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AIBU?

To tell my best friend's DH that he has two days to tell her what's going on or I will?

210 replies

Megatron · 19/05/2011 15:10

I really don't know what to do.

I was in a park with DD today and saw my best friend's DH out with another woman (I know he works with her). They were having a picnic together and were kissing, holiding hands. feeding her (boak) and he was running his hand up and down her inner thigh. He turned and saw me and nearly crapped himself, scrambling to his feet and pretending to answer his phone (wanker).

I fucking hate him. They've been married for 2 years and have a 10 week old DS. Her last relationship was horrendous (DV) and she thought she'd found the man of her dreams (we all did). She told me yesterday how lucky she felt to have met him - I love my friend and I know this will destroy her and I don't know how to deal with it at all. He's been trying to ring my mobile but I'm not picking up.

What the hell do I do? Do i pretend it hasn't happened (I can't do that, I know I can't). Do I tell her? Do I give him the opportunity to tell her?

I want to trap his balls in a vice. Please folks, can you give me some guidance? Sad

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TobyLerone · 19/05/2011 15:13

Shit, what a horrible situation to be in.

You obviously can't pretend it hasn't happened. I'd want to know what he has to say for himself, so I'd be answering my phone for a start. Then I would tell him in no uncertain terms that he has to tell her immediately and that if he doesn't, you will.

You need to be there for your friend and the worst thing you can do is keep it from her, obviously. She'd never forgive you. But it's probably best to give the cheating arsehole husband a chance to tell her himself first.

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Xales · 19/05/2011 15:13

Tell him to tell her or you will. As an added incentive tell him you took photos on your phone 'as proof' if he says no and that you are mistaken. He doesn't know you didn't.

Really sorry you are in this situation and really sorry for your friend Sad. If she is your best friend you have a fair idea of how she will react towards you if you do tell.

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DaisySteiner · 19/05/2011 15:15

What you want her to do if the tables were turned? I think there's a case for telling her first so he doesn't have a chance to think up a bunch of lies.

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OTheHugeManatee · 19/05/2011 15:15

I don't have any advice but am Sad for your friend and Angry Angry Angry about this cheating shit.

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ednurse · 19/05/2011 15:15

how awful. I agree, tell him to tell her.

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dinkystinky · 19/05/2011 15:15

Oh god, how awful! Your poor friend Sad I'm with you on wanting to castrate the bastard, especially with a 10 week old DS in the frame. Can I suggest you maybe repost in relationships as you'll get a more balanced view on that board from women who have been where your friend is/will be - and how you can best help her.

If I were you, I'd definitely tell him to tell your friend or you'll tell her for him.

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DontGoCurly · 19/05/2011 15:15

God what a piece of shit.

He will probably tell her a load of lies though;
She came onto ME
She's stalking me
We didn't sleep together
I just did it for an ego boost

The usual claptrap.....I feel so bad for both you and your friend but you can't keep quiet....

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aldiwhore · 19/05/2011 15:16

I'd speak to him. Then either agree to allow him x amount of time to sort it out OR tell him to brace himself as you can't not tell your best friend.

Its very tricky. You may not be thanked by your best friend if her craphusband doesn't sort this, but could you keep up the pretence of silence? I know I couldn't, staying silent would kill the friendship anyway so I'd have to be honest.

Hopefully a warning from you will make him fess up, THEN you can say to your friend that you saw him in the park (do not go into detail) and thought his behaviour odd, and simply be there for her.

I don't know. But having been cheated on in the past, and finding out that all my friends knew but didn't say, even when I suspected and spoke to them, well that hurt a lot and I felt like a double mug!

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oohlaalaa · 19/05/2011 15:16

I would get REALLY angry with him, and tell him what a bastard he is, and that you are thinking about how best to break it to your friend.

Other posters are going to disagree with me here, but your friend has a ten week old baby, and at the moment is probably better off not knowing. Blush

I would not want to be the one to tell her.

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Megatron · 19/05/2011 15:17

I'm so fucking angry. She adores him so much and is so happy just now after years of a shit relationship. I was so pleased when she met him as he seemed so loving towards her and now it turns out he's a total pig.

I'm going to answer next time he phones. If he doesn't tell her I will have to but how the hell am I going to put it into words?

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Sqee · 19/05/2011 15:18

You have to tell her, but you have to be willing to accept that she might not believe you and your friendship could possibly be over (until she finds out herself what a cunt he is) if you tell her in two days she is going to be mad you waited two days to tell her! Plus he could be filling her head with poison about you as we speak! Tell her right now! Before you are made out to be some bunny boiling lunatic!

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LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 19/05/2011 15:18

Horrible situation, what a disgusting arse that man is. :(

I'd do as Xales and TobyLerone suggest... two days is enough - and get all the 'it's over' kit ready for when your friend is ready to deal with it.

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MollysChamber · 19/05/2011 15:19

Oh my god. That is awful. Poor woman. He is an absolute shit - a 10 week old baby?? FFS.

I don't normally advocate getting involved in other peoples relationships but I don't think you have much choice. What an idiot conducting his affair so publicly!

I suppose your only choice is whether to tell her yourself or tell him he has too. That's really your call.

Sorry.

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Blu · 19/05/2011 15:20

Well, you don't actually know that they have done more than picnic together and slobber all over each other as you witnessed. Which is bad enough, I agree.

I would maybe tell him that if he doesn't STOP whatever is going on right now, you will tell your friend. Tell him this is one and only chance to do the right thing by his marriage.

What a bastard.

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Megatron · 19/05/2011 15:20

That's what I'm worried about squee that if I give him time it will give him the opportunity to fill her head with lies and make me out to be mistaken but I know what I saw.

I have to do school pick up now but will be back to read any more advice. Thanks.

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MadamDeathstare · 19/05/2011 15:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

aldiwhore · 19/05/2011 15:23

I think you can be forgiven for waiting a few days purely because its such a massive issue and you weren't sure HOW to tell her... what a mess.

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Insomnia11 · 19/05/2011 15:23

I think you should speak to him and let him tell her. I know what you saw seems unmistakeably to amount to infidelity but people have been known to get things wrong, also however good a friend you are to her there is always a chance she may "shoot the messenger" - especially if you at all have the wrong end of the stick.

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LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 19/05/2011 15:23

I don't think so, Blu, he'll just be more careful in future. Goodness knows how long this has been going on. Horrible man - and horrible woman, but she didn't make vows. It doesn't' necessarily mean that the marriage is over but OP's friend has to know and make the decision herself.

Forewarned is forearmed... always has been.

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Xales · 19/05/2011 15:23

You have to tell her if he doesn't.

Because

If he has fucked this woman he could be risking passing on who knows what to your poor friend! She has the right to know her sexual health is at risk from this wanker

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Fecklessdizzy · 19/05/2011 15:24

Bloody hell ... What a bastard. Angry

She has to be told, but she won't thank you and possibly won't belive you either. Best of luck.

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BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 19/05/2011 15:25

What a complete shit.

I agree with ooohlala though - she has a 10 week old baby!!

What a bloody nightmare for you, I dont envy you at all and the dilemma you face.

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Yukana · 19/05/2011 15:28

I'd tell her, let her figure out what she wants to do from here. Let her know everything that went on.

I don't blame you for wanting to trap his balls in a vice. I'd chop 'em off and strangle him with them.

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cestlavielife · 19/05/2011 15:29

dont talk to him at all. you ened to be there for your friend. even if he confesses - then what? she will see n his mobile how often he ahs called you - she might ehar frmo soemone elese H was seen in aprk - she might start thinking he ahving affair with you. dont talk to him. do talk to her.



call your friend as you would usually hi hows baby - and say "i was in park with dd and saw your H today having lunch picnic - - i think it was with xxx from his work"

see if she asks questions eg what they were doing etc.

answer honestly. looked like they were kissing etc.

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ChippingIn · 19/05/2011 15:32

If it was my best friend I would have gone straight to her house and told her - gently. I wouldn't trust him not to make it all out to be your imagination and you stirring trouble etc.

Bloody bastard.

10 week old baby and he's doing this...

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