AIBU to be quietly seething inside?

[QueenCee]

DH works full time and I'm on mat leave with 8 month DD. I'm also pregnant again with DC2 and very tired and sick.
DH cooks most of our meals but does little or nothing else around the home.
It's a topic that's come up in conversation many times and often results in bickering.

It drives me up the wall as he manages to create an unbelievable mess in his wake that's left for me to clean up.
I could leave it, but DH would happily live in a pig sty and has no expectations of me to clean at all... It's just me that has some pride in our home.

So last night it comes up again, I thank him for cooking dinner but query why he never cleans up after. If I cook, I clean up too.

This morning I get up to find he has started tidying the kitchen.... Put the dishwasher on but left everything else in chaos. He clearly got bored and gave up half way and pissed off back to bed leaving me to clean up the crap he couldn't be arsed with, and mess that he made in the first place.

In the scheme of lifes dramas, this doesn't rank very highly, so a part of me thinks I should get over it... It's not worth arguing over. The other part of me wants to shout and scream about it!!!

What do you think? Should I ignore it for the rest of our married life as it's not like he's having an affair or gambled our money away or am i justified to nag??

[LilQueenie]

you are justified to nag. DP is like this then actually throws blankets over stuff when guests arrive and goes into a long speech about how 'we' are in teh midst of a clean up! Coures that is his house. At mine I dont give a toss. If its untidy then tough I dont have to explain myself. It just sounds pathetic.

[squeakytoy]

I would say if he works full time AND cooks most of the meals, he is not all that bad.

[WidowWadman]

So he's working full time and you're at home? Don't really see that you've got much to nag about then (and I didn't miss the bit about being pregnant again).

[MummyTigger]

YANBU - I feel your pain!! DP and I currently live with my mother, stepfather, brother and lodger (and trust me, if we could leave we would, just for the peace and quiet LOL!). I'm 36+5 with a baby that's measuring at 41+, and I'm still expected to be the only bloody one that does housework. I'll do the dishwasher, wipe down the surfaces, take out the bins, put out the recycling, mop the floor and then go upstairs and jump on here. Half an hour later I'll go downstairs and there'll be a massive stain where someone has spilled something, several bottles of alcohol that noone has bothered to bin, and dirty dishes that (up until just now) hadn't existed. And of course no clean kitchen would be complete without the obligatory muddy pawprints from the fucking hound from Hell wonderful resident canine.

Partner chips in far more often than he used to because of my horribly bad back, but I just don't see how people can't just take the 3 seconds extra and put something in the bin. I'm going to laugh myself absolutely stupid when Baby arrives, because this house will end up like a warzone within a week, and since DP will have started a job by then, and I'll have a baby to look after, then it's up to them to keep it tidy. Wonder how long it will take for them to realise this?

Upshot of it is - you are not alone. And best thing to do would be to let him wallow in his filth and continually remind him about cleaning up after himself. Or, alternatively, start leaving open and clearly used nappies EVERYWHERE. "If you can be a fucking slob, then so can I. And you can be the one to put up with the smell."

[QueenCee]

Oh dear. I thought I might just be being a miserable old nag! Will try and lay off him a bit I think!

[emsyj]

I think the OP's point is that her DH makes extra work for her. My DH is the same. I don't mind cleaning a dirty bathroom but I do object to having to pick up dirty pants, clear away a dozen used glasses and plates (snack in the bath habit), scrub skiddies off the loo pan etc - as an adult, he should IMO leave a room as he finds it.

[squeakytoy]

snack IN the bath???? seriously Emsyj????

how the fecking hell can anyone snack while they are bathing...

[QueenCee]

emsyj most definately feel your pain. I have to clean up dried piss from the toilet! Why? You're an adult... Piss in the toilet bowl!
He has a good scratch on the sofa sometimes and leaves pubes on it... He manages to put cups and plates next to the dishwasher but very rarely in it... I could go on!!!

[WhereYouLeftIt]

Yep, I'm with OP and emsyj - it's the EXTRA work that is the problem, not the housework per se. (I will declare at this point that DH is not guilty of this, being far tidier than me, I have seen a look of pain flit over his face at the mess I make.)

Leaving a path of destruction in your wake (even if you yourself would happily live like that) knowing that your cohabitee doesn't want to live like that and will therefore clean up the mess (rather than live in the pigsty of your making) is not just VERY INCONSIDERATE but nudging into the PLAIN DISRESPECTFUL.

[Crossssssshairs]

Woah at sofa pubes.

[PrettyMeerkat]

I had an ex like that. He was a dirty stinky wanker (abusive as well which is way the anger) but would always insist on cooking. He insisted on it because cooking is quite nice of course. He didn't clean up after himself AT ALL. Even if he dropped food on the floor he would leave it there (and it was a carpet!). He was a dirty man. He would then insist that I had to clean up as he had cooked but it would look like a bomb had exploded and would take me 5 times as long to clean up the carnage as it took him to cook the meal.

[QueenCee]

Ha ha!! You lot can't stand the idea of sofa pubes!!! I have to clean them up!! Along with bits of skin from the scratching!

[Crossssssshairs]

for you.

[Pumpernickel10]

I'm glad DH it's nicely trimmed down there pubes on my sofa not a good move. I don't think I'd allow him naked on it anyway as it's new ;)

[QueenCee]

Thank you crossssshairs but as I'm up the duff I can't even bloody have that!!! Would definately take the edge off the cleaning of pubes and dead skin if I could have a large glass of wine to block out the sheer vileness of it all!

[QueenCee]

pumpernickel DH has never introduced a hair removing device to that region! Totally "natural"! I would prefer a nice trimmed area but apparently the lads at rugby would laugh at him! Quite frankly I'm amazed they don't laugh at his Leo Sayer style bush!!!

[Pumpernickel10]

queen I'd shave him when he's asleep and also tell him if he shaves his pubes it will make his cock look bigger. Believe me this lie works

[emsyj]

Yes indeed, it's not a real bath without a cheese sandwich and a glass of wine. Seriously. See what I have to put up with???

[emsyj]

Oh goodness me pubes ??? on the sofa ?????

Ok you win!!!!!

[Pumpernickel10]

I once found a pube in a quiche once. Not had a quiche since

[QueenCee]

I once found a pube on my keyboard at work. Could never work that one out.
I'd like to follow your example pumpernickel with the pube in the quiche and not having had one again. When I return to work from mat leave I may insist I can't do any work any more as I found a pube on my keyboard.
Do you think someone had a wank over my keyboard???

[Crossssssshairs]

Its non-alcoholic!

A pube in a quiche is all sorts of wrong.

[hellospoon]

holy fucking crap at pubes on the sofa... seriously?

YABU - If he works full time and cooks every night then think yourself lucky my DP does nada except work full time.

YANBU - To be pissed off he makes extra mess for you. DP used to do this to me, in the end i stopped picking his clothes up and just left everything where he left it. In the end he got fed up and started helping in that respect.

And i also went through a faze where i would just throw stuff away. If he left it where it wasnt supposed to be after 3 days i chucked it. this helped to

[RevoltingPeasant]

My DP is far worse: he has brought home an enormous tray of cake which he is taking in to work tomorrow and I can't touch it. I am sitting here in my nicely tidied living room with a cup of tea and MN and there is a big plate of cake and I can't have any :(

How's that for cruel and unusual?

[hellospoon]

revolting just cut a piece and eat it... what is he gonna do if you do?