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AIBU?

Please read I cant even think of a title.

59 replies

LilQueenie · 15/06/2011 14:57

First of all I apologise if this is the wrong place for this. I honestly dont know where to put it and I have just read through all the topics available.

Basically DPs brother has been banned from going anywhere near me and my unborn child. This is due to constant ranting, threats, intimidation, violence and basically being a pain n the arse. He does have a mental health issue but has been babied therefore accepts no responsibility. Baby is due in 2 weeks and Ive been told there is a possibility DPs brother will do something. Not sure what exactly but possibly involving social services at some point. I had a thought of contactng them of my HV and letting them know of that possibillity. I hate the thought he may do this and I have social services breathing down my neck for no reason. I cant relax and Im dreading the baby coming now. :( Any advice please.

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ScarlettIsWalking · 15/06/2011 14:59

what do you mean a possibility he will "do something"

ObiWan · 15/06/2011 15:00

Do you mean that there is a restraining order or something in place, or just that you have asked him to stay away?

PregolaLola · 15/06/2011 15:01

not really to sure of what you mean by doing something, but if its violence toward the child that is being threatened i would suggest contacting a form of police sooner and informing them of it
hope your ok

hope someone has better advice also

LilQueenie · 15/06/2011 15:01

Thats the problem. Im not sure no one is. But one thing is he may try to report me to social services. In the past he has told malicous lies and also damaged my DPs property because he didnt get his own way.

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RunAwayWife · 15/06/2011 15:02

I think if this man is known to have mental health issues no one will listen to him anyway.
I hope you DP is backing you up and keeping this person out of your lives.

If you are worried explain to the HV about him

Mamaz0n · 15/06/2011 15:02

Someone who has a restraining order against them will not be used as the font of wisdom as far as SS are concerned.

They are well used to people making malicious accusations. They will ask him how he knows whatever he claims to know if he has a restraining order against him.

Please don't allow his silly idle threats to alter the way you live your life.

PregolaLola · 15/06/2011 15:03

oh do you mean he may call ss?

Curiousmama · 15/06/2011 15:04

But if he has a restraining order against him then if he reports you it'll go against him surely? Obvious harrassment.

LilQueenie · 15/06/2011 15:04

He has been warned to stay away by DP. Although he did appear last night at 1.30 wanting his tv fixed! My partner is livid with him and I left. I only came back as Im 38wks pregnant and its not exactly safe. If he comes anywhere near to me I will be getting an injunction but DP and his family think this would be provoking him. I'll do it anway.

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Fleurdebleurgh · 15/06/2011 15:05

So what if he does call SS?

GooGooGadget · 15/06/2011 15:06

Is there a restraining order, or he's just been told by family?

There won't be anything he can do to you.

Discuss it with your midwife/ HV as anything that is making you :( is concerning for them.

MrSpoc · 15/06/2011 15:06

Who told you this and wwhat do they mean?

This is a serious threat and you need to speak to someone about it and protect yourself and the baby as much as possible.

What is your husband doing about his brother

LilQueenie · 15/06/2011 15:07

pregolalola yes that is what I mean.

He doesnt have an acutal restraining order agaisnt him just DPs warning.

He lives with his elderely parents and DP doesnt want to rock the boat becausee they cant cope. But they wont do anything about it either.

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LilQueenie · 15/06/2011 15:09

Fleurdebleurgh Why should I have to deal with it? Ive done nothing wrong.

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MrSpoc · 15/06/2011 15:11

If your hubby wont do anything of fear of rocking the boat. Maybe you need to give him a wake up call. He is out of order.

LilQueenie · 15/06/2011 15:12

Mrspoc My Dp told me today. He doesnt know exactly what his brother is capable of. Beit violence intimidation or whatever. His brother has threatened me before but everyone says it was just an empty threat. So far Dp is refusing to visit his mum and brother (though they only live 5 minutes away) and refusing to answer the door to them too. he is absolutely livid at the moment but playing things down a bit for me.

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LilQueenie · 15/06/2011 15:13

Mrspoc I know what you mean. Im happy to do something about it but his brother will rant and get violent with his parents. DP only wantws to protect his parents. I can understand that part.

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Inertia · 15/06/2011 15:14

I think you need to speak to your MW and HV; the threats against you need to be documented.

TBH I'd also report it to the police- if he has made threats of violence against you and you fear for the safety of your baby I do think something needs to be done for the baby's protection (over and above a warning from your DP).

Have you looked into whether a restraining order would be appropriate?
Perhaps Women's Aid may be able to advise you, especially given the threats and violence.

topazmcgonagall · 15/06/2011 15:15

Maybe you should call social services. This doesn't sound like a great situation for anyone, especially not your DP's elderly parents.

MrSpoc · 15/06/2011 15:18

Op why has he threatned you? what have you supposed to have done? I understand that with mental health you dont need a reason so I am not trying to blame you.

LineRunner · 15/06/2011 15:21

Please don't worry about social services - they get barraged with malicious complaints from family members (sadly) and you might want to get it on record with your midwife or HV that this has been threatened. If you feel harassed, tell the police - give them a call and ask an officer to call round. I had to do this in the past, and I did receive a great deal of support.

Your DP could do his part by making sure his brother gets help. He's family member. The brother's clearly not on his meds.

And put your feet up. Nice cup of tea.

ShoutyHamster · 15/06/2011 15:24

Firstly, try and stop worrying. You have all the tools to hand to be on top of the situation :)

Speak to your DP. He needs to realise that 'not rocking the boat' is not an option. The boat IS being rocked - by his brother! Have a serious chat about how upset you are - you are dreading your baby coming - that's not right! Tell him that you will be speaking to your midwife and HV about this in order to put your mind at rest should his brother do anything to harass you once the baby is here. You WON'T be starting any process or complaint - you'll simply be making professionals aware that there might be a problem.

Speak to your HV and MW. Just talk them through the issues and say that one of the things you are afraid of is that he will make malicious complaints about you, perhaps to SS. They will have heard it all before, don't worry. Get them to put a note on your file, and do the same with the GP. Then, if he DOES make a complaint, your notification of his behaviour will be there FIRST. It will look sensible and responsible of you to make them aware of this issue.

Don't get het up over the idea of SS. Yes, you shouldn't have to deal with this at all, but his brother exists and is making this trouble - so you just have to be rational and deal with it as it comes up. Far better to take the bull by the horns NOW and make the professionals aware of this individual. There's absolutely nothing for you to worry about here - except the worry itself if you see what I mean. Deal with it now by making GP/MW/HV aware and you will feel much more in control. They might also be able to give you some good advice on what to do if he DOES call SS. They're there to help - go to them.

Finally, good on you for thinking injunction if he does threaten you. I'd go further and contact my local police unit and ask their advice now. Again, you don't have to do anything, but knowledge is power - and I'll bet your DP's brother would soon turn tail if next time you had contact with him, you coolly informed him that SS and the police were ALREADY aware... of HIM!

Best of luck having your baby :)

LilQueenie · 15/06/2011 15:26

He kept taking the piss. Wont leave the house (when he was still welcome) until he decides. Believes he has a sense of entitlement to all his brothers possessions you name it. Im the only one to ever stand up to him. Eveyone else walks on eggshells and makes excuses for him. i also dont agree with a lot of things he has done while everyone else puts up with it. So he decided to hate me. He doesnt want me near his brother, he doesnt like the fact im pregnant or that I wont let him see the child. Basically he isnt getting his own way and using fear and intimidation to get what he wants. He has only just realised after a liefetime of that working it doesnt work with me. That makes him rather dangerous as we just dont know what he is capable of.

In short I have a mind of my own, am in a relationship with his brother and pregnant!

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LilQueenie · 15/06/2011 15:30

The brother's clearly not on his meds.

unfortunately he is. i dont believe its the medical conditon but his personality at this point. He has been the same since childhood.

Shoutyhamster I think its a good idea. I will see my midwife tomorrow and will let her know. I already mentioned it in the past about his behaviour but I think its time to take a few more steps.

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LineRunner · 15/06/2011 15:32

ShoutyHamster and I appear to be the same person..... but we're actually not.....

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