X and I were together but has since only kept contact with me) that while we were together, he cheated on me - possibly numerous times. She thought I knew already and it came up in a conversation when we were both quite drunk.
What I want to know is, why does it bother me so much? It's ancient history best left buried and I don't even know why I'm sparing it a second thought. I feel a bit humiliated by it all if I'm honest :(
Feel free to psychoanalyse, I'm interested to hear your views... sorry if I'm not making much sense, I'm finding it hard to put my feelings re all this into words. I want to bury it again and forget, but it's niggling me in my quiet moments..... I can't talk about it to anyone, so maybe this will help.
Thanks in advance :)
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AIBU?
AIBU to be upset by this? Confused by how this has made me feel...
29 replies
LastTrainHome · 20/07/2011 20:17
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