To think that one single cheerio really is a sufficient dinner for a plastic goldfish?

(106 Posts)
professorsnape Sat 09-Jul-11 17:38:44

DD says otherwise.

He's been sitting in a glass of water on the windowsill most day. Got stories read to him, was brought out in the garden and even got his glass changed. Very little swimming around.

DD declared it was feeding time and asked me what we should give him.

I thought one cheerio would be enough to fill him.

She thinks he deserves at least two cheerios and a treat afterwards.

Am just checking as don't want to be liable for cruelty/underfeeding of inanimate plastic goldfishes.

His name is Yanky Doodle Dandy btw smile

pranma Sat 09-Jul-11 17:43:34

May I suggest one cheerio followed by a raisin for dessert?Given his name he may also appreciate a small piece of macaroni grin

ZillionChocolate Sat 09-Jul-11 17:47:07

Raisins might cause goldfish tooth decay? I think a cheerio is plenty.

NearlyHeadlessnickelbabe Sat 09-Jul-11 17:47:53

i think a cheerio is way enough food for a plastic goldfish!
does the child want it to fill up too much, explode and die? shock

justpaddling Sat 09-Jul-11 17:48:53

I think you are definately under feeding. He needs his energy and this is why is not swimming around much. Try a chocolate button. grin

pantaloons Sat 09-Jul-11 17:51:16

I hope he's got something to play with, they can get really troublesome when they are bored you know! grin

I think he probably needs pudding, I mean, what's life without pudding?

feelforcedout Sat 09-Jul-11 17:59:22

i think it is cruel to have one and you should get another.

worraliberty Sat 09-Jul-11 18:05:15

There's a lot to consider here.

What's his BMI?

How much exercise does he get?

Can he ride a bike?

Does his bum look big?

CheeryCherry Sat 09-Jul-11 18:05:33

Best thread title of the day! grin

celebmum Sat 09-Jul-11 18:15:20

This is exactly why mumsnet should have a 'like' button!! gringringringrin

SybilBeddows Sat 09-Jul-11 18:18:57

Give him one and if he eats it he can have another.

That's how we deal with mealtimes for invisible friends in our house.

BreastmilkDoesAFabLatte Sat 09-Jul-11 18:41:00

But surely the plastic goldfish should be able to tell you whether or not he's still hungry...

happymole Sat 09-Jul-11 18:46:01

Best thread title grin

I think he would like a chicken nugget and his water replaced with wine Fruit Drink.

EveryonesJealousOfWeasleys Sat 09-Jul-11 18:49:01

It is vitally important never to overfeed a fish. They don't know when to stop and literally eat til they die. It happened to me once when a neighbour 'fish sat' and we came back to two little orange corpses sad

Oh yes.
Goldfish are notoriously dirty buggers, they poo so much they pollute the tank and kill themselves if you're not careful.
Feeding must be tightly regulated, do you know they can go a week without food?

bibbitybobbityhat Sat 09-Jul-11 18:51:33


AnyFuleKno Sat 09-Jul-11 18:55:24

If you want to neglect your goldfish by feeding it processed rubbish...

I would prepare a selection of healthy food...quinoa, tofu, grapefruit and allow mu goldfish to select. Ot should be goldfish led.

Some people....


MadYoungCatLady Sat 09-Jul-11 19:23:16

You sound like a very responsible plastic fish owner to me. Do not feel pressure to do anything except what you feel is best for your plastic fish. Only you and your DC really understand the plastic fish.

However, I do feel you could be slightly more lenient as it is a weekend. Just a suggestion, but if its been healthy all day you could give it a wotsit, quaver or the like?

EveryonesJealousOfWeasleys Sat 09-Jul-11 20:40:00

ROFL at 'goldfish led' grin

NoWittyName Sat 09-Jul-11 20:46:51

I'm with AnyFuleKno. I think it's wholly unacceptable to feed your plastic fish something so artificial as a cheerio. I almost feel like ringing the RSPCPG (royal society for the prevention of cruelty to plastic goldfish). Be warned. [stern face emoticon]

joric Sat 09-Jul-11 20:50:31

Has it eaten it yet? I think one is sufficient.

I agree - If he eats all of his cheerio then he can have a yoghurt but make sure you bath him before bed - you don't want all the sticky yoggy in his fins all night!

TheDeathlyMarshmallows Sat 09-Jul-11 21:20:43

What he needs is Tetra pak Fish food.

keepontrukkin Sat 09-Jul-11 21:29:51


A Cheerio provides a mouth-watering start to the meal and a nutritious end to it, but offers nothing in the middle. Your DD's suggestion of a second Cheerio is equally inadequate, though her treat seems kind.

Pranma's raisin is an excellent remedy, though her macaroni alternative won't work.

professorsnape Sat 09-Jul-11 21:32:44

Thank you fellow posters. A lot to think about there.

Since moving back from the states and coming to live with us, Yanky Doodle now has a normal BMI index worraliberty as he spend his formative years in the care of a fast food diner owner. I like the idea of macaroni though, maybe for Thanksgiving.

Some of you suggested feeding him more healthy options than cheerios, but as he's already plastic, i thought a cardboardy-type-articial-ceral-disgused-as-real-food was the best option.

After all, 99 % of him is already plastic.

So go ahead Nowittyname and just ring the RSPCPG. See if I care. I'll have a good case to fight :O

DD suggested we might try and give him a rolled up piece of fish finger crumbs, but prehaps we might hear him screaming "Mummy!!!...."

Amaretti Sat 09-Jul-11 21:35:03

I think goldfish led weaning is indeed the answer.

He is in a glass?
Bloody irresponsible plastic goldfish keepers angry
Drive to the beach and set him free (unless of course that counts as littering)

worraliberty Sat 09-Jul-11 21:37:36

Feed him up with chips and mushy peas then stick him in the fryer

NoWittyName Sat 09-Jul-11 21:40:18

...but you've got to have some mint sauce if you're going with the mushy peas option. x

worraliberty Sat 09-Jul-11 21:47:14

Fuck it you're right...bung a bit of mouth wash over it!

PMSL how old is your dd??? mine is 5 and this sounds like something she would do!!

1 cheerio is sufficent!!!

ljgibbs Sat 09-Jul-11 21:51:00

Yanbu, there is far to much sugar in cheerios, if he has more than 1 a day his teeth will rot and fall out grin

worraliberty Sat 09-Jul-11 21:52:20

What if he's wheat or gluten intolerant huh?

What then? hmm

professorsnape Sat 09-Jul-11 21:55:04

Thank you kind supporters of the one cheerio approach!

(He should be damn grateful. He's probably the best fed plastic goldfish in the UK!)

glendathegoodwitch my DD is 3 and 3 quarters, almost 4.
Amazing what a rainy afternoon does for the imagination.

She read him lots of stories today. Maybe he might enjoy her Finding Nemo DVD tomorrow :O

thefirstMrsDeVere Sat 09-Jul-11 21:56:14

Oh FFS give the bubba his cheerios.

U shud let him. U lot r so stuck up.

U shud mash sum up and put it in a bottle. My mom did that and I am fine.

professorsnape Sat 09-Jul-11 21:56:58

Gosh worraliberty, never thought of that.

Anyone know where I can get an allergy test for plastic goldfish?

Is this kind of thing covered on the NHS?

Would it hurt? sad

professorsnape Sat 09-Jul-11 22:00:32

Good idea thefirstMrsDevere. What a kind suggestion. Might show him we care.

However, you said it never did you any harm, but I ask you:

Is there a connection between the mashing up on cheerios on a bottle and the overuse of typing text-speak?

(joke) smile

thefirstMrsDeVere Sat 09-Jul-11 22:02:02

Takes LOADS of practice to type like that I will have you know!

itz bare hard doh.

YABU giving him cherrios.

Coco pops are much better - the may also turn his water chocolatly allowing him a pleasant drink <it was noted no refreshment has been offered>


Dont do it again for a while MrsDV - it can suck you in you know. Next thing you know you'll be starting all your posts "Hun" and ending them with mwaaahs

But NOT rice krispies - the snap crackle and pop ffrom around him will drive him mad

Very concerned about the size of his domicile.
A glass really is not big enough. Might I suggest a milk bottle, pyrex dish or water filled conservatory.

Then you would have space for a castle, diver and treasure chest that all goldfish crave.

Have you tried breastfeeding? A counsellor could help you to get established and then you will help the bong between you and the fish.

Scooping three spoons of formula into the water might work as well.

My DD once breastfed a teddy called Blooberry

BONG? BONG. Norks has NOT been at he BONG...I meant BOND


MadEyeMoodTEE2072 Sat 09-Jul-11 22:09:10

If he is 99% plastic what is his other 1%?

Make sure you are positive he is a boy before you buy another plastic goldfish to be his 'friend' or you could wind up with 100s of plastic babies!

Will no one think of the babies?!?!

TheDeathlyMarshmallows Sat 09-Jul-11 22:10:03

You have to admire the PR guys at Cocopops - they've managed to make the fact that the chocolare coating is a bit shit and comes off in the milk into a selling point!

Love the idea of water-filled-conservatory ... I know see this as the ONLY place that would be suitable to keep said fish, anything less is clearly abuse!

"Scooping three spoons of formula into the water might work as well."
Fairly sure the water should have no (plastic) poo in it

HoneyNorwegianRidgebackdragon Sat 09-Jul-11 22:13:07

Mad Eye

EVERYONE knows that cross plasticed plastic goldfish are healthier.

100% pure bred plastic ones have also sorts of genetic defects, to you want to endorse that kind of cruelty, DO YOU!?

<walks round muttering for shame and lawks>

thefirstMrsDeVere Sat 09-Jul-11 22:13:14

U no wat them goldfish is like. they hav babys to get a council house.
1 down my st did it. GOT A 6 BEDROM HOUSE.
Swear down.

I thought that the only reason anybody has kids is to get a C/house?

[drastically reasses her life]

Clearly, the introduction of a felt fish would encourage half-felt half-plastic hybrids...much stronger, and could be fed safely on cotton wool

<wanders off to make some felt fish>
professor I feel a fish creation coming on. Please PM your address for a splashy surprise

felt fish...ooh no think of the chafing

What are you planning to do to a little felt fish, stealth?.
i will NOT be sending one to you, that's for certain!!!

Odd lot around here this evening!

If you want little felt-plastic hybrid babies, it's not what I'll be doing, it;s what Yankee will have to do

irishqueen Sat 09-Jul-11 23:14:29

I Am concerned at the advice of the poster who suggested adding 3 scoops of formula into the water. Is the water at 70 degrees or more? Anyway more importantly is there a no fishing sign clearly visible in glass. These are essential in my opinion

irishqueen Sat 09-Jul-11 23:14:29

I Am concerned at the advice of the poster who suggested adding 3 scoops of formula into the water. Is the water at 70 degrees or more? Anyway more importantly is there a no fishing sign clearly visible in glass. These are essential in my opinion

LadyThumb Sat 09-Jul-11 23:17:14

Obviously if it hasn't eaten the cheerio, then it is not yet ready for Goldfish LW. I think you are doing it too early. Can it hold it's head up yet, and is it watching you eating?

Cutiecat Sat 09-Jul-11 23:35:35

Classic. If that is a honey nut cheerio make sure you have an epi pen at the ready. Really if you are going to be a responsible goldfish guardian peas are the way forward. Tasty and aids digestion. Can help with swim bladder issues.
Good luck

Perhaps your goldfish is in need of intellectual and educational stimulation. In which case, a revision biscuit might be in order grin

Amaretti Sun 10-Jul-11 08:23:29

Tee hee!

NoWittyName Sun 10-Jul-11 08:46:19

...personally I feel that people are just getting silly about this now...the first level of Maszlow's hierarchy of needs (food, water, shelter) is clearly being met so I think you should just let the poor fish be.

HoneyNorwegianRidgebackdragon Sun 10-Jul-11 08:51:31

Dont forget a splash mat if you do go down the glw route, apparently they are important.

Nope, I think we should aim for self-actualisation.
Does the plastic goldfish KNOW it is a plastic goldfish?

Do you all KNOW you are a bunch of LOONS grin??

Love 'glw', but please be very careful when offering carrot sticks, or orange segments.

He might think they are his siblings

MadEyeMoodTEE2072 Sun 10-Jul-11 09:04:12

Oh, good point Norks!

And never, ever give him those goldfish shaped crackers. If you can even get them in the UK. Maybe it's only plastic fish in the US have to worry about that?

HoneyNorwegianRidgebackdragon Sun 10-Jul-11 09:05:14

That's true Norks, dd had to have weeks of counselling after some arsehole offered her a jelly baby .... Traumatised she was, put her right off her Greggs.

Ooooh, I LOVE those tiddly goldfish crackers smile. Why can't we have them in the UK?

Ooops, perhaps shouldn't have said that in front of the PG (plastic goldfish)

honeydragon grin

LauLauLemon Sun 10-Jul-11 09:11:34

"Water filled conservatory"
I spat my coffee over the keyboard. My 'n' and 't' now stick.

nevergoogle Sun 10-Jul-11 09:13:47

DS2 insists I put the wooden cakes into a tupperware tub to keep them fresh. hmm The fact that I actually do it, makes me wonder who is the daft one here.

FourThousandHoles Sun 10-Jul-11 09:15:01

How are you going to simulate the long thread of poo that usually sticks out of the arse of the average goldfish? I do feel that you ought to see the cheerio through to its natural conclusion.

FourThousandHoles Sun 10-Jul-11 09:16:33

Goldfish crackers lovers - do you have a QD near you (ours opened in the ex Woolworths shop) - big tubs of goldfish crackers for 99p in there

Florabeebaby Sun 10-Jul-11 09:23:45

grin a revision biscuit for the goldfish while he swims around in his conservatory filled with it.

professorsnape Sun 10-Jul-11 09:44:22

I'll have you know, we are very GFC (goldfish centred) in this house. Definitely heading towards Maslow's self-actualisation.

Mozart playing at the moment.

Along with my DD reading her picture books, he also gets wide exposure to all the literary classics.

The got Joyce's Ulysses this morning. He even got the classical Latin puns explained to him.

However, I draw the line at Melville's Moby Dick smile

NoWittyName Sun 10-Jul-11 10:10:26

I'm just a little worried. There seems to be a lot of 'reading to' he not able to read himself yet? Possible intervention from EdPsych required?

professorsnape Sun 10-Jul-11 10:17:27

Why he is bilingual.

Of course he can read in his own language - 'Goldish' - but has not been schooled in English yet smile

Other works to consider...

"one fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish" -poetry
"big fish, little fish, card board box" -dance
"Gold-fish-finger" - starring James Pond - popular cinema
"Finding Nemo"- horror

professorsnape Sun 10-Jul-11 10:52:16

Some great ideas Norks LOL smile

Some of his favourite films are:
'Ocean's Eleven'
'It Cod Happen to you'
and 'There's Something about Coley'

Being American, he also loves the Big Band classic 'Mack(eral) the Knife'

GentleOtter Sun 10-Jul-11 10:56:31

He 'got' Ulysses'. envy

<resolves to eat Cheerios>

NoWittyName Sun 10-Jul-11 11:14:36

loving the lunacy! xxxxxxxx

whereseveryonegone Sun 10-Jul-11 15:16:05

What meal? Cheerios are breakfast surely a sandwich would be a lunch alternative or full roast as its Sunday?

PMSL Norks

Don't forget Jaws

lalabaloo Sun 10-Jul-11 16:52:44

Your DD sounds very protective, is he a PFPG (Precious First Plastic Goldfish)? I think he could also benefit from watcing Shark Tale...

InTheNightKitchen Sun 10-Jul-11 17:41:16

I have several goldfish and I never feed them on anything except Greggs' sausage rolls.

HoneyNorwegianRidgebackdragon Sun 10-Jul-11 18:03:34


Won't somebody think of the plastic goldfish!


professorsnape Sun 10-Jul-11 22:45:18

Indeed no Ialabaloo, he it not a PFPG but he is adopted from the home for NIG (Neglected Immigrant Goldfish)

He even came with his own care worker who checks on him regularly.

She's a buxom yellow plastic fish. They sit on the windowsill every Wednesday morning. She has a mini suitcase and takes notes on how he's getting on.

She is happy that he is sett'LING' well smile

OracleInaCoracle Sun 10-Jul-11 22:48:59

brilliant, just brilliant!

oh my cod!

It is not my plaice to tell you how to look after the PFPG, especially as I have reached the minnowpause, but in my sole I know that singing Bohemian Anchovy to it will be an amazing finomenon and Quite brill-iant.
Only then will you have discovered the true porpoise of life

HoneyNorwegianRidgebackdragon Sun 10-Jul-11 23:38:27

We had managed all this time to not descend into fish puns, and now look what you've achieved.

I'm now trying to stop myself doing one just for the halibut.

professor started it. I am just going with the flow

NoWittyName Mon 11-Jul-11 07:58:41

Fantastic start to the day catching up on all this!

Hope fish slept you have to start food choices again for the new day!

lalabaloo Mon 11-Jul-11 14:35:29

Norks :D genius!

professorsnape Tue 12-Jul-11 10:03:55

I have some rather bad news.

We found Yanky Doodle floating upsidedown in his little glass this morning.


We had some good times. We had some bad times.

May he rest in plaice.

GentleOtter Tue 12-Jul-11 10:07:12

Oh little fish, you were fintastic,
Tail of gold, body of plastic,
Now you float around the glass,
Upside down.
You were class.

FourThousandHoles Tue 12-Jul-11 10:21:37

poor plastic fishie
he swam and ate cheerios
now he is no more

NoWittyName Tue 12-Jul-11 12:24:04

I will light a candle for him. sad

...are you getting a post mortem to check whether it was to do with the cheerio eating?..

Nooooooooooo, say it ain't so, professor
how is your DD?, does she need some counselling, or are you going to do the 'he went off to live on a farm' thing?

Is the tunarel planned? Will it be a fishamist service, or do you believe in Cod?

professorsnape Tue 12-Jul-11 23:56:17

Thank you all for your kind words.

We're comforting ourselves with the knowledge that he has gone to his eternal reward - the great big water filled conservatory in the sky



NoWittyName Wed 13-Jul-11 08:43:15

...where he has as many cheerios as his plastic fish sized heart desires...

Anna1976 Wed 13-Jul-11 09:41:47

posted on here to whine about relatives and their issues last week. While the replies to that post were constructive and helpful, this has helped me considerably more smile - though I have spat tea on my keyboard a couple of times.

HerbWoman Wed 13-Jul-11 10:40:12

I think you might have overfed him - fish stomachs are only as big as their eyeballs. You probably needed to cut the cheerio into quarters. Never mind - better luck next time.

HoneyNorwegianRidgebackdragon Wed 13-Jul-11 13:38:41

Does that mean black moors can eat more than normal goldfish?

HoneyNorwegianRidgebackdragon Wed 13-Jul-11 13:39:14

I wish my stomach was as big as one of my eyeballs

Poor plastic goldfish. I was excited to think about what your DD was going to feed him next sad

Can we talk about my DS's plastic guinea pigs now? They have one raisin to share between 3 of them, and the raisin is 2 weeks old. I don't think DS is being a responsible carer.

Also, the guinea pigs were free. How come free toys entertain children for 100 times longer than ones that cost £20?

RIP goldfish.

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