To Steal This Piglet ?

(96 Posts)
AnneWiddecomesArse Mon 18-Jul-11 09:12:17

I've been on a few bike rides with DD and we pass a small farm with a sow and nine little piglets. We've started to take chopped apples for them etc.
Anyway there is this tiny piggy who is obviously the runt. He's the tiniest and gets bullied by the other piglets; and the sow is rather rough/callous with him.
We have a real connection; I just feel it in my water. He looks me straight in the eye and we have empathy.
Can I nick him, stick him in my back pack and keep him ?

I'd post money to the farm after the escape.

Do. Raise him as your second child and give him a wee dress and bonnet.
What will you do when he's the size of your bathtub, with sharp teeth tho? Naughty step? grin

Punkatheart Mon 18-Jul-11 09:17:49

Tiny teeny pigs grow into enormous poo machines. Even runts. They eat constantly and if they get in a bad mood, they can charge, squash you against the side of the pen and even nip you. Although this is only if you do not look after them properly. You will have to clean out sour foul smelling pig poo every day, become splattered in muck.

Pigs are highly intelligent and also social. One pig will be distressed and lonely. He will want to be with you all the time. If not he/she will pace, cry, snuffle and even break out to charge through your kitchen, eating and pooing everywhere.

Neighbours will complain. The council will come round. The RSPCA will be involved. Eventually, the pig will be taken away and you will cry, but be strangely relieved.

Piglet still look cute?

sloggies Mon 18-Jul-11 09:18:51

You are not BU. Every home needs a piglet.....grin

Andrewofgg Mon 18-Jul-11 09:23:37

My built-in bullshit detector has just redlined.

Still, an entertaining start to the week. I am stuck at home with the mother of all colds (if that is not too sexist an expression) and glad of a smile.

Chundle Mon 18-Jul-11 09:24:08

Steal it!!!

allhailtheaubergine Mon 18-Jul-11 09:24:49

Admit it. You just fancy a bacon sandwich.

happymole Mon 18-Jul-11 09:25:55

Working on the assumption that the movie Babe is in fact a true story, I would do it.

Contact the farmer and offer to buy it for an irresistible amount.

AnneWiddecomesArse Mon 18-Jul-11 09:32:45

It is a Babe moment.
I have land and a big house. I don't have close neighbours. I have a teenage DD, the house is already a tip, so you'd hardly notice a pig.
I know piglets get bigger, even runts.

But pigs are highly intellegent and can be house trained; which is more than I've managed with DD. And I work from home and we would both appreciate company.
And there's this real connection.

MonaLotte Mon 18-Jul-11 09:38:47

grin at happymole!

snoopdogg Mon 18-Jul-11 09:39:16

do you heart the pig or pity the pig? need to establish some baselines here.

AnneWiddecomesArse Mon 18-Jul-11 09:51:52

It's a combination of heart and pity. He just looks so sad.

Chundle Mon 18-Jul-11 10:06:41

Totally do it if you have all that space for it x

Pigs get mahoosive. And some of them become right moody bastards. Of you take the cute ickle piglet home this summer, next summer it will be demanding human food and biting your arse if you don't let it sleep in your bed. And have you smelled a pig's fart? Evil. Pure, nasal torture.

MsChanandlerBong Mon 18-Jul-11 10:15:41

What is the current sentence likely for piggy rustling?
I'm not sure explaining to the farmer or judge that 'you have a connection with the piglet' will help your case...

OldMacEIEIO Mon 18-Jul-11 10:16:31

Take it Home ?? What about the smell ? How do you know the piggy will be able to stand it ?

AnneWiddecomesArse Mon 18-Jul-11 10:25:04

"Pigs get mahoosive" Check. We have empathy
"Right Moody Bastards" Check. Teenager
Demanding Human Food" Check DH and DD
"Biting your arse if you don't let it sleep in your bed". Sounds kind of nice. A bit of passion would be nice.
Farts ??? Noooooooo.

I don't know about pig rustling. Is it a criminal offense ? It's theft when you deprive an owner of goods permanently. Could I just kidnap foster it until it starts farting ?

Another in the 'yes, dooooo, steal the piggy, just to amuse the rest of us'

Who wouldn't want a little piggy, and I understand that if you feed them cod liver oil five times a day they stay teeeny tiny little pigglings for ever and ever and can be taught to chase off burglars and fold laundry.

My understanding may be flawed

schobe Mon 18-Jul-11 10:27:31

ONLY on mumsnet.

But if you stole a bloody argos pencil, you'd get posts telling you how dishonest you were.

Btw, yes to stealing piggy.

schobe Mon 18-Jul-11 10:28:37

Rofl at 'real connection' with piglet and looking into each other's eyes.

I want a piglet now.

5GoMadOnAZ650 Mon 18-Jul-11 10:29:10

Also you'd need a small holders licence and to submit paperwork just to move the piglet to your house.

veryworried29 Mon 18-Jul-11 10:30:28

We need to see a photo before we can decide. Please please please please please please please [dd asking for something emoticon].

boswelloxsmith Mon 18-Jul-11 10:31:45

AnneWiddicomesArse - the Mumsnet rustler. grin

AnneWiddecomesArse Mon 18-Jul-11 10:32:21

It's geese that chase off burglers. I know this because we pass the Church and they've bought six to stop them loosing the lead off the roof again. They're bastards and I go up the Church hill like Contador on a good day.

Folded laundry would be a good thing that doesn't happen at the moment.

MsChanandlerBong Mon 18-Jul-11 10:32:43

I can just see you now on the news... being dragged away by the police/men in white coats "The internet told me to do it!!!"

Bumpsadaisie Mon 18-Jul-11 10:34:56

Ha ha grin

We've got piglets (2 weeks old) and I'm pregnant. It makes me feel all hormonal when I pick them up to give them their vits.

Don't worry, soon enough they'll all either be quite big and not cute anymore or the little runt will have been killed off.

Obviously it is not on to nick someone else's pig (I am sure you are just joking anyway!). But even if you did arrange to buy it, don't take the runt on its own. Pigs don't like being on their own.

PS you are anthropomorphizing just a bit!

AnneWiddecomesArse Mon 18-Jul-11 10:44:12

I'll take a 'photo and you will be able to see the look in his eyes. Actually I don't know if it's a he or a she.
But I'm currently injured. I fell of the bike last week; at a junction; just as a cycle team in lycra were passing on the main road.
I was wearing white linen loose trousers with wide legs. And then I got the leg caught on the back of the pedal as I was stopping and just fell over in front of thirty men with tight shorts.. I have an injured knee (blood) and a split difference.
They nursed me back home.
I won't be out this week as it's cold and rainy. I can only nick the pig on a bright, warm sunny day.

Bumpsadaisie Mon 18-Jul-11 10:49:46

I would nick it on a grey rainy day if I were you - fewer folk around to see the dastardly deed!

Don't wear white linen to do it though ...

HoneyNorwegianRidgebackdragon Mon 18-Jul-11 10:51:09

Right so Mumsnet works as thus based on the last 7 days

Immoral: Purchasing a CD as a gift but ripping it onto iTunes before handing it over is bad, wrong and stealing at it's very worst

Moral: The stealing of valuable farm commodities on the basis of a "connection", is to be positively encouraged

And people wonder why I spend so much time here? grin

Can I suggest a compromise? Download a illegal pirate copy of Babe....Pig related criminal activity from the comfort of your ow home? Might get it out your system.

bewbs123 Mon 18-Jul-11 10:52:02

are you taking the piss? LEAVE THE FARMER'S STOCK ALONE

hate people like you, thinking u own anything u go past, damn thief

AnneWiddecomesArse Mon 18-Jul-11 10:59:09

You can't cuddle a CD.
I just want to cuddle little pig.
I have a totally legit copy of Babe already. It makes me cry; as does Bambi, Dumbo, Ratatouille. Those Disney bastards.
I have stolen an argos pencil and pens from the bank. I think (now you point it out), that my criminal activity is escalating.

HoneyNorwegianRidgebackdragon Mon 18-Jul-11 11:00:53

hmmm maybe bewbs has a point grin

<makes note to padlock handbag around AWA>

boswelloxsmith Mon 18-Jul-11 11:01:56

yes the farmer will kick your arse AnnWiddicome

AnneWiddecomesArse Mon 18-Jul-11 11:04:49

bewbs123. FGS. Get over yourself. My in laws are 5th generation farmers (dairy, sheep and goats).
It's tongue in cheek.
I do love this particular pig and will consider making an legitimate offer (but I need to think it thoroughly through first).
I'm not a damn thief; although I would ask that you take the theft of a pencil from Argos and a Bic from Barclays into consideration.

HoneyNorwegianRidgebackdragon Mon 18-Jul-11 11:24:49

You must stop this now and seek help. It starts with a bic, then the pig, and before you know it you'll be held up in customs, with a strangers finger up your bum, after trying to get a Walrus over the border in a Ford Transit. sad

SarahStratton Mon 18-Jul-11 11:27:40


Do it. But do it legitimately. Buy piglet from farmer for stupid amount so he can laugh at the daft woman then stash it in your rucksack and pedal home as fast as you can.

bewbs123 Mon 18-Jul-11 11:34:51

inlaws = not you

tongue in cheek or not, its a stupid thing to write in that context

you should also know about defra, holding numbers and transport rules for moving pigs from place to place

and argos here now do pencils which are even nicer

SarahStratton Mon 18-Jul-11 11:43:06

I know someone who liberated a sick lamb once

snoopdogg Mon 18-Jul-11 11:44:07


No one is considering the sow in all this, does she not have rights, does she not have feelings, would not the loss of this little piggy break her heart!

Cruel, cruel.................

<exits stage left, sobbing>

AnneWiddecomesArse Mon 18-Jul-11 11:54:08

Sarah. I bought a Gloucester Old Spot from the same Farmer last year in the village auction; paid for it; it's upkeep and then we had a hog roast at the Summer Fair. (Lead for the Church roof and power to our elbow). But I never saw it; and I never had the opportunity to fall in love with it.

Bewbs I'm cuntry born and bred. My family have been arable since about 1460. I know how to behave. I have first cousins that have interbred in order to keep hold of land and title.
I have had family farms wiped out by foot and mouth. Know about Defra, know more about farming than I wish to know. As an accountant, (28 years practice for farmers) I'm always worrying/re-interpretating averaging.
So don't lecture or berate me Lady.

Have just fallen in love with a piglet. I know it's wrong; I know it's not rational.

nojustificationneeded Mon 18-Jul-11 11:55:45

STAMPS FEET!!!! I want a PIGLET!!! steal one for me too, puurrleasseee.

Bumpsadaisie Mon 18-Jul-11 11:59:04

When you nick it make sure you take a pile of food to distract the piglet's mother ... otherwise when it squeals blue murder you will feel the rough side of mum's headbut!

I'm heavily pregnant and the other day only just managed to leap over the fence in time after giving our little runt an anti-bio injection recently. He screamed and his mother ..., well, lets just say it's surprising how fast a big old pig can run and how loudly she can grunt, when someone is sticking a needle in her babies.

DH is in charge of the pigs now. I'm in no fit condition for those sorts of acrobatics.

AnneWiddecomesArse Mon 18-Jul-11 12:05:43

Snoop. The sow doesn't love this piglet. She flings it in the air at almost every opportunity. I've seen her being really quiet. Then she just runs at the piglet and hurls him through the air. I've seen her with the last three litters and she's a good Mum; apart from this poor piglet.
But animals know more than we do. It might have some sort of cancer/defect. I don't know; but I've seen animals gang up on a sick individual. It's loosing condition and now the other piglets are also following the Mother's example and bullying.

Mumswang Mon 18-Jul-11 12:05:55

It is NEVER wrong to steal a piglet. Go get it, then sit down and read it The Peppermint Pig (but not the end)

nojustificationneeded Mon 18-Jul-11 12:07:53

Bumps grin

snoopdogg Mon 18-Jul-11 12:09:42

That's different then OP, if piglet is being subjected to piggy abuse then all power to your elbow - FREE THE PIGGY ONE!!!!

Punkatheart Mon 18-Jul-11 12:11:06

Actually I do understand, Anne. There is sometimes a bond formed quickly with animal and human. Now I see your perspective and realise this is not whimsy. Yes, offer to buy the piglet. If you have had pigs before - then you know the drill. But yes, the animal could be poorly or have a genetic defect.

Let us know.

TheOriginalFAB Mon 18-Jul-11 12:13:30

I think you should offer to give him/her a home. Or maybe just ask the farmer why Mummy Pig is being so mean to Baby Pig and then lead in to what will he do about it...

AnneWiddecomesArse Mon 18-Jul-11 12:15:05

My DD takes the big bag of apples for sow and brood. As I noticed the bullying I did a pitch of apples; way behind, for squirt. Then I started going to the right; and now I go about 1/4 mile round the bend; and I whistle while my DD feeds the main brood; but little pig follows me.
It's love I tell you. The love that has no name. Piglet love.

ThePrincessRoyalFiggyrolls Mon 18-Jul-11 12:20:05

I am a sucker for piglet love, aged 10 I adopted the runt and called it wilbur. The sow commited infaticide sad

ThePrincessRoyalFiggyrolls Mon 18-Jul-11 12:20:17

or infanticide even blush

Bumpsadaisie Mon 18-Jul-11 12:20:30

Do you think the sow has post natal depression? She might be relieved to know that not all new mums feel love for their offspring immediately. She should try skin to skin with the piglet and I am sure she will develop feelings for him.

Punkatheart Mon 18-Jul-11 12:21:04

I have a chicken who is bullied and I love her the most. Yes irrational, but are so are covert cuddles and kisses with her before she goes to bed. Mind you, her kisses consist of trying to remove freckles from my nose. Love hurts.

Bumpsadaisie Mon 18-Jul-11 12:21:18

PS her behaviour isn't that bad. A friend told me someone up the road from him had a sow and piglets and they went to the field one day to find she had EATEN them all!!!

Joolyjoolyjoo Mon 18-Jul-11 12:21:58

Definitely offer to buy it from the farmer! I love pigs, but the smell puts me off. I think farm animals should always be acquired on a whim. I came home from the pub last Christmas and cheerfully told DH that a man was coming the next day to deliver two goats that I had offered to adopt. My goats never appeared sad but slightly relieved

lubeybooby Mon 18-Jul-11 12:23:16

Ask the farmer if you can buy it rather than stealing it then posting money. Poor piggy!

snoopdogg Mon 18-Jul-11 12:23:24

<wells up>

Have to confess to still yearning for feral kittens born in our garden last year. We trapped them and their mother with the help of the Cats Protection League but were told they couldn't be domesticated and more than likely were carrying illnesses that would result in them being destroyed.....

In the event, all were healthy and mum neutered then all re-homed as out-door farm cats locally - but they were sooooo pretty

But obv not as cute as the Piggy One

boswelloxsmith Mon 18-Jul-11 12:28:12

if Pig One gets bruised during the Liberation, apply oinkment. <<baboom dish>>

SarahStratton Mon 18-Jul-11 12:28:59

Could we possibly have a photo of the Pigletty One? Pleeeeeeeease grin

honeyandsalt Mon 18-Jul-11 12:34:59


I like Wilbur as a name. Or Wilma for a girl.

AnneWiddecomesArse Mon 18-Jul-11 12:44:57

I've never had a pig before. That's the problem. If I had any actual knowledge of pigs or animal husbandry; I'd go for it. But I don't. I only know what I've learned by anedote from farmers over the years. I can tell you when you should mow, bale etc. But no pigs

throckenholt Mon 18-Jul-11 12:53:26

You could offer to have two piglets to fatten up for the winter - takes about 4-5 months. If you have the land it is really not difficult to do. You would need a livestock holding number though.

Not sure you would want to eat your poor cute little runt though. And I am sure you won't want to live with it once it is fully grown - whoever said they get mahoosive are right.

AuntieMonica Mon 18-Jul-11 13:01:20

YYY adopt the pig

but you must promise not to eat it. it has to stay as a pet. forever.

imagine his little piggy face once you've nurtured it and it overhears you on the blower to the butcher...


knittedbreast Mon 18-Jul-11 13:17:27

anne, get off your arse and rescue it now!!!! poor sad lonely thing, but please never eat it

bewbs123 Mon 18-Jul-11 14:07:00

wonder if all these people welling up have leather sofas, shoes, chews for the dog from hide , car leather interiors etc etc

SarahStratton Mon 18-Jul-11 14:38:32

Yep. Also a freezer with a pig, a lamb and half a cow in it. Nothing wrong with being soft over a runty piglet though.

Bumpsadaisie Mon 18-Jul-11 14:50:06


We know nothing about pigs either. Apart from what we have gleaned over the last year from experience.

Ours are just in a stony outcrop fenced off bit in a wood. You just feed them, make sure they have a trough of water and in winter a little hut with straw in.

That's really all there is to it. Plus this is useful.

But you do need to get more than one pig. The little runt will pine away if he is on his own in your field.

Bumpsadaisie Mon 18-Jul-11 14:51:28

PS she will probably happily kill it in a years time once he has grown up and is a massive bolshie stroppy boar.

Our bacon is arriving tomorrow ...

AnneWiddecomesArse Mon 18-Jul-11 15:01:44

I've said I can't cycle. Seriously bad knee and split difference.
Next Door has spoken to the Farmer. I can have piglet for another 14 weeks (for free) and then it's death at 24 weeks (bacon). If I keep him I pay £170 as he stands.

I now own a pig.

happymole Mon 18-Jul-11 15:11:30


It's the perfect pet.

All cute and squidgy when small.

When no longer cute, it becomes a delicious meal.

<Eyes stupid non tasty dogs>


George Clooney had a pig called Max - it's treated just like a dog and poos outside and is completely trained.

Picture of piggy please grin

AnneWiddecomesArse Mon 18-Jul-11 15:20:40

I can't eat him. Ever.
Next door is helping me set up a paddock for him; he's called Squirt. We're collecting him week on Thursday

I don't need any other licences; my land is already registered as Agricultural. I don't need licences as the piglet is being transported within Parish boundaries. But I need to double check this.

I don't buy piglets willie nillie; I've seen a lot of piglets in my time. But this one was different.

Bumpsadaisie Mon 18-Jul-11 15:20:50

Are you going to leave him with his mother though? He isn't weaned yet is he?

MsChanandlerBong Mon 18-Jul-11 15:42:11

Maybe it is fortuitous that you fell off your bike... I think sorting things out with the farmer legitimately is far better than stealing off with the piglet on the back of your bike in the dead of night!

Now can we start a thread about how horrible it is when pig owners let their pets foul on the streets and not pick it up? Can we? Please?!


Congratulations on your piglet. smile

AuntieMonica Mon 18-Jul-11 16:35:21


28th? great day for a baby to arrive!!! (incl me grin)

Happy Pig Ownering AnneWiddecombesArse!

AtYourCervix Mon 18-Jul-11 16:35:44

Have you read The Peppermint Pig?

<<take the pig>>

AtYourCervix Mon 18-Jul-11 16:37:11

Oh Oh Oh Luckeeeee. what will you call him? Wilber? Johnnie?

Bunsouttheoven Mon 18-Jul-11 17:49:36

Just don't take your maternal feelings for piglet too far, have you not seen League of Gentleman?wink

TheOriginalFAB Mon 18-Jul-11 18:04:53

Congratulations on your new arrival. I hope you don't get too many sleepless nights or have to get up to do too many night feeds.

I don't know, I just pop off to work and come back and there you are, set up with your very own laundry folding piglet.

Welcome, Squirt, welcome to MumsNet

HoneyNorwegianRidgebackdragon Mon 18-Jul-11 18:29:35


She got the pig, and legitimately got the pig too!

<dances like a loon>

are you going back to Argos to pay for your pencils now?

StayingNearlyHeadlessNicksGirl Mon 18-Jul-11 19:30:37

Are you going to be doing PLW (Piglet Led Weaning)? And we will need photos of the new addition to the AWA family. You could read Charlotte's Web to it at bedtimes!

snoopdogg Mon 18-Jul-11 19:35:41

Is the piggy one a boy pig? Do we have the possible commencement of a piggy dynasty?

boswelloxsmith Mon 18-Jul-11 19:41:18

Precious First Piglet!

SugarPasteFrog Mon 18-Jul-11 19:52:39

<marking to place to wait for picture of PFP>

AnneWiddecomesArse Mon 18-Jul-11 20:11:12

Just got out of my 6pm meeting. Ummmph.Knackered.
He is a little boy pig.
Am slightly overwhelmed with responsibility now. I know nothing about pigs.
DH has just rolled up. I'm waiting for the right moment. He was pretty cross about all the hamsters.

HoneyNorwegianRidgebackdragon Mon 18-Jul-11 20:17:11

<awaits to find out whether ann gets




pig and dh>

AnneWiddecomesArse Mon 18-Jul-11 20:23:32

It'd take more than a little squirt to come between us.
But it will have to handled carefully. So I've made him a cup of tea and have volunteered to cook.
He's on edge.

HoneyNorwegianRidgebackdragon Mon 18-Jul-11 20:37:48

<waits with baited breath>

Please Mr Arse, embrace Squirt the piglet, pleeease.

DaisySteiner Mon 18-Jul-11 20:41:04

I hope you're going to be breastfeeding <stern look>

SugarPasteFrog Mon 18-Jul-11 20:49:07

<wonders if pork is on the menu chez-Widdicombe>


nojustificationneeded Tue 19-Jul-11 03:35:35

Aww and I found you a piggie or two and you already have one haha

thesunshinesbrightly Tue 19-Jul-11 06:14:15

hmm Nicking a tester eyeshadow from superdrug is wrong but nicking a pig is right??? you lot make me laff grin

Nick the poor licckle pig!!

Purplebuns Fri 29-Jul-11 18:13:21

What did DH say? You must have the piggy now, update please?

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