to go for a night out with the girls rather than with my DH?

[messagetoyourudy]

My DH and I are supposed to be ging out tomorrow night, it is an old school friends of his 40th birthday, fancy dress in a village hall, and camping in a field as this friend lives in a very small village that it would cost a fortune to get a taxi home. I am not keen (I like my own home comforts) but did agree to go as we don't often seem to do much as a couple anymore.

However, it has now clashed with a girls night out in town that I would prefer to go to. Several reasons for this. The girls don't get together often, it promises to be a good night having a nice meal, few drinks and taxi home to sleep in own bed. The 40th birthday party is likely to involve drink and drugs, camping in a field does not appeal at all, with a load of 40 somethings off their heads remeniscing how it was 'back in the day'.
My DH & I did used to party alot many years ago but I am just not really interested in that scene anymore. I can't deal with the lack of sleep, come down feeling etc. For me the highs are not worth the lows.

AIBU to go out with the girls and not my DH ?

[lauzb]

As you had already arranged to go to the party, then yes, YABU

I'd be livid if DH decided the day before we had planned to go somewhere that he was going out with the boys instead

[lauzb]

although i agree, the girls night does sound more fun!

[TrillianAuror]

This isn't about DH vs "the girls", it's about the birthday party vs "the girls".

Whose birthday is it? How will they feel if you let them down at the very last minute because you have a better offer?

[EssexGurl]

Sorry, if you had agreed to go to the party, then you need to honour that committment. It is also not just any old party but a 40th. Regardless of whether it is no longer your thing, you have said you will go. TBH I can't believe that you are asking the question!

I was gutted that when one of my oldest friends had her 40th we were already booked to go out that night, so I declined. Then one of the friends we were going out with got a better offer the night before and so they all dropped out. DH and I couldn't go to the party as it meant staying overnight and the local hotel was all booked up and the baby sitter couldn't do all night. Needless to say, I haven't rushed to rebook the evening out with those friends.

[thesunshinesbrightly]

A bit selfish to go out with the girls instead when you already said you would go to the party with your DH and camp in a field(ewwww).

[Aworryingtrend]

You have already arranged to go to the party. It would be unspeakably rude to then go off on a different night out instead because you've had a 'better offer'. YABVVVU

[dreamingbohemian]

What does your DH think?

If it's more his friend than yours, and your DH doesn't mind going alone, I think it would be okay. If it's a massive party and everyone is going to end up off their heads, I don't think you'll be missed really.

[messagetoyourudy]

My DH says he doesn't mind and TBH I would be suprised if he even noticed once the night gets going! The host definitely wont notice if I am there or not. It is more his friend than mine, our paths have only ever crossed at other friends weddings and the like.

I feel hesitant about it because I feel that we as a couple should make more time to do things together - but as my DH interests are still going out getting off your head partying and mine are more civilised it doesn't happen as often as it should. We went to a friends 30th a while back but as I was the driver and it was an hours drive home I wanted to leave by mid-night (getting home at 1am) he was cross because the party was only just getting going! There is only so much listening to other people off the heads chat the hind legs off a donkey I can do......

[LadyClariceCannockMonty]

I'm with you, OP ? getting off my face and camping are two major turn-offs for me. In fact I would never have said yes to the 40th in the first place!

Generally I think you have to honour whatever event you've said yes to first. But if DH wouldn't mind/notice, and the people whose party it is are more his friends than yours ... I'd be tempted to ditch it for the girls' night out. If it were a good friend of yours then that would be different. TBH I wouldn't count going to a huge wild party as 'doing things together as a couple'. If you need to spend more time together as a couple, you need to find things that you both like doing; then neither of you will want to drop out of arrangements.

[squeakytoy]

If your husband genuinely doesnt mind, and will still have a great time with his mates, then I would go out with the girls..

[jeckadeck]

I am quite hard line about these things: I think if you commit to something you can't just change your mind because you've had a better offer unless you have a genuine excuse (like being really ill or having a sick child or something.) If your DH genuinely isn't bothered then maybe.... but I think there's karma in these things and it will come back to bite you on the bum. You can always go out with the girls another time.

[upahill]

I understand what you are saying and I'd rather have a night with my mates.

But it is bloody awful when people say that they are going to a party and then let you down at the last minute.