To attend an almost-stranger's wedding?

[Vallhala]

More of a WWYD really.

Simon and I have been best pals for over 30 years. When we were teenagers we were as good as part of each other's families and I knew both of his elder brothers as acquaintances when we met at Simon's home. His parents are lovely and still now will often ask after me and vice versa although now Simon and I live some distance from each other. I'm a lone mum, Simon has been living with a lovely lady for 15+ years. I've met her a handful of times and we chat on the phone when I call and she's the one to answer it.

Simon visits my DDs and I for occasional weekends - he comes alone as his partner is severely allergic to my dogs. His partner is fine about this, encourages it too when he's driving her nuts!

Si's just mailed me to to tell me that one of his brothers, whom I haven't seen for 20 odd years, is getting married and he is to be witness, His partner hates weddings and finds his family rather hard work so has ducked out of joining him so Simon's asked me to be his guest at the wedding.

I'm flattered but a little worried that it will cause offence somewhere along the line... not with his DP as he wouldn't do that to her but I have yet to find out if he has asked his brother if he may bring me instead of her - and of course I wouldn't dream of accepting if his brother or wife to be is not in agreement. Truth be told I'm worried that he might have just told his brother that's what he is going to do! Will cross that one when I get an answer from Simon.

Assuming that his brother and wife to be are happy with the fact that Simon has asked me to accompany him would IBU to accept the invitation? Or might it be viewed as improper, given that Si has a partner and that I haven't seen or spoken to the groom for 20 odd years and have never met the bride? This is to be a small-ish wedding I believe and not a prim-and-proper highly conventional one but nonetheless I have no idea of the etiquette for these things and as much as I'd be delighted to accompany my best friend I'd hate to cause raised eyebrows or offence to either family.

All opinions most welcome, thanks.

[FabbyChic]

Hey no reason why you should not go and accompany your good friend, he has seen fit to invite you so go and don't worry about protocal and etiquette.

[MillsAndDoom]

If Simon and his partner don't mind then go for it

[nometime]

If Si, his partner and the bride and groom are happy I don't see who else there is to offend except perhaps the parents but ....!! Be flattered to be asked and enjoy the occasion.

[Vallhala]

Euphemia, then I'm over-thinking it (as I suspected I might be!). I promiise you, Si's like a brother to me, nothing else. I love him to bits, he's the pal who knows what I'm thinking without me saying it (as I do with him), he's a great pal but nothing else, promise. :)

[VivaLeBeaver]

One of my friends did this to me on my wedding and I wasn't bothered. I invited her and her DH. Friend's DH couldn't make it so she rang asking if she could bring a friend instead. I didn't mind at all as I wanted my friend to feel comfortable, relaxed, have a nice day, etc. And she didn't know many of my other friends.

It just made me laugh about 2 years later I bumped into my friend in a pub and her friend was with her. Her mate said to me something like "I'm X, we haven't met before". She was mortified when I pointed out that not only had we met but she'd been to my wedding!!!!

[lisad123isasnuttyasaboxoffrogs]

go, have fun :)

[Vallhala]

Oh God, Viva, that'll be me, guaranteed! I'm dreadful at remembering faces unless they've got fur on them! :o

Thank you all... seems like that's a done deal then. I feel a lot happier now knowing that the concensus of opinion is that this is a perfectly acceptable thing to do.

I will check that Simon's ASKED his brother and not told him though, when he comes to stay in a couple of weekends time. He bloody well better not have just told his brother or I'll shoot him!

[ChaoticAngelofchocolateeggs]

Go, enjoy :)

[Vallhala]

Another thought... what's the done thing about a gift for bride and groom? These are a couple in their 40s who have their own home etc already. If Simon were single I'd offer to share the cost of a gift of his chosing but his will naturally be from him and his DP even though she won't be attending. What do you buy adults who already have toasters?!

[Vallhala]

*choosing, even! Tsk!

[NestaFiesta]

OP YANBU. You are being very considerate and diplomatic. Obviously you are regarded as a friend of the family. I would wrap a nice picture frame, buy a card from you, and joke that you are Simon's "walker" or "minder" for the day.

Simon and his partner should give a separate card and present from both of them. You sound a very caring person who is careful not to cause a stir, and I think you should go along as a family friend with Simon and have a lovely day.

[squeakytoy]

I would go. It will probably be a really enjoyable event. Simons parents will be pleased to see someone who they remember from years ago.

[JaxTellersOldLady]

OK, so we have established that it is fine to go to the wedding. And now a gift... well you could go down the gift voucher route or just give them a nice card from you and the girls with a nice photo frame or similar.
You probably dont have to buy a gift as Simon and his partner will already have done so.

Or if they have a charity of choice offer to make a donation.


Definitely overthinking this one Val You are an old friend of the family, pretty sure they will be happy to see you and catch up on news.

Now... an outfit! haha next dilema.

[LucretiaInShadows]

I've done this before, as the "plus 1" of an old friend; the outcome was that I'm now a "family friend" rather than just let's-call-him-Dave's friend. I think as far as presents go, Dave and his DP gave a present and I gave a token present separately.

Go for it, it'll be good to catch up with them and to spend time with Simon.