Note: Please bear in mind that whilst this topic does canvass opinions, it is not a fight club. You may disagree with other posters but we do ask you please to stick to our Talk Guidelines and to be civil. We don't allow personal attacks or troll-hunting. Do please report any. Thanks, MNHQ.

I am being BLACKMAILED

(642 Posts)
bupcakesandcunting Thu 05-May-11 19:28:38

By some divvy on eBay angry

I bought a Benefit eyeliner off her for the princely sum of £4.20. Got it today and it's fake. I sent her this email:

"Hi,

I got the pencil this morning and I am really disappointed to see that it's a fake. It explains why it was so cheap but I buy Benefit a lot so I know a fake when I see it!

Can I have a refund please?"

She sent this reply:

"Hi there, I am sorry to hear you are not happy with the item, as far as my wholesaler states these are not fake but imports from USA, customer satisfaction is my priority and I would not knowingly sell fake items. As you are not happy I am willing to send a full refund once good feedback as been given. I wait for your reply.

Kind regards"

I just sent one back going "Hmmm, pretty sure that's blackmail."

Or is it bribery? I don't know. But still! Cheeky sod.

Should I leave shit feedback and sod the £4 or get therefund but lie? I am thinking of letting her keep the four quid and writing "SCRUBBY FUCK" as her feedback.

QuintessentialPains Thu 05-May-11 19:30:32

report her to ebay.

Rhinestone Thu 05-May-11 19:30:44

Can you report her to Ebay? Also Trading Standards - if she is selling fakes and passing them off as real then she is breaking the law.

Trading Standards have power of arrest - I would inform your local TS and take it from there.

bupcakesandcunting Thu 05-May-11 19:32:22

I've checked her feedback and loads of dodgy reports for fake items. Should have checked before really blush But she has loads of positive ones. Probably all left because she blackmailed them.

KurriKurri Thu 05-May-11 19:32:35

Not sure whether its blackmail.bribery or something else, but she's definitely a cheeky sod. If it's not what's described, she gives you your money back. I'd report her, send a copy of her e-mail.

bupcakesandcunting Thu 05-May-11 19:34:36

I will report her.

I will be a snitch grin

Rhinestone Thu 05-May-11 19:35:07

Seriously, phone Trading Standards. TS are part of your local council - you pay for them every month in your council tax so use them!! This is what they do.

bittersweetvictory Thu 05-May-11 19:35:44

Dont leave positive feedback as they will claim that you are happy with the item, i would file a claim and report her for selling fake goods, if you paid through paypal then you will be covered.

TheVeryAngryMumapillar Thu 05-May-11 19:37:05

It's not snitching! She's got a business and is giving crap service!

TheVeryAngryMumapillar Thu 05-May-11 19:38:04

Gosh...just seen who the OP is....I haven't seen you here for a while!

You don't know me especially and I have name changed a lot, but I wondered where you were!

squeakytoy Thu 05-May-11 19:38:32

I would happily lose the four quid to put negative feedback on the lying cow. I sell on ebay and scumbags like her are the reason we have high fees, and so much hassle trying to earn a living..

Report her. It's not such a lot of money to lose and the satisfaction of hopefully getting her into trouble with more people than just ebay will be worth it.

Then leave bad feedback saying she tried to blackmail you.

ENormaSnob Thu 05-May-11 19:40:54

Report the fucker.

DameShirleyKnot Thu 05-May-11 19:42:18

You are mental.

blueemerald Thu 05-May-11 19:42:24

Fake Benefit stuff is a huge problem on eBay! (I've also bought a fake eyeliner! Search for fake Benefit makeup on Youtube and there are so many videos!This is the one that confirmed my suspicions) Tell her that her response is clearly bullshit nonsense as she has so much negative feedback for selling fake stuff and that you will be reporting her to eBay and expect a full refund.

StayFr0sty Thu 05-May-11 19:42:40

Grass her up!

shinyrobot Thu 05-May-11 19:43:00

If you paid via paypal you could go down the item not described route but they will normally require proof such as a letter on headed paper from an official reseller for instance (Boots or Debenhams or something similar, not familiar with the brand).

You can also do this through ebay and if the seller does not refund you generally either ebay or paypal will.

You can also report the email to ebay, if she sent it via ebay messages there is a report button in each message. If not just go through the contact ebay section.

Do not leave profanities in feedback, it will be removed so it is a bit pointless.

I would also report to trading standards as there are strict rules on make up items and fakes have been known to have all kinds of nasty chemicals in them - don't use it either!!

No way would I leave a positive for her!!!

Clytaemnestra Thu 05-May-11 19:44:27

Report her, then open up a dispute and then leave negative feedback smile

Then you'll get your money back, she'll get into trouble and you can be really rude about her on her feedback and make yourself feel better. Win win and win grin

Definitely report her. Don't leave any feedback at all until ebay get involved.

pjmama Thu 05-May-11 19:45:43

Just tell her it is worth £4.20 to you to report her and leave her some scathing feedback. Money well spent IMO. wink

DameShirleyKnot Thu 05-May-11 19:46:01

Write your complaint IN THE EYELINER on your screen. <nods>

You deserve everything you get you frigging eejit by not reading feedback.

Prairie hats like you are enablers to these fraudsters.

angry

Serves you right for having such an obscene name. Karma truly reigns.

FuppyGish Thu 05-May-11 19:47:58

How do you know its fake? Im intrigued.

ajandjjmum Thu 05-May-11 19:48:38

I would leave feedback saying what she did too.

Reality Thu 05-May-11 19:51:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

annabelcaramel Thu 05-May-11 19:51:56

Fancy having to live with such trauma in your life.

helenthemadex Thu 05-May-11 19:53:47

you can speak to Ebay on live chat and that would be the first thing I would do and ask for advice I dont know what happens when something is fake.

Definately dont leave her feedback

helenthemadex Thu 05-May-11 19:56:38

Ebay would not look well on her email either it is blackmail and they frown on that sort of thing

KenDoddsDadsDog Thu 05-May-11 19:56:51

Report her, I'm surprised she's still going. You normally only have to fart in the wrong direction for eBay to tell you off.

Punkatheart Thu 05-May-11 19:59:21

Bit worrying too because it is eyeliner. Who knows what is in it?

DameShirleyKnot Thu 05-May-11 19:59:34

I wonder if it was called "swinging sixties guy liner" or something. Stupid benefit with their stupid names.

Love the boasting by stealth by the op "I know my Benefit goods, yeah?"

RumourOfAHurricane Thu 05-May-11 19:59:35

Message withdrawn

BoffinMum Thu 05-May-11 20:02:48

If you report her to Paypal, her Paypal account will be blocked and she will have to cease trading until it's resolved. That will show her.

annabelcaramel Thu 05-May-11 20:06:28

Call the police, the CIA, the FBI, get it on Crimewatch, write a best selling novel about your experience....

Alternatively, think, 'if the worst thing happening in my life is a slightly dodgy eyeliner perhaps I should divest my energies into something more useful?'

Just a thought.

bupcakesandcunting Thu 05-May-11 20:13:28

First off:

Annabel. Fuck off, mate. I didn't know that you could only post on MN about MAJOR LIFE THREATENING PEEVES. You daft cow. Also, you used "divest" in a context where it makes no sense. You meant invest. HTH.

The poster who asked how I knew it was fake; it stinks of paint, actual paint, the writing is all blurred on the packaging and the colour of the packaging isn't the same as on the real one I checked it against.

Shirley, you're just fuming because Paul Robinson was shagging me behind your back. Get over it. It was in the 80s.

I hadn't disappeared, just namechanged, to the person concerned about my whereabouts. grin wink

<<wtf does one have to do round here to incur the wrath of the OP?>>

DameShirleyKnot Thu 05-May-11 20:19:26

Why. Why the actual fuck (oh it works with why as well) are you buying EYELINER from off eBay? Honestly, that is disgusting. You will catch eye AIDS, anyone could have used that eyeliner. Robert Mugabe could have had a quick go of it before the beatification or anything.

My god woman, I know we're in recession but FFS.

Also...hahaha

annabelcaramel Thu 05-May-11 20:20:02

Blimey. Although I like you a lot more now for pointing out my error,which I do apologise for.

But you spoil it a bit with the swearing. wink

bupcakesandcunting Thu 05-May-11 20:20:03

Oh sorry Chaos.

<ahem>

Do you like hospital food cos when you wake up you'll be in a tent.

Or something.

bupcakesandcunting Thu 05-May-11 20:21:27

Because it said "BNIB" Why wouldn't I belieeeeeve it? I'm not the one acting the goat here, seller is.

Actually, you're probably right. <punches self in face>

Animation Thu 05-May-11 20:21:52

ChaosTrulyReigns

[Shock]

grin

SarahStratton Thu 05-May-11 20:22:22

<bloody loves bupcakes>

wandawings Thu 05-May-11 20:22:36

If you claim through paypal the onus is on the SELLER to prove that it's genuine. If you claim through e-bay the onus is on the BUYER to prove it's fake. So please, please claim through paypal. The chances of a successful claim are much higher. If going through ebay, you have a small window in which to prove that it's fake and getting the confirmation from the company can take time.

annabelcaramel Thu 05-May-11 20:22:39

It WAS BNIB. Just not GENUINE BNIB. Calm down dear.

bupcakesandcunting Thu 05-May-11 20:24:07

She's sent me two really nervy emails in reply to my blackmail suggestion. HA HA how'd you like THEM APPLES BITCH?

Yeah i said bitch. Bring it on.

Animation Thu 05-May-11 20:25:54

It's £4.20 for God sakes! Is it worth busting a gut over. We live and learn.

The police? hmm

DameShirleyKnot Thu 05-May-11 20:26:08

Uh. Brand New I Blackmail?

<shakes head slowly>

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 20:26:45

biscuit

bupcakesandcunting Thu 05-May-11 20:27:04

Oh Annabel. What's up ducky?

Here we are, just for you:

"NEW BENEFIT

SMOLDERING CHUNKY EYELINER PENCIL

Colour: Black

Brand new in box original item/box

1.4g Full size

PLEASE NOTE: to reduce postage charges the box will be flat packed !!"

ORIGINAL ITEM. You see? There you go.

Why don't you go and do something useful now like count the contents of a bag of lentils or something?

FuppyGish Thu 05-May-11 20:27:15

shirls got mouth aids from a constance carroll lip gloss once. <nods vigourously, she did, she did>

See as long as sellers return items I am not happy with I am happy to leave positive feedback. It wouldn't be glowing - I'd say something like 'Item actually fake but prompt refund'.

However in your position I would be saying something along the lines of 'Actually I am entitled to a full refund (including all my postage costs) given that the item is not as described and moreover it is a breach of ebay regulations to make this refund dependent on my positive feedback. If you accept a return and refund without further question I will probably leave positive feedback but I certainly am not leaving feedback until this has been resolved to my satisfaction. If on the other hand you force me to claim through paypal under the item not as described criteria I will certainly leave you negative feedback. Your choice'

bupcakesandcunting Thu 05-May-11 20:28:19

I never mentioned the police, Animation. If you don't maind.

It's not the £4.20 which is why I said I don't care about losing the money if I can write a truthful feedback.

DameShirleyKnot Thu 05-May-11 20:28:27

Yes. The police Animation. I don't know what the nasty face is for, at the end of the day Buppy bought a totally genuwine benefit eyeliner from off the eBay and when it arrived it was actually a piece of charcoal wrapped in a quality street wrapper.

Why shouldn't she contact the constabulary?

Are you some sort of anarchist/communist?

bupcakesandcunting Thu 05-May-11 20:29:48

I didn't say I was going to ring the poliss. Stop saying it sad

annabelcaramel Thu 05-May-11 20:29:58

Where does it say the word genuine? Caveat emptor.

I wish you worked in my office, you'd brighten up the dull days.

AuraofDora Thu 05-May-11 20:31:19

leave negative feedback ensuring you quote her email
it's only £4.20 ffs
blackmailed, well it's not quite the word I would use for this
betch she uses a BlackBerry..boom boom

Animation Thu 05-May-11 20:31:59

Sorry Bupcakes - I thought someone mentioned the police.

I'm your friend. smile

FabbyChic Thu 05-May-11 20:32:25

If you open a dispute the onus is on you to prove it is a fake.

I'd fuck off the 4.20 and leave her a big fat fucking neg.

bupcakesandcunting Thu 05-May-11 20:33:01

Original/genuine. Potatoes/potartoes.

Let's face it, if I reported her bootleg backside, eBay would find in my favour. I don't think they'd be agonising over the fact it didn't say the actual "genuine" word, do you? If you're selling fake, you're going dahn. That's how it works.

I'm starting to think that annabel is the seller of the AIDS-y eyeliner.

DameShirleyKnot Thu 05-May-11 20:33:12

Ring 999. They will be all on this like..I want to say White on rice but I think it might be a)racist in some way or b)something about cooking I can't possibly understand. <shrugs>

They'll be all over this like... And now I want to make some really off colour joke about secret hideouts and royal weddings.

I hate you buppy. You make me say bad things.

wandawings Thu 05-May-11 20:35:28

Fabbychic - only if she opens up a ebay dispute. If she does it through paypal then it is up to the seller to prove it's real.

bupcakesandcunting Thu 05-May-11 20:35:30

Why does everyone keep going "it's only 4.20 ffs" like I've been acting like I had to re-mortgage my house to buy the eyeliner? I said in my OP "princely sum of £4.20"

It's the principle. Do you have no principles? You're like gutterdogs the lot of you. <spits>

I quite liked my overly-dramatic thread title sad

<gasps as Buppy buying shite eyeliner off ebay, like a cheap commoner>

TrinityRhino Thu 05-May-11 20:36:46

I love you bupcakes, haven't seen you in ages

'you're going dahn..' lol grin

bupcakesandcunting Thu 05-May-11 20:37:18

I'm common as muck, me. Jade Goody's mum is my style icon.

Reality Thu 05-May-11 20:37:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

stressheaderic Thu 05-May-11 20:37:40

This thread is boss.

bupcakesandcunting Thu 05-May-11 20:38:26

Lambrini? Very lah-di-dah.

Three bottles of White Lightening, now you're talking.

annabelcaramel Thu 05-May-11 20:38:29

Nope, not me,never touched flea-bay with a bargepole. But I do think original and genuine mean different things. Although you are far superior to little old me on the semantics issue

Reality Thu 05-May-11 20:38:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

stressheaderic Thu 05-May-11 20:38:59

Lambrini? Jackiey would be proud.

Bupcakes is telling that ebay skank like it is <does head wobble with attitude> She is getting her refund like a Boss.

TrinityRhino Thu 05-May-11 20:39:06

'jade goodys mum is my style icon'

<rolls about laughing on the floor> .......I have had much wine

<grasps buppy in a huge squeeeeze>

personally I would sod the money and leave some cutting feedback

but then I get a bit(ch) arsey about ebay wankers

DameShirleyKnot Thu 05-May-11 20:39:11

In it chick? What the actual fuck is the matter with her? Eyeliner. Off. eBay.

I've read some rancid stuff on mums net but this? This takes the Bally biscuit.

Reality Thu 05-May-11 20:40:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 20:40:32

tbh I once bought eyeliner off the e-bay and gave as an xmas gift to someone I didnt really like grin grin

bupcakesandcunting Thu 05-May-11 20:40:35

<goes cross-eyed at Reality's cubic zirconium market bling diamond dazzler>

I iz gonna kick dat ho to da kerb y get me <tries to suck teeth. Fails.>

I bet Bupcakes feeds her DC turkey drummers and fruit shoots. From ebay.

You da bomb, Buppy. You go girl <does snappy wrist thingy, as seen on Springer>

Rebecca41 Thu 05-May-11 20:41:40

I'd open a dispute. Ebay will almost certainly find in your favour if she doesn't cooperate. Chances are she'll refund your money before it gets to that stage. Personally I've never left negative feedback (although I have had to open a couple of disputes) because people just give negative feedback in return. And people can lie - nothing to stop them - so she could claim you never paid, and it would only be her word against yours.

UrsulaBuffay Thu 05-May-11 20:41:54

This is why you must stalk feedback before purchase.

Rebecca, Buppy loves the tossy eyeliner. She's actually bragging about how much she spent.

bupcakesandcunting Thu 05-May-11 20:44:04

DS had a Fruit Shoot today. At a National Trust house tea shoppe. The tea shoppe lady looked over her glasses at DS. "I didn't know we sold those in the shoppe" she said. "You don't" said I, "but PoundWorld do. 4 for a pound. I'd get down there if I were you, they were going like hot cakes yesterday."

She did a flounce worthy of Mumsnet.

TrinityRhino Thu 05-May-11 20:44:52

we need to find a better name for the 'head wobble with attitude'

we all know what we mean but it needs a short name, dont you think?

Did she pronounce 'shoppe'? Because that is tossy.

bupcakesandcunting Thu 05-May-11 20:45:24

"Personally I've never left negative feedback (although I have had to open a couple of disputes) because people just give negative feedback in return"

She can't though. Sellers can't leave shit feedback for buyers any more, for those very reasons. This makes me feel even more power-pissed.

bupcakesandcunting Thu 05-May-11 20:45:53

She pronounced it "shoppe" which is why I gave her the back-chat.

heliumballoons Thu 05-May-11 20:45:57

Yeah I'd give the negative feeback - but I'd get my £4.20's worth. grin

Have no idea what benefit is or any make up really as I don't wear it - but I get the difference between fake and genuine - and I'd want the Real McCoy.

Lovin some of the advice I have PMSL smile

UrsulaBuffay Thu 05-May-11 20:46:09

wobbletude?

She deserved it Bups. Ain't a jury in the land what would convict you.

TrinityRhino Thu 05-May-11 20:47:20

wobbletude...that is very clever, I like it

[wobbletude] <snigger>

Sassybeast Thu 05-May-11 20:48:10

Poundland do '6' for a pound.

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 20:48:41

isn't it 'doin' the necksnake?'

takewhatyoucan Thu 05-May-11 20:48:57

Report her to ebay! Do NOT leave positive feedback under any circumstances!

Do not email her any nasty messages for then she can use those against you!

Reply with something like, As I am not happy with this transaction I will not be leaving positive feedback on this occassion. Please refund the full amount without delay.

And report to ebay for the blackmail!

heliumballoons Thu 05-May-11 20:49:10

wobbletude grin

Do you think MN can do us a wobbletude smiley? I want a face that actually wobbles and flounces. <<techguys???>>

Oh, very good Whip. Necksnake totally captures the spirit of the gesture.

TrinityRhino Thu 05-May-11 20:49:51

I've always though you might give yourself a neck injury, some kind of rsi if you do it too much

like you'd have to have a day off of going to the local chav hotspot caff if you'd been a few days in a row and had lots of gossip about bitches that deserved [wobbletuuude]

TrinityRhino Thu 05-May-11 20:50:49

hmm <does the necksnake>

or [wobbletude]

hmm we need to vote

bupcakesandcunting Thu 05-May-11 20:50:55

"Poundland do '6' for a pound."

Fuck's sake is the whole WORLD out to fleece me or summat? angry

I like wobbletude but also the necksnake.

UrsulaBuffay Thu 05-May-11 20:51:23

yes def easy to give self whiplash wobbletude injury in instances such as this despicable ebay thingy.

[wobbletude]

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 20:51:26

you can do the necksnake with wobbletude

I like necksnake. I get it, you know?

bupcakesandcunting Thu 05-May-11 20:52:22

I vote necksnake.

UrsulaBuffay Thu 05-May-11 20:52:33

necksnake makes me think of trousersnake and that is just wrong

When performing the necksnake, you must punctuate your sentence with 'Mmmm hmmm' in a contemptuous manner. Followed by a slow blink and turning away of the head from the target of the gesture. Thems the rules.

TrinityRhino Thu 05-May-11 20:52:54

[snakeynecktude]

but back to buppy

what you gonna do then?

TrinityRhino Thu 05-May-11 20:53:18

eybrowlesschicken has it daaaahn

DameShirleyKnot Thu 05-May-11 20:53:33

[NeckCricks] uh huh.

Bups, I will send you the 4 quid by cheque, stop fretting about the cash yeah?

constantlywrong Thu 05-May-11 20:54:10

I am laughing quite an awful lot at tea shop fruit shoot lady.

TrinityRhino Thu 05-May-11 20:54:14

dp just asked me if I was ok.......erm I wasn't really practising snakeynecktude grin

Tea shoppe constant. You have to say it 'shoppe'.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Thu 05-May-11 20:54:57

Open a dispute OP. You paid by paypal, I expect? They will probably ask you to send the product to a UK VERO address and it will be checked there and destroyed, the seller won't get it back.

That won't affect your claim. Do not leave positive feedback please, she can't leave you negative feedback. Open the dispute and take it from there.

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 20:55:08

you can also snap your fingers at the 'mmmmm-hmmmmm' moment

bupcakesandcunting Thu 05-May-11 20:55:43

Trinity, I'm going to let her SWEAT overnight. Then I am going to do what Yellow suggested up thread and email her in such a way that I get my refund AND get to leave her shit feedback.

Ha!

That'll learn her not to fuck wid da Bups <cracks knuckles>

Yes!!! Yes, you must snap your fingers too!!!!

God, I love you Whip.

howdoyoueatyours Thu 05-May-11 20:56:11

Leave feedback and open a dispute with Paypal - you will get your money back. Whatever you do DON'T leave positive feedback - she won't refund you and you won't have a leg to stand on. AFTER you've got your refund report her to ebay including the email she sent you. Make sure the money is in your account before you do this because if they block her for selling fakes you won't be able to get your refund.

albania Thu 05-May-11 20:56:17

How does one pronounce 'shoppe'?

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 20:56:40

may we just have a quick pronunciation clarification here

'shoppe'

as in 'ee' or 'ay' sound on the end?

FabbyChic Thu 05-May-11 20:57:14

leave this

beware sells fakes, only refunds if +ve feedback left

TrinityRhino Thu 05-May-11 20:57:29

'fuck wid da bups'

<snorts in the most unlady like way>

tis good job that dp 'gets' MN

was it on here that I heard about steak and bj day???

<hopes to god it was>

DameShirleyKnot Thu 05-May-11 20:57:39

Yes. Keep taking it seriously everyone. This is important to the fabric of this thread.

Does one pronounce tea shoppe "tee shop-pee" or is it more of the plosives "p"? Like "tea ShoPPPhuh"?

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 20:58:21

nb; remember the ghetto rhyme

'go easy on the snap
lest you be receiving a slap'

FabbyChic Thu 05-May-11 20:58:49

You will only get a refund if you can prove the item is fake this has to be on letter headed paper from a reputable source.

You can report her for seller non performance.

If her account is closed you still get a refund, you open the dispute via eBay.

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 20:59:56

I'm leaning toward tea shopp-ay

god, my mum actually calls it that hmm

annabelcaramel Thu 05-May-11 21:00:13

No-one but no-one would both buy eyeliner from e-bay AND go to a National Trust tea PARLOUR. The thick plottens methinks.

TrinityRhino Thu 05-May-11 21:00:18

<runs up to fabby and squeezes her>

I wish I was a font of knowledge on all things ebay
I just hope to god I dont bump into a twat

Whip, I actually do love you.

Fabby, just do the necksnake.

TrinityRhino Thu 05-May-11 21:01:35

I wonder if she would get it if you end your email with [necksnake]

TrinityRhino Thu 05-May-11 21:01:59

[necksnake, click click, lookaway]

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 21:02:25

chickens - - dh says he will pay to watch us lez off.

delete as appropriate - ok no way necksnake

Trin, you are rocking the 'tude. Respeck.

bupcakesandcunting Thu 05-May-11 21:02:44

Caramel, you are treading on thin ice now. Thin. Ice.

She pronounced it "shopp-ee" Twat.

UrsulaBuffay Thu 05-May-11 21:02:47

<gives up word makin up>

howdoyoueatyours Thu 05-May-11 21:03:35

I don't think that's the case Fabby. I've never had to provide any proof for an item not as described when claiming through Paypal.

annabelcaramel Thu 05-May-11 21:05:02

Tea hee

constantlywrong Thu 05-May-11 21:05:21

See, I did actually write "shoppe" at first. I hesitated for a couple of seconds and couldn't stop myself from tapping backspace a couple of times. I just couldn't leave it like that.

Just from Bupcakes user name I'm getting a Brian Badonde vibe. Bexbuse Be Bis Bis Bindian Bhiskey? grin

FabbyChic Thu 05-May-11 21:09:19

You have to provide proof an item is countefeit, this item is countefeit.

I am correct! eBay however will give you a £5.00 voucher too after the dispute is closed to spend on what you like!

BoffinMum Thu 05-May-11 21:12:44

Mumsnet classic this thread, IMVHO. grin

bupcakesandcunting Thu 05-May-11 21:15:04

Brian Bedonde! He is ace.

boilingpoint Thu 05-May-11 21:15:43

PAHAHA!

eyeliner from ebay, fruitshoots from the tea SHOPPE?!

what the fuck next?

Pombears from greggs?

DameShirleyKnot Thu 05-May-11 21:16:07

Fabby. Really a whole five british pounds?

{necksnaketude}

I dont get out of bed for less that 6 whole pounds per day yeah?

<clicks fingers>
<stabs self in eye with pointy fingers>
<pulls down top uncomfortably>
{necksnakes}

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 21:16:52

who is Brian Bedonde?

FabbyChic Thu 05-May-11 21:17:50

Dame yep a whole fiver! Whooot whooot.

What's this about a shoppe?

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 21:17:53

<ducks>
Dame shirley is a menace with that necksnake

Whip, tell your DH that I am a Nun and am giving his details to Him. No heavenly delights for that mucky pup <catsbummouth> <necksnake> <snogs Whip on the sly>

You can't expect Royalty to be able to necksnake. You need to be from the Hood.

DameShirleyKnot Thu 05-May-11 21:19:56

So they say Whip, so they say. <leers>

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 21:20:06

<<with tongue?>>>

delete as appropriate hell yeah feck no necksnake & snap

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 21:21:07

my natural mouth shape during necksnaking is not a catsbummouth, more a flat front pursing?

I draw the line at tongues. I mean, tongues <shudder>

Yeah, I was crossing my Nun disapproval with the necksnake and it didn't really gel.

DameShirleyKnot Thu 05-May-11 21:23:04

ADVICEWANG

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 21:23:22

so...to clarify
you intend to 'slyly snog me' yet with no tongues?

<weird image of cpr>

DameShirleyKnot Thu 05-May-11 21:23:40

have you never french kissed a girl chickens?

God.

I haven't. All of my friends are mooses.

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 21:24:38

quick straw poll
natural mouth shapes during necksnakes, please ladies?

happybubblebrain Thu 05-May-11 21:24:42

They sell REAL benefit eyeliners at my local market for £3. Ebay is trully rubbish.

happybubblebrain Thu 05-May-11 21:25:05

truly

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 21:25:13

Dame Shirley wink

ReindeerBollocks Thu 05-May-11 21:25:17

£4.20 on Benefit eyeliner you were conned easily you cheapskate

But you should burn the biatch for trying to blackmailing you.

<yes I know the threads moved on but I'm lazy so ner>

I might not be lesbian sexy, but my God I can blow up an air mattress.

ReindeerBollocks Thu 05-May-11 21:26:45

Yes but can you blow a golf ball through a garden hose Chickens?

TrinityRhino Thu 05-May-11 21:27:00

natural mouth during neck snakes else its just TOO much

I'll tongue girls, whos up for it

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 21:27:43

air mattress? you do have kissing issues?!

just watch dame Shirl the dirty piece!

No. The diamater of the ball and the diameter of the hose pipe would make it an impossibility. Unless we're talking a fireman's hose? <arf>

TrinityRhino Thu 05-May-11 21:29:05

I'll suck a firemans hose

<maybe too much vanilla vodka>

so come on then, whos going to fess up about lesbian experiences?

Reality Thu 05-May-11 21:29:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 21:29:36

Trinity & DameShirl -- this thread has gone excitingly bit filthy!
tongues welcome with these two.

ReindeerBollocks Thu 05-May-11 21:29:44

Possibly - it depends on how good you are! grin

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 21:30:34

yep year 11 Duke of Edinburgh. Round the fire. right after the fart competition
thrilling evening

ReindeerBollocks Thu 05-May-11 21:30:41

Not me Rhino - I only go girl after 10pm

UrsulaBuffay Thu 05-May-11 21:30:56

You wouldn't have got lezzy stuff & hose sucking if you'd stuck with [wobbletude]

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 21:31:30

actually, I'm all about the cock.

You're right Ursula. Once snake was mentioned, it all got depraved.

bupcakesandcunting Thu 05-May-11 21:32:06

"eyeliner from ebay, fruitshoots from the tea SHOPPE?!"

It wasn't from the tea Shoppe, it was from PUND WORLD you dipshit.

Having just read that ebayer's replies to negative feedback, I think buppy may have found her match.

<<offers to hold coat>>

<<ignores vulgarity>>

ReindeerBollocks Thu 05-May-11 21:32:09

Damn - my possibly post (aimed at chickens) is going to get confused with the lesbian posts and I'm going to look odd again aren't I?

LDNmummy Thu 05-May-11 21:32:21

REPORT! Report this person to ebay.

c0rn51lk Thu 05-May-11 21:32:37

is no-one talking about the eyeliner now then?

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 21:32:44

us necksnakers are quite a lot more skanky, obviously.

we all smoked at 14

DameShirleyKnot Thu 05-May-11 21:32:50

1) Mouth shape during {necksnaitude} is clearly PURSED or POUTY depending on lip shape

2) Chickens - you called everyone mooses. Bupcakes, she called you a moose. Are you OK?

3) I have never understood the whole blowing a golf ball through a hose thing. I think that blowing on a cock in this fashion would could not only cause discomfort but maybe some kind of bubble which would kill the recipient. (remembers marriage...<regrets>)

4) wine

This is all a little bit strange...

Surely you should be sucking the golf ball through the hose? Although if you could do that, and applied said technique to an actual penis, I suspect you would turn the unfortunate recipient inside out.

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 21:34:46

ferret -
dont fucking judge! <shouts, slurrily>

necksnakes AND finger snaps

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 21:35:20

chickens - what a mindless waste to invert a fireman

electra Thu 05-May-11 21:35:26

Ignore Annabel the troll. Of course it's the principle of the matter - you bought the item because you thought it was Benefit and it wasn't. The cost doesn't matter - the fact she's making money from a fraudulent business does!

DameShirleyKnot Thu 05-May-11 21:35:28

we moved on from how filthy it is to buy an eyeliner from ebay a little while ago. Bupcakes PMed me to apologise and it's all forgotten now. I also got a PM from WhipMe. The least said about that the better.

I know you, Whip. Not in the biblical sense, but I suspect you of having another name <strokes chin>

ReindeerBollocks Thu 05-May-11 21:35:53

To be honest Shirley it probably helps the female species <has found a new solution to the 'leave him' suggestions on relationship threads>....

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 21:36:34

dameshirley - it is the flat front purse here with my mouth.
and because I know you like that kind of thing

<my lips are soft, and velvety, and quite naturally pouty>

Electra, but can you suck a golf ball through a hose?

TrinityRhino Thu 05-May-11 21:37:07

shirley rocks

dont you need to SUCK the golfball through the hosepipe

not that I think a man would apprecaite something akin to a super hoover on his wang but at least its closer to a bj than blowing his wang so hard his ears pop off

I recently read a book about how to do deep throat
something about hanging your head over the edge of the bed and GETTONG PAST YOUR GAG REFLEX......yeah right , you shitting me,,,, not happening

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 21:37:56

Chickens -- i am hidden through many layers of subterfuge

If someone tried to get past my gag reflex, I'd probably enforce my bite reflex. Nosh.

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 21:38:53

trinity - there is much pleasure to be found in the mysterious realms beyond the gag reflex

ReindeerBollocks Thu 05-May-11 21:39:07

It was always 'suck' rather than 'blow' but I was trying to be witty in response to Chickens

<gets coat and notes overstayed welcome>

<Narrows eyes at Whip, ponders>

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 21:40:29

prince humperdinck - I wouldnt throw it in the cake mix

DameShirleyKnot Thu 05-May-11 21:40:30

Oh! wait!

Was I meant to be sucking and not actually blowing?

Oh.My.God!

I wondered why I kept having to do the A&E dash. FFS.

<SADFACE>

Poor Mr Shirley and his ballooon animal cock sad

DameShirleyKnot Thu 05-May-11 21:41:39

"ReindeerBollocks Thu 05-May-11 21:26:45
Yes but can you blow a golf ball through a garden hose Chickens?"

Ah...another victim of the term "blow job"

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 21:41:48

a few knots and she was making a french poodle

TrinityRhino Thu 05-May-11 21:42:21

whip see now I have done deep throat but it was not planned
I wasn't trying to, it just sort of happened, I realised his cock was way further back (or up cause I was above) than usual

it was totally different

but I'm sure as hell not going to be underneath and in a positon that o dont see could be very n control

not that dp would ever abuse the situation but you only need one accidental thrust of lust and you're right on the gag reflex not past it and that just aint gonna be pretty

ReindeerBollocks Thu 05-May-11 21:42:59

Dame Shirley - see my last post

wandawings Thu 05-May-11 21:43:10

Fabby - but if she goes through PAYPAL then she won't have to do ANY proving!!! Only ebay ask the buyer to prove..Paypal get the seller to prove otherwise. Why should the OP do all the leg work??? Open a dispute in paypal and then sit back and wait for your refund. Open a dispute in ebay and you have to donkey around getting proof.

Just trying to make it easy for the OP.

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 21:43:21

thinking back, don't think ive ever given a bj from underneath, aka been mouthshagged

TrinityRhino Thu 05-May-11 21:43:25

vanilla vodka, lemonade and ice is very nice

Whip, PM me your previous incantation so I can stalk you in a non-sexual act of lurve.

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 21:44:28

love how ebay people keep reading OP and posting, skipping all the filth grin
read back <does waggly sex tongue face>

bupcakesandcunting Thu 05-May-11 21:45:01

I did accidental deep throat. Or surprise deep throat, as it were. It spelled the end of our relationship and no mistake.

Did you puke, Bups? I imagine exorcist-style vomit in that situation.

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 21:46:47

bupcakes - prudish behaviour does not suit your talk name.
that poor old accidental thrust-guy

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 21:47:37

so I suppose all of you no tonguers and no deep cock-ers spit, then?

DameShirleyKnot Thu 05-May-11 21:47:43

I am <roaring> at the posters ignoring all the filth and Getting To The Matter At Hand.

Yes bupcakes, ignore the deepthroat you filthy cunt and concentrate on the fact that paypal won't accept lezzery blow/suck jobs and will give you five pounds if you are correct in your purchase of some gammy eyeliner.

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 21:49:14

aw dame shirley - you made me snot

<first time, with a girl>

PaintedWhore Thu 05-May-11 21:49:42

how the fuck did this thread go from ebay feedback to deepthroat ?

ReindeerBollocks Thu 05-May-11 21:50:02

Everybody spits, WhipMe - sperm contains calories don't you know grin

I get it now, this was never about some skanky faux guyliner from ebay was it. It was bups sneaky way of getting us all to talk about deep throating.
Pervert.

It's a talent, Whore <examines nails smugly>

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 21:50:58

paintedwhore - theres a name that belongs here.

what do you filthy tarts have bing alrets for the words cock and deepthroat

grin

now lez off with someone. Now!

wandawings Thu 05-May-11 21:52:04

WAHAHA! Don't get me wrong, I love a bit of filth and am having a good old cackle while getting a crick in my neck but when I know I'm right I'm like a dog with bone smile

UrsulaBuffay Thu 05-May-11 21:52:13

You should give her feedback relating to how she has made you so disgusted that you did deepthroat vom.

ebay---->shoppe---->wobbletude----->deepthroat---->vom

TrinityRhino Thu 05-May-11 21:52:33

I have never spat

I must just say that I have only done this 'act of love' >snort> with late dh and current dp
til I et dh was a rather silly panicky uptight scared of sex, though it was only for the man,having been abused kind a girl

but how would you spit decouresly (no idea how to spell that)

I mean HHHOCKKKK TTTTTTT is just not attractive

and befreo anyone says but you dont need to look attractive all the time and you shouldn't be forced to swallow...
I'm not forced, I just dont even think twice, something in mouth, its liquid, its not repellant, I dont want it there anymore, swallow

no brainer

but the non swallowers have noever done it outside either

bupcakesandcunting Thu 05-May-11 21:52:33

I didn't puke. I almost bit his nob off though.

dickiedavisthunderthighs Thu 05-May-11 21:52:59

I think there are about 27 people here eyebrow

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 21:53:20

ursula - nobody wanted 'wobbletude' let it go.

now lez off with someone! Now!

TrinityRhino Thu 05-May-11 21:54:24

I really must apologise for running my mouth off ad lloking like a cheap whore AND my total innability to spell, type, be coherent grin

bupcakesandcunting Thu 05-May-11 21:54:27

Whaaaaa? Lezzing off? Who will be my lezbie friend? sad

UrsulaBuffay Thu 05-May-11 21:54:30

just let it dribble down your chin, Trin

Wha? <hears name, looks about>

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 21:55:04

'thunderthighs' and 'paintedwhore' I'm seeing lezza innuendo everywhere
<hands on ears lalalaalaaaaa>

I found in my extensive research that if you swallow the taste doesnt linger. If you spit it tends to leave a spermy taste in your gob.

Trin, I favour gobbing in the recipients belly button. They love that <cackles>

UrsulaBuffay Thu 05-May-11 21:55:25

<slopes off to try to sell the nethuns on wobbletuding>

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 21:56:11

bupcakes - I see you with Ursula.

dame dirty shirley is mine...

TrinityRhino Thu 05-May-11 21:56:15

but then I turn up at the school run with dried spunk on my chin

I once had a long conversation with the headteacher knowing that I had missed some and had dried spunk on my left boob chesty bit

seriously I was wishing the place would burn down..

Ursula, embrace the <necksnake>!

bupcakesandcunting Thu 05-May-11 21:57:20

Sperm, contrary to popular belief, does not taste salty. Salty would be preferable to the actual taste, which is bitter, chemically and a bit like hairspray.

UrsulaBuffay Thu 05-May-11 21:57:23

<coughing fit>

ok. Necksnake-deep throating, I get it now

wine

DameShirleyKnot Thu 05-May-11 21:57:24

Trin you have to aim the cock right at the back of the throat...<hesitates>...sees DickieDavis...ask HER!

Buppy, I am your comedy double. You know this, I know this. Let's scissor. <scissors>

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 21:57:31

chickens shock
then the sheets get even stickier fo'shizzle <necksnakes gently>

UrsulaBuffay Thu 05-May-11 21:57:46

sperm tastes like monster munch, trufax.

It's not the taste, it's the consistancy. Phlegmy.

FuppyGish Thu 05-May-11 21:58:07

you could have a spit bucket by the side of the bed Trin? Handy for chewing tobacco too!

<ponders sending Top Tip in to Take A Break, possibly with a photo of spitting jizz and therefore claiming my £30>

DameShirleyKnot Thu 05-May-11 21:58:26

Hang on, I fucking x posted with the dried spunk on the chin Trin story. There aint an emoticon for this so let's go for...!!!!

ReindeerBollocks Thu 05-May-11 21:58:29

Damn it's nearly ten and everyone's got leasable partners (I know the 10pm rule would work out badly for me)

I do like the term wobbletude though - can we keep it please?

TrinityRhino Thu 05-May-11 21:58:32

I then proceeded to have a filthy dream about said HT that night

<hopes someone has shut the thread door and only a small amount of MN are now scribbling 'gypsy trsamp' next to my name on their spreadsheet

UrsulaBuffay Thu 05-May-11 21:58:45

TrinityRhino!

<spits spunk all over screen>

bupcakesandcunting Thu 05-May-11 21:59:01

You can keep Shirl', Whipme. Her fanny is like an encyclopedia of cobwebs.

Ursula, that might be my favourite MN quote ever <does respect fist punchy thing>

UrsulaBuffay Thu 05-May-11 21:59:52

Fuppy purrlease make it a photo of the week winner

TrinityRhino Thu 05-May-11 22:00:13

I'm stealing it chicken

ReindeerBollocks Thu 05-May-11 22:00:30

Tastes like gone off lemons doesn't it bupcakes? Nasty yuck

I only swallow on special occasions grin

UrsulaBuffay Thu 05-May-11 22:00:42

fucking hell do we need a word for the fistpunchy thing?

fistular? fisting, I'm getting right into this now.

BoffinMum Thu 05-May-11 22:00:44

I suggested this thread for a MN classic and it now is some kind of hard core classic. Ladies. you have disappointed me.

The thing is, I know what flavour Monster Munch. Roast Beef.

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 22:01:09

I thought spunk was good for the hair and nails.

It's <respectpunch> Or maybe <fist of favour>.

ReindeerBollocks Thu 05-May-11 22:02:21

Fistular is actually a fat arm thingy please don't ever use that

constantlywrong Thu 05-May-11 22:02:28

God, I gag sometimes just brushing my teeth - deep throat is NOT for me.

dickiedavisthunderthighs Thu 05-May-11 22:02:42

I taught you well Shirley
Just don't forget the hands.
Never forget the hands.

UrsulaBuffay Thu 05-May-11 22:02:43

Exactly! Roast Beef, right on the money <does that thing where you touch your nose then point then go eh, eh>

bupcakesandcunting Thu 05-May-11 22:02:53

It stings if you get it in yer mince pie.

Am I talking about the eyeliner or Harry Monk?

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 22:02:58

spunk actually tastes like what the owner of the spunk ate a few hours before.
it's science

Spunk is actually good for weight loss. I managed on a diet of spunk and coffee for 6 months so I could fit into my size 8 wedding dress...

UrsulaBuffay Thu 05-May-11 22:03:26

<'spec>

Really? <considers the humble pot noodle>

DameShirleyKnot Thu 05-May-11 22:04:42

No.

Spunk tastes and smells of May Trees. You know. Those trees what smell of spunk?

no?

Anyway...I am liking the idea tha MNHQ look at the first half of this thread and chortle a bit, put it in Classics and there we are...spunky lesbian cock munchers.

CurrySpice Thu 05-May-11 22:04:55

It's two weight watcher points per....ermm...pop?

UrsulaBuffay Thu 05-May-11 22:05:03

Yes the hedges that smell of jizz!

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 22:05:24

have conducted experiments on spunk flavours.
dh ate all the easter eggs and got very lucky

DameShirleyKnot Thu 05-May-11 22:05:38

dickie

Up with the hands, down with the gob, yeah? <hairy handed trucker>

thederkinsdame Thu 05-May-11 22:05:38

bupcakes, I'd call benefit. They'll crack down on it, send her some scary lawyers letters and you may get some (proper) eyeliner for your troubles.

Failing that, I'd assemble a posse of MNetters, hotwire a motor, shoot round her place, tie her to a bannister and ram it up her nose so hard that she'll have a built in eyeliner dispenser for life. Sorted.

ReindeerBollocks Thu 05-May-11 22:05:48

Is that true, WhipMe?

That'll explain DHs Lemon tasting spunk and his fondness for lemon tea...

<would never admit this without copious amounts of wine>

SpermTastesLikeMonsterMunch Thu 05-May-11 22:05:49

It is definitely beef monster munch which is a shame as my fave is hot and spicy

A classic it shoudl be

Spunk is vaire good for you, skin, hair, nails, mood, seriously, it contains mood henhancing hormones

I thought a fistular was an anal problem


oh and its trinity btw

<necksnakes at chicken, click, click, look away>

HA, you bin dissed girl .....grin

Ah, jizz hedges. The latin name is jizzicus hedgicus.

UrsulaBuffay Thu 05-May-11 22:06:04

I'm waiting for Trin's namechange to ChinnityRhino

UrsulaBuffay Thu 05-May-11 22:07:03

xpost@! lolz

ReindeerBollocks Thu 05-May-11 22:07:58

Fistular is definitely a vein connecting to artery thingy - gives people larger veins on arms (completely not relevant to deep throating or anal)

SpermTastesLikeMonsterMunch Thu 05-May-11 22:08:20

ursula, that was CLASS

ChinnityRhino is bloody brillliant

'spec duuude!

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 22:08:51

thederkinsdame - - memo to self
read thread before posting on top.

now, lez off with someone, Now!

Can I just ask, how much alcohol has everyone drunk? I have just had a jumbo bottle of stella <classy>

UrsulaBuffay Thu 05-May-11 22:09:33

<wobbletude>

<neckcock>

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 22:09:37

y'all are mixing fistular with 'fisting'
aka anal fisting.
vvv different.

UrsulaBuffay Thu 05-May-11 22:10:05

one small china mug of wine

FuppyGish Thu 05-May-11 22:10:14

thought a fistular was a hole thing up the ass?

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 22:10:25

I am sober.

<proud>

then rethinks.
<ashamed>

SpermTastesLikeMonsterMunch Thu 05-May-11 22:11:19

reindeer, I dont want to offend anyone

not what you are saying it is or me, we are both wrong

and I've just realised I was thinking fissure, sorry

UrsulaBuffay Thu 05-May-11 22:11:19

the hole thing up the ass is just the ass, Fuppy. Think on.

DameShirleyKnot Thu 05-May-11 22:11:29

ARF!

I read a thing in some magazine once (total evidence..shut up) that if you put the essence of man in your hair it would make it shiny.

Right. Before we go very much further into the myths of spunk and the properties of aforementioned liquid - could I just point out that there is probably a reason that we're told its

a) full of protein
b) good for the skin
c) excellent for nails
d) low in calories
e) Tit enhancing (just me?)

This all might be bullshit...just sayin'

<serious face>

FuppyGish Thu 05-May-11 22:11:41

<brings thread back to the point. which was something to do with arses but I cant quite remember what....>

Anal fistula, or fistula-in-ano, is an abnormal connection between the epithelialised surface of the anal canal and (usually) the perianal skin.

Anal fistulae originate from the anal glands, which are located between the two layers of the anal sphincters and which drain into the anal canal. If the outlet of these glands becomes blocked, an abscess can form which can eventually point to the skin surface. The tract formed by this process is the fistula.

You're someone, Whip. You are. I know it <swigs stella, burps>

I ams sober as a judge.

Completely junked up on codiene and paracetasmol though so I probably can't brag.

<shudders at posting under arse things>

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 22:12:57

ursula - wine in a china mug?

I like you. <wobbletudes> with a flat front pursed lip

UrsulaBuffay Thu 05-May-11 22:13:10

At some point I will have to namechange to FistulaBuffay innit

<spec' dude spec' wes'side>

SpermTastesLikeMonsterMunch Thu 05-May-11 22:13:15

I've had three inches of vanilla vodka and a joint

whip, sober?

you're dirtier than us grin

Wait Shirley! You mean all those men that told me that spunk was good for me were lying??

I feel all peculiar now.

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 22:14:06

<shouts> chickens - are you Scottish?

UrsulaBuffay Thu 05-May-11 22:14:24

Yes whips I am channeling Bernard Black & Withnail

ReindeerBollocks Thu 05-May-11 22:14:52

Sperm - tis what I was saying - two vessels which aren't supposed to connect but do = fistula (most renal patients have one)

Put it this way - I'm one kinky bitch and DH has a fistula but we've done nothing sexual with it!

<told you I'd drunk too much wine>

No. I speak estuary, innit <necksnake> Do I type Scottish?

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 22:14:59

I find alcohol inhibits my gag reflex

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 22:15:46

no, you type quite arousingly wink

hmm, you arent who I thought you were..

Curiouser and curiouser.....

ReindeerBollocks Thu 05-May-11 22:17:15

So who are you meant to be chickens?

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 22:17:32

for fucks sake people it's FISTING that's the only thing we all should be doing when we feel secure with our partners and are comfortably numbed with a few glasses of wine on a rainy tuesday evening

I dunno. Someone Scottish. But I'm not. I've never been further north than Windemere.

Omg Whip. Tuesday? You do fisting on Tuesdays? How disgusting. Everyone knows it's only esseptible on Wednesdays.

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 22:20:16

3 words,
lube it* *up

OMFG, Ferret is that super nanny woman! Her esseptible gave her away! <runs at ferret with a brick> Naughty spot? Naughty spot!?!?!?!?!!?

SpermTastesLikeMonsterMunch Thu 05-May-11 22:20:50

tit enhancing is waay too obviously a load of bollocks and I know where you're coming from

men would say that type thing

BUT it makes sense that the fluid that holds part of the beginning of life would have 'good' stulff isn't it?

right bacl to whoreishness

so anal????

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 22:21:06

fucked up those twatty little asterisks
didnt I? necksnakes at my keyboard

UrsulaBuffay Thu 05-May-11 22:21:32

<gags @ esseptible>

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 22:21:57

you can lunge at my naughty spot with a brick anytime, you little eyebrowless tramp, you

Whip, I fear we may actually not know each other. This is hideously embarassing <shuffles>

SpermTastesLikeMonsterMunch Thu 05-May-11 22:22:51

<thinks that grilling food when drunk is really not a good idea

can people yell GRILL TRIN on each post pleas?

southeastastra Thu 05-May-11 22:23:46

just read the op and bits but i think it's quite interesting how many fakes are out there and it's incredibly hard to spot - i've seen tons of benefit stuff for sale dead cheap (car boot sales) that look genuine. it's really quite a con

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 22:23:50

now, what about a titwank.
anyone?

ReindeerBollocks Thu 05-May-11 22:24:22

So what is whatshername going to do about the blummin eyeliner?

GRILL TRIN (throw me on a burger whilst you're there)

Oh, SEA <shakes head sadly> You know not what den of vice you have entered.

SpermTastesLikeMonsterMunch Thu 05-May-11 22:24:54

<grabs SEA and wrestles her onto the floor>

what a cross post, that was class whip

SEA shouts, help, whats going on, this is a EBBBAAAAAAAAY thread

UrsulaBuffay Thu 05-May-11 22:24:55

...they met one warm Thursday evening, snaked necks across a spunky keyboard & felt as though they'd known each other all their lives...

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 22:25:44

southeastastra - read the threaaaaaadddddd

someone was just about to brick me in the naughty spot...

oh yessss

UrsulaBuffay Thu 05-May-11 22:26:17

Trin! Grill! & wipe the jizz off ya chin!

ReindeerBollocks Thu 05-May-11 22:26:58

And your boob Trin!

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 22:27:26

titwanks always get me in trouble.

especially soapy ones.

SpermTastesLikeMonsterMunch Thu 05-May-11 22:27:28

wooohooo thanks guys

grill is now turned off and there is no burnt food or burnt skin

now dribbling pepperoni juice down my chin...............to wash off the spunk

UrsulaBuffay Thu 05-May-11 22:27:37

yes and don't grill ya boob Trin!

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 22:27:54

I can smell burning.......................................

ReindeerBollocks Thu 05-May-11 22:28:06

*wipe the jizz off your boob Trin

Face-palm-slap

UrsulaBuffay Thu 05-May-11 22:28:06

oh

xpost

is this the lezzing off cos I gotta go to bed in 5

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 22:28:25

did you really just grill a pizza?

SpermTastesLikeMonsterMunch Thu 05-May-11 22:28:48

nope not a pizza, somehting far far better

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 22:29:25

oh please, eveyone let's meet again
any thread with the word BLACKMAIL in the title xxx

SpermTastesLikeMonsterMunch Thu 05-May-11 22:29:35

I can't decide whether you are asking me that cause

1) its far too late ot eat pizza
or
2) you dont grill pizza

SpermTastesLikeMonsterMunch Thu 05-May-11 22:29:59

totally whip. totally

UrsulaBuffay Thu 05-May-11 22:30:37

you just did kisses hun

ReindeerBollocks Thu 05-May-11 22:30:41

Where's my burger (none lezzer reference honest) ?

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 22:30:51

it's never too late to eat pizza you mimsy nincompoop

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 22:31:34

xxx <--- with tongues each time

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 22:32:13

a thing definately not to grill is an egg

SoupDragon Thu 05-May-11 22:32:24

She said you had to leave good feedback. good, not positive. Ensure that is is accurate, beautifully written and grammatically correct and you'll fine.

SpermTastesLikeMonsterMunch Thu 05-May-11 22:32:25

<smacks whip for 'xxxxx's'>

I did think you meant youdont grill pizza but was just checking

nope not pizza, soemthing far nice <repeats herself to try and get someone to ask what she ate>

UrsulaBuffay Thu 05-May-11 22:32:33

no kisses just titwanks,

need a titwank sign like

(o)i(o)

SpermTastesLikeMonsterMunch Thu 05-May-11 22:33:11

hmmm soupy, another victim <mwah ha ha h ha haaaaaaa>

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 22:33:23

goodnight, my crack team of hot MN lezza cock gobblers. Everyone have a peaceful fist, tonight. Go on, make your beloved happy

UrsulaBuffay Thu 05-May-11 22:33:26

oh fgs Soup...

another thing not to grill: soup

UrsulaBuffay Thu 05-May-11 22:35:09

night (o)i(o)

<just realised we are in AIBU>

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 22:35:32

ursula, what is the letter i in the middle of your titank booby sign? is it a tan wrinkle?

spool back, spool back

wtf is SCISSORING ????

SpermTastesLikeMonsterMunch Thu 05-May-11 22:35:43

does that mean more traffic or less? I'm guessing more

UrsulaBuffay Thu 05-May-11 22:36:00

it's a cock!

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 22:36:27

yogurt does not grill well.

ReindeerBollocks Thu 05-May-11 22:37:01

It's a cock Ursula - it's supposed to represent a titwank

UrsulaBuffay Thu 05-May-11 22:37:08

BALD, take a seat while I educate you re scissoring...

no, lie down

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 22:37:21

boys are like dogs - you innocent lamb
scissoring is two hot lezzas going at it, legs scissoring at right angles, fannys mashing. got image? job done.

I'm glad you asked BALD. Being a NUn, my sexual repertoire is hideously limited.

ReindeerBollocks Thu 05-May-11 22:37:44

Not Ursula - sorry.

Aimed at WhipMe.

SpermTastesLikeMonsterMunch Thu 05-May-11 22:37:57

'it's a cock!' Ursula, you can hear the indignance in her voice

tan wrinkle!, you bitch <necksnake>

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 22:38:42

particularly proud of 'fannys mashing'

SpermTastesLikeMonsterMunch Thu 05-May-11 22:38:42

oh god, I did not need that image, really

DameShirleyKnot Thu 05-May-11 22:38:45

BALD - scissoring involves...<draws small vagina veil over proceedings>

UrsulaBuffay Thu 05-May-11 22:38:54

it is a teeny tiny cosk

ReindeerBollocks Thu 05-May-11 22:39:03

Just thinking about this

The titwank was aimed at WhipMe.

Honestly, The oldies were right, MN has changed grin

UrsulaBuffay Thu 05-May-11 22:39:03

*ck

SpermTastesLikeMonsterMunch Thu 05-May-11 22:39:11

I agree you should be proud

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 22:39:39

fannies ? plural . I did a grammatical whoopsie.

UrsulaBuffay Thu 05-May-11 22:39:45

I just lolllled

SpermTastesLikeMonsterMunch Thu 05-May-11 22:39:53

night all

oh um er eek

I'm SO glad I asked

grin

UrsulaBuffay Thu 05-May-11 22:40:03

& snorted at fannies mashing

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 22:41:09

dame shirley ---wtf is a small vaginal veil/ and where can I get one? would I get Boots points on one?

UrsulaBuffay Thu 05-May-11 22:41:27

Trin exits as the fannies mash...

Ooh, the imagery. I'll have nightmares now.

pfffffffffft I would have to have an XL vag veil ho hum

<tucks flaps away tidily>

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 22:42:17

Reindeer
thankyou for aiming a titwank at me. I believe it is my first MN titwank

This lezzing stuff is terribly technical.

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 22:43:37

reindeer - the oldies have vacated to gransnet, leaving all the sex crazed bored housewives with lesbian fanny mashing fantasies on here.
<hums innocently>

UrsulaBuffay Thu 05-May-11 22:43:49

we could market em on ebay, vag veils & bollock burkas

<thread has come full circle>

ReindeerBollocks Thu 05-May-11 22:43:53

WhipMe - you should count yourself lucky

DH has been waiting a long while for a titwank ;)

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 22:44:04

chickens - it's all about the angles, to be sure.

Ursula, respec' with the circle of the thread. Nicely done.

ReindeerBollocks Thu 05-May-11 22:45:01

Where's my wink when I want one?

< could this be a new euphemism>

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 22:45:19

think I'd need a medium vaginal veil. I'd probably opt for a purple or lilac colour, if there were an option

worraliberty Thu 05-May-11 22:45:36

Let's all report the OP for being in receipt of false benefits..... grin

UrsulaBuffay Thu 05-May-11 22:46:15

Need a hijab for your hairypie?

Oh I don't think we can do colours, just brown or blonde.

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 22:46:44

worraliberty - like it.
now, where do you stand on mashing fanjitas?

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 22:47:24

ursula - you're forgetting the ginger bushed ones?

UrsulaBuffay Thu 05-May-11 22:47:49

woops sorry about that red-quimmed ones

Bollocks should wear burkas. Ugly things.

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 22:48:03

does anybody really ACTUALLY have blonde pubes?

Sceptical face

ReindeerBollocks Thu 05-May-11 22:48:14

Hang on, wasn't Trin the reason for the fanny mashing?

worraliberty Thu 05-May-11 22:48:24

now, where do you stand on mashing fanjitas?

A little to the right grin

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 22:48:44

I would find a bollock burkha a nice little tease

ReindeerBollocks Thu 05-May-11 22:48:47

You calling me ugly chickens?

I take offence at that

UrsulaBuffay Thu 05-May-11 22:49:12

<unsure face>

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 22:49:15

worraliberty - are you jenny eclair?

DameShirleyKnot Thu 05-May-11 22:49:48

grin

<weeps>

ReindeerBollocks Thu 05-May-11 22:49:54

I am so out of sync....

Never mind sad

UrsulaBuffay Thu 05-May-11 22:49:54

what's behind the curtain?

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 22:50:06

quickly cups reindeer bollocks to calm her

I'm sorry, Reindeer. But I find your bollocks disturbing. They're putting me off my scotch egg.

UrsulaBuffay Thu 05-May-11 22:50:58

I think I saw Jenny Eclair once. In the world. In shops. With her Mum.

ReindeerBollocks Thu 05-May-11 22:51:41

My bollocks are lovely

You can even fistula them...

UrsulaBuffay Thu 05-May-11 22:51:59

y'know that noise it makes when you cup some bollocks or just give em a light pat.

Tup, that's what it says! Tup.

That's onomatopeia that is.

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 22:52:30

mm I could nibble on a scotch egg

I'm sorry Reindeer, but your bollocks disturb me. They're putting me off my scotch egg.

ReindeerBollocks Thu 05-May-11 22:53:14

Thank you WhipMe

I'm still not up for fanny mashing though, even though you are lovely

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 22:53:18

Tup.

mmm. just tested on dh. he looks puzzled.

Ooh. Two bollock posts. Damn you, weird internet connection.

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 22:54:23

chickens - you have a malfunction!

TottWriter Thu 05-May-11 22:54:33

I have snorted quite a few times reading this thread. I meant to only read the first page, but you sucked me in. Most indecent of you all. <harumph> <needs-to-get-drunk-smiley>

UrsulaBuffay Thu 05-May-11 22:55:01

You probably have to say it to him as you do it the first few times then it'll stick.

Part the ballbag burka first mind!

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 22:55:03

two bollock posts . enough to build a fence?

ReindeerBollocks Thu 05-May-11 22:55:33

A two bollock insult post!!

You are the first, chickens (and hopefully the last).

worraliberty Thu 05-May-11 22:55:49

I could eat an eclair...if that makes me a screaming lesbian then so be it!

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 22:55:56

hmm, a fence of bollocks might smell bad in the summer

UrsulaBuffay Thu 05-May-11 22:56:10

no need to get drunk Tott for I have had but ONE small china mug of wine.

Trinity however got smashed, confessed al & went to bed with cheese on her chin.

And it would attract vermin. And possibly Dale Winton.

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 22:56:42

gasping and begging lesbians are as good as the screamers, tbh

UrsulaBuffay Thu 05-May-11 22:57:25

worraliberty offers to eat jenny eclair -lez up now!

TottWriter Thu 05-May-11 22:57:33

<sigh> I never get drunk sad I'm too damn boring for that. Plus it gives me seizures.

Still, I'm very good at pretending to get drunk...

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 22:58:10

of all the cream cakes, I would argue the eclair was quite hetero

UrsulaBuffay Thu 05-May-11 22:58:24

what attracts the dale vermin now? confused

UrsulaBuffay Thu 05-May-11 22:58:41

ring donut

The bollock fence. I have such an image in my mind now, involving boxing mice and teeny bollock punch bags. I don't know why.

ReindeerBollocks Thu 05-May-11 23:00:17

Join in Tott!

WhipMe - I think I lurve you and your two bullock posts.

BTW - I don't have two bollocks - I just talk bollocks

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 23:00:43

I came here, tonight, to MN, with the sole aim of creating as many bonkers, disturbing and plain rude images and inserting them into your brains where they will ride with you forever, and pop up at the most inappropriate moments.

UrsulaBuffay Thu 05-May-11 23:00:49

*lesbian cake= ring donut

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 23:01:28

hold it - boxing mice?
I didnt forsee that one?

ReindeerBollocks Thu 05-May-11 23:01:48

You definitely succeeded, you even got Trin to admit deep throating...

TottWriter Thu 05-May-11 23:01:59

A bollock fence would be more of a bollock heap, wouldn't it? Surely you'd need the shaft to gain some height?

UrsulaBuffay Thu 05-May-11 23:02:29

it's working, I just read 'foresee' as 'foreskin'

TottWriter Thu 05-May-11 23:02:56

My gag reflex is too strong for me to ever have a hope of deep throating. Nuts, what a shame, eh?

UrsulaBuffay Thu 05-May-11 23:03:08

Nice one Totts.

On that note I must away,

adieu!

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 23:03:16

straight bakery goods - sausage roll, eclairs, long doughnuts. lezza baked goods - buns, baps, cream buns, jam doughnuts (yuck0 gay baked goods - ring doughnuts,

I'm blaming this awful lager. Anyway, DH is insisting it's bed time. I can tell because he's turning things off around me.

TottWriter Thu 05-May-11 23:03:52

I the circumstances, the foreskin/foresee mistake is an easy one to make.

ReindeerBollocks Thu 05-May-11 23:04:03

Actually, that's not true - The only disturbing image MN has left me with is when I read a thread telling me to google blue waffle.

DON'T under any circumstances google that.

It's the thing of nightmares and will ruin our anal/deep throat/lezza thread

UrsulaBuffay Thu 05-May-11 23:04:07

*with the shaft fencepostness I meant @ Totts

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 23:04:19

have never catalogued Greggs in such a way before.

TottWriter Thu 05-May-11 23:05:05

Where do Swiss Buns come in on that list? They look rather like shafts with spunk on...

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 23:05:11

nope blue waffle is bad. might be a good baked item name though,

TottWriter Thu 05-May-11 23:06:47

I'm very good at not typing things into google. DP is an idiot who did all that some years ago, so I mention them offhandedly to him and watch his face to see how bad it is. That's usually enough info for me.

WhipMeIndiana Thu 05-May-11 23:07:02

1. I havent been up this late for over 6 years.
2. this thread has restored my faith somewhat in the <occasionally>twatty, worthy, twee MN
grin bearing in mind I bottlefed my kids on fruitshoots...

TottWriter Thu 05-May-11 23:09:35

Aww, I know what you mean. MN can get a little.. do-goodery at times. Mind you, I'm usually up late. I just usually forget to come to MN and talk about filth. I miss all the good threads <sobs>

ReindeerBollocks Thu 05-May-11 23:10:02

Ah, I never fit into this site, not even when I'm being nice.

I may as well talk about bollocks/lezzing up and blue waffles, it's okay no-one really notices...

Good idea Tott - I'll get DH to google things recommended by MN in the future.

constantlywrong Thu 05-May-11 23:14:08

I once shared a ho s tel room with a particularly classy friend who met a bloke while we were out, and another friend of ours. She decided it was appropriate to bring him back to the hotel room (other friend and I had left by this point) later that night. It was a VERY cramped room.

I thought that the highlight was after he'd left, and she came out of the bathroom, turned the light on, and opened her gob wide, insisting there was still some in there, and that it was chewy.

That was not the highlight. The highlight turned out to be when other friend then noticed that where afore mentioned lovely gentleman had perched on her bed (while she was in it...) (she was pretty sure, though she was trying not to look and it was dark, that he was naked) he'd left a spot of blood.

Yes, really.

<jumps in to offer expert ebay advice>

<reads entire thread before posting>

shock blush

<backs out slowly>

annapolly Thu 05-May-11 23:49:21

Haven't read thread, it is feedback extortion, report to e-bay.

LeninGrad Fri 06-May-11 00:03:30

Laughing so much reading this lying down that I just choked. And I'm only on page 2.

QueenLaQueefer Fri 06-May-11 00:06:19

Right you fuckers...

I got half way through this thread and I thought it would be a good idea to try Trin's handy hint about getting past the gag reflex when doing deep throat. DH seemed game (funny that).

Anyhow, I puked on his knob! I kept a tight seal and swallowed it back envy and carried on, with his manhood tasting of vom and tears in my eyes.envy envy

Just as DH was reaching, um, conclusion, I lokked up, and DS was standing in the doorway smiling shock

The single most traumatic 5 minutes of my life.

Thanks MN. <snakenecks like billyo>

Ridiculous, brilliant thread. Now it's bloody late and I'm going to be a grumpy old hag tomorrow. ffs.

LindsayWagner Fri 06-May-11 00:15:40

<races in, slips on fluids, skids offstage>
fark me you're all back

LindsayWagner Fri 06-May-11 00:18:57

Has anyone said you should report to eBay? Because you definitely should, honestly, this sounds like extortion to me. Honestly.

Funniest thing I have read for ages. I wondered what could be so interesting about blackmail!
Thank you ladies

Holy shit queen, really?

QueenLaQueefer Fri 06-May-11 00:37:31

Really, Exhasted!

I am actually traumitised. I don't know wether to laugh of give SS a heads up. What if DS says something at pre-school!confused

Also, my thoat hurts.blush

DH blames MN too.
I blame Trin.grin

ChateauRouge Fri 06-May-11 00:44:01

OMFG QLQ!!!

How old is ds?what did he do?apart from smile?!
WTF did you say?
I'm really sorry, laughing and cringing at the same time.

deemented Fri 06-May-11 01:02:06

I have just spent twrnty minutes of my life that i'll never get back reading this thread.

And i haven't got a fucking clue what the actual gist of it is. It's random as fuck. And the Backyardigans on the tele really aint helping.

<tired brain ache emoticon>

SpermTastesLikeMonsterMunch Fri 06-May-11 07:49:17

morning all

queen, I'm no taking blame, I didn't make you do it AND I did say that its not something I can plan to do

sorry but <snigger>

actually I do feel guilty, sorry grin

<strokes queens throat>
that could be rude....

<quickly reads my posts from last night to see how much I need to cringe grin>

I'm sober now, and replacing my Habit <fastens velcro>

SpermTastesLikeMonsterMunch Fri 06-May-11 08:09:48

hmm not too cringy...ish...maybe

<stands tall>

then collapses with laughter about queen, sorry

SpermTastesLikeMonsterMunch Fri 06-May-11 08:10:19

I think Habit is pushing it slightly chickens grin

QuintessentialPains Fri 06-May-11 08:22:15

I miss the randomness of the backyardigans. They are Ace.

However, is Monster Munch a snack that children like and eat? hmm

bupcakesandcunting Fri 06-May-11 08:28:08

Whipme gets the Cunting Crown of Vulgarity for her contributions on this thread. Fanny mashing. Arf!

UrsulaBuffay Fri 06-May-11 09:01:21

Queen shock

I do not love my DH enough for that!

<applause>

DameShirleyKnot Fri 06-May-11 09:03:00

<bleary>

Oh god. I think I sent a bunch of inappropriate messages to someone I shouldn't have last night.

I BLAME TRINITY.

<blames>

UrsulaBuffay Fri 06-May-11 09:03:54

Don't worry Quint- children usually prefer the pickled onion

QueenLaQueefer Fri 06-May-11 09:10:41

Ach, don't feel guilty, Munchie.
We have vowed to only have "sexual contact" in locked rooms.
And I won't try DT after a glass of wine & some ripe goats cheese. I'd even warned up my kneck with all the wobbletude.

Oh, that fist pound thing is called a terrorist fist jab in our house after Fox "news" tried to smear the Obamas.

DS is three. He didn't say anything, so hopefully was too sleepy, although he'll probably say something in front of my father or something.

Great thread though! I was loling allll night!grin

QueenLaQueefer Fri 06-May-11 09:11:33

WTF is a kneck?confused

bupcakesandcunting Fri 06-May-11 09:11:58

Update on the skanky eBay bitchtwat hooky good seller...

I opened a dispute last night, detailing how the wicked cow tried to blackmail me, motherfucker stylee. This is what she sent back;

""I have not "blackmailed"