I've been friends with 'Sally' for half my life - since I was 15. She's 6/7 years older than me, and I met her in a nightclub. We got on brilliantly, and she was my best friend up until she moved abroad when I was 23. We (mis)spent the first 6 or 7 years of our friendship behaving in a generally outrageous fashion - drinking ridiculous amounts and going home with men whose names we couldn't remember, working only so we could afford to play, taking silly drugs (nothing too hardcore), going clubbing on Thursday night and coming home on Tuesday, that sort of thing. Silly, dangerous, unnhealthy behaviour, but thankfully we lived through it.
Then I grew up. I've now got a university education, a professional career, a fantastic (also professional) husband, first baby on the way, still enjoy partying (when not pregnant), but in moderation and all legal. 'Sally' hasn't grown up. Every few years she makes a younger set of friends and recommences the partying. I've been out to dinner with her tonight during one of her rare visits to the city I live in, and have been subjected to several hours of tales of snorting unknown substances to get high, taking ketamine, sambuca for breakfast before work, going home with men who don't even speak the same language then going to work in their clothes while still high, etc. etc. etc. She makes constant snipes about how boring my life is now, how I must wish I could still 'have fun', and so on. Her 'conversation' tonight bored me rigid.
How can I let go of my oldest friendship? I'm not judging her, she's knocking 40 and old enough to make her own decisions, but our lives are so very different now that I really don't know what we have in common. I love my life more than I ever have - I love my work, love my DH, love that we're starting a family, love our home. I don't want to sit and listen to all of that being dismissed as 'boring'. I only see her 2 or 3 times a year, but am finding even that intolerable. AIBU to just quietly let the friendship die? I can't help a sense of guilt, as I have a horrible suspicion that she's going to need her 'boring' old friends when she eventually crashes.......
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to let this friendship go?
34 replies
featherbag · 08/07/2011 23:37
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