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To think that my mum should get rid of her cats as DS is allergic to them and can't visit her

(200 Posts)
numsmetter Mon 27-Jun-11 16:04:53

DS (3) is allergic to cats, he can't be in a house where one lives without his face & eyes swelling up. My mum has 2 cats so we can't visit her and I don't like the idea of giving him antihistamine medication so we can visit (DH takes them for hayfever and they make him quite drowsy).

DD goes to stay at her Grandma's house but DS will never get the chance unless she gets rid of her cats. I've asked her whether she would be prepared to and she says perhaps but that she wouldn't be able to find anyone to have them, I get the feeling she doesn't really want to as she is quite happy with things the way they are.

I respect her wishes but can't help feeling sad that DS is going to have no memories of going to visit his Grandma, AIBU?

hester Mon 27-Jun-11 16:05:52

YANBU to be sad. YABU to think she 'should' get rid of them.

A sad situation for you all.

Flisspaps Mon 27-Jun-11 16:06:14

YABU, I am sure he will have lots of other lovely memories of times with his Grandma.

prettyfly1 Mon 27-Jun-11 16:06:40

Afraid I think yabu. I appreciate your son has allergies but if her cats have been with her a long time they are her pets and will be difficult to rehouse - she probably loves them and asking her to get rid so you can come round sometimes is unreasonable.

Lorenz Mon 27-Jun-11 16:07:12

I think she should get rid of them for the sake of her grandson.

It's only a cat. They don't give a shit where they live as long as they're fed etc.

YANBU

Riveninside Mon 27-Jun-11 16:07:27

Yabu. They are her companions. There are non drowsy antihistamibe tablets you know.

MotherPanda Mon 27-Jun-11 16:07:56

YABU, you can get non drowsy antihistamines - they might even have some especially for children. Ask your pharmacist.

I assume your Mum lives alone? Thats quite a cruel request, considering your DS wouldn't be visiting every day.

nickelbabe Mon 27-Jun-11 16:08:10

yabu to think your mum should get rid of her cats.

can she hoover before you come round and then put the cats in another room, maybe?

tazmin Mon 27-Jun-11 16:08:24

no she shouldnt get rid of them

bubblecoral Mon 27-Jun-11 16:09:42

Yanbu to be sad that your ds can't stay with his Gran, but yabu to think she should get rid of them.

They are her pets, and she has a responsibility to them. I wouldn't want to get rid of my dog in her position, but I would make the effort to spend time with my grandchildren in other ways. I think as long as she is doing that, you can't really complain.

RevoltingPeasant Mon 27-Jun-11 16:09:57

[shoc] YABU, massively.

It's only a cat - well obviously not to the owner! People often really love their pets. Unless you are proposing to give your DS every day as substitute companionship, you can't really expect her to be lonely on a regular basis for periodic visits

numsmetter Mon 27-Jun-11 16:10:00

She lives 10 mins away so we would visit her all the time. She has tried hoovering but it just doesn't help.

I'm not planning to ask her again, just wanted some opinions really

YABVU

TheOriginalFAB Mon 27-Jun-11 16:12:09

YABU.

You can still help him make memories. There is a whole world out there that the pair of them could discover.

Why should your mother get rid of her pets for the sake of your child visiting once a month or whenever?

minipie Mon 27-Jun-11 16:12:42

Yes YABU. The cats were there before DS. To her they are very important, she loves them, and she made a commitment to look after them when she got them. You can't expect her to just "get rid" of them.

It's not like your DS will never see his GM.

Possible solutions: Could your mother keep some rooms cat free (eg living room and one bedroom) so that your DS can visit more easily? Could you investigate non drowsy antihistamines?

altinkum Mon 27-Jun-11 16:12:47

Does she visit you at home?, if so then why does it have to be in her house, and why would your son not have memories with his GM??

YABU.

YABU.
It's unfortunate, but unless you were expecting her to take on childcare for you, I'm sure they will be able to do lots of fun things together anyway, just not in her house.
DS's allergy may lessen as he gets older, the cats will not live forever.

What do you do about friends with cats? Will he never be able to visit certain people because of this?

CMOTdibbler Mon 27-Jun-11 16:13:03

yabvu - theres great non drowsy antihistamines out there, but you could also visit in the garden when popping round

Well if she only lives ten minutes away then she can come to you.

Be honest, you're just pissed off you can't have both of them stay there for babysitting wink

I wouldn't get rid of my cat even if dd was allergic to it.

numsmetter Mon 27-Jun-11 16:14:13

No he can't go round to some of his friends houses as they have cats sad

numsmetter Mon 27-Jun-11 16:15:33

Ha! No really it's not about babysitting, he just cries his eyes out when DD goes and he's not allowed

I think you should look into non-drowsy antihistamines, as otherwise isn't that going to be extremely limiting? (I'm just thinking of all the people we know with cats, which is loads).

Kvetch Mon 27-Jun-11 16:17:04

YABU.

You "don't want" to medicate your child with a standard medcine which has been used by millions for decades just because it may make him sleepy. Clearly YOU'VE made no effort to resolve YOUR problem or you'd know that there are alternative, non-drowsy anti-allergens on the market. Instead you selfishly expect someone else to abandon her pets to solve YOUR problem.

That's fine then, here's the solution to YOUR problem - accept that you can't take your child to Grandma's. Accept too that her cats are a lifetime commitment just as your son is and shouldn't be "got rid of". Sorted.

If you were my relative you'd no longer be welcome anyway.

numsmetter Mon 27-Jun-11 16:17:08

I'll deffo have a look into them

DooinMeCleanin Mon 27-Jun-11 16:18:02

YABVU. I am allergic to my mum's long haired cat. I would never in a million years even tell her how ill he makes me feel at times, let alone ask her to get rid of him. It would break her heart.

Do you hve pets op? They become so much more than 'just an animal', they become your family. It's possible that your ds will outgrow his allergy at some point.

EdnaTheInebriate Mon 27-Jun-11 16:18:17

Well hopefully he will grow out of it - Dh did - he was allergic as a child / young teen to cats, rats and all manner of fur. He's fine now and we have a managerie....

Anti histamines are a good solution - DS1 takes them for his severe hay fever and they really help - the one a day ones.

Parents make sacrifices for their children- but you really can't expect grandparents to do the same - she might never forgive you deep down....

numsmetter Mon 27-Jun-11 16:18:28

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

naturalbaby Mon 27-Jun-11 16:19:04

i have 2 cats and plenty of allergic adults come to visit, knowing they are there so i can see the heartache from both sides.

as much as i'm sure your ds is precious to your mum i don't see how you can ask her to get rid of them so your ds can go visit every now and then/regularly. if your ds had to live in her house then maybe she should get rid of them.

Blu Mon 27-Jun-11 16:21:03

YABVU. And precious.

Give him Piriton half an hour before you go. You could use the Opticom Eye drops too. It is very effective.

Your Ds will be denied all sorts of important experiences if you refuse to give him a harmless, effective anti-histamine. Are you going to suggest that every person who invites him to a party, or to play, or to a sleepover, slaughters thier cats? Or just keep him at home with you and leave him out of these situations?

You know there is no toxic overdose of anti-histamine?

My DS and i are v allergic to cats and i do inwardly roll my eyes every time a friend or relative gets another cat, but we just take anti-histamine and get on with it.

Kvetch Mon 27-Jun-11 16:21:28

"Kvetch - fuck off"

Now that's not very nice is it, numsmetter dearie?

Though I do admit that it's what I'd tell anyone who asked/suggested/wanted me to get rid of my pets.

Blu Mon 27-Jun-11 16:23:17

The 'non drowsy' anti-histamoines have to be taken every day - they aren't effective as a one-off dose, but they work v well.

ILoveYouToo Mon 27-Jun-11 16:24:04

YABVVU.

"gets rid of her cats" hmm Your phrasing makes you sound like such a pleasant person. Or not. hmm You are talking about her companion animals, whom she presumably loves, as if they are a disposable inconvenience.

Omigawd Mon 27-Jun-11 16:24:32

Get rid of DS, get one that likes cats. Much simpler. You can usually find others at "Baby Changing" places at supermarkets, and in soft play sheds, just take one of the others grin

Alternatively, meet elsewhere, take antihistamines and wait until DS grows out of cat allergy.

lachesis Mon 27-Jun-11 16:25:26

YABU.

daimbardiva Mon 27-Jun-11 16:25:32

I realise it's an unsatisfactory situation, but I do think you're being unreasonable expecting that your mum gets rid of her cats. They're her pets, and they're obviously important to her. It might be different if your mum lived some distance away from you and the only way of your son having a relationship with her was to stay with her, but since she is close by this isn't the case. Also your son's allergy is obviously quite severe so his granny's house won't be the only place he'll not be able to go, so he will become accustomed to having to plan aorund it.

We have a similar-ish situation. My parents can't visit our house because of our dog. It's not ideal, but we all just have to live with it, and really in the grand scheme of things it's not that important.

Kvetch Mon 27-Jun-11 16:25:41

<<Kvetch waits for the inevitable false claim that there are hundreds of good homes just waiting for adult cats so why not, ILoveYouToo>>

BalloonSlayer Mon 27-Jun-11 16:26:19

My DS has never felt drowsy from Piriton.

I was told by the allergy specialist that even if you get rid of cats and hoover every day, the fur/dander stays in the carpets and furniture for a year.

In your position I'd probably discreetly knock your DD's overnight visits on the head and find daytime things to do with your mum. She won't be with you forever, you know.

AmberLeaf Mon 27-Jun-11 16:26:51

YABU

Get some non drowsy antihistamines, they are not crack based they are prefectly safe for children to take

3littlefrogs Mon 27-Jun-11 16:27:35

I think some posters are a bit harsh TBH. When he was 4, Ds1 nearly died from a massive asthma attack in a friends house due to his cat allergy. He was dosed up on antihistamines before we set foot in the door - antihistamines are not miracle drugs and don't work 100% for everyone all the time. It depends how allergic the child is.

Of course the grandmother loves her cats, but it isn't as simple as saying dose the child up with antihistamines.

It is a very hard situation, and I think the answer is to accept that they will have to see each other away from the grandmother's home.

Ephiny Mon 27-Jun-11 16:28:07

YABU. Animals are not things to 'get rid of' when they become inconvenient.

ILoveYouToo Mon 27-Jun-11 16:28:10

I'm waiting to be told to fuck off too now Kvetch. The OP is a real charmer, isn't she? If I was her mother I'd be looking to get another cat or two to minimise how often my selfish daughter visited. grin

Kvetch Mon 27-Jun-11 16:28:36

Piriton used to make me fall asleep wherever I stopped, BalloonSlayer, so clearly it does affect some people BUT there are several effective alternatives available, one of which is keeping me hayfever free and awake right now.

merlincat Mon 27-Jun-11 16:28:48

Try giving him Piriton liquid, it's none drowsy and I always keep some in for dd2's allergic mates; I think there's a children's formula. Pets are an important part of children's lives too; it's a shame for your son to miss out.

superjobeespecs Mon 27-Jun-11 16:29:03

had to laugh at crack based anti histamines grin

faintpositive Mon 27-Jun-11 16:29:05

yab a bit u.

MIL has a dog, her only relative...her sister has a severe allergy to dogs, personally i HATE dogs and refuse to be in the same house as one, BUT would never ever ask her to get rid of the thing, neither would her sister.

I dont go to the house, not been for years, and auntie goes occasionally but suffers for days afterwards.
MIL loves it, and understands (i think) why neither of us go to the house.

But then, when there are nice cafes that sell lovely buns, its better to meet there instead! (No dog hairs hanging from the cup and the stinking thing hanging round barking and jumping up and slathering all over us, so always a plus)

LauLauLemon Mon 27-Jun-11 16:30:05

YABVU.

I agree with Kvetch.

numsmetter Mon 27-Jun-11 16:30:27

merlincat - thanks, I'll try that. Dh takes one everyday throughout teh summer for hayfever and they make him feel rotten and he hasn't managed to find one that works well either which is why I was hesitant about trying them

Kvetch Mon 27-Jun-11 16:30:31

grin ILoveYouToo.

It was an interesting invitation, being invited to fuck off, but I'm quite happy here as it happens and I seem to be in the majority opinion group too. wink

CairyHunt Mon 27-Jun-11 16:31:18

YABU - The cats are your mums pets.

Get over yourself

Kvetch Mon 27-Jun-11 16:32:29

Asda own brand. Non drowsy. About 99p a box. They work.

i'm not fucking off, I'll be back in a moment.

BalloonSlayer Mon 27-Jun-11 16:32:37

Oh yes Kvetch it has the same effect on me, feel dreadful. But I wondered whether it didn't affect kids so badly.

Although he has always had Piriton liquid and I see merlincat says that it is non-drowsy.

Whether it is or not, I wouldn't care if something made me drowsy if I didn't have anything important to actually do (ie if I was 3).

zukiecat Mon 27-Jun-11 16:34:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tazmin Mon 27-Jun-11 16:35:29

i get the impression the op doesnt want to hear about non drowsy piriton

PuppyMonkey Mon 27-Jun-11 16:36:08

If it's just a matter of DS getting upset cos DD goes visiting granny, you could cheer him up with a massive bag of sweets. grin then granny can come over sometimes and take him to the park. it's not rocket science is it?

I was allergic to cats as a child and no way would I have expected the many relatives I had with cats to get rid of them for my sake. I grew out of my allergy when I moved in with my sister, who had three cats. Was gradually able to reduce the piriton then dispense with them altogether. smile

SenoritaViva Mon 27-Jun-11 16:36:19

I don't like cats but I would never ask my mum if I was in your situation. What I do think might be reasonable is to suggest that perhaps she doesn't get any more once they have lived a full life.

Kvetch Mon 27-Jun-11 16:36:42
MollyMurphy Mon 27-Jun-11 16:37:12

YABU and also frecking self-absorbed. Some people actually love their pets and take their responsibility and committment to them seriously.

If she vaccumed/dusted and put the cats in a seperate room when your child visited perhaps that could help? You should ask a doctor if there is anything that he can take - its hardly uncommon for people with allergies to take non-drowsy antihistamines when they visit houses with pets FFS.

What a sad situation for your poor mum.

and excessively vitriolic as well as being in the majority kvetch you must be so proud.

porcamiseria Mon 27-Jun-11 16:37:19

YABU! very, she cant just get rid of them!

Kvetch Mon 27-Jun-11 16:37:47

Thank you zukiecat. smile

merlincat Mon 27-Jun-11 16:39:48

Op, has dh tried Zirtek? when I lived i Switzerland and nearly fecking died of hay fever it worked pretty well for me. A steroid injection took the blasted thing away completely but that might be a bridge too far.

zukiecat Mon 27-Jun-11 16:41:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

oohlaalaa Mon 27-Jun-11 16:41:42

YABU.

LadyClariceCannockMonty Mon 27-Jun-11 16:41:56

I wouldn't dream of asking someone to get rid of their pets. YABU, I'm afraid.

But I do understand that it's a tough situation. I hope you find some antihistamines that work for your DS.

Kvetch Mon 27-Jun-11 16:42:15

Yep, proud indeed to speak up for creatures who can't defend themselves in whatever way makes it clearest, spook. And doing it without resorting to telling the OP to fuck off by reply, quite an achievement this hot afternoon.

janey68 Mon 27-Jun-11 16:43:48

Is this for real? You seriously expect her to get rid of her pets? While doing nothing to try to ease the situation for your ds through non drowsy meds? You sound not only selfish, but incredibly passive and unable to grasp the problem and find creative ways around it. You can invite your mother over to you. Meet up for lunch/ dinner out. Go for walks. Go for days out. To say that your ds wont have memories is really ungrateful - your mother lives only 10 miles away so you have more opportunities to meet up than many people.

Your sense of entitlement is unbelievable!

Lorenz Mon 27-Jun-11 16:45:47

Must say I'm surprised by people saying they wouldn't get rid of a cat if their own kids were allergic! You'd rather your kids be constantly ill for the sake of a cat?? nice!

JoySzasz Mon 27-Jun-11 16:45:56

I thought you were going to say that his cat allergy was life-threatening!

My ds had the same problem with my Mum's cats when he was small,he grew out of it...

and she got to keep her cats wink

bruffin England Mon 27-Jun-11 16:52:05

DH is allergic to cats and had them as a child. He found the more he was around the animal the more he got used to it as long as he didn't touch his face or eyes after touching the animal. He did have quite a bad reaction at my sisters once with her cats but has seen them since and not been a problem.
DS also has had a positive test reaction to cats but we have now got a short haired and neither DH or DS have had a problem with her at all.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy Mon 27-Jun-11 16:53:45

This works: www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&source=web&cd=1&ved=0CCYQFjAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.drugstore.com%2Fbioallers-animal-hair-and-dander-allergy-relief-liquid%2Fqxp33801&rct=j&q=bioallers%20animal%20hair%20and%20dander&ei=kKIITtPCGsWmhAfZz9StDQ&usg=AFQjCNHGQ63MSOVukPaXT1hS-AXsrGpbAg&cad=rja

You can also build up your ds's immunity by taking him to your dm's house for short periods (minutes to begin with) and encouraging him to stroke the cat for a few seconds, but always wash his hands when you leave or clean them with one of those handy disinfectant sprays.

My dd suffered from allergic rhinitis but it didn't stop us having cats. She was also plagued by hayfever which was always worse at crucial school summer term exam times, but she was symptom free as soon as we were out of London.

Her hayfever symptoms were immediately alleviated and she was cured in a couple of seasons after I sourced local honey, and made sure she took a couple of teaspoons a day commencing 6 weeks or so before and throughout the 'season'.

i found your post to be just as rude as the op's, its part of the interesting things we discuss on the swearing threads you can say what you want but if you dont swear its fine. the op has put her mother in a difficult position by asking her to get rid of her cats for the sake of her gs but not everyone feels the same way about animals as you obviously do. to say you are the self appointed defender of animals without a voice (a grand title) is interesting. do you not think that the op mother is perfectly capable of saying no if she feeling it is wrong and obviously the op knows what she has asked her mum to do is a bit ur other wise she wouldnt have posted on here. at least her fuck off was concise.

Andrewofgg Mon 27-Jun-11 16:54:23

YANBU - she should care more about her family than about her bloody pets.

Kvetch Mon 27-Jun-11 16:56:22

bruffin, how odd that DS has been tested as allergic but is fine with a cat (and what I presume is an average mog rather than a very shorthaired Oriental type?). You don't get false positives in such cases, surely, do you? confused

Whatever the logic behind it, it's good news. smile

Almost all the pet hair allergy sufferers I know have either grown out of the condition or find themselves unaffected after a while of exposure.

JoySzasz Mon 27-Jun-11 16:56:29

izzy I think this is exactly what happened with our DS...

although he was obviously allergic,we kept visiting and he got stronger.

The same thing happened with SIL,she is now able to have 2 cats herself.

JsOtherHalf Mon 27-Jun-11 16:56:30

I use Lloyds allergy reliever for allergies, I look like Rudolf, but you only need to use it for 2/3 mins twice a day or so. I don't know if it's suitable for children, but it's got to be worth asking customer services to find out.

http://www.lloydspharmacy.com/en/electrical-health/allergy-relief/

I also use http://www.nasaleze.com/ at times, it is a natural nasal powder spray.

DooinMeCleanin Mon 27-Jun-11 16:57:00

I test positive for cat allergy, but have my own cat. I'm more allergic to long haired cats and less allergic to any cats if I am around them a lot a lot, hence my solution to be being allergic to my mum's cat was to go and get one of my own grin

DH has decided he might be allergic to one of my pets. My answer was for him to confirm it via allergy tests and then 'we will see what we can do' (read: we will medicate the fuck of you until you stop whining grin). If the children developed an allerfy it would have be life threatening before I rehomed my pets. If DH's 'allergy' becomes life threatening I will rehome him.

Chandon Mon 27-Jun-11 16:57:56

yabu, give him some zirtec

Kvetch Mon 27-Jun-11 17:00:33

spook, regardless of what the OP's mother is capable of, it was the OP who invited comment on a public forum. She didn't like the response and threw her toys out of the pram.

<<yawn>>

PonceyMcPonce Mon 27-Jun-11 17:01:28

Easy to underestimate how ill this sort of allergy can make you feel. I cannot visit some pals because of their cats . Antihistamines cannot do enough. Steroids not ideal for a child obv.

Could op mum visit overnight at your house, then you and dh could escape too!

CeliaFate Mon 27-Jun-11 17:02:39

Yabu, my son is allergic to dogs. I give him loratidine before we go to my sister's house and he's fine. The pros of him being able to visit his grandmother outweigh the cons of giving him medication before every visit.

Kvetch Mon 27-Jun-11 17:02:43

Dooin, it wouldn't be the Devil Dog who DH is allergic to by any chance? wink

DooinMeCleanin Mon 27-Jun-11 17:04:16

Probably. Or ibs cat. It's definitely not the whipy one, naturally hmm. Either way, they're staying. He can go if he is that ill grin

WinterSnow Mon 27-Jun-11 17:05:52

YANBU

We were in a similar situation, my DS could't visit his grandma's house because he is allergic to her cats, she re homed them as she wanted her grandson to be able to visit and stay with her.

We also had to get our own cats re homed, our son's health comes first I'm afraid

ThisIsJustASagaNow Mon 27-Jun-11 17:07:00

Another Yabu. As she lives nearby they'll still see each other often. No way would I be happy if that had been suggested to me.

I also think it'd be a good idea to try different medication.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy Mon 27-Jun-11 17:07:11

It has been documented that keeping babies/infants away from cats and dogs etc may be the cause of many children being allergic to household pets Lorenz.

We're not talking a life-threatening allergy here, and there's absolutely no need for the op's dm or her beloved pet to suffer because the op is unreasonable.

LetThereBeRock Mon 27-Jun-11 17:07:13

YABVVU. It's a living being,and one that means a lot to your mother I presume.It's not an ornament that one can pass on when one gets tired of it.

And cats can and often do become attached to particular people. My 14 year old cat whom I've had since he was two weeks old certainly wouldn't be content if he was given to a new owner.

RevoltingPeasant Mon 27-Jun-11 17:09:25

Yes but WinterSnow that was presumably her choice? Did you actually ask her to 'get rid of' her cats?

I have to say, if it were my own DCs, I'd probably think about rehoming - but no way in hell would I ever ask anyone else to get rid of their pets, no matter who they were. It's beyond cheeky. I am trying to imagine being in a similar situation from the DGM's point of view, and I have to think I'd respond in the same way OP did to Kvetch!!

joogle Mon 27-Jun-11 17:14:38

I don't think you are being unreasonable but I guess it's about priorities for her. I'm a Grandmother and would re home my cat is any of my grandchildren were allergic to the point they couldn't stay with me.

I must say I'm quite shocked that some parents would keep their cats even if their own child was allergic to them, allergic reactions are horrible and living with an allergy is difficult enough without your parents refusing to do the one thing that would ease it.

BaronSamedi Mon 27-Jun-11 17:18:38

YANBU to be a bit sad, but yes unreasonable to ask.

Could you not take it in your own hands? Didn't Rolf Harris used to often list things that were deadly for cats on Animal Hospital? I remember thinking it was bloody amazing that any of them ever survived at all. Nobody would ever have to know if there was an accident, and it would take your DM out of being in a difficult situation.

DarlingDuck Mon 27-Jun-11 17:19:31

My daughter has an allergy to any kind of animal hair, my parents re homed their cat as DD has such a severe reaction to them, it was awful and their was no question about keeping them after that so IMO YANBU to think she should consider it but it is her decision at the end of the day.

Does she live alone?

DooinMeCleanin Mon 27-Jun-11 17:19:52

Yeah very clever Baron. Lets not rehome it, lets just murder it hmm

Kvetch Mon 27-Jun-11 17:20:12

But joogle, that's just not accurate. Getting rid of the pet is NOT "the one thing that would ease it." The alternative to abandoning the family pets is to medicate and de-sensitise the child, as many many people on here have explained.

KristineKochanski Mon 27-Jun-11 17:20:58

zukiecat Mon 27-Jun-11 16:34:39

I have three cats and I wouldn't rehome them if any of my own children were allergic.

Wow at that bit. Can't believe somebody actually cares more about their cats than their own children!
Unless you suffer from cat allergy you have absolutely no idea what it's like. It's not just a case of 'dose the kid up on antihistamine before going round.' They have to be taken regularly to have an effect, they don't just act as a one off.
OP, you could be me as I am in exactly the same situation. My MIL (kids grandma) has 2 cats and is always saying we should go round more, but she doesn't even bother putting them into a different room when we come round, Even though ds who was 5yrs old had eyes that were literally closing up in front of her, just turned into big weeping slits he was terrified as he couldn't even see and the swelling didn't go down properly for about 3 days afterwards.
She'd just say 'oh it must be something else. It's not the cat.' Erm, yes it's your bloody cat!!! Complete denial.
I have 2 little children and they both stay at nanna and grandad's (my mum and dad's) overnight every now and again and she's always saying how 'oh you never come stay over at mine. You don't want to come here.'
How do you say 'we keep telling you it's because of your cats you daft bint!' without coming across as rude?! smile
We'd love to stay over or at least visit more but can't.

zukiecat Mon 27-Jun-11 17:22:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DooinMeCleanin Mon 27-Jun-11 17:22:49

I suffer from cat allergy. I have a cat. I would not rehome him if my children inherited my allergy. I also have asthma, sometimes exacerbated by the cat. I still would not rehome him.

D0G Mon 27-Jun-11 17:25:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

knittedbreast Mon 27-Jun-11 17:26:22

hi i had the same thing. only we pressed on with it and he ended up having a nasty asthma attack. the docs said we should never go back to the house (hard as we were living there) and offered to write a referal letter to to ss.

In the end she got rid of the cat, its the saliva they lick themselves with that causes it.
Im sorry but the cat needs to go, dont let your son go through what i did. if they are around cats long enough they have asthma attacks (and thats with cat banned zones, open windows, hoovering, and anti cat stuff), eventually that can lead to full on asthma, which means no running around etc...

your child comes before a cat,

zukiecat Mon 27-Jun-11 17:26:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kvetch Mon 27-Jun-11 17:26:35

I wouldn't rehome my cats either.

zukiecat, it's just attention seeking. Whenever animals are discussed on here there's very often one charmer who will advocate killing the creature. You just have to feel sorry for these people.

DooinMeCleanin Mon 27-Jun-11 17:27:15

Yes I do realise how uncomfortable it can be, since I also am allergic to cats. I also realise that it can medicated for and children can be desensitised over time with repeated exposure.

Andrewofgg Mon 27-Jun-11 17:27:45

People are murdered.

Animals are killed.

DooinMeCleanin please note the difference.

Kvetch Mon 27-Jun-11 17:29:21

Knitted, is there really a definite correlation between pet allergy and asthma? Any conclusive proof that the allergy WILL lead to asthma?

Kvetch Mon 27-Jun-11 17:30:07

Andrew - Animals are murdered.

DooinMeCleanin Mon 27-Jun-11 17:30:31

People are animals. Homosapien to be exact. I don't see difference personally. Murder is murder. Deliberately killing a cat in it's prime would be murder, why dress it up as something less?

zukiecat Mon 27-Jun-11 17:31:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hester Mon 27-Jun-11 17:32:02

Well, these threads always end up with some people going, "You cold-hearted murderer!" and others going, "FGS, it's only a frigging cat". And never the twain shall meet.

I don't suppose Baron was being entirely serious. She made me laugh, anyway.

KristineKochanski Mon 27-Jun-11 17:32:28

Zukiecat you said it yourself, not me. 'I wouldn't rehome my cats even if my children were allergic.' So you've basically said 'long as I've got the cats, stuff the kids wellbeing.'
You've either got no idea what an allergy to cats actually consist of or the cats come first over your own children.
Different cats can trigger different reactions. With me and ds some cats we are fine with, others trigger really bad reactions.
One made my throat close up and could barely breathe, Very scary. The one at Grandma's house made ds eyes turn into little slits and he couldn't see through them.
Feel sad for your children if you'd put them through that just because you wanted to keep your cats.

FatPat Mon 27-Jun-11 17:35:44

We are in a very similar position here op but I do think yababitu.My ds has several allergies the one to cats being the more serious.
We tried all the preventative stuff, medication, hoovering etc with no effect to how he reacted.
I decided that it would be better for ds to not visit their house any more and his health has improved as a consequence of this.
Their cat passed away and we thought that he would be able to visit again - not so they just got a new cat.
Ds will notbe visiting their house in the forseeable future sad

DarlingDuck Mon 27-Jun-11 17:37:03

zukiecat and Kvetch I find you both very odd to be honest....

zukiecat Mon 27-Jun-11 17:37:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rockerchic Mon 27-Jun-11 17:39:59

YABU they are your DM companions. angry

Kvetch Mon 27-Jun-11 17:40:02

Duck, that's fine by me.

<<shrug>>

chocolatehobnobs Mon 27-Jun-11 17:40:10

Poor OP, I think you have been given an unnecessarily hard time when essentially you are worried about your child having a severe and very unpleasant reaction. Not surprised you told someone to Fuck Off as the poster was very aggressive and subsequently vitriolic IMO
I would appreciate the OP's mum's right to have pets however sad it is that DC can't visit his grandma but OP is right to raise the issue and discuss it with her mum.

ilovesooty Netherlands Mon 27-Jun-11 17:41:08

YABU.

If your daughter goes to stay overnight, why can't your son have days out with your mum to redress the balance?

zukiecat Mon 27-Jun-11 17:42:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lorenz Mon 27-Jun-11 17:43:40

Kids before pets. It's a no-brainer really.

I remember a woman I knew once was going on about how she loved her dog - the same dog that could NOT be trusted around children and had attacked people many times before. She was pregnant and her attitude was

"the dog was here first, the dog will be staying"

WTF?? to put a dog/cat before the well-being of your kids? absolute madness.

Ok I know the cats in the OP are hardly likely to kill (or is it murder hmm ) the little lad in question but jesus, where are people's priorities?

ilovesooty Netherlands Mon 27-Jun-11 17:45:27

I think there's a hell of a lot of difference between an unpredictable dog who might attack a child and a cat who's just being...a cat.

Kvetch Mon 27-Jun-11 17:46:26

hobnobs, you make me laugh. It's "aggressive" to say to the OP that if they told me to get rid of my pets I wouldn't welcome them into my home but it's perfectly OK for the OP to tell me to fuck off for saying it?

Sorry, you won't get me taking the bait, I'm laughing at you.

NoHunIntended Mon 27-Jun-11 17:48:00

Oh the hypocrisy! What do all you cat-lovers feed your precious cats, if not murdered/killed animals?

OP, YANBU, and I am appalled that anyone would put a pet before a darling grandchild. Why should you dose up your child? Craziness!

zukiecat Mon 27-Jun-11 17:50:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NoHunIntended Mon 27-Jun-11 17:52:39

So by choosing to keep a cat alive, you are condemning thousands of others to the slaughterhouse?
My comment is in relation to all the outrage at the thought of killing a cat, when what is done to those other animals seems not to matter to you.

Lorenz Mon 27-Jun-11 17:52:50

I did say there was a difference but the point remains the same - kids before pets!!

I say this as an animal lover myself. I once had a gorgeous German Shepherd dog. I rescued him from an RSPCA centre and he had been horribly abused/starved and beaten. Naturally he was weary of people but he grew to trust me. That said though, he'd still bite me when he didn't get his own way and would think nothing of growling at me if he thought he was about to be shouted at/hit (I never hit him).

I was ok with it though, I can take a dog bite! however when I got pregnant - the dog went.

No matter how much you love your pets, your kids should come first.

hiddenhome Mon 27-Jun-11 17:53:11

Just give him an antihistamine hmm

My ds1 suffers from hayfever and he regularly takes antihistamines. They're not crack cocaine you know hmm

pranma Mon 27-Jun-11 17:59:23

If she is only 10 minutes away she can have lots of visits to you.We have a dgs who is allergic to cats[we have 2] but he lives over 100 miles away and only visits rarely so we put cats in cattery in advance,go over soft furnishing with vac and damp cloth-put a clean sheet over one chair which he uses and have a stowaway bed for dgs which is never opened when cats are at home.People love their pets and its not as if keeping them means she'd never see him.

QuietTiger Mon 27-Jun-11 18:01:51

Kvetch - you have said, so eloquently, what I want to say to the OP only I don't have your finesse. grin

But then, I can't really be accused of being objective, because I've made an cat-allergic house guest sleep in a tent in the garden before now. As far as I'm concerned, it's my cats home (8 of them, actually) and I'm not going to turf them out for the sake of an allergic guest... Anti-histamines work. Use them OP, because YAB totally U.

chocolatehobnobs Mon 27-Jun-11 18:02:15

kvetch - just thought your post was shouty and rude , not surprised you got that reply

ilovesooty Netherlands Mon 27-Jun-11 18:03:07

I am appalled that anyone would put a pet before a darling grandchild

It's not as if keeping her cats and seeing her "darling grandchild" are incompatible with one another. She only lives 10 minutes away.

catgirl1976 England Mon 27-Jun-11 18:07:05

I wouldnt get rid of my cats. I am alergic to them. I take anti-histamines everyday and I deal with it. If my child is allergic they will need to take anti-histamines every day to manage thier symptoms. A lot of people have animals - you can't live your life avoiding people with pets or limiting your life like that. The OP should get some non-drowsy anti-histamines for her DS so he can visit his Grandmother and his friends who have pets.

Kvetch Mon 27-Jun-11 18:07:50

I didn't shout. I make no apologies for being rude. I tend to react with sarcasm and rudeness when people advocate cruel acts towards animals.

Odd, that.

Omigawd Mon 27-Jun-11 18:16:02

IMO this is quite manipulative and inconsiderate of the OP, especially as there are so many alternatives.

Animals are companions to people and have been shown to incraese happines, mental health etc. One also wonders what DM is supposed to do the other 95% of her time when DD and DGC are not around?

Blurry29 Mon 27-Jun-11 18:16:42

I'm not anti animals or anti cats before anyone starts

if it was a choice between GS or Cats there would be no contest

GS 1 - 0 Cats

just IMHO smile

Lunabelly Mon 27-Jun-11 18:16:55

YABU.

I have a huge cat allergy - sometimes my eyes swell up so badly the whites bulge around the iris, nou noum noum. It's a really sexy look.

I've still got three cats though. (Had to as our old flat was infested with mice)

If someone is never exposed to allergens, they will never develop tolerance or antibodies or whatever it is they are called, which could cause huge problems in later life. I used to have huge asthma attacks just being in the same room as someone who had held a cat, but my mobile mouser units have desensitised me quite well. I have to take Piriton syrup and an asthma inhaler anyway , for hayfever.

A pal of mine had a DC who was allergic to everything - but even she advised against de-allergenising the house when DD3 was diagnosed with housedustmite allergy; Pal said if you do that then DD will NEVER build up immunity and come a cropper whenever she ventured outside the house. (DDs hdm allergy has now gone)

Even the anaphylaxis nut people reckon minute amounts actually help allergies, although you can google that!

Piriton has always been non-drowsy for us (crikey, I wish it WOULD make me drowsy then I might get to sleep without a panic attack first) indeed, DD3 was prescribed huge amounts of it in hospital, it never knocked her out, it was the morphine that did that

I honestly DO know the misery of allergies, I have lived with them all my bloody life, can't go anywhere without my inhaler, piriton and nasal decongestant spray, and my triggers can change on a daily basis - but verily I tell thee this -your mum's cats will maybe actually help your DS in the long run, by desensitising him against those things you or he cannot control.

Although some drugs are evil, Piriton is so safe it can be taken in pregnancy (or so the emergency doctor said when I was having an allergy attack all over his NHSdirect line smile )

COCKadoodledooo Mon 27-Jun-11 18:20:57

OFGS op yes, YABridiculouslyU. Especially ivo the fact you say she's 10 minutes away. Hardly like it's depriving him of a relationship with his grandma is it? hmm

My gran had cats. My uncle was allergic. He took antihistamines and ventolin when he visited (and indeed when he lived there). Where's the problem?

catgirl1976 England Mon 27-Jun-11 18:21:51

When you take on a animal you have a responsibility to it - never mind the fact that most people actually love thier animals and consider them part of the family. I have HORRENDOUS allergies - but I still have my cats and my horses. Yes I have to medicate everyday - no thats not a problem. Yes it can even with medication get a bit uncomfortable but thats life sometimes.

A child can be medicated and he may well grow out of his allergies anyway. I think exposure is likely good for him in small doses too

DarlingDuck Mon 27-Jun-11 18:22:49

zukiecat - A cat is a carnivore, and would die without meat in its diet

I knew a family who had a vegetarian cat so no it won't die, it would be as un natural as say, giving your child antihistamies daily, but no they won't die

I love all the people saying get her to hoover, etc etc. I'll tell that to my MIL who has been hospitalised many times due to her allergy to cats and what it does to her asthma. One time, when DH was little it nearly killed her. She's 65 and as bad as ever. Still, as long as the cat's ok...

Agree with Blurry. Humans vs cats there is no contest.

Kvetch Mon 27-Jun-11 18:30:28

Duck, a cat is an OBLIGATE carnivore. This fact is backed by research and the Director of Veterinary Services for Cats Protection.

But that's by the by. The OP seems to have left, anyway, despite suggestions of varying medications which she could give her son.

GreenEyesandHam Mon 27-Jun-11 18:31:18

Anyone who would seriously put their pets before the health and well being of their own children needs their head read. Disgusting.

If anyone truly feels like that I would hope they would decide to stick to animals and leave the child rearing to others.

catgirl1976 England Mon 27-Jun-11 18:31:50

You obvioulsy haven't met my cats. They are FAR nicer than most children I meet. smile

DarlingDuck Mon 27-Jun-11 18:38:53

Some absolute nutters on this thread, I'm shock .... it would actually be funny if it weren't so tragic.

Wonder if the cats are as loyal? I'm sure a nice warm bed & good food would be enough for it to live happily anywhere and as for the cat putting it's feeder before it's own offspring.........

Lorenz Mon 27-Jun-11 18:41:38

That's the funny thing DarlingDuck, cats have no loyalty to ANYONE, as long as they're warm and fed they'll live with anyone. They don't give a shit about their owners at all. Can't understand why people are so obsessed with them. You'd get more loyalty out of a bloody budgie.

RevoltingPeasant Mon 27-Jun-11 18:45:03

Humans vs cats there is no contest

But it is not a zero-sum game!!!!! Argh.

Look, the GM has a relationship with her DGS and with her cats. In the current situation, she can see her DGS:

a. at the OP's house
b. at relatives' houses
c. at the park/ softplay/ cinema etc etc etc etc

In the current circs, she can babysit for him overnight (at his parents'), see him regularly, have fun with him...

If she gets rid of the cats, she can see her DGS at ONE more place. She can see her cats....

nowhere!

So given that it will (presumably) cause her heart-ache and some diminution of quality of life, the OP is being mega unreasonable to suggest it. The DGS does not live in the GPs' house. Therefore the situation is easily avoided.

Jesus. hmm

RevoltingPeasant Mon 27-Jun-11 18:46:17

And I don't even like cats! But I do have a bit of empathy.

catgirl1976 England Mon 27-Jun-11 18:47:48

And the OP could give the child some nice non-drowsy anti-histamines so the poor thing can see his other friends he is currently prevented from seeing and not be labelled as "the boy with the allergies" to boot AND hopefully have the chance to become desensitised to his allergies and not grow up to be someone who can't date women who own cats

zukiecat Mon 27-Jun-11 18:49:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LetThereBeRock Mon 27-Jun-11 18:50:32

Not true in my experience,Lorenz,and I've owned many cats,and been brought up in a family that rescued and raised kittens and strays. But then I don't care if my pets are loyal or not,that's not what being a pet owner is about. I enjoy having them around,and that's been equally true of the lizards I used to own as it is of my cat and my dog.

LetThereBeRock Mon 27-Jun-11 18:52:13

And as Revolting said the cats are not preventing the grandparents from seeing their grandson,there are plenty of places where they can see him,just not in their home if the OP isn't willing to give her ds anti-histamines. This is not a cat which lives in the OP's home.

KristineKochanski Mon 27-Jun-11 18:53:00

GreenEyesandHam Mon 27-Jun-11 18:31:18

Anyone who would seriously put their pets before the health and well being of their own children needs their head read. Disgusting.
If anyone truly feels like that I would hope they would decide to stick to animals and leave the child rearing to others.

Everything what Green eggs said here.

KristineKochanski Mon 27-Jun-11 18:53:36

Green eggs? That'll teach me to post without proof-reading! Too much Dr Seuss reading here grin

GreenEyesandHam Mon 27-Jun-11 18:54:15

My comments were concerning those who said they would put their animals before the health of their own children.

I actually agree the OP is BU

GreenEyesandHam Mon 27-Jun-11 18:55:25

Kristine grin

catgirl1976 England Mon 27-Jun-11 18:55:28

My cats can totally top that zukie. One of mine catches bats for fun - bet your kids can't move that quick. Oh and they could all walk then they were only DAYS old....

SpringHeeledJack Mon 27-Jun-11 18:55:45

I'm afraid YABU

if you don't want to give ds antihistamines, get your mum over to yours, meet her out- whatever. But whatever you do, try not to pass any resentment you might feel towards your mum on to ds. Just explain that he can't go because of the cats, but that he gets to do lots of lovely things with Nana (try to make sure,between you and your mum, that they do 'special' stuff without dd? -otherwise it may look as though she's somehow being favoured)

Goblinchild Mon 27-Jun-11 18:59:28

You can meet in other places, or at your house.
If I had a child with allergies, I'd think seriously about rehoming, or not acquiring one in the first place.
But if I had a grandchild come along, I'd finds ways around having to get rid of a beloved pet when I could think of other solutions.

zukiecat Mon 27-Jun-11 19:00:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

catgirl1976 England Mon 27-Jun-11 19:03:30

smile your cats sound great... i love mine to bits - people who say cats don't have much personality have never spent much time with a cat - they are amazing

(your kids sounds great too - but a kitten that showers wins hands down) grin

OP, that is a horrid request. YABVU!

If you don't want to give your DS antihistamines that's fair enough but you cannot expect your Mum to give up her pets because you have decided not to give him them. Antihistamines are quite safe and you can get non drowsy versions as well.

I can't even believe you have to ask if you are being UR!

Zukiecat Trust you to be on another bloody cat thread! wink

nulgirl Mon 27-Jun-11 19:11:45

Yanbu. My parents would definitely get rid of their cars if they affected my dcs health. We are a close family and spend lots of time at each others houses. Meeting at a cafe or park does not foster the close relationship that we have. My parents love having the kids to stay and we quite often all stay at theirs even though we only live 10 minutes away. I honestly can't understand why people would put their cat before their own health and the health of the children.

birdofthenorth Mon 27-Jun-11 19:12:03

YABU. DH has bad cat allergies & my 2 BFs (DD's Godmothers) have cats so we can't stay there. It's awkward & sad but that's the way it is. They come to us or we go away together. DH jokes he would like to shoot the cats. He is joking smile

I have two (non-allergenic) dogs & if a relative asked me to get rid of them I'd be seriously offended. In fact SIL once said "it's a shame you rushed into getting dogs & can't visit us as much" & I am STILL offended (there was no rushing in & we love the dogs) 3 years later!!!

zukiecat Mon 27-Jun-11 19:12:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

catgirl1976 England Mon 27-Jun-11 19:12:51

You know though nulgirl I bet they wouldnt get rid of their cars, which do, undoubtly affect your DCs health

OldMacEIEIO Mon 27-Jun-11 19:15:36

If its all about memories, why not take him around right now ?

he will sneeze a bit, his eyeballs will get red and itchy, then his head will swell into a pus-filled pustule, just waiting to be squeezed.

he wont forget THAT in a hurry , will he ?

Iteotwawki Mon 27-Jun-11 19:16:58

Sigh. Not all allergies are solved with one non drowsy tablet. Personally I wouldn't want to medicate my child on a daily basis for something non essential if there were an alternative. Not all antihistamines are safe either (anyone remember terfenadine? Tradename was Triludan - touted as a safe once daily antihistamine, withdrawn from the market after some years when it was realised it caused sudden death).

If you give me a "minute amount" of nut to desensitise me it will have me in hospital on an adrenaline infusion - anaphylaxis isn't dose dependent.

Some allergies are made worse by repeated exposure not better.

There was a fad in the 80s for hayfever desensitisation injections. They had to stop them after a few people died.

Parents whose children are referred to ENT with continual allergic rhinitis or to paeds with asthma are advised to rehome any pets.

But then when people continue to smoke and have children of course there will be some who will refuse to rehome their pets even though they make the child ill - because their wants come first. Sorry, I find that selfish.

However, these aren't the OP's cats, but her mother's. So although if it were me and my grandson I'd rehome the animals without being asked, I think it's unreasonable of the OP to expect it.

eurochick Mon 27-Jun-11 19:19:58

YABvU. They are part of her family. Treat your son or get her to visit you.

ohokthen Mon 27-Jun-11 19:21:30

I grew up with cats, and at about 8 years old developed a horrible allergy to them. I used to suffer terrible nosebleeds that at 1 stage lasted for days. And terrible itchy eyes, red, swollen eyes. Itchy skin.As well as the constant sneezing. At the time I was prescribed Triludan. Which I think was one of the 1st antihistimines on the market. As i grew older just dusting set it all off.

At the time we had 4 cats, I remember it being breifly discussed and dimissed us getting rid of the cats. You just learn to live with it and you learn how to handle the symptons. Later on in my early 20's I developed astma.

You can grow out of it. And you can develop an immune system to it. I did. I also learnt to wash hands regular. And not touch my face after handling them.

Since leaving home, On 2 seperate occasions have had a cat. And again built up an immune system both times, and again wash hands.

My own son, has also developed an allergy, and has learnt how to deal with it from him being 2 and at 4 years, We got a cat - sadly no longer with us.

Our whole family except us, has cats in 2's or 3's. Lol I would never dream of asking them to get rid.

At the moment I cant be bothered with one, but may well get one in the future.

We have a dog, who's whiskers I am allergic too and a indoor rabbit who I am also allergic to.

Personally ged a grip, get over yourself and please let your son go round. And get him some tablets.

CelebratedMonkey Mon 27-Jun-11 19:24:28

OP, I think YABU though I know how you feel. I have a fur/feather allergy and my in-laws have a cat and don't even vacuum before I go round. My eyes get very sore and then I get wheezy. But I'm only there for a bit and know how to be careful (ie don't rub eyes when possible!). I don't begrudge them a pet. Also, I just think they can't/don't comprehend what it's actually like living with an allergy. I suspect they think 'oh she just has the sniffles' and don't realise my eyes are itching like mad, that I can barely breathe, that my throat is scratchy and that my legs itch.

I would try your son with antihistamines and see how he gets on - if he can't be in the same house, don't tell her to get rid but just say it makes him too ill. Maybe the medication will make short visits bearable for him.

But generally people should remember that allergies vary even among sufferers of the same allergy! I have a hamster despite my allergy because I'm prepared to cope with the sniffles (also note it's never gone away, I haven't become immune despite exposure). I would never presume that because I could cope than my kid automatically could too. Those of you with cats who say you wouldn't rehome - even if your kids' allergies were worse than yours, and not really manageable with medication? Not everyone gets desensitised over time.

TidyDancer England Mon 27-Jun-11 19:25:08

Stunned by some of the horrible posts on this thread. There are some people here who clearly are not animal lovers. I really wish I was surprised by that.

Hopefully the OP will have disappeared knowing how unreasonable she was being, and again hopefully, some of the views on this thread will die a death. I suspect I'm wrong though.

CelebratedMonkey Mon 27-Jun-11 19:27:19

Okay, so I have only had pets with relatively short lifespans, but I have never been desensitised to a pet's allergens, so I wish my allergic counterparts wouldn't suggest it can happen so easily for people.

birdofthenorth Mon 27-Jun-11 19:28:04

YANBU about the antihistamines though. DSS had awful hayfever as an infant, regularly woke up with eyes glued together with weepy goo, only thing that cured it was a serious antiH but we hated making him drowsy (& he was later diagnosed with autism- almost certainly unrelated, but one if a zillion things that now niggle in the back of our minds that might have had an influence -all stupidly, & no doubt it's just genes & bad luck). Anyway his hayfever got MUCH better after he reached about 6 so perhaps your DS's allergies will improve with time too.

Katisha Mon 27-Jun-11 19:34:20

Vacuuming doesnt make much difference . The dander is in the underlay and in the soft furnishings in general. So putting the cat outside/in a different room won't really help either. We don't stay at holiday places that welcome pets for this reason - DH would be in misery the whole time.

Fernier Mon 27-Jun-11 19:37:59

well you cant really ask het to get rid of them although tbh if it was a choice between not having my grandson to stay and rehoming my cats (not throwing them out in the streets mind you) then I cant imagine choosing the cats.

ohokthen Mon 27-Jun-11 19:40:20

Triludan may have been withdrawn, but I took them for years and Im sure many other hundreds of thousands of folk did as well

LillianGish Mon 27-Jun-11 19:46:32

How bad is the allergy? I must say I was a bit hmm about cat allergies until I saw what happened to my friend's dd when she stroked a cat in the street. Her eyes swelled up like golf balls - it was really rather alarming and it took until the following day for the symptoms to subside - even with anti-histamines. I must say it seems a bit unreasonable to expect her to get rid of her cats - especially when she only lives ten minutes away and she could easily come to you of course if she wants ds to come to her house then it's up to her to rethink I don't think yabu not to allow ds to go there.

mousymouse Mon 27-Jun-11 19:54:09

I am shockec at the "just give your dc meds and get on with it" posts.
allergies are not just itchy eyes for most people, the reaction can make you feel really miserable.
and for those who say "just vacuum and put the cat into another room" that is really a daft idea!

catgirl1976 England Mon 27-Jun-11 19:57:36

They do make you miserable, but often meds will allieviate the symptoms and take away or lessen the "misery"

If the allergy isn't life threatening it is not right to limit a DCs life in order to avoid some discomfort. Desensitisation often works with cat allergies and hopefully he will just grow out of it

I am sure he would rather try the anti-histamines and be able to visit his friends and grandmother than not and spend his life not being able to do things in case it triggers his allergies.

Blu Mon 27-Jun-11 20:14:22

"I am shockec at the "just give your dc meds and get on with it" posts.
allergies are not just itchy eyes for most people, the reaction can make you feel really miserable."

It can. Which is why it is a good idea to take anti-histamines. Then you can get on with your life free of misery and discomfort - if the problem is a routine pet allergy / hat fever etc. Of course serious anaphalactic shock reactions are a differnt level of reaction, and some people don't get relief from anti-histamines, but if you do, why not use them in order to correct what is actually a mis-reaction by the body?

I have cat allergy, I take anti-histamine if I am going to a cat house, problem sorted. Ditto for DS.

babybarrister Colombia Mon 27-Jun-11 21:00:45

I have found this very interesting indeed as my MIL has just bought a new dog and DS is anaphylactic to cats and dogs - has been unconscious to both as well as asthma, itching etc [had to use epipen] She has found a way through which is to speak to her neighbours so we can stay there [she has moved abroad] and spend the day with her but outside. People need to understand just how serious allergies can be for some people. There has been a lot of talk about nasty unfeeling comments to cats but what about the many dismissive and frankly offensive comments about allergies ... Serious allergies are not going to be "cured" by a home spun desensitisation programme

Lunabelly Mon 27-Jun-11 22:26:43

No, of course serious anaphylactic allergies won't be. But many allergies can and are controlled with a dose of meds.

IF any of us were serious allergy sufferers in our house, then the cats would obviously have to be rehomed - but the fact that the OP mentions antihistamines leads one to believe that her DS doesn't suffer from anaphylaxis.

I got the cats despite my allergies because we were overrun with mice (all the houses on our side were) and you simply cannot have poisonous baits + toddler, and the mice weren't having it anyway. I weighed up pros and cons, NOT curing by homespun desensitisation programme, but by asking myself what was worse - bulgy eyes, snot, itchy throat and mouth, asthma etc that could be relieved with inhalers / sprays / antihistamines or being overrun with vermin, excreting everywhere they scampered.

14 years later (and a few cat line-up changes), my cat allergy is vastly improved (unless one of them uses my face as a cushion), and I am glad I took that chance. Similarly, DD3's hdm allergy has disappeared...had we followed the hospitals advice of freezing toys, laminating everything etc, I think she would still be having flare-ups whenever entering a non-allergenic zone. I took the advice of a person who had extensive experience dealing with multiple allergies, and was NOT being dismissive. Everybody knows that there are varying degrees of allergy - but if it IS an allergy that can be controlled, then to my mind, speaking as a scabby, wheezy itchy woman (with my eye swelling right now ), I would rather dose myself up and carry on with my life.

Kvetch Mon 27-Jun-11 22:38:04

Can anyone tell me please, as knittedbeast indicates, whether allergy to cats DOES automatically lead eventually to asthma? Or is it something which CAN do so?

No hidden agenda, just curious and wanting to be more knowledgable.

Kvetch Mon 27-Jun-11 22:38:53

And apologies for the dreadful grammar. Been on MN best part of the day, it's too darn hot to do anything else!

Lunabelly Mon 27-Jun-11 22:42:48

As a child, I would have asthma attacks just from being in the same room as a cat, as a teenager from being in the same room as someone who had cat dander on their clothes...but didn't get regular asthma until I hit thirty. For me it was a given that I would get asthma though, as mum and siblings have it.

Omigawd Mon 27-Jun-11 22:48:28

I also eagerly await the demands that all little friends' mums get rid of their pets before the PDS can go and play.

bruffin England Mon 27-Jun-11 23:48:48

DH never ended up with asthema from having cats. As I said above he is allergic to a few animals but as long as he washes his hands before touching his face he is usually fine.
The only time I have seen him have a bad reaction was to my sister's cats, but he has long hair. He had cats from a baby until he was in his 20s.

DS has nut and seed allergies and when he had his last tests at 12. He had a sinus problems as well. The consultant decided to test him for guinea pig (we have gps) and cat as we were going into next door to feed the cat that week, although wasn't showing any signs of being allergic to it and hadn't really reacted to my sisters cats, however there was one house he went to where he suffered a bit, yet others with lots of cats has been no problem.

The gp one came back negative and the cat test came back positive, I suspect he is allergic to dogs as well.
It was only this year now DS is 15 that we decided to get a rescue cat. We thought about it long and hard and for reasons I won't go into felt that cat would be good for us now. We made sure we had a short hair. The only reaction that DH has had to her is a small rash on his hand when she licks him. She is a very licky cat.
She loves DS the most and sleeps with him if she is allowed and he thankfully has shown no reaction to her either.

Kvetch Mon 27-Jun-11 23:55:11

Thanl you for that bruffin. smile

FairPhyllis Tue 28-Jun-11 00:53:00

I am a bit surprised at some of the reactions to the OP. I don't think it said anywhere how bad her DS's allergy is, so it could be pretty bad. My mum is severely allergic to cats (to the point of struggling to breathe sometimes, even though she is not asthmatic) and the only medication that has any effect on her has to be prescribed and she has to take it several days in advance of when she knows she will have contact with cats, never touch them, and keep washing her hands all the time. It is absolutely no fun whatsoever for her to visit anyone with cats, so I have decided that I will not get a cat until after she dies (even though I absolutely love them), as I want her to be able to enjoy visiting me. She was really devastated when her brother got a cat, as it meant that visiting him regularly and looking after his children, as she used to do, became such a production that she just couldn't keep doing it anymore.

So I think that the OP is not BU to feel sad about the fact it means the grandchildren are treated differently, or to wish that her mum would consider rehoming the cats. It is very difficult not to be able to visit a close family member's home, much more difficult than not being able to go to a friend's home. But the cats probably won't be rehomed. The OP's best hope is that when the cats die, her mum has a think about how this has affected her relationship with her grandson and decides not to get any more.

Morloth Tue 28-Jun-11 00:58:54

YABU, either get some non-drowsy antihistamine or accept that it is just the way it is.

If they were your cats in your house where your DS has to live it would be different, but your Mum shouldn't have to change her household arrangements to suit you.

I have a cat, neither of my kids are allergic, people who are either don't visit us or they take an antihistamine.

knittedbreast Tue 28-Jun-11 09:29:36

we tried giving him antihistamines and of course he had inhalors and it made no difference. He would still go all red hot and blotchy, his face would swell, he wouldnt stop coughing, then would have trouble breathing saying his insides hurt to breathe. that coming from a little boy of that age was heart breaking.
he fell asleep afterwards and the doc got worried, saying after that they shouldnt be allowed to sleep.

The doctor, health visitors all told me that cat allergies (i dont know about pollen etc) can and do lead to asthma, full on asthma. they gave me a load of litriture and it said the same.

Those that are saying desensitisation, well ok but you are leaving the child more and more exposed and what if aftwe x time it isnt working? thats all that time the child has been exposed and its increasing the risk.

Seeing how unwell it made him, i was willing to kill the bloody cat.

Dont wait around, either get rid of it or dont go round. you dont want to have to explain to your child you cant do sport because you have asthma, why? oh nanny loved the cat too much and i thought youd be alright.

upplrcrazy Sun 06-Nov-11 04:25:48

numsmetter, I'm with you! Let's be honest these people that are all pro-cat are obviously a bunch of derranged cat ladies, that probably never had children or if they did they weren't very loving mothers. I have a very similar situation and a child with similar allergy to cats and the anthistamine's HAVE NOT WORKED. My situation only differs because my crazy mother got a cat when she's never had one before despite the fact that she knew my son was allergic. She also has a dog and a gigantic salt water aquarium. . .really didn't need another pet and frankly, our relationship is not in a good place because of all of this. We also live extremely close, about 5 minutes from her house and we would visit her house several times a week and my children would also sleepover. There is something to be said for sleepover's with Grandma, some of my fondest memories were sleepovers at my own Grandmothers, I wouldn't trade them for the world. I know you're original posting was months ago but I just had to weigh in and let you know, you're not alone. Maybe these cats hypnotize people and that's why all these people are defending them and their allergy prone dander to the depths of the earth!

SucksToBeMe Sun 06-Nov-11 04:51:53

Very good point noHunIntended had never thought of it like that before.

MrsUnassumingTroll Sun 06-Nov-11 04:53:12

Please note this is a thread from JUNE.

coccyx Sun 06-Nov-11 06:07:01

Maybe your mum is trying to tell you somethinguppircrazy

I understand your worries but having seen the sheer number of adult cats that are put down in shelters, I do not blame your mum for refusing to let them go until she has somewhere they can live. Humans treat pets pretty shittily sometimes and your mum sounds like someone who actually cares for her cats' welfare rather than seeing them as an inconvenience.

Your son could try some non-drowsy histamines surely?

AnotherEmptyNest Sun 06-Nov-11 06:35:09

Couldn't the carpets be replaced permanently by wooden flooring and the cats go to a shelter for a couple of days just for a sleepover?

CheshireDing Sun 06-Nov-11 06:58:43

As MUT says this is from June

EvilVampireFrog Sun 06-Nov-11 07:02:19

Even the non-drowsy antihistamines make some people drowsy (me, for example). It depends on the severity of the allergy. I have an aunt that I cannot visit due to her massive number of furry
Creatures. Symptoms are yes, itchy eyes, but also wheezing and coughing, hives on face and any exposed skin, a general feeling of unwellness and a strong desire to get the hell out of there! As s child, of course, visiting was not optional and I remember the awful feeling well. Especially the time we stayed for a month. <shudders at memory>

ByTheSea Sun 06-Nov-11 09:52:06

I haven't read all the other posts so it's probably already been mentioned, but we have a cat and DH is allergic. We have a HEPA air purifier and he doesn't even notice we have a cat. Have you considered getting your mum one of these?

ByTheSea Sun 06-Nov-11 09:53:26

Just want to add that DH also has asthma.

MrsUnassumingTroll Sun 06-Nov-11 09:53:28

This thread is from June.

This thread is from JUNE.

This thread is from JUNE.

ByTheSea Sun 06-Nov-11 10:02:32

Oops, should have noticed that.

HildaOgden Sun 06-Nov-11 10:31:12

Why do people bump old threads like this?

Op,have Grandma visit your house for a sleepover.Simples.

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