To think we put too much value in the way we look?

[triton]

Are beautiful people truly happier?

[atswimtwolengths]

Well I am!

[DoMeDon]

YANBU - it annoys me too.

[nijinsky]

I think being well presented is achievable for anyone.

[mayorquimby]

I don't think we put enough in it.

[Mahraih]

Do we value beauty because it makes us happier, or because we want other people to judge us favourably?

I think it's the latter, and so the pursuit of beauty makes us unhappier - when we value beauty, we worry what other people are seeing when they look at us. And so we can never be happy, always paranoid.

I think people who care less about their looks are happier, whether or not they are 'beautiful'.

[triton]

Well presented to me means clean, fresh and confident

It is a complex argument which will stimulate a varied response I am sure. I am talking as someone who grew up with image obsessed parents who certainly based my worth in my looks. It has caused me problems in my life.

But I believe it pervades our general culture as well, so that the home has to act as a buffer against the damage it can cause

[triton]

absolutely Mahraih - seeking external validation is a product of internalising a prescribed idea of beauty. Very dangerous

[Mahraih]

Very difficult for the home to act as a buffer though Triton. My family didn't give a stuff about looks - unfortunately EVERYONE else seemed to, as did the magazines, avertisements etc.

The entire country is obsessed with beauty.

[BoosMaw]

I don't put much value in my appearance, I'm a bit of a scruff. I struggle to think what to wear to work, end up in black trousers and a top every day, and out of work it's just jeans/same tops/fleece. I do marvel at the great appearance of some other people (e.g. my childminder who wears fab clothes and full make-up every day, even if she's only got my kids for company). I wish I could be bothered by it all, but I truly haven't a clue about clothes and make-up. I'm happy.

[Mahraih]

Although I agree, if your family are also concerned with looks, then there is no normal framework for how to view oneself.

[triton]

Of course the beauty industry wants us to believe it is important and a key to happiness, that is how they get us to buy millions of pounds worth of beauty products every year

Their advertising is persistent and insidious

[Flisspaps]

I think so. I've particularly noticed it in relation to DD recently, although that's probably down to me reading this book.

There are a lot of 'you're gorgeous' and 'you're beautiful' (and she's both) and 'what a pretty dress' comments put in her direction from relatives, but not so many comments no how clever or funny or brave (perhaps if she falls over but doesn't cry) she is from them, so I feel that I have to make an extra effort to highlight these things.

They were laughing at her shorts the other day :( which I'd put her in as she can't climb up steps if she's wearing a dress - I'd rather put her in something comfy which looks a bit bland (still clean and matching with her t-shirt, with her hair brushed) than pretty but impractical.

I think well presented and smart is one thing, but the emphasis on looks over everything else does grate, probably because I'm a scruffy bugger.

[razzlebathbone]

The obsession with looks/beauty/youth/thinness is at an all consuming fever pitch in popular culture these days. The amount of fucking shit magazines, 'celebrity' 'fitness' DVDs and all pervading shallow insecurity is nothing short of frightening. You can make a living as a 'celebrity' on the back of doing absolutely nothing except masking yo-yo dieting and body dysmorphia as some kind of aspirational career.

I love fashion, make-up etc. but the level to which the fashion and beauty industries have become slaves to extremely narrow parameters of youth and thinness can suck the living joy out of it.

[worraliberty]

I don't think we put 'too much' value on it because when I walk round the streets/school playground I see about 50/50.

Half the people look as though they really don't care and half kind of do.