AIBU to expect loyalty from my mother?

[whamfan]

Please be gentle! I'm a newbie!

Looking for opinions...

Myself and my mother have a sometimes strained relationship. She has always been very vocal with her criticisms of me and likes to tell all and sundry!

She has always liked my DH, even going as far as to say ' you dont deserve a man like JXXX' and 'How did you end up with such a nice bloke like JXXX'

She regularly behaves like a child. Case in point when I gave birth to my daughter. She bought a car seat and told me she would pick me up from hospital. The evening after my daughter was born she wanted to bring her friend P up to the hospital. My DH and I dont really like this woman as she is just plain nasty. I said to my mother that I wasnt having visitors - true as the only people who were there were family, including mother. Even my best friend didnt come up to hospital because I felt awful. My mum took the hump and refused to give DH the car seat. Leaving me stranded at hospital. I was so angry but DH encouraged me to let it go.

A few weeks ago it was my mothers 50th myself and DH organised it. We arranged the venue, food, guests etc. At the party her friend P commented on a party guest. Asking me who it was and how we knew them? I replied it was DH cousin's husband. To which she replied " That explains everything"
She ignored DH all night. When I told my mother about this she lost the plot saying 'Dont tell me who to be friends with"

She then continued to send vile texts about me and DH. Saying he is brainwashing me and how I have changed. Referring to DH as 'evil squaddie'
How he has no friends (kind of true but doesnt bother me). How he should be off his anti-depressants etc etc. She even got my brother involved and now he is not speaking to me.

What started as an innocent gripe about her friends treatment of DH and his family has blown into full on war with her refusuing to speak, see or talk to me because I 'criticised' her friend.

I even found out on FB she has been bad mouthing us to relatives and telling people that DH is brainwashing me!

I am so angry but aibu to be angry in the first place?

[Nailitorelse]

YANBU - Life is too short for all of this bitchiness. Silence is the best policy. Let your mum get on with it, and you carry on with your life - as long as you are happy with DH and healthy, my advice would be to stuff the rest of the world, because you'll never do right for doing wrong!!

[redexpat]

YANBU. Could you patch it up with your brother?

[whamfan]

I have tried emailing and texting him. But he hasn't replied. Its breaking my heart because he is my twin and we were very close.

[smallmotherbigheart]

YANBU, sheesh, its like family loyalty is going out of the window. My mum has a so called 'friend' who is just as bitchy as your mums friend sounds! She's spent years stirring between me and my mum to the point where I once warned her to back off (I was only a child, but a very vocal one at that). It did me no favours but as the years went by it only got worse. She was making my mum feel bad about herself, about her being over- weight and divorced as well as her facial acne. Then once I split from my ex, she started on about that!! She made my mother miserable, and my mum's excuse for all this was because she was lonely. It all soon caught up with her though and now they no longer speak to one another.

I would say as painful as it is, it's probably only a matter of time that she treats your mum the same way and then your mum might wise up a little. Unfortunately that maybe the only way your mum sees sense. But stay strong and don't allow this to ruin things for you!! xx

Let me also add that her daughter is now in a worse position than me after all the trouble they stirred up for me! It really does show that what goes around comes around

[whamfan]

thank you smallmother, I totally agree with you. I do think karma will get this woman. At the end of it all I do think her friend is jealous. For various reasons this woman's children aren't how she'd hope and, although, I don't think I am anything to be jealous of, I cant help thinking that is the only reason for her behaviour. I am just really hurt that my mum has fallen for this tripe and is behaving so badly.

[smallmotherbigheart]

Well you seem to have a really good relationship with your DH, thats reason enough, hun!! I'm afraid ppl get jealous for all sorts of reasons.